Summary

Hi all, I'm a long time lurker, as well as a former PUA student. I wanted to post about the value of true male friends, and brotherhood because I find it to be an area that is not emphasized as much as it should be. Below are some of my thoughts on why you should put more effort into male relationships instead of putting effort exclusively into relationships with women.

Body

Thought one - Men choose who the alpha male(s) of the pack are, not women.

I love the idea of the alpha male, and learning how to best exemplify one. But what bugs me is how often we hear posters in TRP talk about being an alpha male IN REGARDS to a woman. But, I believe it is men who decide who the alpha male(s) are, and it is women who react to the choice.

Remember that the term 'alpha male' came from studying primates, sure women got sexual with the alpha male, but the choice of alpha male status is the choice of the males in the pack (e.g. the other males feel he is the leader, he is stronger than me, he will protect us, we are safe with him, I must do what he says).

Therefore, since men choose the alpha male, when thinking about how to become alpha you should think LESS about how women will perceive you and think MORE about how men will perceive you. You should act in a way that will forge relationships in which other men, value your opinion, defer to your judgment, support your decisions, and will defend your misdeeds. Don’t think how do I act in a way that women will respect me, but rather how do I act in a way that men will respect me.

Thought two - women are attracted to men who are respected/feared by other men

Of course they are, because men who are respected by other men are alpha males! But also it is EASIER to run good game when you have good buds. People say you should be assertive when you ask a woman to head out, you should be independent and have your own plans, but how can you be this guy without male friends? When I want to go out with a woman I say “Hey we’re heading to a concert at XBAR next week, you should come!” This sends the message that I am going anyway, that I have a life, that she can accompany me on my ride but I am captain. BUT what is unspoken here is that the ONLY reason I can do this is because I have friends. We are going to XBAR, we know where we’re going to sit, we know what drinks were going to order, we're going to honestly have a blast with or without her and this is actually true because I value and enjoy my friends. If she does come out, she will see my leadership because they value me. When I want to bounce, all I have to do is say to my buds "hey lets hit the next place", and it magically happens.

If one of my plates doesn’t want to do something, I’m hitting the gym with a good bud. If I get stood up on Saturday, great I want to crush that new club with the boys anyway! We always say “don't be needy” as if hearing it will make it so. But its hard not to be needy without close friends. You’re family will age. Women will come and go, and even an LTR will get sick of you if your entire sense of self worth is based on her. But if you work at forging true friendships and actually value your friends they will be with you through it all.

I have had many women say to me "Nick really respects you" or "John is really loyal to you eh?". Women notice this because many men have no true friends after college and the man that has many true friends is therefore powerful and special.

Thought three - a stable and successful pack has many alpha males.

For primates, the image of a single alpha male among a whole pack can make sense because the other males have nowhere to go, if they leave the pack they starve, and therefore the strongest male can beat them into submission. This does not work with humans because it is unstable. If you are a jerk to your friends, if you use them in such a way that only you benefit they will find other friends, they won't support you, they'll find other passions. So, when you are crafting your brotherhood, model it after the fraternity, or the football team where men view each other as equals, where brothers are trusted, valued and respected. When women see other men listening to you they will see you as an alpha male.

In all my years of girl chasing, my most effective line to a woman I was talking to was "hey let's go back to my table, I want to introduce you to my buds". Women found this line irresistible because it says two key things: 1. I am here with men that are fun and that I respect, I came here to hang out with them, not just you. 2. I am not scared of them taking you away from me because they respect me, and more importantly you are not that valuable to me.

So when you craft your friendships, make your friends the alpha male. Hand over power and expect that favor to be returned. Compliment your buds in front of other women. Do what your buds want to do and craft and honor a true bro code so that they will do the same for you.

Thought four - it takes work to maintain friendship with guys as you age, but it is worth it

I have had my fair share of plates, sexual circus acts and deep relationships with wonderful women that I will never forget, but the things I have forged with my buds are unrivalled. From my best friend that helped me frame and roof my cottage, to my college friends who we shared homework and papers with to beat the system, I have accomplished much simply because I have had friends I could trust. I have a pharmacist bud who gives us deals, carpenter buds who fix our house when problems happen, guys with trucks who snow plow my driveway and I reciprocate with my skills.
As you get older, your friends will disappear. It takes WORK to keep, maintain and grow a core group of friends.

I have had many guy friends who scoff at "Bros before hoes" , and eventually these guys have been excommunicated from our group. Trust is key, loyalty is key. They must leave because they value women more than their brothers and years later when they are friendless and their wife does not respect them I am not sure if they realize that it is their disrespect for male friendship that has wounded their status. Women do not respect men who sacrifice their friends. It is MUCH easier to be top dog in your relationship when you can say "later babe, Jon and I are hitting New York for the weekend", but how can you be that guy if Jon doesn't wanna hang out with you?

Here is an example of where I was recently tested in bro loyalty - I have a friend who is in a crappy LTR, so the other night he wanted to go out for drinks with some girl from work so he called me and just flat out told me “hey I wanna go to drinks with X but it'd be weird if it was just me and her, can you come and be my cover and make it feel social?” Of course I said yes, no hesitation. I got some free drinks, some light banter out of the deal, and he got to leave with her and rock her world on the way home. Imagine girls asking each other to cover like that, trust among women does not work that way. And most men value and mimic women so much nowadays that they devalue male friendships, and that's why this happens - http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/11996473/2.5-million-men-have-no-close-friends.html

Conclusion

To finish off I’d like to tell a story that I told a really close plate the other day. I told her about my college years. I was horrible, naughty acts in alleys, leaving dorms at 5 am, me and 2-3 buddies doing gods knows what to some chick we met 4 hours ago. I never knew ANYONE'S name. I was in a perpetual haze of drunk, and I was in a euphoria of male friendships, and women were simply a by-product of it. Women were attracted to this group of guys because they were having so much fun together and NOT being bored and chasing women. And every single time I left some apartment, when I woke up, “I thought hey where are my buddies, and what are we going to do tonite” and I left. And now, years later, I sometimes see these great girls. They weren't just chicks grinding on the dance floor, they're dentists, and activists, and cute and smart, and deep and I met them at 11PM and forgot about them at 3AM…. and I sometimes think, “I never even asked you your name”. Now, most of them hate me. Anyways I told her these stories in sort of an “I confess” sort of way, I am not proud of those days, even though I benefited from them. I asked her, if it turned her off, or if it made her lose respect for me and she responded…… “No… I am actually kind of jealous. You have friendships I can only dream of... It actually turns me on.” So, I am not trying to say that getting a big gang of good buds is easy. Swallowing the red pill ISN'T easy. Living the red pill is HARDER. But I will submit to TRP, that some of us might be better served by working to foster male relationships rather then female relationships.

Thanks for reading, hope it helps someone.