Summary: I've been posting frequently on AskTRP for about 2 years now and here are the 15 most common mistakes I see day in and day out. Mistakes that aren't worthy enough individually for their own thread, but combined together are
1 - Thinking TRP is about women and only women
This is probably the most common mistake I have seen in AskTRP. It's really easy to spot. There are too many posters who come in, post some problem, and its blatantly obvious they haven't read the sidebar because the post is littered with things you would never see from someone who has at the very least read the sidebar. As if they think AskTRP is a relationships advice sub like relationshits, OKCupid, AskWomen, etc. As if they assume TRP is some magic philosophy/mindset you adapt to get women to like you more, and its some easy ideology that can be adapted in 15 minutes before the bell rings at school and they see their crush out in the hallway.
I understand AskTRP is an advice sub, but what good is red pill tinted advice going to be if its clear you have no clue what TRP stands for? At the very least read the sidebar and have some ideas on the basic tenets of TRP.
TRP isn't some magic ideology you apply and fix your problems overnight. It's a process. It's a marathon, not a sprint. It's an on going process. There is no "end". You continue to work on yourself. You continue to get better. There is always room to improve. So if you are looking for a quick fix to woo your oneitis, or some kind of a shortcut to get your dick into a girl's pussy, this isn't the place for you. There are plenty of subs on reddit that just give out basic relationship advice.
2 - Not Fucking Lifting
My favorite question to ask posters who clearly fall into violating the first mistake I posted. I'd say 75% of the time, the answer is no, or some kind of hamster as to why they aren't in the gym being serious about lifting. Men, there is a reason why we emphasize lifting so damn much. Besides getting stronger, and getting in shape, and getting a better body, the natural high from testosterone racing through your body can cure a lot of problems. You'd be surprised. Had a bad day? Feel like shit? The gym can cure that.
There is no excuse not to be lifting. If you can't afford it, then stop worrying about women, go get a job so you can afford it. Get your own life in order before worrying about women, and that includes lifting. Lifting should be one of your top priorities, way ahead of women. If nothing else, lift.
3 - Acting like a dog and returning to its own vomit
So many posts on AskTRP. "Hey, I saw my ex, what should I do" or "My ex texted me, do I respond" or "Should I try to get back with my ex?". The answer is always no. She is your ex for a reason. Either you fucked up by being a beta faggot, and the amount of investment required to change her view of you as a beta faggot isn't worth it. Or you were alpha and she dumped you anyway, and therefore she isn't LTR material since she is a branch swinger. A dog returns to its own vomit. You are not a dog. Exes should always be nexted. Period. There are 3.5 billion other women out there. Going back to your ex is backdoor oneitis. Why focus on damaged goods?
4 - Getting easily offended over stupid shit
These posts grind my gears because its silly. They are very common. "Help, my friend is disrespecting me. What do I do?" or "How do I keep my boss from showing disrespect toward me" or "My friends insult me. How do I stand up to them?". These posts grind me gears because I read the said posts and the things these posters are getting offended over is really weak, low level petty shit that's not worth the energy to even make an AskTRP post about. What you need to do is not give a fuck and ignore it. If your friends are picking on you or giving you a hard time, its because you have reinforced their behavior by reacting to it in the past. If you stop reacting to it, they will stop picking on you, because its no longer fun for them. Men don't pick on confident men who hold frame. If its your boss, tough shit. Find another job or deal with it. He is your boss, so you do what you are told. It's not worth risking your job over.
Ignore them. Hold frame. Amused Mastery. It might seem that by ignoring them, you are letting them show you up and get away with it. But its really not, because you are showing you are above it and don't care by ignoring and not entering their frame. Especially because a lot of these types are doing it to get a rise out of you and bait you into reacting. The only time you should stand up for yourself is in self-defense after being struck, as an absolute last resort. This goes for white knights too.
5 - Not gaming women in person first
Gaming women via Tinder or Social Media or dating apps should be done as a supplement, not your main method of gaming. If you don't have your in-person game down, what makes you think you will be able to game these women online once you meet up with them in person? Reading these posts where the posters don't game women in person and only try to game them on Facebook or Tinder make me cringe because its obvious they are too afraid to do it in person and therefore think that it will be easier behind a keyboard. All you are doing is shifting the eventual awkward disaster to when you meet up instead of the initial approach. Get your in-person game down first.
