"Don't Be Afraid to Dominate"
I used to see this cute chick named Suzy.
We’d been seeing each other for the past few months. We’d met during the creation of the original version of “The Red Piller’s Guide to Online Dating”.
She was… the dominant type. She’d step on any man who’d give her the chance. But I respected her for that, even more so for her brutal honesty on the matter.
“If he’s dumb enough to buy some random girl he barely knows a Tiffany bracelet, I’d be dumb not to take it. Anybody’d do the same and spin it like they’ve earned it. Morality? I can’t pawn morality.”
Well, she wasn’t wrong.
She didn’t want a serious relationship, so our relationship was strictly sexual.
Over time, with careful frame control, dominance and a touch of influence, she became one of the most submissive woman I’ve ever met.
She would bring a meal every single time she’d stop by, wait quietly for sex and leave as soon as it was over.
You may say she sounds trained. I see it moreso as discipline.
She kicked at being dominated at first. Hard. And it was by no means a delicate process. But she ultimately adapted and grew to like our established roles.
Well anyways, I received an email recently with her resignation.
I’d like to share it with you all to show the positive qualities real dominance can have on a woman under the vein of mutual beneficence.
redactedname [[email protected]] 2:02 PM (1 hour ago)
Ommy,
I do believe in marriage and monogamy. I want the fairy tale ending and true love. Yes, I do understand that life happens and people get divorced like my parents.
But no matter how hard I try not to accept it, I still believe in it.
I know Im an asshole to most people that don't understand me. I love family and I am all about it. I am the baby of two older siblings so I don't like to share at all.
Also you made a comment that I’m obedient now.
That's because thanks to you my level of confidence has changed. I have been racking my mind trying to figure out why would you pick me?
But yu made me realize I do have worth and deserve to be loved. I thank you for introducing me into your world because it has pushed me passed my comfort zone. Also hanging out with you has been amazing and one of the most honest experiences that I have ever had.
-[redacted] xoxox
I’m sure she’s left for reasons other than marriage and monogamy, I’m not mourning the loss of her, nor am I valuing these words alone as anything more than chaff.
The real takeaway here is that through submission, she's benefited in kind.
She’s reached a level of discipline she never would have gained on her own, all taught while putting myself first.
Now my turn is over. She’ll live a better life from what I’ve instilled in her and I walk away with a better sense of what I’m capable of.
So don’t be afraid to dominate. To lead. To get rough, get dirty or push limits. So long as it’s done correctly, they’ll ultimately thank you for it.
Have you made a guide on implementing this type of dominance that I can read?
No, but if this article is well received I can.
I for one would definitely appreciate a post like that. Strike while the iron is hot.
[Addendum]
Welp, the community has definitely spoken.
Okay. I'll do it.
But it's going to take some time.
When making a guide on something like dominance, there'll be a LOT of variables to consider. Plus since it was so adamantly requested, I want to do this right.
I'd say expected something on par in scale with my Online Dating guide by sometime next week.
Until then RPers.
Please let me know when you can do a skype session. I would greatly appreciate it. OmLaLa, the prophet of poon. Haha. You are a great asset to this community. I really, really, appreciate all your hard work with your guides and posts! Great to have you here.
It's great to be here. I'll be in touch shortly.
Let me know if you need help proofreading, editing etc.
You still looking for video material? Pimp yo channel, son.
same here. I am doing it by instinct, a guide will give me some metrics to judge against
please do, I would be very interested
That'd be greatly appreciated.
I'd enjoy that reading that. I'm in that exact situation and don't know how to handle it.
Yes please. I've been learning a lot from your posts.
Yeah please get on that, I like the strategy posts you do
I think people want it. I sure as hell do.
Sounds good, I'd love to read it.
I would be interested to read what you have to say in regards to specific tactics on how to dominate a woman so that you both benefit.
Ass far as I can see there are many variables with every situation being unique. Distilling it all down into usable concepts would be impressive.
This article is well received. You can proceed.
How many upvotes do you require? Is 666 enough?
No upvotes needed sir only understanding. I'll take anything I can get my hands on to help change my way of thinking for the better.
