Act 1: Nature is weird.

Part A.) Evolved proficiency in the non-verbal 

If you believe the history books that ancient Sumeria was the first civilization with language, that means humans have been around for 400,000 years but only formally speaking for ~5,000 years. 

Like much of evolutionary psychology, this is going to be a case of people navigating modern times using a brain developed for navigating the jungle. Genetics evolve slower than culture, and brains and biology haven’t quite caught up to the generational fluctation.

Humans are unique from other animals in that they evolved by successfully collaborating with other humans, favoring brain processes hardwired for “cooperation”, such as mirror neurons , mere exposure effect and cheater detection module

This tribe altruism allowed for specialization of labor, where men could hunt and woman could make homes, and as long as you were good at getting along in a group then you had cooked meat to eat and protection from predators. 

Success of the individual was predicated on a.) inclusion of a group and b.) the success of that group.

So humans evolved having to depend on each other in groups, but much like the rest of the animal kingdom without a language, they had to get pretty good at communicating using things other than words - body language and gestures. 

Part B.) Social Contract 

Dominance hierarchies exist in nature so that in these groups, before we could express boundaries and expectations in a written word, people knew their place and behaved in a way that reduces intra-group conflict. 

This is basic stuff, but generally the “Alpha” of the group is the best hunter and has the most access to mates, and earns this right as he is also primarily responsible for physical protection of the group. People lower on the totem pole trade their subordinance to the alpha for food and protection. 

If everybody in a group plays their role, this is a mutually beneficial way to coexist. The alpha can let his guard down within the group knowing he won’t have to won’t have to fight for his status, and the people lower on the pole feel secure in his leadership. 

If somebody behaved in a way detrimental to the group, they risk being lowered on the dominance hierarchy to the point of ostracization, so it is ingrained human nature to maintain status quo and go along with the role handed to you.

This is called playing along with the social contact (Highly recommend reading this whole page for better background on this)

Exclusion from the group likely means death - This is why children have a physiological reaction to being bullied or unliked. Modern man is obsessed with reputation and how they appear to other people, because their ancestors lives depended on it. 

This is also why men have a physiological response in fear of approaching girls: if only the alpha male has mating access rights, and behavior detrimental to your place in the group meant death, then guys who do not feel like an alpha male will feel uncomfortable expressing their sexuality around women.

Conversely, this means guys who do feel entitled to sex with women must be the alpha male of their group. 

The human gestation period of 9 months is the second longest in the animal kingdom behind elephants, so women must be selective about whom they mate with. This investment is large on her part so it is important the genes are good. It is also important they are mating with someone high status who will ensure their protection, as they will be unable to provide food or escape prey for these 9 months and a few months after.

So it is mutual: only the alpha male may be sexually forward, and women only want to mate with the alpha male. 

Before times of social media and urbanization, humans generally only knew the same 20-50 people in their life time and these people knew your whole history. You couldn’t lie about your status, or “fake it til you make it” as everybody in your tribe knew everything about you. 

You couldn’t just wake up one day and act out of place on the heirarchy (I.e. feel entitled to sex and approach girls), you would be reprimanded for it and your existence depends on inclusion in the group. 

Fast forward to 2020 where men and women are still living with brains hardwired for these days, it’s no wonder why most men are afraid to approach women and women are attracted to men that show forwardness and confidence. 

By having an attitude of willingness to engage a female boldly and sexually, you are hacking her brain and subcommunicating much about you and your value already without you having to say a word. 

This is a nonverbal “Subcommunication” that you are an alpha and there for worthy of mating with. 

Part 3: Venus and Mars

Intragender communication is drenched in these types of “Sub-communication”, and while almost 100% of women are inherently fluent and native speakers of sub-communication, (their reproductive screening process is heavily predicated on it) a large percentage of guys have no idea it even exists.

As alluded to in the section about women’s selectivity: Woman and men have different mating strategies. Women focus on quality and men focus on quantity. If a man sees a good enough looking female, he is usually willing to mate with her without much personality screening at all since his minimum investment in the child is the 1-20 minutes that it took to create it. 

