Waiting until marriage?

rocknrollchuck · 2020-10-02T14:14:48+00:00

Sex outside of marriage is not something we endorse on RPChristians. We have an Official Stance on the Sidebar. However, we do encourage legitimate discussion, which is helpful in many ways. I'm fine with people saying "This is what I'm going to do even though the Bible says it's wrong" to a certain extent. But if a person says "You shouldn't worry about what the Bible says, just do what you like" then that falls under Rule 7.

I appreciate the diligence of the community on this post.

*Edit: since there are those who challenge whether the Bible actually says it's wrong or not, let's look at the verses and you can judge for yourself:

1 Corinthians 7:2 “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”

In this verse, the apostle Paul describes any activity outside of marriage as “sexual immorality.” That means when we read of “sexual immorality,” it includes sex before marriage as one of many examples of sin.

Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

What does an undefiled marriage bed look like? It looks like a bed that a husband and a wife share exclusively together. Any kind of sex that is before or outside or in addition to a married relationship of husband and wife is sinful according to the Bible.

Acts 15:19-20 “Therefore my judgment is that we should not trouble those of the Gentiles who turn to God, but should write to them to abstain from the things polluted by idols, and from sexual immorality....”

After the Jerusalem council met, the earliest group of Christians decided that Gentiles (meaning anyone who was not a Jew) could be Christians, but that they should refrain from sexual immorality, among other sins. In the wider biblical context, as we noted earlier, sexual immorality includes sex before marriage.

1 Corinthians 5:1 “It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father's wife.” (See also, Ephesians 5:3)

This one is interesting. A man was sleeping with his stepmom or mother-in-law outside of marriage. Paul is very clear that this is a grievous sin, one that not even non-Christians in the city of Corinth were guilty of doing!

Galatians 5:19-21 “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

In this long list of sins, the sexual sins that Paul includes are “sexual immorality,” “impurity,” “sensuality,” and even “orgies.” It would be very difficult to argue that Paul gives approval of sex outside of marriage, given these strong words against sexual intercourse of various types and kinds. If elsewhere, Paul gives permission of sex between a married man and woman, then all other forms of sex are sinful.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God….”

Here, Paul contrasts a believer’s self-control over his own body with living out of control, burning in passionate lust. The former is living a life that is pleasing to God and is holy, while the other is living a life that clearly does not know God. In which group do you think a hook-up culture that uses apps like Tinder is? Is sleeping with someone you met a few minutes ago demonstrating control over one’s body, or is it done in the passion of lust?

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Paul clearly spells out that for unmarried, single people, God desires abstinence from sex for them. If abstinence is not something they can live with, then they should seek to get married. It’s clear that sex within the context of marriage is not a sin, but outside of marriage it is sinful.

Genesis 2:24-25 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

From the very beginning, God’s design for sex has been between a man and a woman in the context of marriage. This is not held out as the ideal, but this is supposed to be the norm for all sexual intercourse according to the Bible.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

Finally, the last few verses that speak to the question of sex before marriage mention the basis of this difficult claim on our lives. A Christian is to refrain from sexual intercourse with other people because Christians belong not to themselves, but to God. We have been given the great gift of God indwelling us—the Holy Spirit lives within us—so when we join ourselves to others through one-night stands we are violating both our own body and the Lord who has purchased us by pouring out his own body and blood for us.

rocknrollchuck · 2020-10-02T04:44:38+00:00

[deleted]

Goamoth · 2020-10-02T00:05:43+00:00

I've been waiting until marriage. It's definitely a lot more challenging now that I'm in my late 20s. The burn from marriage is even greater and some days it gets so bad to control my lust over woman. I feel I'm the only one with this struggle at times.

ZARZTER · 2020-10-02T02:11:32+00:00

Hello, I recently became a follower of Christ

That's great! Welcome!

I've had sex with a lot of women

Cool, but as a follower of Christ, this shouldn't be happening anymore. Sexual nature should be embraced, but only within the confines of marriage.

and due to my red pill knowledge fear marriage.

There is a reason everyone on TRP says marriage is the red pill on hardmode. If you fear marriage, the only Christian alternative is to be voluntary celibate (To devote all your time to Christ).

I recommend spending some more time reading the bible and reading the sidebar. If that doesn't answer your question, reread the sidebar (and repeat until it does).