I'd love to read such a guide. IME, I have attained that "dominant frame" you write about with several different women. There are some though that, as you say, "Like to kick hard" against it. I generally just walk from them because I figure it's not worth the hassle. I'd love to read some of your insights on taming such women. Maybe I can learn something.
Nice. A woman that actually realizes what happened to her, appreciates it and then has the courage and grace to thank you for it. Yet calls herself an asshole.... Respect for Suzy!
Like most things in life, the "hard" teachers you had in school that forced you to be better, to the fitness instructor who made you lose that extra weight...
The people that push us to be more, to be better then we are, these are the people that we thank for being hard on us.
oddly enough it works for abuse victims in certain situations. similar to stockholmme syndrome. i find myself thanking my mother for being a destructive drug addicted abusive psychopath during my childhood, because as a result i've grown up more mature and aware of the crazy ass zoo of a world we live in. it also helps my frame because i no longer give a shit if a woman is sad, angry or whatever because i've had my own mother throw broken glass at my face and chase me around the house. i've had the worst happen to me from the woman i was closest to as a child, so i dont give a shit if this new plate gets angry with me. i adopted dark triad traits quite early as well, a beautiful combination of fucked up scenarios has led me to be who i am and i'm thankful for it.
Excellent. I'm on a similar path. It's interesting how a dark past can lead to an enjoyably dark future.
I don't thank my brother for beating me randomly, trying to kill me (yes, seriously) and making my life a living hell. He didn't make me tough, strong, resilient, or determined to improve my life, I had that all along, and that's why he delighted in beating me senseless and making life hell. I endured his bullshit until I got strong enough to beat the fuck out of him.
The reason he did that shit is the same reason others have done similar shit, like military supervisors. They envied me, we're intimidated by me, and had temporary power over me. I built myself in spite of what others have done to me, not because they did it. All their bullshit did was make a strong man into a monster, a sociopath with zero remorse, no empathy, and the will to end lives without guilt.
Fuck them, they didn't benefit me at all. They made an already difficult life worse. I would be stronger today if I had not had to endure that shit.
If I remember correctly from your post history you are either 50 or close to it. I wish my pops had instilled these values in me, he wouldve been 61 this year. He passed 6 years ago but left behind for me a BP legacy, not in the game sense but in the life and career sense: Conscience, morals, and doing "Whats right".... after being in the real world for that duration, I understand he was severely misguided, and none of the afformentioned qualities matter.
kill, defeat, conquer. winning is life, and competition is mandatory.
all these are things I learned in his absence, just wish TRP was around for me then.
Yeah, after what I've had to deal with from others, I have zero conscience and I'll do what's right for me. I learned the hard way like you did, but I didn't have anyone telling me to be a submissive pussy other than the religion my parents forced me into.
Watched Whiplash a few days ago.
I should have had more J.K. Simmons in my life. We all should have.
I thought exactly then same then I saw your comment.
"RUSHING OR DRAGGING?" SMACK
[permanently deleted]
How the fuck do you get invited to parties like these? As much progress as I have made with girls I have never ever been in any parties where the male to female ratio was in my favor. It seems my life is a constant sausagefest.
I know right?
Sometimes I feel like I'm living on a totally different planet compared to half the posters in this sub.
The rules of the internet still apply. Many people here are lying, living in a fantasy world, or combining the best parts of their life into a single story. That or they're purposefully getting involved in very sexual communities. As a guy, these communities are very difficult to break into. Generally girls from Tinder aren't just willing to tag along as one of many girls going to a party with a single guy unless he's famous in some way.
I wouldn't think too much about it. As long as you can get reliable access to sex and admiration from the women giving it to you then you're doing far better than 90% of guys out there.
People in kinky circles hang out with other kinky people. If you get into those groups, usually by proxy with a girl, then you find this... other world.
Host your own.
Dismantle your social group and start over.
Find a FEW very like-minded bros, and invite girls over.
[permanently deleted]
Maybe.
Lots of girls will gladly enter your frame.
It isn't necessarily hard to establish a dom/sub relationship with girls who've never done it before, you just need to move slow.
THIS right here! It is imperative that those who are still figuring things out understand the difference between establishing frame and just coming off as far too aggressive in an attempt to not look desperate.