Men, as a byproduct, have very different brains when it comes to being attracted to a mate and often the only subcommunication process involved is a visual one screening for fertility. This is quick, binary and non-nuanced. (Does she meet my threshold of youth, symmetry and hip:waist ratio, etc?)

Because of this, men are often mystified by the actual process of attracting females and how it could boil down to more than physical looks. 

Of course, being visually attractive still helps. Being tall and muscular does subcommunicate genetic fitness to girls (likelihood their child performs well on the dominance heirarchy and becomes an alpha) so you can build on a case of subcommunicating alphaness through building muscle, but this is a secondary requisite to dominant personality traits. 

Act 2: Programmed to Fail

Besides the obvious advice of being muscular and sexually forward that is frequently recommended here, some men still need a more detailed roadmap of how to navigate sub communications. 

Albert Mehrabian says in his 1971 book Silent Messages that words spoken are only 7% of communication (I personally think this seems too little, if you think about great speeches they are more than only 7% as  good as the words spoken in them, but I digress) https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-use-the-7-38-55-rule-to-negotiate-effectively#what-is-the-73855-rule. 

Every statement and behavior has a surface level meaning, but the recipient of the message now also has a subcurrent of deeper inferences about your status or lifestyle implied by your behavior sample. 

How to use this to your advantage?

Observed behaviors can often trigger unconscious responses that give clues to deeper impressions about one’s objective value in the “Sexual marketplace”. A good deal of sexual communication is covert. 

Hardwired biological ‘Cues’ do happen in nature, where animals unconsciously always follow a behavorial script in response to a certain stimulus. This also works in human mating, but not like most guys think. More on that later.

“What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so.”

Mark Twain

A lot of what we believe we know about nature is counter intuitive. As men we were programmed from a young age by movies and TV that being a loyally obedient slave to a pretty girl for long enough will make her magically want to be with you.

Seeing the same script time and again, the patient kind reserved character loyally waits for the girl to be done with all of the “Jerks”, and in the end earns romantic attention with the target of his interests by exhibiting friendly and supportive behavior for long enough.

This “aiming to please” behavior is subcommunicated to men through movies and tv as a suitable way to attract a mate, so lots of men unconsciously mimic the strategy. 

This does actually trigger a reciprocal behavior cue in women, but unfortunately for most men it is not unwavering affection and mindblowing sex, but rather psychological recategorization to “friend” or “provider” zone. This friend zone usually involves a “maybe” carrot dangled in front of his face, to keep him investing in her with the implication that maybe one day she will pick him as a passionate sexual partner. 

Traditionally dependent on men for resources for thousands of years as hunter gatherers, women have evolved to find security in a reasonable expectation that men will support them.

Modern day women play this carrot dangling game as a way to feel secure in their survival. They engineer these relationships so that they have a cast of men who “orbit” them like a star. They keep them close enough to be in the gravitational pull but never actually colliding. 

The scope of the evolutionary biology section of this post does not extend into “Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks”, but there is an observed dualistic mating strategy observed in primates and anecdotally in humans. 

Women have two motives for using sex.

  1. Primal: In an intimate reproductive urge to obtain genes from a partner. Passion and horniness.

  2. Transactional: in a survivalist exchange to obtain resources from a partner. Female Bonobos will trade sex for food, and women will marry rich men they are not sexually attracted to.

Despite what movies and tv shows tell you, when men are overly nice to women in hopes of courting her romantically, women instinctively realize there is an attempt to iniate a “favor for sex” contract. 

A misperceived mating cue, an eagerness to transactionally exchange favors for sex may subcommunicate to the female that a man wants sex but has a lack of confidence in his sexuality + forwardness. (Remember earlier. This = not an alpha) For genetics sake, and she will deem him not a a suitable partner for primal sex and only consider sex with him in a transactional setting. 