I understand you are new to Christianity and RPC, but this topic has already been covered a lot. So read this Post and read some of the comments here. No one on this sub should be encouraging you to have sex outside of marriage.

redarcher99 · 2020-10-02T03:34:15+00:00

The lie the devil wants to tell you is that there's nothing bad about sex before marriage. After all you're going to marry them right? Wrong. It's sin, it can lead to an unwanted pregnancy, it's sinning against your body and the other person's, it makes you feel guilty and unclean, it can cause problems that continue even when a couple gets married, you might split up and not get married and probably other problems too.
I know a few Christians who have had sex before marriage and all of them regret it. It also tends to bring problems into the marriage. A common one being negative associations of sex and guilt that carry into the marriage and into the marriage bed (i.e. when they shouldn't be feeling guilty about sex). If you want sex then put the effort into becoming a marriable person, put the effort into a relationship and get married.

Praexology · 2020-10-02T02:18:44+00:00

If youre scared of marriage then stay away from sex.

If you want sex then stay away from sin with marriage.

OrlandoTheAxe · 2020-10-02T05:01:40+00:00

As we approach the end times, and our world falls deeper into evil, God-ordained institutions, like marriage, are increasingly broken and corrupted by Satan and his agents. The fact still remains that the only righteous outlet for sex is in marriage. It's all tall order, but consider this:

God never said following him would be easy. In fact, he promises the exact opposite.

*"Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." 2 Timothy 3:12

Hardship and sacrifice for the sake of Christ are exactly what make the Life Gate "narrow."

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." Matthew 7:13-14

You know the truth, now which way will you choose? Earthly pleasure and eternal death, or a life of sacrifice and eternal life?

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23

Trust that God will provide for you, even if it isn't in the way you expect. I wish you all the best.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. ." Philippians 1:6

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Noseatbeltnoairbag · 2020-10-02T00:21:52+00:00

Hey...I hope you guys don't mind my thoughts here. I'm also a member of the subreddit page for Red Pill Women.

I'm a born-again Christian who is serious about her walk with Christ. 38 , and unfortunately, soon to be divorced. I dated my stbxh for about 7 months without sex. I would and will absolutely do the same the next time I get married regarding chastity. My days having sex before marriage are over for numerous, obvious reasons: First, I won't fornicate because God said not to. I'm very thankful that I finally came to this point in my life where this is the most important reason. Second, premarital sex opens the door to heartache, unplanned pregnancy, STDs, etc, and I'm just too old for that. Sex is extremely important in a marriage, but at the time, it's also sex. I think I have more to risk by not having sex by not seeing what the man is working with. Also, lust and sex cloud judgement.

I believe so strongly in marriage and so very much look forward to it that I don't want anything sexually related to get in the way. I was with a guy who instantly dropped me when I slept with him, and I also was dumped by a guy who said he didn't want to date anyone who wouldn't have sex with him.

So, pretty much any guy you date wants to have sex with you. Thats normal, right? Well, girls have to become smarter. You guys always want to sleep with us, but you don't want women who have a high #. Nor do you want to be lied to about our n#. And, what woman ever got married wishing she'd slept with more guys? No, I'm not a virgin, but I'm not going to keep on being stupid, either. Plus, I think it's honorable to one day be able to tell children one day that i didn't sleep with their father before marriage.

2020-10-02T14:10:14+00:00

I am in the same boat as you. Have had sex with many women, and have since returned to my faith. I recently began a good relationship with a Christian girl, and I set the tone by saying I wanted to wait for marriage when the topic arose. Although I think she is not a virgin, it appears that she and I experienced similar drastic lifestyle changes leading back to God. She was glad to hear me say I wanted to wait. Having made this clear to her makes it easier to resist temptation with regard to her body since it is my rule; however, no longer having sex has certainly led to increased temptation to watch pornography/masturbate. It has been several weeks since I last succumbed to that temptation, and, God willing, I hope to keep it up.

I do not fear marriage in spite of the disturbing things I have learned about it in the modern world because I believe that it is a necessary prerequisite to raising healthy children, which is a top priority for me. Besides, our religion demands that we wait. Breaking its rules for fear of worldly problems is pathetic considering that people have willingly been TORTURED TO DEATH rather than even say a word against Christ.

playingpoodles · 2020-10-12T02:11:18+00:00

The only real reason to have sex before marriage is to identify if your girl is the one quarter who is actually a virgin versus the three quarters who are lyin' sluts pretending to be - could be achieved with fingers only too I guess. If she's legit, put a ring on it and get as kinky as possible between the two of you only. (And I'm not talking an Elton John ring on THAT).

