Summary:

As men, we define our own life meaning for ourselves and set forth to live on our terms. No exceptions.

Preface:

This is a story spanning almost one-year summarizing some of my most important lessons at this time learned from my own life experiences around the pill. It begins with a lack of organized life direction from the author. Ends with a realization. Finally, left with an exercise for the reader. There are some dramatic points that I highlight in this post, but I can assure you there were a lot of boring times too. The boring stuff doesn't make for a good post nor did it have any life lessons to share.

Body:

I am no longer content with the path I had set myself on years ago knowing what I know now. As I type this, I have burned bridges, become isolated, and spent more time reading and understanding material than I have in college. I have become more serious on my goals and hobbies. My original life mission or “original sexual strategy” as it truly is left me to be a working-class beta male in the tech world. With RP knowledge, I know I need to have a fluid social life and not a static one. (People come and go). I know I need an active health-oriented life. I thought I needed more time to work on my projects, so I did little and did it well. I have always felt like I was chasing time. Really, what RP did was open my eyes to the fact I needed more life. An abundance, if you will.

I had been speaking with an older relative of mine who is notorious for his sexual escapades. He is what my family would say about him, “he’s always been a man’s man”. Before I discovered TRP, I knew I needed to talk to him. We’ve never been on speaking terms. I never understood him. He always seemed short tempered, had no interest in anything besides what he wanted, and it definitely wasn’t my company. I needed answers. Perhaps, it was simply time for us to talk and that’s why he was receptive to me after all these years. I wish it had been in person and not over text and phone-calls but he was states away.

I told him about my oneitis LTR. I broke up with her. Couldn’t understand how she could do x and y. How she moved on so quickly like she couldn’t give a shit. I told him our history. I told him how we fucked a lot and did light bondage, rape-play, how I’d treated her in retrospect. I never stated my sexual frustration but the message was transparently clear. I wanted that again. I wanted to find girls like that. I figure attraction was no fluke. I wasn’t thinking clearly and needed guidance.

My relative was patient. You could sense the patience from him. If his reply didn’t come tomorrow, it would in a week. This habit made me realize how quickly I personally respond to people.

NOTE: Later I would realize this habit stemmed from seeking loyalty from others to build a team that we could build successful lives. Reality plays by different rules: it’s every man for his own. Young successful business adventures are rare. That’s why those make head-liners. The average person doesn’t think big like I do. Later I realized I had been wasting my time looking for such loyalty. I’d have to find someone who has already made their own business that I can wiggle into or begin my own.

“I’m really good at making people feel like shit if I want to.” I told him. I’ve only done that with people who don’t pull their weight and have let me down too many times. After I drop the verbal nuke, you’re out of my play books for life. However, I would do this if arguments got too heated with my gf at the time. Then after some time, I’d go and make things right.

“I like breaking them.”

“You want to destroy them??” my relative responded.

I never thought of it before but I realized how twisted my words were. I don’t often talk to people about sex or my desires. Here it was for me to see and it took my relative by surprise. I knew I had fucked up. I had to think for a day before replying what I meant. I’m not out to be evil. Just twisted.

“Let me rephrase. I don’t want to destroy them. I just like emotionally tearing them down and then building them back up. Like breaking/fixing. I really like that.”

My relative told me about BDSM and how I had what was described as a type of “Dom/Sub” dynamic. Later I’d learn that the relationship would lean into a “Daddy dom/brat” dynamic. I really enjoyed putting her in her place verbally and physically.

NOTE: I never physically harmed girls outside of the bedroom with anything unwanted. Verbally, however, I’d say some pretty harsh things.

Later, TRP confirms these behaviors to a tee. She was a feminist. Not the dyed-red hair kind. The punk-rocker/screamo kind. She was attractive. Slim waist, big tits, and long hair. As a 21 tech nerd (when I met her), I thought I hit the jack-pot. I have had other relationships before but none topped what she brought to the table. I was naive and thinking with my dick.

“What do you want out of life?” he asked.

“Domination. Total domination.”

I wanted the world to fucking submit to me. I am Jack’s anger. My relative gave me some terms to look up related to the BDSM community. He gave me some psuedo-RP advice. We haven’t talked since.

I wish the story ended here and I told you that the kink community is filled with lovely whores. I wish I could tell you that they’re all calling me up to fuck for sport. And that we’re casual about intercourse and now life in my mid 20’s is one big serotonin high. I did have a lay out of it and 2 threesomes arranged. One just didn’t come together (heh) and the other, they found a better male to participate. Just like a job interview, I passed but another candidate was ultimately chosen to fill the role. The rejection was robotic. It made sex look like a career and I had jack-shit on my resumé besides good looks and a cocky attitude. But the truth is, the kink communities still reflect reality. The only difference is that sex is welcome for discussion and the centerfold of people’s life-styles. If you’re not the top percent, you’re a filthy casual. Also, these people are still members of society. Which means the women in my city weren’t all that great. Mostly fat. There were only a few ones I considered banging. And the entitlement is worse. I see the “brat” mentality. The dudes were weird or womanly in their mannerisms. Wreaked of beta.

For instance I showed up to a few meets and a guy said, “Well you’ve been to 3 of these.”

I replied, “Do I get a medal?” as I was standing up to leave.