Aside from biology, a few other reasons this fails.

  1. This is non-congruent behavior. Like how Ghandi said he would never try to achieve peace by war, and you should never try to grow an apple tree by planting an orange seed, you should not try to use supplicating friendship to achieve a sexual relationship.
  2. When you overtly put effort in to try to attract somebody, you become dependent on the outcome. You focus on things you can’t control and you start acting weird. Everyone can imagine the experience of trying too hard to get someone to like you and having it not work. Most people can also recall the inverse, a situation where you were indifferent to somebody and naturally they gravitate towards you. Even the subcommunication of an “Attempted Pursuit” implies the pursuer believes they have something to gain from their relationship to their pursuant, and this puts the Pursuant in a position of power. Indifference makes the difference.

Beyond being nice and resource providing, movies and TV shows also promote bragging to girls, or attempting to win them over with material goods, accolades, or accomplishments. 

This is called “Qualifying” yourself and it also falls under the “Subcommunicating low value” umbrella.

Basically, the thought is that if you have to convince someone how amazing you are, you must not believe that the product is good enough to be sold without salesmanship.

This “trying too hard” makes it seem like you have not had success with women in the past, and if previous women who have had the time to determine if you were worthy of mating decided you were not a suitable partner, then she should save time and just trust other people’s researched judgement.

This “social proof” (or lack thereof) subcommunication creates a knee jerk reaction in all people to heuristically assign value to things without subjective appraisal. You see it everywhere. “Everyone is wearing these shoes, they must be cool.” Or the election day special, “Everyone hates this politician, he must suck!”

Beyond these obvious programming of meta male-female behaviors that produce unfavorable subcommunications, modern entertainment promotes many popular tropes and micro-actions that seem like a good way to get girls but actually subcommunicate low mating value to her. 

Act 3.) Modern sub communication in practice

I will now break down a few examples of these counter intuitive games, and identify the difference between the intended communication by the male and the actual communication achieved. 

1.) Give it away. Asking to be exclusive bf/gf too soon

Intended communication behind action: 

Romantic gesture, “I like you a lot”, I’m a good guy who’s looking for a relationship. 

Programmed expected response: With the premise that girls want a good guy who’s looking for a relationship, acting like you want to rush into monogamy will increase a girls attraction to you.

Reality: Implies lack of other options, implies lack of social proof, implies low value.

A deep dive into the sex/commitment trade between male and female across primate evolution shows that high value men traditionally prefer multiple female sex partners (see: Harems) and do not feel the need to initiate an exclusive relationship in order to have sex.

An over eagerness to commit implies no other options, and if it seems very sudden or undeserved, it makes a girl wonder why. Our logical minds are often skeptical of too good to be true situations. “Can I do better?” Her subconscious wonders. 

Correct course of action: Hang out with girl, have fun and have sex. Do not talk about exclusivity first at all. She will bring it up when she is ready.

Let her chase you and earn your commitment, she will enjoy the relationship more feeling like she had worked for it.

To play into the sex/commitment trade off (Men are the gatekeepers of commitment and women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men trade commitment for sex, women trade sex for commitment), this is an analogous argument to the idea that girls should withhold sex until marriage and “make you work for it” and then you’ll value her more. “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?” 

In accounting, it you don’t know how to properly value an asset, you just price it at the cost of acquisition. A girl will value your commitment with direct proportionality to how hard she had to work to obtain it.

Saying “I love you” first or too early is a sub umbrella of this. A woman wants to feel like she has earned your love after relentless chasing, and will not value it if you’re eager to give it away.

Side note: Being said, rules are meant to be broken and you should never be afraid of rejection. if you’re absolutely secure in your relationship and are a romantic guy and want to enter monogamy and express your love verbally, by all means do so. A confident declaration of passion for a girl can be a fun memory for the both of you later in life. Just don’t be a Sucker For Love and do it for the sake of doing it, or worse because you feel like it’s going to make you seem more attractive, because it’s not.