On a second note, please for the love of God do not add women you want to game on social media until well after you have met with and interacted with them in person. Preferably, don't add them on social media at all, its entering their frame. Make them do it. Way too many AskTRP posts have something along the lines of "I've never met this woman or talked to her in person before, but I added her on Facebook and she added me back! Is this an IOI?!?!". If you want to end your chances with a woman before you ever speak to her, add her on social media. One way ticket to landing in the "creep" or "coward" box.
6 - Doing drugs
If you have your life in order, have met your goals, have a lot of money in the bank, are where you want to be financially, have your retirement accounts going, have your body in the shape you want it to be, and are where you want to be career wise, do what you want. Until then, stay away from drugs. All it does is the "D"s. Derail your goals, delay your goals, destroy your goals, destroy your health, destroy your finances, etc. etc. etc. It's not worth it in the long run. Too many posters on AskTRP talking about doing drugs like its no big deal and then wondering why they have problems in their lives whether it be with women, finances, or career path.
7 - Thinking that they HAVE to have a girlfriend
Hey men, there is no rule that says you must have a girlfriend, or even plates. That is female thinking. This is how women think: "If I don't have a boyfriend, then people will think I am an ugly loser that no man wants and I will be alone forever!!!". Reading posts on AskTRP I feel like too many guys have the same mindset because they make posts about their LTR or girlfriend and its clear they are trying way too hard and are having to invest way too much to make it work.
The best thing you can do is next a woman. If the woman is not adding value to your life and is more trouble than she is worth, don't put up with her. Next her and be free. I don't see why so many of you put up with the shit you do just so you can "Have a girlfriend". Talk about putting pussy on the pedestal.
8 - Not paying attention to red flags.
I get that everyone has preferences, but there are some red flags that you just can't ignore. I love reading AskTRP posts where the OP is posting about some girl he is gaming, and says the girl is a militant feminist, or is bisexual, or does drugs, or can't control her drinking, or has dyed rainbow colored hair, or multiple piercings, or some kind of obvious red flag and then wonder why things aren't working out with her.
9 - Not having your own life in order
Are you unemployed? Are you broke? Are you still living with your parents? Are you recovering from addiction? Do you not have enough money for a gym membership or means of transportation to get to one? Do you not have your shit together? If so, stop worrying about women and focus on yourself first. Once you get your life together and in order, then worry about women. All women will do is delay you from getting your shit together. They can wait. Besides, being unemployed or broke or living at home will dry most of them up anyway.
10 - Not escalating
A common AskTRP question is "Is this an IOI?" or "I am not sure if this girl is into me, how should I proceed?". When in doubt, escalate. If you aren't escalating, you are drying her out. Escalating is the only way to find out if she is into you or not. Here is the deal. You will get shut down 100% of the time if you don't escalate. So hamstering away a lack of escalation because "I don't know if she is ready" or "I am waiting for the right time" or "I don't want to move too fast" will dry her up anyway and get you shot down later. It's only delaying the inevitable. Women like men who take charge and make their intentions known up front.
11 - Not valuing your time
This is common in AskTRP posts where the OP is posting about where he went wrong and why she didn't fuck him or want to go out with him again or whatever. Often in these stories I see something along the lines of "We texted all day" or "We met at the coffee shop and talked to each other for hours". Do you not value your time? Talking to a women for hours without any escalation is basically saying "Here I am, your emotional tampon" to her. All you will do is dry her up and give her the green light to dump everything on you and turn you into an orbiter because you talked to her for hours without any kind of escalation or making your intentions known, and therefore she will view you as a weak coward too afraid to make a move. Escalate early, escalate often. Don't be the chump who texts or talks to women for hours upon end without escalating, that is what orbiters are for. Don't be an orbiter.
12 - Cohabitating
This is a basic Tomassi Iron Rule that needs no explanation. Do not live with women you aren't married to or are planning to marry within 6 months. Period. Way too many posters on AskTRP who cohabitate and hamster up reasons why they do. Out of the dozens of reasons I have heard, not one of them is a good reason for doing so. Yes, you have a choice. If you are living with your LTR because you are broke and can't afford your own place, go back up to point #9 I made. Get your own life in order.
