An Interview With A Former INCEL Member.

[–]tiposk8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]tiposk2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]silberfuechsin1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

My circle of friends in college was very nerdy/geeky, and we had a running description we called "yak and sparrow" syndrome. It goes like this: the sparrow is absolutely in love with the yak, so it spends all its time picking parasitic insects off the yak's coat to make sure the yak is happy and healthy. The yak remains completely to the existence of the sparrow, and just continues munching grass. Any time we saw that happening, we'd just say "graze, graze, graze..."

A character in a book by one of my favorite authors, who comes from a very patriarchal society where a woman may by no means be the pursuer, comments, "Some guys, you have to hit with a brick to get their attention. Some guys, you have to hit with a really BIG brick."

As my "type" has always been nerdy/geeky guys, I've long since described my "courtship method" as **BONK** "MINE!"

[–]Soft-Neat81170 points1 point2 points 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

Sorry about that.

I've always known that I wasn't like other kids. I was bigger than them, both height wise and weight wise. I had a deep voice, even as a child. I'm mixed race (keep in mind that I live in the South). I don't like sports (again, not a popular trait, especially in the South). And I was a shy and sensitive kid.

I got made fun of a lot, by both guys and girls. Girls in particular would often call me "ugly" and when someone would suggest them going out with me, the girls' reactions were something along the lines of "Ew!" I'd say I was average at worst and there were plenty of guys who were uglier/fatter than me who got girlfriends.

Still, I never bothered to ask any girls out. Not because I was afraid of rejection, but because:

They made it clear that they weren't interested in me.
I didn't want to be made fun of for striking out.

But by not pursuing girls, I was labelled as "gay", which probably hurt my chances even further, at least in my mind.

Despite all of the above, there were a few girls that I'm 99% sure could have been girlfriends had I had the damn guts to ask them out. Particularly in middle school after I hit the six-foot mark, lost weight and developed a knack for comedy. First was a girl in my seventh grade gym class. Brunette, brown eyes, tan skin aka. my type. She seemed to be flirting with me, touching me quite often. And my mom bought a car from her uncle. I was going to ask her out on the last day of school, but I never saw her again until ninth grade, and by that point, I figured she no longer remembered me.

Second were three girls in several of my eighth grade classes. Blonde, short, but quite well-endowed for their sizes. Talked to me a lot, would laugh at my jokes in class. Again, I never actually asked them out because I couldn't tell if they were flirting or just being friendly. Funny how it's easy to tell when a girl you're not attracted to is hitting on you, but when it's a girl you are attracted to, you're not sure if she's flirting or just being nice. Either way, I didn't make any moves.

Instead, I spent eighth and ninth grade pursuing a "friend" of mine who I'd known since sixth grade. We'd had several classes together and her name came before mine alphabetically, so we ended up sitting near each other in those classes. I didn't have a crush on her at first. She kind of looked like a boy with long blond hair. She had a plain face, pale skin, a thick, athletic build since she played soccer and her voice sounded like a boy on the cusp of puberty. But we talked a lot and often worked together on group projects and as time went on, I developed a crush on her. Particularly by eighth grade when she developed a more womanly figure (though still nothing spectacular).

I have no idea why I was so into this girl. We had little in common, our conversations were only surface level stuff and, as I mentioned before, there were better looking girls with more personality who seemed into me. I guess I thought that I'd have a better chance with her (Plus, I suspect a little Oedipus Complex at play, as she had more than a passing resemblance to my mother. Ew.) Boy was I wrong. She made it clear that she wasn't interested, but I kept on for another year trying to "Nice Guy" my way into dating her. She eventually started dating a guy who was way worse looking than me (fat, weird face, fucked up teeth, redneck). And she got pregnant with his child and left school after that. Probably dodged a bullet there, but it's still my most embarrassing attempt at trying to get a girl. Not to mention I'm ashamed of how I acted, because I checked most of the "Nice Guy" boxes.

My last attempt was in tenth grade. The girl was in my criminal justice and Spanish classes. She was a year above me. Blond, tanned and athletic. We did a lot of group projects, hugged a lot and so forth. But I think she was just leading me on and using me to pass Spanish since she'd always want to copy my answers (and the teacher knew it, but punished her and gave me extra credit. Keep in mind that teacher and I had a mutual dislike of each other). A mutual acquaintance of mine told me that she would talk shit about me behind my back (though I'm skeptical since I caught him in several lies.) and another acquaintance told me she was bisexual, but I suspect she's a straight up lesbian as I saw no evidence of her liking guys and plenty of her liking girls (she's currently in a relationship with a girl.) Plus, some gays start off identifying as bi because they still have one foot in the closet. (And again, the South isn't kind to homosexuals, so she had good reason to hide it if that's the case.) Either way, gay, straight or bi, she wasn't interested in me in that way. After that, I just gave up.

