Male/female dynamics in church

Borsao66 · 2020-03-24T01:40:07+00:00

80% of women are vying for the top 20% of men. If your singles group was anything like the one at my last home church, those are not top 20% men.

RunawayGrain · 2020-03-24T12:45:35+00:00

Lemme break it down.

80% of women only have eyes for 20% of men. The other 80% of men are invisible, or if they do get noticed they are considered 'creepy.' The benchmark for being in the top 20% is actually that the other girls in the clique also want the guy in question.

For a guy, being in the top 20% means be attractive, wealthy, or sociable. Mostly attractive, and sociable though. The socially awkward guys can get with these women with wealth, but at best she will constantly cheat on him, at worst she will take as much as she can get and leave when she gets bored.

I guarantee if one of the socially awkward guys came into a fortune these same girls would be tripping over themselves to talk to him. I know this because it happened to me.

A lot of the members are in their 30s so you would think they would find it important to find a mate.

If you go to an all you can eat buffet, are you gonna feel pressed to select one dish or just graze and enjoy everything that's on display? Add to that a princess complex that says, 'Only the best' and this is what you wind up with.

dilberryhoundog · 2020-03-24T03:16:04+00:00

All women are subject to the laws of attraction, being a man who has faith, doesn’t exempt you from having to activate that attraction.

IMO for god to make man, he had to use animal flesh. But gave us the divine ability to read, write, speak and comprehend the word (of god). Being a Christian and comprehending the bible allows us to transcend our animal bonds (it’s not the only way, but is IMO the best).

The bible doesn’t stop “natural” (biological) motivations or lack thereof from affecting our behaviour. It just allows us to move beyond and not be a “slave” to these motivations.

cooldave777 · 2020-03-24T01:39:06+00:00

[deleted]

Rifleshoot · 2020-03-24T15:29:17+00:00

A lot of Christian men make it their mission to be as toothless and harmless as possible. It's no wonder that women aren't knocking down the door to get to them. If you want one of those women yourself, then become a high value man.

FrRustyShackleford · 2020-03-24T03:08:09+00:00

Sadly, many men are socially awkward and this flaw is more deadly than being overweight, poverty, and ugliness combined.

I’m short, so I had some good cards in my hand and some bad. It depends how you play it . Hopefully they can overcome it, or if you’re especially socially adept and befriend them you can help them out. Otherwise just learn what you can.

Also, I noticed that many girls in those groups are hardly desirable as well. Try a Christian dating website, I met my wife on one.

Willow-girl · 2020-03-24T12:31:43+00:00

If a woman finds you attractive, she'll usually find a way to get your attention, like showing up at the water cooler when you're getting a drink or otherwise putting herself in proximity to you and looking open to conversation. If she isn't giving any "indications of interest," likely ... she just ain't interested! (For whatever reason ... may have nothing to do with you personally. Maybe she just got out of a bad relationship; maybe she feels called to singleness; maybe she's a divorcee with small kids and doesn't feel ready to date yet. Whatever.)

You can increase your chances of success if you concentrate on flirting with women who are already giving you IOI's.

capodonca · 2020-03-24T16:21:31+00:00

In my experience women from church groups search men who are not that religious and then bring them to the group. They go for more "interesting" men.

bigmonkeyfight · 2020-03-24T21:56:35+00:00

Girls in their early/mid 20s have a lot dating options, they can date their age/older. A lot of guys are asking them out on dates. Girls in these age ranges and possibly a bit older can be very picky in who they date etc. Starting at around age 30, the tables flip and now its they guys who maybe can start being picky on who they can date. So she goes from having a lot of dating options in her 20s to all of a sudden she has to resort to online dating or singles events to meet guys because her social circle has shrunk as most of her friends are now married or close to being there. This dating dynamic change can be humbling for some women.

UpTanks · 2020-03-25T06:26:37+00:00

Unfortunately what you're talking about is a phenomena not exclusive to your Church. As other people already pointed out, this happens when women just aren't interested in guys. But also, it can happen when the women are genuinely focussed on the Lord and not men.