2.) Being afraid to disagree/break rapport

Intended communication behind action: I agree with you, we have similar viewpoints and I respect you. 

Programmed expected response: She will think we are more compatible now and therefore like me more.

Reality: if guy is afraid to disagree, “Something to lose” implies low value. non-masculine. Girls want a guy who says what he wants, is not afraid to dissent from group. They want a risk taker and a firm decision maker who is ready at all times, just incase they don’t feel like making any.

Correct course of action: Be yourself but don’t overly agree with her on every point because you think you’re building rapport. Your lack of polarity is making you boring.

This fear of disagreeability subcommunicates a being afraid to dissent from a group. Someone afraid to speak his mind is someone who feels obligated to be agreeable for status and protection, so likely not an alpha.

In a time where groupthink and social cascades are at an all time high, and echo chamber social media sites like Reddit and Twitter tell you what the only appropriate talking points are, there is a too familiar comfort in being agreeable and a discomfort in the tension involved with breaking script.

*Tangent on Tension and Shit Tests\*

Imagine you’re out at a bar and out of nowhere a 500 pound body builder seems ready to kill you. He gets in your face, stares you in the eyes and slowly says in a menacing way

“What did you say to me?”

Imagine holding eye contact with him for 10 seconds, silent with a scorn on your face.

Imagine how quick you’d want to diffuse it, as a natural reaction.

“What? No i didn’t say anything”

You'd probably say it quickly and panicked too. Your subconscious concession just to let him know where you stand on the idea of confrontation with him.

Now imagine a hot girl eyes you from across the room. She comes over to you slowly, gets right up in your face, stares you in the eyes and slowly says:

“Do you wanna fuck me?”

Imagine how quick you’d defuse the tension and say something.

Imagine holding eye contact for 10 seconds and not saying anything, with a smirk on your face.

Tension is a necessary phase for many human interactions, attraction included. Many guys think they can bypass this by being agreeable.

A girl will purposefully (and often times subconciously) test a mans strength by creating tension to see how he responds to it. A man who cannot handle tension with a 115 pound girl probably can’t handle it with a 300 pound man, so by seeing how he reacts to these situations she can test whether or not he would have been an “alpha” in the group thousands of years ago.

These tension creations are commonly referred to as “Shit tests.”

Sometimes girls will feign disgust towards you, just to see what you’re made of.

Shit tests are beyond the scope of this post, but they actually are a good thing. They subcommunicate that you are engaging woman’s reproductive screening process. (Women don’t shit test homeless guys.) 

They want to see how you crack under pressure. The best way to fail a shit test is to take it seriously. 

Speaking of shit tests, a lot of this conditioning from society can be looked at as one massive scale shit test from feminist america. What’s to be gained from telling a generation of men “it’s quirky and cute when guys are nervous and passive” and the “be a nice guy, don’t be a fuckboy”? 

It weeds out leaders from followers. Men who were born to be subordinate will go along and orbit, and men who were born to be leaders will differentiate themselves and be easily identified to be fucked.

This shit test is responsible for the recent “Consent” rabbit hole we've gotten into, where girls will be a feminist marching in the streets, saying “don’t objectify me!!” and then go home and cum 10 times on a guy who chokes her and spits in her mouth.

(Obviously consent is important, and legitimate rape is horrible, but you should read a few pages from women’s erotica if you want to know how they actually want to be treated in the bedroom.)

The next example has to do with this certain trope. I generally see movie/TV conditioning with this one in things targeted towards teens, but it still seeps into their subconscious.

3.) Being a pussy: this is an obvious one, but I mean it. By not pulling the trigger when its time to make a move, or asking for the date when a conversation has reached that point. Fear of forwardness -> implies low status.

Like asking a girl to kiss, or asking if you can touch her boobs in bed.

