Fiance wanted an open marriage, so I called off the wedding. People are asking questions. Should I let them know why?

9,284 points2,092 commentssubmitted by RobotUprisingLeader to r/relationship_advice

For those that keep messaging me for an update, it was posted long ago, and it can be found here.

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Two weeks ago we were two weeks away from getting married.

She asks me to go to therapy with her. She was already seeing a therapist on her own, and wanted me to go with her and have a talk, before the wedding, where we could be completely honest with one another. That sounded a little weird to me, I thought we were already completely honest with one another, after all, we were getting married in two weeks, right?

Also, she was super protective about her therapy sessions, didn't really talk about them. I have never met her therapist. So to be invited there all of a sudden seemed a little out of place to me.

The day comes, and I go there. But out of self preservation, I had my phone opened and recording any audio.

My fiance was already there. I had to wait 20 minutes before I was invited in. The therapist greets me and shakes my hand. We have small talk. She tells me I am not at all the way my fiance described me. I think she is trying to compliment me. Then she looks at my fiance and tells her "this may be harder than we thought."

That absolutely weirded me out. But I am a calm and collected individual, and I don't react, just kept that dumb smile on my face we all have in awkward situations.

So the therapist starts talking. Has a small speech I don't care to repeat. My fiance takes my hand as the therapist starts telling me that "we live in a modern world, and that my fiance wants us to have a non-conventional marriage moving forward."

I smile, I am not sure what the hell that means, through my mind I am thinking she wants to talk how she will not be a slave to her husband, she will not sacrifice her work life, etc. Modern woman and girl power and all that.

Nope, she is actually talking about how once we get married, she wants to be free to sleep with other men.

The other non-traditional type of marriage. I forgot it's 2018.

But she loves me a lot, and would not be comfortable with me having the same "benefits".

Because she would be too heart broken knowing that I find other women attractive and that one of them could steal me from her.

So I let them finish talking. They were very fluent, and they got more confident talking, probably empowered by my lack of reaction, and because I wasn't saying anything. This was definitely something they have rehearsed.

I then asked the therapist if she is licensed. This, by her reaction, was not what she expected to be the first thing coming out of my mouth. She said yes. So I told her to explain to my fiance why we will not be getting married any more, and why we will not continue being a couple starting immediately.

I wished them good luck, and left the office.

Now, I want to report the therapist. I am not sure if I have to report her to the clinic, or is there a board that supervises therapists? I don't think their planning and attempt to corner me is professional conduct, and I want her to pay for the misconduct. That "session" did not sit well with me.

To be clear, there would have been no positive outcome to this talk my fiance and the therapist had with me. Even if she wanted a completely open marriage, where I could sleep with other women, the outcome from my part would have been the same. That's is not a marriage, that is a sham.

It also dawns on me, she might have cheated on me. Now that I have this clarity of mind, certain things don't match up.

So I was a fool anyway.

I listened to the recording, and I still can't believe what was said there.

Anyway, I called off the wedding.

I am a very easy going guy, there are no fights with me because I am not seeking them. There are no conflicts, enemies, because my life is guided on principle and common sense. That might have given my ex the impression I will be easy to walk over, like a door mat, but she is an idiot for thinking that. Having listened to the recording a few times, I am confident the therapist recognized I am not how my fiance must have described me in their sessions.

hence the "this may be harder than we thought."

Now that the wedding is no longer happening, people are starting to ask questions I am not comfortable answering.

How do I navigate this sea?

I am sure my ex is doing damage control, but I have the recording, and if she goes too far off the path, I will not shy letting people know what she wanted us to talk about.

But my parents and family also want answers, and I am not sure what BS to tell them. I don't want them to think I am an idiot for allowing my ex to get to this point where she was so confident that she straight out told me she wants to fuck other dudes.

She is also blowing my phone, my best friend's phone, my brother's phone.

"We can work on this", "I didn't understand what they were telling me in the therapy session", "she will do anything to fix this", "it was the therapist's idea, she was against it", etc.

Last cry of a dying siren. All her cries fall on deaf ears, and I am the owner of said ears.

We were also working to get a loan to buy a house, but I cancelled everything.

I basically erased any ties we had financially, or otherwise.

Her current plea is that in therapy she exposed her insecurities about our sexual history. I had considerably more partners than her, and the therapist came up with the idea we should "level the field".

Regardless of the truth of this, that therapist gets reported once I figure out where to do it, and what to say.

This post is mostly a rant, but I would also want to know how would you handle the questions of friends and family. My Ex is certainly doing her own damage control, and I don't want to be a he said / she said. I do have the recording, and am wondering if I should send it to the interested parties.

My ex doesn't know I have the recording.