RedPillGlasses · 2020-10-02T19:42:16+00:00

Hmmmm, okay so why is 99% of our sexual advice given by one man?

Does Jesus ever reference sex?

Paul is one of the prominent apostles, but are we to every word he spoke as gospel even when he is just a man?

I would ask what Jesus specifically says about sex, but I think I already know the answer.

Sigma_Frame · 2020-10-03T03:56:30+00:00

Reading through all the comments from men who are resisting the temptation to have illicit sex… Wowzers! I can relate. I struggled with this for about 18 years, between adolescence and my early 30’s. I still carry a lot of anger and bitterness from that experience.

We know it’s wrong - a sin - but resisting the temptation is a hard core challenge that can dampen your faith and vitality almost as much as giving into it. It might help us endure if we understood God’s purposes in resisting illicit sex, and not just force ourselves to rely solely on willpower. Please read these posts for some reasons why premarital sex is a sin, and how the deck is stacked against us. Hope it helps.

https://sigmaframe.wordpress.com/2019/05/25/why-is-illicit-sex-so-enticing-and-so-prevalent/

https://sigmaframe.wordpress.com/2020/03/02/sexual-compatibility-is-dependent-on-sanctification/

https://sigmaframe.wordpress.com/2020/08/14/why-is-premarital-sex-a-sin/

amergent · 2020-10-11T18:22:23+00:00

I have enormous respect for those who do wait, but most do not.

ja_freezin · 2020-10-02T01:01:01+00:00

We’re the two lovers in Song of Songs married?

RedPillGlasses · 2020-10-02T00:01:52+00:00

I would be amazed if one person out of a thousand on here was a virgin when they got married.

But don’t worry, they’ll be more than happy to give you advice they were unable to follow themselves.

truguy · 2020-10-02T14:36:24+00:00

The problem outlined in the New Testament is with human sex trafficking/sex slavery/temple prostitution. Stay clear of such violence against others. That’s what ALL the NT prohibitions are against. The NT does not forbid sexual relations that are consensual and loving.

Praexology · 2020-10-02T01:07:43+00:00

I think avoiding premarital sex was much more important 100+ years ago than it is today because back then if everyone was having premarital sex, there would be a bunch of kids running around without parents. Now it's just not quite as important, especially for a man. I waited until marriage with my wife and in some ways that was a good thing, but I think that I probably got married sooner than I would have otherwise because I wanted to have sex which may have been a bad thing. Right now my wife and I are most likely going to get divorced and if I start dating again I don't plan on waiting until marriage because realistically I probably won't attract the interest of a conservative christian girl as a divorced man, but I'm not going to be hooking up with anything that moves either. I think sleeping with a woman that you're engaged to or in a serious relationship is much less of a sin than having a one night stand.

infinityplus1 · 2020-10-02T03:43:40+00:00

I replied to someone else in the comments.

I will just cut and paste it...

I was a virgin, by choice, when I got married. I had many chances to have sex with quite a few girls before my marriage, I chose not to because “God said not to” and “saving it for marriage.” And I can unequivocally say it wasn’t worth it, saving it. Did I do what God said, yeah. Did it do any good for either of us? No. In fact I think it harmed me overall. But hey, I obeyed God and got married a virgin.

In fact, I would bet money that if I had sex with a few of those girls before being married I would have approached the whole relationship a bit differently. I doubt I would have actually married her, which would have been a good thing and saved 15+ years of emotional and mental abuse where I tried to “love her more”, “pray more”, “be more a man of God”, etc, etc. Unfortunately, those things don’t help with a hidden mental illness for a person who believes they are perfectly mentally healthy.

But whatever, you live and learn. I won’t make that same mistake again... and get married.

Sex on the other hand...

Title	Waiting until marriage?
Author	ObservetJCD
Upvotes	14
Comments	108
Date	October 1, 2020 11:50 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/j3k3bd/waiting_until_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/waiting-until-marriage.328005 https://theredarchive.com/post/328005