Hey "Woman"

Okay, let's get some stuff out of the way before I decide if you are worth the squeeze.

First - what is the most interesting thing about you?

I'm an Aries

Well, since you're wearing my grandmothers curtains, I should have guessed it would be something like that.

In an average month, how much dick did you suck in college?

5'0

Damn. 10 Guys at 6 inches each - excluding intercourse. Okay, let's keep rolling.

How much do you reckon your ass weighs?

135

Damn. You are THICK girl. I like a big booty, but not 135 pounds worth!

Why is your ass so huge?

I have three children

Then why are you on Tinder instead of teaching them how to be good people? Every minute you devote to this, you take away from your kids. Right?

You are treating your children like a joke.

I'm funny

Well. you don't mince words do you!

Would you say you your approach to sex is more monogamous, or "outgoing" - if you know what I mean.

outgoing

Well then, I see why you are on Tinder now.

Back to your ass. How low does it hang?

down to earth

WOAH Dude. Bad mental picture there.

What's the best thing about your ex?

loves to cook

He seems to like making babies too!

So. It's obvious you are looking for a hookup. So, shoot me a text at 867-5...

I want to start off as friends

What? Fuck that. I need my jabibbies fondled. Fuck Friends. You are on TINDER "Woman"!

I want to take my unit and stick it in your...

and see where it goes.

My girl. NOW we're talking...


Credit to /u/redpill_dragon for the original.