I'll try to be concise.

I (28), just to give context am fairly attractive, I'd say a solid 7.5, being 6'5, usually athletically built, and usually confident and ambition has given me extra leeway too I'm sure. I have about a solid 55 notches ranging from 15-28, a lot of which were consistent plates before I knew the term. A few businesses in development, a decent career and home/investment property.

I am in a new, just outside a bigger city with millions in population, in a state that I moved to with my ex. This is already the 2nd serious ending, and I'm definitely not looking back with rose colored glasses... but I swear I miss her. I won't bore you with my emotions however I think I need some guidance.

I'm still getting over my last 3+ year relationship (J), and currently have a new baby out of state, in custody with a BBM (bitter baby mama), whom is also an ex.

Shit show. I know. But being decent / good at getting women to fuck didn't mean I understood them when it came to girls i loved.

Speaking of, after these shitty events, I began my red pill journey over 1.5 years ago. It was for the better initially...

This shit works. Got in the best shape of my life. Found god on my own. Secured a much better paying job. Fucked about 5 women, Found a few new plates, and had about a 3 girl rotation all in three months. Of course I attract her (my ex) back.

Long story short we attempted to reconcile, and repeated the same situation, I lose myself in the betrayal and have pretty much been cold ever since. Same scenario, now that she's gone. My game with women has improved, I can recognize and check a shit test better, I display my wants with boldness, I've had like 3 sets of threesomes, since.

Even thought I found a new woman that I have a lot in common with... She did all the work, driving, gift giving and even took me on a vacation on her dime. She tried mitigating sex. Only a few times too many of telling me "we'll finish in the morning". So I pull back, blow her off being consistent then inconsistent for about a month, she then wears a dress, comes to me telling me she's sorry and to fuck and punish her... I can't make this up. Of course I did it, and it reset the tone. She literally does everything I want within reason, I promise she makes me bust around 2-3 nuts a day but that game in and of it self makes me not like her and but they feel subpar because now Im questioning her motivation for sex ("If it isnt hell yeah" they say...). I find myself now not wanting to kiss her at times, or even care about her pleasure. (There are reasons why my exes and I aren't together; none of which were sex).

Now that she initiates more and goes the extra mile... I'm more cold and less gratuitous.

I feel like I should be happy that I'm getting more out of women but two things are happening. I am seeing a lot more red flags since taking the red pill and my patience is thinner. I feel like the power struggle women try to play in the beginning phases to asses you immediately (sometimes) categorizes them as non LTR material. Me of today, literally kicked a woman out of my home because she wouldnt give me head. She has since become a routine dick sucker on occasion, and even started giving me sex (she wouldnt fuck at first but I was already fucking others so i allowed her to just come over and give me head. Why not right?) And I'm throughly turned off. I fuck her into submission every now and then to get a nut, but just because I can pass the shit test doesn't mean I want it long term.

I'm in a weird spot in my red pill journey.

I think I'm still clinging to blue pill dreams from a red pill scope. I think I need to pick my rotation back up and give more women I actually like my time, instead of fucking who I can and dropping my lineup for a girl I temporarily like.

I feel like for better or worse I couldn't go back to a fully blue eyed lense if I wanted to. I just feel like at this point, can I truly enjoy and be happy on a deep level with a woman? I feel like I did with my exes, and that's half the reason I'm here...