What u/capodonca said was really underrated. Christian girls are more likely to bring guys that aren't religious to Church. Why? Because they want interesting, challenging, attractive and different. There are now two girls at my Church dating guys who were initially non-Christian but now have actually grown to know God (as far as I know).

The faith of those girls through the whole situation taught me a lot. It revealed to me that there perhaps are women out there not necessarily 'Christian' but ready to be. All they need is a top 20% Christian alpha who is not afraid to evangelize and guide them towards the cross. Not in pursuit of a potential wife, but because reaching out to the lost is what he was called to do.

And maybe, God will show that man His favor by granting him a wife.

This isn't my recommended action, just something to think about.

mikestoleyobike · 2020-03-30T20:51:36+00:00

My theory on why this happens is the "Guard Your Heart" teaching that plagues modern evangelicalism.

Today's thought leaders have taken a portion of scripture that's meant to be about guarding your heart FROM Sin and narcissistically turning it into guarding yourself from a broken heart. This then causes a huge amount of fear and distrust amongst christian men and women and forces them to be socially awkward around each other. You basically have to walk on eggshells to make sure you don't accidentally hurt someone's feelings.

The sad part is, usually what ends up happening is that Christians are so focused on guarding their hearts from other Christians, and protecting the hearts of other Christians.... That they completely let their guard down around unbelievers. And this is why you see such a huge epidemic of Christian women dating unbelieving men. And that's the irony of it all, by trying to practice "Guard your heart" they end up doing the very thing that scripture warns against.

coachdad8 · 2020-03-24T12:54:36+00:00

u/cooldave777 Please edit and post your stats so we have a little history.

Age, weight, height, lifts, reading, etc. This is a newbie question that has been answered generally in the Sidebar ==>>

We can get specific only once we know where you are at in your progress.

bigmonkeyfight · 2020-03-24T14:11:08+00:00

So I have been to a singles ministry several times at a very large megachurch and this was my observations. Most of the women are age 30+, the physically attractive ones were single moms and/or divorcees, at least the ones I spoke to.The girls in their 20s were fewer in numbers and tend to be average looking at best. The same could be said for the no kids/never married women in their 30s. This demographic does not attract high caliber guys. Of the guys I met, some were socially awkward, others were single dads/divorced, others seemed normal but didn't have careers that realistically could provide for a potential family. I didn't meet everyone but this my experience

I stopped going to the singles ministry as I just wasn't meeting anyone I would want to pursue, plus the drive was too long.

You also have to consider that single women many times do not want to advertise the fact that they are single and/or do not want to go to such a gathering where they are surrounded by a bunch of single guys. It can very humbling for some women to attend singles events

In my experience, if you want to meet high caliber attractive girls/women at church, my advice is to attend a very large church preferably a megachurch (dating is a numbers game for guys at least) that has a lot of different types of volunteer ministries such as a foodbank. Some churches have events specifically targeted at the 20s/30s demographic.

I went to volunteer at the foodbank several times and everytime I had girls in their 20s come up and start talking to me, didn't have to make the first move. It is that easy.

potatorockstar · 2020-04-04T15:55:21+00:00

unsaved people have fleshly instincts. if they are turned off by christian boys, means they still hold on to their "chads". but then again to be fair to women, modern men dont learn to be men.

Eminencemiddle · 2020-04-11T07:33:24+00:00

> A lot of guys have been rejected in the group and I wonder how beneficial it is for me or others to approach these women.

I'm pretty sure that the women in that group have already weighed the dudes in the balance and found them wanting. You need to be above the other dudes if you want a better outcome than them.

It's rare that a situation like this will be a Rebecca meeting her Isaac. More like Solomon meeting his Moabite wife. What to do? Well, that is up to you*[deleted content]* You may need to just take what you can get, while keeping careful to maintain your relationship with the Lord.

Title	Male/female dynamics in church
Author	cooldave777
Upvotes	7
Comments	59
Date	March 23, 2020 11:45 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/fnuozy/malefemale_dynamics_in_church/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/malefemale-dynamics-in-church.357332 https://theredarchive.com/post/357332