Getting over being intimidated by more aggressive and/or attractive women is very difficult. It took me years. In order to believe that you can approach, you have to genuinely believe in yourself.
Getting invited to a party full of horny bi girls? Dude. Achievement unlocked!
Thanks for this post, very interesting for me.
ugh. This frustrates me, cause I have lead a BP life for quite some time, yet the way I fuck is just like that. I am passionate and dominant. Forceful yet sensual when needed. I've always been good at sex and gotten the orgasmic results from her that I aimed for, because dominating and getting her to cum as much and as powerful as possible is what turns me on. But then i just have other BP behaviors/traits that creep into other areas of my life. Guess it's better to grow from there, than to be 100% bp.
I know a girl who told me she likes to be dominated, hair pulled, etc... BUT, due to childhood trauma, does NOT want the use of her hands/arms removed.
Great post. I read her email as a test to see if she'll get a reaction out of you. To the extent that you'd be interested walking down the road of marriage and monogamy, with her. Obviously you didn't take the bait. She'll be back.
She already is. Poor thing.
[permanently deleted]
from personal experience, having multiple girls really helps. Not enough time to invest in 1 girl which makes it easy to not get attached.
[permanently deleted]
That's the problem with getting too attached to one girl like that. Enjoy your time with her, but don't depend on her and always have other options.
clear mental separation. you have to put the sluts in your mental slut bucket right away. You need to know they are ejaculate and evacuate only status. You can't have some secret yearning for the blue pill fantasy still tucked away in the back of your mind. The bp fantasy must be well and truly dead. Otherwise, you'll start gerbiling that this slut might just be fine for an LTR until she cheats on you or dumps you when a new branch is available for swinging.
If you want an LTR (and not in the BP fantasy sense) you need to recognize that and immediately (IMMEDIATELY) dump girls that don't meet your standards for them regardless if you have another girl lined up or not.
Bottom line: boundaries, self awareness and strength.
[permanently deleted]
Yup, that's kinda what I expected. It's ultimately just being true to reality and true to yourself. Ultimate honesty even when its painful and has painful consequences. That's where the strength comes in.
Good luck man
When you actually start building yourself up as a man, and start creating things, working on your career, developing male friendships, learning new skills, participating in cool hobbies, the last thing on your mind is some Disney fairytale called love.
TL;DR more important things to worry about then feels for some basic bitch.
You get burned and realize what they really are deep down: ugly monsters.
[permanently deleted]
If you don't value your emotions more highly than her pussy don't expect others to do it for you.
He's got hotter ones. Guaranteed.
Do you ever start feeling something for them or have you passed that station long time ago & you intend to never visit it again?
I'm long past that point.
Women come and go all the time. Their interest is fleeting. But I know what I offer can't easily be found again. As someone else has said, I'm making the blackest of widows.
That said, whether over the course of months, days or hours, I usually hear back from them in time. Suzy's already come back and it hasn't been a day.
Shit meng, you didn't make her better.
You fucking alpha widowed the girl.
You made a future cucker.
Modern day Petruchio
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Taming_of_the_Shrew
I have much experience in the Dominant/submissive lifestyle. Before redpill, I had a fuckfriend who was a Pro Dominatrix, she worked in a dungeon taking dudes for all she could.
Over the course of a year we did all sorts of crazy shit together & eventually I broke it off with her because she was becoming clingy & I was getting bored. I made a Dominatrix cry when I took the cock away.
There are women who crave to be dominated in & out of bed. They will bend over backwards to please you, and need someone who can provide the control and frame necessary to let go & drift off into "subspace". These might be women who seem Alpha in their vanilla life, managing a business, a family or otherwise.
If you are interested in that lifestyle, kink, & D/s, there are plenty of women to play with on FETLIFE.
Got me a 100% submissive cutie 3.5 weeks after my 6 yr ltr ended disasterously. Feels good to be back in my natural habitat & living entirely within my frame again.
We're currently looking for another girl for us to fuck together, & that is just a matter of time until we find that.
As OmLaLa says, don't be afraid, because if you don't take what you want, someone else will.
Cheers fellas.
i don't know what area you live in, but fetlife has the most hideous, fattest, disgusting pigs i've ever seen on the planet. i got a few real dimes from there but it was pure luck that they ended up on that site and i was the first one to snag em. pretty much every girl's profile is horrendous.
