TL; DR: I like tying girls up. You should, too. Here’s how and why.

Introduction.

Ok, so you’ve read Uncle Vasya’s Guide to Submissive Women And you were hoping for a sequel. Here it is.

Some initial points:

First - Consent, Consent, Consent! Do I have to explain this one?

Second - you, as the top, are responsible for the health & safety of the sub under your control, no exceptions.

Third - drugs & alcohol do not mix well with BDSM. That's how people get hurt. In ways they don't want.

Fourth – This piece is more about B/D or D/S than S/M. Sometimes, you get a Pain Slut. Pain isn’t particularly my thing, and I don’t derive pleasure from inflicting it, but I will do it if a girl wants it, under specific, well-communicated circumstances. The S/M bits of BDSM are a topic for another day and, really, another author. Shibari, while certainly elegant, it outside of the scope of this essay as well. Like Baskin Robbins, there are 31+ flavors.

[EDIT: added the bit about having a girl write out her fantasies in the Q&A.]

Now that's out of the way....

Of Human Bondage.

So how did I get where I am? Back when I was a teenager and all I understood about sex was that I wanted to get my dick inside a woman. Or more likely a teenage girl. But I wanted my dick inside some hot, wet pussy. I was perfectly happy round the bases as long as it ended with me sliding into home.

The girls I was dating had different ideas. Instead, I would get things that ranged from “I like it that I feel like I can’t just get away from you”, and “On most dates, I feel like I could at least defend myself, but with you, there’s just no way.” This was followed by a giggle. Why? Because hamsters will ham and, more importantly Because No Romance Novel Begins With “I said ‘NO!’ and he stopped. 1 So those girls were trying to communicate their desire to submit, albeit in an awkward, teenage way. Later, that turned into much more specific requests, from more sexually confident and experienced women.

How then, to get your girl to show you here true self? Ask, dummy, just not particularly directly. Ask a girl what her fantasies are. There will be some of the usual window dressing. “I want to make love outdoors” 2 or “I want to make love on a beach” 3 But what it will really boil down to is “I wanna do another girl!” 4 and “Tie me up!” It is this last one that is our topic.

How Can a Good Girl Get to Try On Being a Naughty Girl, Without Feeling Like a Slut?

When she’s tied up and you’re making her, you big brute, you. Light Bondage allows a woman to express her submission to your male leadership in a ‘safe’ (and fun!) way. Done correctly and with the right ‘narrative’ created, this should spill over into your everyday relationship with the sub in happy ways.

Ok, so you read my previous article, Uncle Vasya’s Guide to Submissive Women, and you went out and found yourself a tall, feminine introvert who wants you to top her. What next?

Safe Words & Ease Words

Particularly where both of you are new to BDSM, you should give her a "safe" word & some ease words. They can be anything, but should be something non-sexual. So with a long-time sub I used to have, she would use Red ("stop, but leave me tied up until I'm ok to proceed again"), Yellow ("careful") and Green ("all clear, go back to treating me like the naughty girl that I am"). There was also a "safe" word. I let the sub pick, so long as it's not "No", "Don't" or "Stop". One used "Oranges", another used "Crackers", other girls pick other things (I prefer them to be at least two syllables.) That results in, an all action stop, sub is released from restraint, scene ends. This can happen b/c a sub is legitimately injured, because there is some psychological problem (typically unrelated to the scene), etc.

Some subs don't want safe words, but really, have one anyway. And respect their use. I've had subs give me back their safe words, but that's only ok (for me) in the context of a developed relationship with a foundation of trust.

Bear in mind, also, that there may be situations where a sub is physically or psychologically unable to use her safe word. You need to be tuned in to her mental state, and maintain responsibility for her health and safety.

Equipment

I generally do not use rope—there are the “Two Knotty Boys” video for people who want to learn that stuff. With rope, you have to be way more careful about circulation to extremities, etc. Leather cuffs have the advantage of being both secure and easier on circulation. Or a silk necktie that you don’t care much about. That’s good for beginners also. And really, it’s what old school ties and mattress handles are for.

