I’m sitting here on my couch trying not to cry. I try to be the best wife I can be. I’ve read Laura Doyle’s Surrendered Wife, I listen to Adrienne Everheart on YouTube. I truly enjoy the topic of how I can better serve my husband because it really makes me a better person as a whole and happier too. I understand my husband isn’t reading books or listening to podcasts on how to be the best husband. I’m not bitter about that, I understand men are different. My husband is a great husband to me but sex has always been our biggest issue. I decided I could still marry him even knowing that I am very sexual and sex is important to me, because no one is perfect and all partners will come with imperfections and I am madly in love with him. I know he’s shy.. kind of awkward.. and very “vanilla” in bed.
Anyways- We are trying to conceive and I am ovulating this week, so we had a quickie this morning before he went to work... and I mean like 1 min quickie. It was fine, I really want to get pregnant so I don’t mind the transactional sex at times. But after the morning sex, he said we can try again later. I was excited so I got waxed, showered, did my hair and make up, put on lingerie, and sent him a quick Snapchat of it. He said he couldn’t wait to get home! Well of course he wanted it as soon as he stepped in the door and the sex, while great, lasted about 5 - maybe 7 minutes. And afterwards he didn’t really say much.. I said did you like that? He said yeah, did you think I wouldn’t? I’m just sad he didn’t say like, you look hot, or try and last longer so I can get off. He always finishes in sooner than 10 mins. Sometimes I can get off that quickly, but most of the time I can’t. I have had conversations in the past (years ago) but it made things worse to the point where we went months with out sex and he could barely get it up.. he said he had a mental block because I complained that he didn’t last long enough. He’s so awkward when I suggest porn or anything so I don’t do that anymore... even though I know he watches or has at least. I’ve learned to be happy and grateful and bite my tongue when I want to nag or complain. I’m just sad that I try my very best to be a good wife and seems like he couldn’t care less about being a good husband. Another example : I sent him my love language quiz results and he barely read them (he couldn’t tell me anything about them) while when he sent me his quiz results, I read everything about how to cater to “acts of service” love language.
In the past, I peel my energy off him and live my best life because I don’t attach my happiness to another person, but right now I am just really really sad.
Not even sure what advice I’m asking for here, maybe just someone else’s perspective or someone to tell me they also have had this issue and have worked through it.
Thank you xo
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