13 - Putting up with masculine behavior
Is your LTR a girl who goes out and gets blackout drunk trashed every weekend? Can she control her drinking? Does she get way too wild when she goes out? Does she do drugs? Does she get into verbal fights with other women, specifically strangers, when she is out? Does she have a potty mouth? Does she disrespect strangers? These are all masculine behaviors and therefore should eliminate her from LTR consideration. This is not LTR worthy material. Again, 3.5 billion women out there. Find one who doesn't behave like that. If she is already your LTR, demote her to plate. An LTR worthy woman should be feminine, not masculine.
14 - Not being direct when arranging meetup logistics with women
I made a post about this a couple weeks ago. Do not ask women out. Do not ask them what time works for them, or when they are free. Basically, do not put the ball in the woman's court when it comes to logistics. You are a busy man with a lot of shit going on in your life. Therefore you dictate the time and place and simply tell her to come along for the ride to join you. If not, oh well, you still went out and had a good time and did whatever it was you did. Practice outcome independence here.
15 - LDRs
There are 3.5 billion women on this planet. Are you telling me you have absolutely no options around you and have to resort to an LDR on the other side of the country or in another country? Really? These are extra pathetic when the OP met the girl online and not in person. Get out there and game women near you in person that you can actually meet up with. It's hard to have abundance mentality when you are longing for some LDR 3 time zones away. It's nothing more than oneitis.
If your LTR moves away either temporarily or permanently, its not worth keeping the relationship together anyway. Women have short attention spans. The moment she meets Chad in her new city, she will forget about you in a heartbeat. No matter what she says and how strongly she vows to be faithful when she moves away.
Lessons Learned:
TRP is not a shortcut or quick fix ideology. It's a process of self investment.
If nothing else, Lift
Don't go back to ex's. Hard next and move on.
Learn to be a man and not get offended over shit.
Get your in-person game down before going online.
Don't do drugs.
You don't have to have a woman in your life. Don't put up with their shit.
Do not ignore red flags. Pre-screen with the obvious ones.
Get your own life in order before worrying about women.
Escalate Early. Escalate Often.
The more time you spend interacting with a woman and not escalating, the drier she gets and the more likely she will put you in her beta orbiter box. Do not talk to a woman for hours upon end without escalating.
Do not cohabitate unless you are married or plan on getting married shortly.
Masculine behavior should eliminate a woman from LTR consideration or require you to demote her to plate.
Do not ask a woman out, tell her where you will be and what you will be doing and invite her to come along for the ride.
LDRs aren't worth the investment.
LDRs are the same as falling in love with a camgirl, for fuck's sake.
No, it's even worse. A camgirl is fucking other men without it being "cheating" on you. A LDR will fuck Chad and leave a beta crushed.
Ya happened to me in my younger days.
Literally just happened to me last month. Sloots.
You are indeed correct sir.
Even MDRs suck. I had an ascended plate that lived 2,5 hours away. It broke down because she couldn't have me when she needed the feels. Girls need to be residing within a one hour travel radius for effective long term game.
Feelz are a spur of the moment thing, be it her wanting affection, drama or a good fucking. Having to travel for hours simply doesn't compute in the chicks brain.
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45 minutes is the sweet spot. Unless you like Crazy Clingy to bang on your door in the middle of the night
I'm in one but I still have other plates, I guess it doesn't count as much But it ain't bad. I get to keep her around, without doing much. The way I explain it, it just sounds like she's another plate , but she's not.
Just keep those other plates spinning.
Penpals with benefits. Fuck that.
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Only if she's a plate. If you're dating a girl you see only once a week, you need to raise your SMV so you can bang girls that are in your area.
Dump her and smash on women that are in your area, i.e. within 5-10 miles.
Bit extreme ... I see my current gf once a week (we're in the same city) and would run into serious timing issues with the rest of my life if I saw her more.
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I guess I live too much in the sticks, or my SMV isn't nearly as high as what it should be, 1 hour aka 30-35 miles is much better for me. I live out in the suburbs of a decent sized city, my limit is suburbs on the other side of the city and anyone in the city limits. If I limited it to 10 miles, that's literally my one small suburban town and like half the town over.
This should be stickied and required reading before you post on AskTRP.
We get the same mix of questions on AskMRP. 99% of the answers are: Dude! Read the sidebar!