I will also use a blindfold, typically a ‘sleep mask’. It creates/accentuates passivity in the female, and also has the effect of accentuating your touch on her skin. You should also have some rope scissors handy (if you use rope/tape/etc.) and you want the kind with a rounded point that you’re not going to jab her with.

Beyond that, the sky is the limit. Armbinders, collars, yada-yada. The more formal and intense you get, the more of this becomes involved. Or so I’m told.

A Few Questions:

“But Uncle Vasya, What if I Hit Her Too Hard, or Cross a Line?”

I had a girl, years ago, who really wanted me to beat the hell out of her. The only way to make a determination about what her limits are is to have a conversation about them, during non-sexy times. So with the girl in questions, she wanted it super rough, including face slaps, but did not want to be punched with a closed fist or have any permanent damage done. I don't really enjoy inflicting pain, but I will do it if that's what the girl wants, right up to the negotiated limit. This particular girl decided, one night, mid-scene, that she didn’t really want to be roughed up as much as usual (she was worried that bruises might be visible to her visiting mother. Once I reminded her of her safe word, she used it (the only time she ever did), and that was that. Once mom’s visit was done, it was back to the rough stuff…just like she wanted.

Very often these things are contextual. Thus it’s important to develop a good rapport with your sub.

What About the ‘Smart-Assed Sub’?

Girls will, from time to time, do what is known as ‘bratting’, which is negative attention-getting in the hopes of being disciplined. Give her one CLEAR warning that her behavior is unacceptable, and if she persists, she will go over your knee, skirt up, panties down (if she is permitted to wear panties) and you will warm her bottom up.

Another version is the “Don’t! Stop! Don’t stop!” girl, who might also say “Whatever you do, don’t make me [something she really wants to be ‘forced’ to do].” One of the things that should be made clear is, when she has a safe word/ease words, "Don't", "No" and "Stop" will be ignored. Lots of girls want to be 'forced'. That way, they can enjoy all the kinky, dirty fun they want, but still be ladies in the parlor. She can resist all she wants…if she has a safe word.

How Should I Address My Sub, Both Physically and Verbally?

While some people prefer certain forms of address (“Master”, “Sir”, etc.), I have no objection to hearing my name on the lips of a beautiful woman, provided she is properly deferential. An aside here. Subs make themselves vulnerable. One thing you shouldn’t do is betray her trust. What happens between you stays between you. A couple of my close friends know my predilections in this regard, but I do not confirm or deny w/r/t particular girls, especially if they know the girl socially. Another aside: I once had a girl refer to me as “Master” at a dinner party, when she left the table. It got really quiet. So I adopted a faux-innocent, sly look and said, “Think of it as an honorary title.” And the conversation moved on.

While I am not a big fan of humiliation (although some subs will want that),5 I prefer an attitude of light condescension -- Amused Mastery, as it is otherwise known. You are the master and she is your toy. She needs adult supervision and you know what’s best for her. Verbalize that.

The first thing I might do, with a new sub is tell her, “Struggle for me.” Then I watch her strain against her bonds for as long as I want. You want her to understand the nature and extent of her situation. She’s not going anywhere, unless you permit it.6

Physically, I prefer to tantalize a sub. Play her young and tender body like a Stradivarius. A light touch can have more of the desired effect than a sharp slap. Caress her in places where she is unaccustomed to it: behind her ear, lightly grip her throat7 , the underside of her breasts, her belly, her inner thighs and, of course, more expectedly, but with a very light touch, her pussy.

I like to get a girl revved up, so that she’s moving her hips in frantic, little circles, thrusting her pubis up at me and begging for release. Finally, I will climax her as many times as she is capable of, until she is begging to be permitted to stop, or she passed out, whichever comes first.

Once she is absolutely spent, her body jelly, and she is glassy-eyed from pleasure, I will lean down next to her ear and whisper, firmly, “Now, I will TAKE what is MINE,” and then use her body for my pleasure.

