If you reach the point where you've accepted the Pill and start getting comfortable with how it works, yet feel you start acting like your old self again, come back here and reread everything.

Unfortunately the subject of this Field Report is me. I had changed a lot from one year to the next, and I thought by that point I had internalized the pill well. I was more social, I was better at talking with girls, casually flirting with them, etc., and this one girl from my past noticed.

About this girl; she was a walking red flag. She wasn't a full on slut like a lot of American girls are but she did make out with like 10 guys (that she admitted, some strangers), her friends were alcoholic drug consuming sluts and she actually gleefully told me about it all. Whatever, amused mastery, try and go for the pump and dump, leave her behind. She came to my house for tutoring and she started with things like "don't come onto me, this is strictly for school, etc" and then she was the first to lean in for the kiss. Fine, easy shit.

The thing is, this sort of girl is very fucking sly. I'll give in a bit more background, her father had died, her mother and sisters were crazy, one of them was probably into drugs as well, hell, it was a pretty shit situation for her but that left her an attention seeker who would swing from one branch to another without any effort. Like I said, at the beginning I only wanted to fuck.

A girl like this, though, is probably on the higher echelons of masters of machiavellianism and powertalk. Slowly she started to convince me that I should be a bit more soft with her, that she makes the effort to spend time with me, so I thought, sure, I'll chill a bit. Big mistake: The second you start to give in is the second the slope becomes slippery.

She went for my compromise and she got it, I told her I would be exclusive but we ain't official shit as long as we kept it physical. Sure, maybe we got it on once or twice (not even actual sex, I got the privilege to finger her a few times), make out was maybe a little more constant, I got to slap her ass, it was fun shit but it was not enough and I really wanted to just go ahead and fuck her.

The more I gave in, though, the more distant she became. No more "I love you"s, we saw each other less frequently, but the most important thing is that the softer I was with her the less attraction and desire she showed me. She used to tell me about how she yearned for me to stick it in her and slowly it progressed to "I'm not that kind of girl, I won't do it just because, you know?" Well, what the fuck, she comes on to me, tells me how much she wants to fuck, tells me I'm gonna be her Christian Grey (If you don't get that reference it's the 50 shades guy and I know because for a while she wouldn't shut up about the book) and suddenly she tells me she's a prude? No fucking way.

Anyways we fought about everything, she would get defensive when she messaged me at 3, 4 a.m. and I asked why would she even go clubbing in the first place, flirt for drinks and shit? And then she would say she didn't trust me and shit when she lied to me about things like the fact that she used to smoke weed. Said she stopped, wasn't really sure, I saw her with red eyes a few times but she also had the tendency to sleep very little so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Anyways, I just wanted to cut the crap and every time I tried to break up with her she would simply come back a few days after, and any time she tried it was the same deal. Last weekend I simply decided to do every single little thing she didn't like me doing (talk to her like a kid/object, talk to her close friends which she didn't like for some reason) so she would finally block me, and once she did I blocked her from my end too, so I'm not hearing from that bitch again.

This was last week, after about seven, eight months of emotional anguish. It was my first sort of LTR so I wanted to actually see what it was like and although I got some good moments the sort of person she was just wasn't cut out for it. So right now I'm just getting my mind off her and on school, work, I'm flirting with other girls, just taking it easy, starting to go to parties again (Not much though, I get exhausted after a while), I'm hitting the gym every single weekday and sometimes cardio on the weekend, and guys, life's good.

The main lessons you can get from my mistakes: Don't base your happiness on the women you're seeing, ever, it's a huge mistake and if they start to seem to lose desire see if you're changing for her or whatever. Don't stick with girls who have actual deep issues because there's emotional abuse and it gets pretty deep and even if you're not very emotional it wears you down on the long run. And, most importantly, if you feel that you're losing your grip on yourself, manliness, etc., come back here for a dose of reality to get back on track. Fortunately my situation wasn't a "too late" one where I got her pregnant or anything, but I fucking hate wasting my time, and for those few lessons I got, it was too much. Have a nice weekend, guys.