Introspection has long been considered a pillar of masculinity. A man must know himself. How do you define your character? What is your code?

Take a look at the following ten statements. How many of these do you agree with?

  1. I will not knowingly seduce another man's woman.
  2. I will not take or offer drugs/alcohol to get laid.
  3. I will not lie or cheat to reach my goals.
  4. I will not betray a trust to obtain advantage.
  5. I will not use family connections for unfair gain.
  6. I will not willfully hurt another for my own profit.
  7. I will not manipulate others to benefit myself.
  8. I will not associate with people who do not meet my standards.
  9. I will not take advantage of the weak.
  10. I will not compromise my beliefs to obtain success.

I'll wager the majority of you didn't bother keeping score. You may have given quick yes/no answers to the first few, but after that you grew annoyed. These statements are too broad. Too ill-defined. What do you mean by hurt? What qualifies as weak?

Some of these statements are conditional. Maybe you're OK with using a little manipulation for sexual pleasure, but not for material gain. Maybe you're OK with dropping Big Daddy's name when you're facing a criminal charge, but not for cheap social advancement.

I trust you're all smart enough to know there is no correct score. This is just a simple thought experiment, right? A crude attempt to make us look deeper into the codes we live by. To better define ourselves as men. As a member of this group, you have already tossed off the "blue" rules. You have rejected the herd's mindset and defined your own code.

But you're still chained. Every "I will not" statement is a self-imposed limitation you have chosen to wear as a shackle. Every one of these beliefs can hold you back. For better or worse.

Here's the real thought experiment: For each of these ten statements you support, envision a scenario where you would violate it. Flip every "I will not" into an "I would, if..." If you have any imagination at all, it shouldn't be hard. You'll come up with some condition wherein you will break your code.

Perhaps some of these beliefs you'll stand by, no matter what. You won't take or offer drugs to get laid, no matter what, cause no pussy is worth that. That's great. There's your code. Live by it. But recognize that your competition may not share your belief. Other men will happily trade a bump for a hump. Feel free to judge them inferior, but accept that you have chosen to bear this limitation of your own free will. You, and only you, are responsible for the chains you choose to wear.

Most of these beliefs you'll abandon with surprising ease. You'll compromise a principle if the gain (or threat) is sufficient. Probably far short of the proverbial gun to your head. I will most certainly associate with a lying scumbag if it increases my income. Hell, that describes half the employers and clients I've ever met.

That's because I am a hypocrite. We all are. We create these rules for ourselves, and, for the most part, we try to live within their parameters. But some are nothing but lies. Pleasant little falsehoods we tell ourselves to feel better.

Something I read some time ago:

Three lies we all tell ourselves to get through the day:

  1. I am a good person.
  2. I can control my life.
  3. The future will be better.

These lies may be beneficial, even necessary. It is hard to be a confident and self-assured man if you have no feeling of control or belief that you can improve your situation. Yes, a bus could run me over, and old age is going to suck balls, but by acknowledging and admitting this, we can prepare, mitigate, or at least delay the worst. I believe the same holds true for that first lie. Admit you are not a good person. You are a hypocrite.

Lying to yourself too much is damaging. We set the bar too high and we fail, again and again. With each failure comes guilt and remorse. So be certain your code is accurate. It is counter productive to punish yourself for failing at something you don't truly believe.

Be honest with yourself. Place your bar at the correct height. Stop failing so often.