BPP:
More or less the same mix on askMRP. There it seems to be something like this:
1) Focusing on the wife's failures, problems, issues, baggage, hangups and insecurities while putting little attention on those of the husband
2) Failure to lead/hold frame
3) Husband doesn't have his shit together. His job, his hobbies, his relationships, are all fucked up. He has no life of his own beyond his shitty job and his life at home.
4) Relative to 3), husband submitted his entire life to an identity as husband to wife, instead of being man with life
5) "I read the sidebar. I've been RP for a couple of weeks. I'm ready to divorce/cheat/give her the boot. Take us to Dread Level 12!"
6) An inability to recognize signs/symptoms of wife infidelity. "My wife is talking to an old BF of hers from college. He's seen her in person a couple of times. They reminisced about sex a few times in texts I saw. But I'm 100% sure she's not cheating on me!"
TRP is the process of going from suicidal BP cuck to a man that respects himself.
My oneitis is self mastery.
That growth will never leave me. The skills earned from working on your self will always be loyal.
Put yourself first. No one else will.
Nobody has your personal interest in mind. They are just using it to lure you in and get what they want from you. (Calibrate based on context)
Everything is a game. Don't take life so serious.
Reduce instant gratification behaviors to avoid being a slave to anything.
Continue to grow everyday. If you aren't then you are just delaying your progress.
Edit: When you focus on you. You become a magnet and bitches become attracted to you.
The feeling that "Everything is a game " has been really new to me, another thing i've embraced since swallowing the pill and it's just fascinating for me to think of all the opportunities i've missed in life by not taking myself too seriously.
I went to a networking conference not too long ago and realized how easy people were to talk to, how chill it was to get a drink and dance with a complete stranger, and just really enjoy myself. Women aren't that important, jobs matter but i will always be able to sustain myself if i learn and make sure i always have value in some context.
It's just been a liberating lesson i have really embraced lately. Things matter but i can't count the times in my past i talked myself out of good opportunities because i belived making the wrong step would cause the sky to fall.
This is one of those statements I would love to see more in depth thought on. Specifically in today's day and age of ultra-distraction.
This can be a very difficult idea to practice, especially in a time of defeat, anger, negativity.
But man, can practicing this one REALLY remove a lot of lifes "problems".
Whatever you own, ends up owning you.
Working a job you hate, to buy shit you don't need.
Literally me. I would cut myself to get attention from my ex-girlfriend. It wasn't a cry for help, I just wanted to feel wanted for some reason. I even contemplated suicide to make her feel hurt for not showing me the love and affection I wanted. I would use it against her. After my older brother found out about this he beat the shit out of me, or should I say beat some sense into me. We started going for runs, and now are going back to the gym (we both played american football, and he used to be a power-lifter as well so lifting is second nature to us). It's great to have an Alpha brother as a role model. Having a father around would have been nice, but my bro has my back. Keep the family close!
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Perhaps a better way to phrase it would be "nobody will put your personal interests over theirs."
Sometimes those interests align and you can have great relationships with people who will truly care about your well being. The mistake lies in thinking these friends or family members will ever considering your well being as more important as theirs. That's just silly.
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Design needs are based on way too many variables. I understand your point, but this is not the most solid analogy.
Iv spoken to a lot of people. On Red Pill, In The Capacity of a personal trainer and through Skype. You can only save the people who want to be saved. Maybe it's biology, or fate or The Divine Plan, but you can't save everyone.
In fact people will fight you if you try to save them. Even on something trivial like choice of leg exercises. Even if you are nice or provide logic and facts or stroke their ego.
All people have a predetermined set point and on the 20% chance that you move them past that point there is a 90% chance that they move right back once they are no longer influenced by you.
That's why all my posts are so funny. Because you can't really change anyone so you might as well make them laugh.
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This is something I have been thinking about a lot. The one thing I've noticed in terms of people deciding to turn around their life is they reach a point of being fed up and then work to change. Idk what gets some people fed up and leaves other complacent but this seems to be the starting point.
I've always thought it's when they realize one of two things:
or
Good point. I always wonder why so many people who I give advice to hamster the fuck out of my advice and opt to ignore it and keep going down the road they were going on.