My username is a clue. There are tons of slugs everywhere, but if you are decent looking & in shape you can do pretty well for yourelf in any arena.
in my area you only get slugs on fet. it's pretty sad.
It's just a tool, I've turned vanilla girls into submissives before. The key is to lead & be unapologetic about what you want. There are plenty that will be revolted by you & run away in terror. But for every 100 no's there is that one that can be a lot of fun for a little while.
Not that we should care, but I'm not so sure a woman like this in a situation like that will really "live a better life".
She probably thinks so now, but it wouldn't it be more likely that she becomes a ruined alpha widow? Can she get a high SMV alpha to commit to her (noting this is unlikely as it is easier for a woman to get a high SMV alpha like OmLaLa to have sex with, than to get a high SMV alpha to commit to her)?
Will she be sufficiently satisfied with a Beta Bucks after experiencing Ommy's dominance?
True. It's actually more likely she comes running back.
In fact, I just got a few texts from her. I haven't answered any of them.
Right after i finished reading this i thought about it for a minute and realized that she feelz this way now, but that it would more than likely be the birth of one of the blackest of widows imaginable.
On a different note, i now have two specific pieces to look out for from you. The next Machiavellian game installment and the requested guide for this post. Keep up the good work man, im learning a lot thanks to the quality of your posts.
What's the next play then? Next because of the nonsense she tried to inject into your life or return to spinning as usual?
Always return to normal. I can't punish a woman for being a woman. Such is their nature.
The PUA trope of "leave her better than you found her" is a crock of shit. More cocks = less chance of finding satisfaction in future relationships, period.
Haha, that's a dream of false enrichment, the hope that at the end of the day the PUA will prove to be a really good guy. The only enrichment I'm looking to give is a protein penis shake.
I so agree with this man. Took the pill recently and from what I've seen so far with my limited experience the women just get bitchier after I next them. I next them because they go from wanting me bad to all sorts of weird shit like 'don't want to date anyone not your fault just me' and when they realize I meant it when I said I walked away then they get mean.
The main thing I fear about this behavior is that they turn that meanness meant for me towards a poor unsuspecting blue pill the bitch has orbiting her. Poor bastard.
[permanently deleted]
Next go radio silent, she'll come back, I would suggest to move on.
[permanently deleted]
Lool man stop talking to her you're just wasting too much mental energy on her. Move on and start dating again have fun. Your happiness shouldn't be based on her this is wrong dude. Cut contact completely.
lol I can relate to this at such a high level...I know exactly how you feel. The guys here have given you the advice, but it takes time.
[permanently deleted]
I have a question: can dominance and assertiveness be learned or grown organically?
They can be learned. Start with assertiveness, there's lots of material out there.
[permanently deleted]
I like the
cut of your jibfold of your tarp!An aggressive man could demand and get help folding the tarp, but an assertive man makes people want to fold the tarp, and walk away feeling good about participating.
[permanently deleted]
Assertiveness is a quality a lot of people will respect, it's the trait of a leader and good leaders are something that are in short supply in most facets of life. People that know you as assertive/dominant will look to you for leadership if shit ever hits the fan, and they'll be better off for it rather than running in circles with no real direction or plan in those situations.
I don't like it that much when guys try to be assertive with me, like in your description. The fact that it bothers me requires some introspection. I would prefer to find it humorous.
I'm very independent, have been self-employed for nearly 20 years. Never worked that well with others because I'm so particular about things and never satisfied with their quality of work. Tried apprenticeships a few times but it never lasted that long and I've stopped looking.
Very good post here. This is the type of assertiveness when I'm working that causes other people listen to me closely, I just didn't realize it. I get this when I'm in charge of a construction project like a shed or something. It just clicked that I need to do this EXACT same thing with women. HOLY FUCK MY MIND IS BLOWN> I CAN DO THIS
What's a good starting point?
There's a good wiki page on assertiveness, also look for the books No more Mr. Nice Guy and When I say no, I feel guilty.
Also look at the Wiki pages for self-defense, persuasion, and "list of fallacies." You want to learn to be assertive, but also able to handle various forms of verbal aggression and persuasion, both benign and malevolent, that others will throw your way.