Do I have to play rough with a girl all the time?

All of this is individual to your relationship. She may not want it rough every night. It's all preference. For example, if it were up to me, my plates would wear thigh highs Every.Single.Time. And they pretty much do. Why? Because.Daddy.LIKES. Is it the end of the world if they don't? Nope. But I happen to like the feel of stockings on a woman's leg, then hitting smooth skin, and then, well, wet pussy. Sue me.

You might substitute in simple B/D or D/S, for all the rough stuff. Entirely up to you and the chick. I one of the girls I mentioned above I would hardly be rough with aside from some light-to-medium spankings (she would get incredibly wet from them, so big fun for everyone), but she'd be naked/tied when we were together at least 90% of the time, and the other 10% of the time, she was free so she could serve me in some way. When we weren't having sex, we might lay in bed and have an entirely normal conversation about life, mutual friends, etc. (we were actually long-term friends). During play, I would talk to her with light condescension (as noted) b/c that made her pussy purr. She would even sleep while bound.8 Safety, in this scenario, was paramount. While she was blindfolded and bound, I was using leather cuffs, and there was zero danger of loss of circulation, and she could be freed from them easily (for folks who use rope, having rope scissors is a necessity, as discussed above). Also, I am one of those people who wakes instantaneously. So if there's an emergency, I'm up and going, full speed, within 30 seconds.

Uncle Vasya, In Today's 'Rape Hysteria' Culture, How Can a Guy Protect Himself?

Excellent quesiton. While it is unlikely that your sub will 'cry rape', if she does, are White Knight cops going to actually believe that Suzie Snowflake wanted to be held down in a hammer lock and railed in the ass? Probably not.

So what to do?

One angle to play is have a girl write out her fantasies and email them to you. It's a good exercise for her, and provides cover for you in the event you need it. (So far, no visits from the cops for me....)

What About When We’re Not Having Sex?

Again, this is contextual, depending on the relationship. With some girls, it will be like a normal (“vanilla”) relationship, outside of the bedroom. Others will want a more subservient role. One absolutely loved ironing my dress shirts, and tidying up my house in the nude. Another one I would, from time to time, use as a ‘table’. To do this, I would sit on the floor, with my back against something (a chair, the wall), and have her on all fours. I would then eat a plate of food she had prepared for me, utilizing her as a table. Odd, I know, but she totally dug it. (Clearly, you have to be careful with any hot items.)

Upwards of 90% of this stuff is psychological. How much rough stuff there needs to be, or how far it extends outside of the bedroom, is up to the two (or more) of you.

Now go forth and SLAY, you naughty lads.

Footnotes:

1 Go read the ‘consent’ bit again, if you need to. The hamster doesn’t want to submit to just any douchebag, it has to be one she’s attracted to.

2 Unless it’s mosquito season.

3 Which really, nobody does, and if you do, bring a blanket, and even then, you’re going to get sand in uncomfortable places. Sometimes friction isn’t your friend.

4 “Provided that there’s a penis in the room, so I can say I’m edgy or exploring and not a dyke.” That’s just implied, of course, but the subtext should be obvious.

5 Recall from my previous article that I had a feminist college professor who loved it when I had her tied up and would tell her what a little fraud she was. She licked that up and asked for seconds.

6 If you fuck up somehow, and she actually frees herself, your SMV will take a hit. Like a -2. I am not making this up.

7 Some people are into breath play. If you are, learn to do it safely. Gaspers can wind up with physiological issues. Here I mean gently grip, not to restrict airflow, but so she knows who is Boss.

8 But not gagged. I seldom gag women, anyway, because I want their mouths free for other things.

Conclusions/Lessons Learned Submissive girls are fun. Letting a girl express her inner slave girl will provide hours of enjoyment, and yield rewards both in the bedroom with hotter sex, and out of it, by having a plate/girlfriend who is happy and balanced. I’m sure I’ve left out some things, but that’s what the “comments” section is for.