Oh so you got rejected by this woman? And I am saying to forget about her and find someone else? And yet you are hamstering and saying "Maybe I just need to do something different?"
OK, so why did you ask for advice on AskTRP if you are just going to ignore it all and stay on the path you are on that led you to the negative outcome that led to you asking for advice in the first place?
I think many people just want confirmation bias and to hear what they want to hear to feel better about their decision making process, instead of actually changing it.
dingdingding. Especially in the internet age. Like 1/2 the internet is porn, and the other half is people just needing validation of their lives/decisions/whatever. ANd if/when people reply with something that doesn't fit their narrative, they'll just ignore it, or hamster some bullshit up as to why that's wrong, blahblahblah. I feel really bad for the millennials and whatever comes after them. Their brains are addicted to instavalidation through social media and stuff, they will struggle to think objectively. It will be herd mentality v2.0, a whole nother level...
sad stuff
IE the growth of Facebook, MySpace, etc
The hamster is strong in BP cucks.
They will sit there and bitch about there problems all day. You could sum up the advice in one sentence and they will still hamster a way out of doing it.
It's like the "boys" from buzzfeed that hamster lifting.
Edit: My solution: Get better at spotting it(hamster) and do not invest into them(time, energy, advice).
Hey, you did say "There is no excuse not to be lifting." Well gotta say, lifting is not an option for everyone.
I don't think, for example, back pain can be just an 'excuse'. I have lower back pain that only worsens the more I try to do exercises that strain it. I've tried to do deadlifts and various other stuff at the gym, and every single time the next day it was even difficult to get up from the bed. Thus I have to limit myself to cardio and pushups.
All I can do right now is yoga and other exercises for healing my back pain
I got a nasty lower back injury playing football in college, made it worse by squatting after I graduated, had to go to the hospital and couldn't lift for 18 months. The back injury I have still isn't healed, it still nags me, but I still lift. I do dead lifts and squats and back exercises I am just careful with them.
There is absolutely no excuse. You can still do upper body exercises just fine.
I'm indeed 'lifting' in the sense that I can and actually lift small weights as long as it doesn't strain my back. Like I said, straining my back only worsens my back. Back pain problems aren't the same for everybody. Yours might be the kind that isn't completely correlated with how much you strain your back, but mine is, unfortunately. Even the gym instructor himself and AskTRP told me to avoid strenuous lifting for now.
If it is spinal, go see a chiro If it is muscle, go see a myofascial therapist.
If it is still flairing up you just have bad DOMs. Buy a rolling pad, stretch you back 5 times a day, invest in GOOD fish oil(krill oil) and BCAAs. Take 3 doses of each a day. Yea, it will suck the first month or two, DOMs decrease after a while.
Man up. I can barely walk for 2 days after back day. I have to see a chiropractor once a week and a myofascial therapist twice a week because of back injuries. Worth every second of it though.
make sure you don't take advice from these posts to heart, no matter what it is. there is some truth here but the fact that people are telling you to "lift" when there is something wrong with your back...it's just pure stupidity. it's a good thing to disregard stupidity. get a PT or something like that and find out what you CAN do WITHOUT hurting yourself.
exactly; while my SMV might improve by a factor of 4 or 5 by lifting, it will decrease by a factor of 1000 if it gave me some sort of crippling lower back injury. More often than not, it results in paralysis. The stakes are just too high to start this gamble, considering the fact that it's almost sure shot I'll get my back injured seeing its current state.
Confirmed this after the negative ROI from many friend groups.
Promoting RP behaviors such as discipline, self-reliance, and freedom backfired on me.
It started with diet then quitting alcohol & weed. Then, NoFap to quitting video games to removing social media.
Reactions ranged from good on you to why? Eventually, the ones that attempted to quit those bad habits would relapse and try to get me to do it with them.
Conversation
Hey man, let's go drink, smoke, game, eat junk food.
No, "I don't do that shit."
Come on, "Everything's Good in Moderation."
Seriously, what did I expect from crabs that can't even escape from the bucket even with help/guidance.
Took me a while to accept the sunken costs. Blocked them.
If I need something from them I use them like tools and cut off contact.
Edit: I have found people who want to change and are receptive to the advice. Even had one that uses TRP.
It's kind of rough to live your life that way. Majority of people have their irrational enjoyments and vices. How do you manage socially if you can't participate in any of them?