“No, now we just won’t ignore you as much.” He said with a higher inflection matter-of-factly. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. My life was on the line here if I was going to keep being ignored.

Months later of swallowing the pill I learned that holding frame could result in an uncalled for fist-fight. I also learned that people who you think are your friends, may never have your back, and the more you progress on being your own man and setting boundaries I have been told “I deserve” some of the shit that has happened to me over these months. The weak will gather and paint you out to be a mastermind. It’s funny looking back. But at the time, I was furious and punching holes into walls. My knuckles have bruises still. During this time I’ve approached, approached, set up dates, tried new tactics, etc. It has been exhausting but worth it. I have bedded a few as a result. Remember, it doesn't all go smoothly. Some women will be vile. Others will tell people how creepy you are even though we all know that’s their way of speaking “I didn’t find him attractive enough”. I have been straight up told “I have no use for you” when the girl found out I’m not into monogamous/committed relationships. Many RP truths lighting up for me to see.

At the point of the following occurrence, it has been 7 months or so later…

“I know you had a shitty upbringing and you’re out to prove something to the world. You used to be such a nice guy. You’re never going to find a decent woman treating girls like this. I hope you die alone. And I hope your businesses do take off, make you rich, and it comes burning down on you. A hearty fuck you, awalt_cupcake.”

I had tried meeting up an old gf back at my home town. TRP is against this because your past women perceive you as always been a certain way. If they saw you as beta, they will never see you as alpha even though I’m not the same person she dated. I am 50+ lbs lighter. Becoming lean at 6+ foot. I dress well. Entirely new attitude and mindset. I arranged for us to meet at a mall and she dropped the bf line. I passed the shit test, she laughed and started telling me everything about herself no bars off. However, when it came down to meeting she told me she had to ask her bf first and if that was ok. I simply didn’t reply. She’s only interested in making me an orbiter and she followed through a half hour later with that beautiful response. Though completely uncalled for, something she said stuck with me.

“You’re out to prove something to the world.”

What, that I am capable to whatever I set my mind to? I long for control in my life. I desire for more sexual relationships that I can indulge in just about everyday like I had with ms. punk-rocker. Life was showing me its true colors and you’re telling me it can always be that good if I put some hustle into it? Sign me up! Hell yeah, I’ll prove something to the world...

...But she was right. As funny as the hamster is, there’s always a speck of truth in humor. In just a few spins of its tiny legs, it pumped out a reflection of my own anger. For the last 7-8 months or so of swallowing the pill, I have spent most of my time trying to prove something to the world. Not all the time mind you, nor intentionally, but enough for it to stare right back at me. Proving something to the world is still living for the world and not for me. Let’s say I did achieve my goals. That I did prove the world wrong and I reached maximum power. That I bought out Trump’s multi-billion dollar companies. That I became stronger than Arnold Schwarzenegger. That I smashed more puss than Dan Bilzerian. What would there be left to do prove? Nothing.

So then what would a man of extreme power really do? He’d do whatever the hell he’d want on his own terms. Not to prove anything to anyone but himself and for himself simply.

I had told my relative I wanted to achieve complete domination. That is not the desire of a rational mind. Just as it would not reasonable to sit around for the last 20 or so years eating saltine crackers in a room and decide that I’m going to be the best athlete that ever lived! That desire of “complete” domination is the weak beta fantasizing about being god-alpha. Just as proving yourself to the world is the weak beta’s attempt at romanticizing his newfound alpha identity.

“What do you want out of life?” my relative had asked me many months ago...

It has been one helluva year.

Reflect:

So now I ask you to reflect for a few days.

What do you reasonably want to live and do for yourself?

If you find this exercise difficult to complete, imagine you live in a life with no immediate obstacles to your goals. Where no one would try and talk you out of it. Where no one would care what it is you do. And the truth is, reality is not much different.

Final:

After new years, I will resolve to the same tradition the successful RPers tend to do: I will refrain from posting on this site for 1 year. Only to visit occasionally and read important front-page news.

Lessons Learned:

  1. There are no short-cuts. Even with the kink community where sex is on the table, the rules still apply.
  2. Friends are not to be trusted. Friends are to be used and appreciated. Appear friendly, but know your worth to them.
  3. RP is not an easy journey. Your reputation will be slandered for basically not knowing how to seduce correctly. You will be called an asshole, douchebag, player, sleaze, etc.
  4. White knights will hunt you down and tell you what they think regardless of being asked. Not limited to making threats as well.
  5. Pussy is a dime a dozen. Literally a numbers game. Improve and work on yourself.
  6. Changing won’t change who you were. Game new women. The women in your life now or past are dead to you.
  7. Anger, like wine, talks. Anger whispers in your ear and deludes you of reality. Use anger to motivate but do not let it speak.
  8. Living to prove the world wrong is just living on someone’s counter-terms. It’s still someone else’s terms and not yours.
  9. There is truth in humor. Even from the hamster.
  10. Stay clear from feminists. It’s like sticking your dick in a blender. It sounds awesome (and totally is) but put me through alot mental and personal issues. They are manipulative and good at it. I also went through court-shit I neglected to mention.
  11. Learn to fight.
  12. Abundance mentality is abundance of life. Live so that you have so many great options going on in all aspects of life that women literally become amusing distractions along for the ride.
  13. It’s ok to change what you want out of life.