[–]tiposk3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Soft-Neat81170 points1 point2 points 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

You may be right. Though I'm not entirely sure.

Either way, I don't see much hope. I got fat again between eighth and ninth grade and now I'm 300-plus pounds. I have toothpick arms despite being so obese. I've got stretch marks everywhere and I know I will have loose skin when and if I do lose weight. I started losing my hair in my early twenties. My teeth are stained. I'm still living at home, unemployed, don't even have a freaking driver's license. All fixable to a degree (except for the stretch marks) and I'm working on it, but it would take me many years to fix all of these problems (I'd estimate a total of 7-10 years) and by then my options will be very limited. Especially since my standards are so high that I'd never be able to attract a girl who meets them unless I'm rich and she's a gold digger. I wish I could lower my standards, but that's far easier said than done.

As I've mentioned many times before, I seriously doubt I'll ever get married, nor do I particularly want to since I know I'm not cut out for it. But I would like to experience kissing, dating and sex at some point, both out of curiosity and to get rid of that "40-year-old Virgin" stigma (even though I'm only 25.)

Plus I do want kids, as I like kids and I know I'd be an excellent father someday. But it's much, much harder for a man to have kids on his own than it is for a woman. A woman can go to the sperm bank anytime she wants. A man has to either adopt, marry a single mom, or pay out the ass for a surrogate. I'd prefer the latter since I don't like the idea of raising kids who aren't mine. I honestly feel I'd be better off as a single dad. I'd get to call all of the shots: name them what I want (I already have the names picked out) raise them how I want (no child of mine will ever set foot in public school.) and so forth. If I had a wife, I probably wouldn't get to do those things.

Of course there are drawbacks, but I've got time to figure this shit out.

[–]silberfuechsin1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Reporter_Complex1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

My dude, once you start taking care of yourself, your confidence will spike. It will spike even more when you get your independence, working, getting your license etc.

You wont meet anyone if you dont push yourself out of your comfort zone. My therapist told me that the best place to find possible good dates, is at a hobby that you truly enjoy. Example, hiking clubs - you enjoy hiking, youre amongst other people who enjoy hiking, and theres less stress in the start of forming those bonds into a relationship then a 2 hour date, where both of you will be some what uncomfortable.

Bottom line though, you need to be looking after yourself. I am a woman, and I can tell you honestly, you need to get your life in order, my man, thats where it all starts. If you start looking after yourself, none of what you've said will matter to the right person, they will only look at your progress.

You need to take that leap though, once you're on your way to healthy, you'll start attracting the right people. It all starts with you :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Soft-Neat81172 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]silberfuechsin0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Soft-Neat81170 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

A lot of it had to do with where I live. Small, rural Southern towns are full of a lot of racists, sexists and homophobes.

I never knew what racism even was until around 4th grade when we were learning about Rosa Parks and the Civil Rights movement. I'm mixed race. My dad was black (I say "was" because he's dead) and my mom is white. Obviously I knew that my parents had different skin colors, but I never thought much about it. I also never considered myself black because even though I'm darker skinned than my mother (or at least I used to be, I've gotten a lot paler since I don't get in the sun much anymore) I'm lighter than my dad was. And I've always thought "black" and "white" were stupid terms. Black people aren't black, they're brown. And white people aren't white either.

The point is, I started experiencing racial taunting and was called the N word a few times. Apparently the white part of me didn't matter. In their eyes, I was pitch black with the big pink lips carrying a watermelon in one hand and a bucket of fried chicken in the other. I tried to deny my "blackness" despite my obvious African facial features. I'd claim my dark skin was from being part Native American, which was a half-truth as there were some Natives on my dad's side, but my mom traced it back and the percentage is so small that it might as well not even be there. I could probably do some ancestry DNA shit, but there's no way in hell that I'm just giving strangers my DNA. Plus I don't really give a fuck.

Anyway, I began to hate being mixed and I'd often join in with those dumb hicks telling racist jokes and such. This went on until after I graduated high school. While I'm not exactly proud of my ethnicity, I'm not ashamed of it either. I'm a goddamn human being, not a skin color. Race is completely irrelevant and those who say otherwise are racists IMO.

I also used to be homophobic for similar reasons. I'm not gay, but most people started calling me "gay, queer, faggot, etc." because I was a shy, quiet guy who couldn't get girls. Being in a Christian environment didn't help either. That too went away after I left school.

But since I don't much interact with people anymore, it could always return.

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[–]pastadedientes1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	An Interview With A Former INCEL Member.
Author	BuckeyeFan007
Upvotes	17
Comments	32
Date	January 4, 2021 7:11 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/kqfhh6/an_interview_with_a_former_incel_member/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/an-interview-with-a-former-incel-member.360086 https://theredarchive.com/post/360086