Excellent application of the Camping Rule of relationships. It would be especially interesting to be able to see how well the lessons stick in the future. Don't be too surprised or disappointed if a woman regresses to her old ways by default in her very next fling.
Question: did you manipulate her emotions?
Have you intentionally instilled empathy and inspired jealousy?
Let's not talk just dread game, it's kinda obvious you applied it.
You guys are saving my ass. The energy I can drink in from this sub is priceless.
My life is all about the lessons on that matter. No one will ever ‘love’ you for carrying about their bliss or for being thoughtful of what they might wish. Go fucking take care of yourself and yourself only. Put yourself first and forget about anybody else. Ironically enough all around will only respect you for that and even be grateful for learning lessons from you.
The more you prioritize your own profit the healthier everything around you becomes including relationships. It’s all literally the other way round as opposed to what we’ve been taught and what we’re used to deem ‘good’.
When it comes to girls all that becomes even more obvious. They are by nature the followers and even a bitch appearing as dominant at first will turn into an obedient cute little animal if you manage to hold your frame.
The more I was selfish and doing what I want the more people around me loved me. The more I was trying to meet someone else’s needs the more shitty things were turning.
Sticking to this sub is a way for me to remind those principles to myself because I otherwise tend to buy into the illusion of ‘goodness’. What I’ve deemed ‘goodness’ for whole my life is in fact a weakness, immaturity and a lack of independence. Many people appear to be ‘good’ while they in fact just lack self-awareness and personal accountability.
This might seem random, but this is actually what I've gotten from working from a really great boss in a startup. He didn't hire me because he wanted to be a nice guy, he hired me because he needed someone to do a job. But by being a part of the team, I've been forced to learn and grow as an individual, and have become much more disciplined in the process.
I'm convinced that it's the best damn way to teach anybody anything. Classroom settings and lectures and such are bollocks. The proper way to learn is when there are real stakes and skin-in-the-game.
This also makes me think about harsh leaders with high standards, like Steve Jobs or Elon Musk or Lee Kuan Yew (Singapore's founder). People have all sorts of negative things to say about them. But everybody who worked under them and stuck with it (quitters notwithstanding) have remarked that it led to some of the best experiences of their lives.
OmLaLa on that Alpha Brain
Alpha Brain as in the supplement ?
Damn I wonder what happened to that one fellow redditor who dropped some good knowledge for us? Remember the dopamine and serotonin posts? I wonder if he could ever cover nootropics. I've known about them but never got serious into researching them. I would like to take Alpha Brain but I heard great sleep, exercise, and good eating do the same thing without fucking wasting money on something that has very subjective reviews. When I used to listen to JRE like 2 years ago he really liked to talk great about them, It's been far too long since I've jumped back into the podcasting world but is the consensus still good on Alpha Brain?
from experience, modafinil is powerful and effective, as well as being cheap as chips. If you want to read really thorough research on nootropics, check out gwern.net
The last time I looked into Modafinil was around a half a year ago and it was very pricey, but apparently worth the money. Have the prices gone down now?
well I'm from the UK and I can get modafinil for around 50p/pill. I don't know what the situation is where you are, but the modafinil itself is definitely cheap. Taxes, having to get them through dealers, pharmacy profits, whatever else, would certainly increase the price.
I used to browse r-nootropics and r-supplements for quite a bit. General consensus was the the amount of active ingredients in alpha brain was too low for appreciable effects, especially for the price. Better to buy individual ingredients in bulk and dose out that way.
Rogan is a partner at Onnit, so it's obvious why he talks well about the supplement. I remember that redditor saying that he will do a post on nootropics.
Treat'em rough to get the muff.
[permanently deleted]
To all those who think machiavellianism is evil, here's an example of a guy who's left the girl better than when he found her.
Dark triad is amoral. You can use it whichever way you want.
Now granted I don't know this girl, but based on that message I'd say it's far more likely that she overcompensates, finds a guy who isn't quite dominant enough for her, and then builds you up in her mind as a fantasy. One day she'll come back to you, or someone she thinks is similar to you, and cheat on whatever guy she's dating because she thought she was "ready" for monogamy.
