I am making this post in the hope that someone here thats browsing this sub trying to work out whether the Manopshere and Redpill ideologies is actually helping them out or causing them to repeat the same destructive patterns of behaviour that is making them miserable. This is my story and I hope you get a sense of the damage I have managed to do to myself.

TLDR - The Issues I Need To Unpick

  • Believing that every woman you are in a relationship with is going to pull down her panties and fuck someone behind your back - This belief is going to repeatedly make that the truth as your behaviour drives them into the arms of others
  • Thinking that every guy in her life is someone she has put there on purpose to monkey branch to - this belief is going to make you a controlling asshole that her friends will encourage her to drop
  • Thinking that all marriages end in divorce - Every woman in my family life is in a long and happy marriage... and yet I laugh at anyone I know who gets married because its 100% going to end in divorce rape
  • Telling your friends that they should get a paternity test when they have kids - this one is going to make you look really weird in your social circle. Its so paranoid its unreal
  • Thinking that every time you have sex you need to be rough, dominating and hard - sometimes your girl just want nice loving sex, sometimes she wants a spanking. Go with the flow but don't be driven by the idea that if you aren't destroying her every time you are doing it wrong. This will lead to arguments and is probably more a reflection of people learning what they think is good sex technique from porn.
  • Blaming women for all of your own personal shortcomings and fuck ups in relationships - you cannot blame everything on everyone else. You need to realise that if you are in relationships that keep burning and failing its probably you thats doing something wrong.

The Beginning

Attention seeking loud and seemingly confident child brought up with 3 sisters and a brother and Mum and Dad still together. We were a poor family but grew up close with my sisters often tasked with taking care of me when we were younger as Mum and Dad both had to work.

Growing up, if you saw me you would think this kid is confident but the reality was that I had no confidence at all. I got all of my selfworth from the opinions of others and external sources.

The First Girlfriend

Fast forward to 18 and I am now in art college, going out with my friend who had recently read The Game not knowing what I was doing and not really caring. We were having fun, peacocking and being the weird artists on a night out. Whilst wingmaning for my buddy I met my first girlfriend.

This relationship lasted 5 years, all the way through university. It had a lot of ups and downs and quite frankly I acted like a twat to this girl. I cheated on her through the entirety of our relationship but also didn't care wether she stayed or left. I had girls that were always interested in hooking up and the only reason I stayed is because she had unknowingly to me became a safety net that I could go back to when times got rough.

The relationship ended when we moved into a flat together. Whilst checking for a recipe on her computer as I cooked a meal, a message popped up from a guy she worked with. Telling her not to be stupid and not to feel embarrassed about last night, he likes her to. I finally felt what it was like to get cheated on.

I was at rock bottom, no career going on, wasn't in good shape and had no goals. I was single for the first time in 5 years. I spent that month crying and googling to try and find answers. Where did I go wrong, what can I do to fix it, how do I make myself feel better? I completely neglected to take the time to realise, that this was what I really deserved for my behaviour to this poor girl.

This is where I found the book of Pook. It seemed to provide answers. I wasn't wrong, women were just shit. Go get yourself fit, go spin plates, women aren't worthy of your full attention. Set goals get a good job go slay you are the shit go get it.

The Decent Into The Manosphere

I read the entire sidebar, I read the rational male books, I read stoicism, I read work out books, I read sales books. I spent day and night reading TRP subreddit. It felt good, probably the first time in my life I had heard a lot of this common sense advice from other men. I was too happy that my life was moving in a good direction that I couldn't see the changes in my attitudes to women. I wasn't questioning what I was consuming and just in full on gorge mode.

I was on a rampage, I was flirting with everyone (got my head kicked in, in a pub because a guys wife was flirting with me in front of him and I stupidly turned it up to 10) I was sleeping with a lot of the girls I knew from uni, even the ones that had boyfriends. This caused massive amounts of arguments within that social circle as they all tried to lock me down and jealousy ran rife. I caused break ups, I caused heart ache and this eventually lead to me losing nearly all of these friends who were very dear to me. (You can't be friends with women right? If you aren't fucking them they are of no value to you).

I went traveling with my friend around Europe. I was sleeping my way through hostels and it felt great. Fuck my ex all these women want me and life is great. This initial success lead me to question my interactions with women less and less. I was getting what I wanted so why should I care if I am causing a lot of pain to the people around me?

The Second Girlfriend

Through my plate spinning I meet a incredibly beautiful girl. I am on fire with my confidence and manage to get back to her hotel room and have a great night. This develops and I start falling for her. Shes stylish, highly educated, successful and from a really rich family. I had never met someone like this before. You can say I had no abundance but I was sleeping with 4 women actively at this time and I just felt a strong connection with this girl. Over time my plates fell away as I gave them less attention and we move in together.

The relationship turned sour real quick. This confident, successful guy she has met actually turned out to be an insecure, jealous and suspicious person. All of the material I had read about how women will cheat on you at the drop of a hat, how you need to set crazy boundaries on their actions lead me to constantly be in a place of fear. I was pretending everything on the outside was okay, but I hadn't processed the fact I got cheated on. I was very aware how many women I had slept with who had boyfriends and I was so afraid of this happening again I tried to actively prevent her from being in situations where she could.

I drove her away and right into the arms of another man. Here I was again, at rock bottom having been cheated on again. At this point I really fucking hate women.

The Redpill As A Safety Net

I know what I need to do here. All women are unworthy, move on fast get back to being the guy you were. I am working out, I get promotions at work. I set goals to change my career. I am spinning plates again really fast. I am causing a lot of emotional pain to the women I am meeting. I am going on so many dates that I had a bar routine and the bar staff knew who I was and we would have jokes about me having a new woman every week. I felt great again, but I was burying all of my emotions. I was actually broken that this relationship had fucked up. I would bump into her and nearly have a heart attack. I had blocked her out of my life and was pretending as if she never existed.

My relationship with the women in my family was pretty much non existent now. I hated them, even though they have all been in stable long term relationships. They are all happily married with kids, they run businesses and they are kind generous people. At this point my Dad is found out to have feelings for a young girl he works with, this breaks my mother. I TOOK MY FUCKING DADS SIDE DURING ALL OF THIS.... This has really burnt some bridges with my family which I have managed to repair somewhat.

This period of my life led to some really awkward situations that my friends and I laugh about now but I know for a fact this has given me a bad reputation with the women in this social group. I was fucking 18 year old freshers as a 27 year old. I was driving my housemates mental always having new girls round, they were getting confused and using the wrong names for each girl causing drama. I was using work networking events to pick up and pull even more women.

Girlfriend Number 3

I had no intention of being in a relationship ever again. Life throws at me a beautiful and intelligent woman and we click. She spends 4 days at my house from the time we first met (not on a date but a work meeting). We ended up having a 2.5 year relationship that was going well until I moved in. This ended recently for the same reasons as the last. I was so paranoid about being cheated on. I never dealt with those emotions and trust issues. I would let her go out but be in a shitty mood the next day causing bust ups. I drove this one away as well. She would eventually leave me in the middle of this lockdown. In truth, its entirely my fault and this is the first time in my life that I have accepted the fact that I had a huge part to play in it breaking down. It isn't just that women are bad, it was that I was an incredibly shitty partner because of my belief system.

I beg anyone embarking on this journey not to descend into the woman hating madness that is TRP. It will bring you temporary relief, it will give you good advice that you can just find in nearly any self help material. It will cause you to ruin good relationships again and again. It will cause you social embarrassment, it will make you feel guilty about the devastation you cause to those around you and ultimately its going to make you a sad lonely old fool thats bitter and twisted and thinks the world is out to crush him.