I didn't think I would comeback to this subreddit. I found out TRP in late 2017 and I definitely received a lot of help by community members during the years. I then decided to stop reading stuff and start living my life.

Unfortunately, during all this time, I never realized I grew up with both narcissistic parents. This explains why I never really managed to self-actualize myself because I was constantly trapped in their frame and they used any kind of manipulation and shaming to make me feel like shit.

Despite all my efforts in holding frame, I admit it's breaking me down mentally and I need to get out. I can't do this any longer.

I once moved in another city last year and guess what, nothing changed. My mom came to "visit" (stalk) me without notice by texting to my flatmate. In fact, he told me she texted him.

Back then I knew nothing about narcissism and simply thought things where normal. A few days ago, I found out "raisedbynarcissists" and my entire world view crumbled. I realized things weren't normal. I've been living in denial for all this time and my parents were abusing me emotionally and verbally.

I'm now at the first year of university (already dropped out once because I was forced to choose a degree in 2 weeks. Ended up not enjoying it) and its being financed by my parents (narcissistic dad).

I'm thinking of dropping out again and eventually re-start next year with a student loan (I know this sounds stupid but I feel like emotional debt is worse than financial debt).

I have just 500 euros in savings and nothing more. I must move the fuck out because I'm feeling suicidal day by day. I want to move abroad somewhere in Europe without telling my parents anything.

One thing I'm afraid of, is that I won't survive and will have to contact them to "rescue" me. There's no way I want that scenario to happen. I feel like I'd rather go in jail.

Advice is really appreciated.