Intended communication behind action: I respect you as a woman and value feminism and consent

Programmed expected response: She will be more attracted to me knowing that I'm respectful and ideologically align with feminism

Reality: Afraid of rejection, has no experience, lack of social proof and dominance lead her to infer you are low on the totem pole, dont feel deserving of love in your masculine aura so you’re resorting to seeking love from your feminine aura, and therefor she thinks you have bad genes and doesn’t wanna fuck you

Oftentimes, guys with this one will have massive issues with self sexuality. They are male apologists. 

If ever in a situation where sexual tension occurs they will self eject, blowing up a situation on purpose so they can take ownership of rejection.

I have a particular Dispicable blue pill example of a friend. He’s a big CNN liberal and feminist, virgin at 26.

We went to community college together, and there was an abundance of hot girls just sitting around there, so my biggest hobby at the time became day gaming in the cafeteria. Normal shit, see a girl sitting alone, go up and say "Hey I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you." Cheesy but it was 2014 and worked more often than not.

Anyways, one time he sees me sitting with a girl, and comes over and sit with us. Me and the girl were already having a sexuality charged convo, we were talking about erogenous zones we like kissed, and she asked his input as to where he liked to be kissed? He shamefully looked away and nervously said “i like pizza.” Trying to be “quirky and random” but he self ejected as a sexual candidate due his own feelings of inferiority. Like lawyers, when they start losing in a case and feel inferior, adopt a stance of “fig leafing”, covering their genitals. Communicating such a low sexual status that they prefer girls not think of them as sexual vehicles at all. 

4.) They get needy and over text/call. Reaching out constantly because they are insecure and think relationships operate on a linear communication scale. (Amount of text exchanged = quality of relationship.) Don’t understand the concept of “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Text messages are like cakes. They take a couple hours to bake sometimes, so don’t always reply right away. It would be like taking a cake out of the oven too early.

Intended communication behind action: I’m thinking about you, I want to talk to you, I’m consistent.

Programmed expected response: She will be more attracted to me knowing that I like her, and our constant talking will build rapport and closeness. Amount of communication is linearly correlated with strength of relationship.

Reality: no mystery, no chase, no wondering. Girls are scientifically more attracted to guys when they are unsure how they feel.

5.) They make gf their therapist. Overshare problems and complain constantly

Intended communication behind action: I value you as an equal and friend and want to vent about things that are impacting me

Programmed expected response: She will be attracted to my vulnerability, we will get closer, and girls say they love guys with emotions and sensitive side.

Reality: She thinks you’re bad vibes and subconsciously not fit to be a father of her children because you’re easily frazzled. Dry panties.

They say you can have your GF be your GF or your therapist, but she can’t play both roles well. Imagine having a draining parent that always wants to complain to you. Thats how a girl feels when you complain about your problems to her. She wants you to be a good vibes leader.

In conclusion

Anyways gents. The point here is not to get you constantly over thinking about subcommunication, because overthinking is the stem of most of these problems in the first place, but if you’ve never thought of the concept before and you can't seem to tell where you’re going wrong with girls, this might be a good place to start. 

Be honest with yourself. Look for ways you could be unconsciously projecting low quality behavior. The shadow psyche) finds ways to manifest and leak into the present, so if you have preconceived notions of low self esteem or self limiting beliefs about woman and their attitudes towards you, and you may be projecting that onto your partner without even realizing it. 

Women are naturally more socially/emotionally perceptive than men can even comprehend. Evolutionarily, as the physically inferior sex, woman have relied on cunning to ensure their survival for thousands of years. More on that in a later post. But the point is: when your vibe is off,  and you’re feeling low value, a girl can smell it a mile away even if you think you’re hiding it.

So while it is important to appear relaxed and confident to subcommunicate sexual worthiness, it is equally important to actually live a lifestyle that makes you feel relaxed and confident. This means socializing, exercising, reading, and meditation, while cutting back on things that waste time and make you feel shameful like masterbating, drugs, junk food, and video games. 

TL:DR Be muscular, sexually forward, and indifferent towards women. Make sure you’re subcomminicating masculinity and perceived self worth.