Judge a girl by actions and past behavior, not by words. In my experience, women who act like she did at first don't change. They might change temporarily (as she did for you), but once the novelty of a new dominant guy has worn off, she'll revert to her true nature. That email only serves as more proof for me. So much hamster. You gave her tingles. Other guys couldn't do that. Suddenly she's convinced herself that she's changed, but when guys keep buying her things and caving to her every request, she'll grow bored. This girl isn't riding the CC for validation, she's searching for a guy who doesn't exist. Someone who can treat her like you did, but be willing to commit to only her. She's an extreme version of the catch 22 of women's attraction to men (only being attracted to guys who wouldn't commit). She won't commit to a man until she hits the wall, and even then she probably won't be happy.
As for the rest of the post, it's great. The one thing that took me the longest to internalize is the idea that it's okay to let women do things for you. I was hung up so long on the idea that women weren't supposed to lift a finger. I figured it made me more "dominant" to be doing everything for her. Wrong. Dictate the terms of the relationship, but don't stop her from making sacrifices for you, from putting in effort. That's the biggest blue pill mentality that I had to overcome.
Finish your story already. Where is part four?
It's on the back burner right now. Everyone wants "The Red Piller's Guide to Dominance", and so I need to tackle that first.
http://i.imgur.com/nw9cJ.gif
Is it at all the fact that she was associated with a high value man that changed her? Being that women define themselves by the men they can get. Obviously if those other chumps were being dominated by her they were beta in her book. It took her being desired by OmLaLa himself for her to understand her place with a man and her own value. My only question would then be... Why didn't she try to keep him?
Because she couldn't be keep me and she knew it.
Now, my mission in life is to discipline all women I encounter and release them to the world to find a provider. It's kind life the old PUA saying :" leave her better than you found her".
That's a fucking BS thing they say to appease the feminine primacy and to appeal to all the blue pillers who still wants to be nice guys because they believe it's going to make them happy.
If you go deep enough down the rabbit hole, you'll find the red pill waiting for you. The most famous PUA are RP. RSD is going strong with the focus on self improvement and going against the mainstream.
That's not real life. In real life, you want to be an alpha-widow-maker. A solid, high-SMV man has made more than a few widows who would give ANYTHING to be back with him.
It is obedience and not by force of willpower that makes you improve. The Will demands rest, respite and dessert.
Obedience though - obedience to your past orders - when your will right now screams opposition... that is different.
I like your ending words...
most people forget that most of the shit we do isn't taking from the women. it's more trying to find a win / win like you did.
sure you do it for YOUR BENEFIT, but she benefits also.
Don't take her words at face value. Give her a few months of being single and she'll realized she hasn't changed in any way. Except that now, any man she has sex with work doesn't live up to the expectations she built with your help is going to be cheated on eventually. Whatever clarity she has right now is gone the moment she no longer has somebody to keep her in check. Women have no moral compass, and dominant women are usually crazy.
If by some stroke of fate she does let some other guy take care of her and stays in a relationship, then good. But it doesn't represent the more common outcome that she'll stay on the cock carousel till her pussy dries up then marry money.
Funny how removal of the ego can result in some profound self-discoveries. I wonder if in allowing herself to follow she found it didn't diminish her and made her feel safer, thus connecting her to a more primal aspect of herself and boosting her confidence with newfound knowledge.
Or maybe I'm projecting onto some broad who hasn't learned a thing. Meh.
Also, I'm for a guide. Things like that are very insightful.
Resignation letters like these prove you made her an alpha widow. Kudos!
Clearly you Alpha Widowed her. Good for you.
Also, and I forget who said it, but someone once said: "Always leave a woman better off than when you met her." I agree with that. (It may have been Patrice O'Neal because I've also seen a video with HotDamnIRock saying that as well, and he's well known for stealing from Patrice.)
Having said that I agree with you. Lead and Dominate women, they want it. The one's that don't are not there yet. And you next them.
Just another girl that got bored with her current alpha. What else is new?
Omlala is the prophet of poon apparently.
Do you think it could have happened the other way, with her being the dominant one? Would there have been something to learn from that?
"She would bring a meal every single time she’d stop by, wait quietly for sex and leave as soon as it was over."
If this what you want from women I feel sorry for you.