If they want to do that then not with me.
If they respect me then they won't ask or bring it up around me.
When we hangout it's simple. We will change the topic to things I'm okay with and approve of. It's not forceful. I simply told one of my group of friends my rules. I live by my code. Regardless, of them being BP or not they respect me. That is the key. So, they ask me what to do and we still have fun and joke around.
You don't need drugs, entertainment, and to waste money to have fun.
A simple night of sharing experiences, bonding and playing poker is enough.
Every single system is perfect for the results it gets.
People are where they want to be, no matter if they admit it or not.
This is also my takeaway from the pre-TRP times, when I found Overeaters Anonymous and started attending meetings. I was so pumped up, I was so happy, I finally found the solution to all my problems and to the problems of all other people around me. When I lost fat, many people asked me how I did this and I gladly pointed them to Overeaters Anonymous meetings. How many of those asking for my solution attended a meetings?
Fucking NONE.
Including my forever-obese uncle, who was in the hospital for the N-th time for complications caused by his obesity.
Fuck those people. Fuck codependent people. Fuck all of them. And for that 20% you mention... they will fix themselves, with your help or without it... the books, the shrinks, the knowledge is OUT THERE, this forum is only a catalyst for the exchange...
People want to hear there's an easy solution to everything. People frequently act interested in solutions and never act on them. Anything that takes hard work and dedication is oppression in their mind.
You can't save people like that because even suggesting to do so implies that they need to be saved, and their ego can't take that so they get defensive.
On the other hand, trying to save everybody (aka white knight activism etc.) is itself egotistical in nature because of the same.
Number one issue on TRP is everyone having this generalized notion that one specific method is good and it is the only one that works.
Not everything on here works for each person, some are better with other shit (drugs, alcohol, etc) than others.
Youre a man, it's your job to figure out what works best for you to improve your life and yourself as a human being.
this is true, but so many people overestimate how well they can handle drugs that it's best avoided except in extreme moderation. I honestly think that more often than not people misuse drugs rather than handle them, at least eventually somewhere down the line. It's a risk
Exactly right. How many people do you think started heavy drinking/doing drugs with the goal of actually becoming an addict? Practically 0. And how many people actually end up that way?
yeah and it's not even just addiction, either. Taking MDMA several times a month will fuck up your stability and mental processes, whether you understand it or not. Or going on adderall binges, etc. I was never really addicted to anything in particular, but the poly drug usage really took its toll and it wasn't until I had hit rock bottom that I realized what I had lost. It's just so insidious and creeps up on you.
edit: and if you have any mental illness just don't even think about it. Drugs will fucking end you
how many people start drinking heavily in college because it appears "alpha"?
everyone on here drinks or smokes and we talk about "dont do drugs". avoid the bar cause don't do drugs. be careful not to smoke that devils lettuce it will make you insane and shrink your dick. this cigarette? nah it ain't a drug man. it's just a cigarette.
is this even remotely true? I have never seen anyone on here advocate smoking cigarettes before, and i'm pretty sure the general consensus is it's a disgusting, grievous habit. And you must be joking about drinking, because whenever lifting and exercize is discussed we always recommend cutting back on your liquor intake in order to not hinder your gains. Moderation is also recommended in order to maintain your mental health (good sleep-drinking harms that) and to prevent losing frame due to inebriation. So yeah, i'm not sure what forum youre spending time in.
Another thing-i'm not against all drug use, I just dont think many people have the will power to use substances in a responsible manner. That's why I definitely advocate that people avoid it altogether unless they're very sure of themselves. And i'm not really talking about weed so much as i'm referring to harder stuff. Weed can make you a pile of shit but it's not going to absolutely ruin your life (usually). Also, some drugs can be beneficial, such as psychadelics when used properly
Can I get an honorable mention for not knowing the difference between demonstrating strength and alpha behavior and being an asshole ?
I've read so many posts where the guy is trying to be aggressive in the wrong way , instead of trying to exude influence he is hammering an unimportant point such as asking badgering unimportant questions and not having the self awareness to gauge a situation and how it is working out socially .
It could be just a symptom of someone with poor self awareness but if I am reading your post and getting annoyed at your behavior then I can absolutely believe how a woman can experience your behavior and dry up completely . Those post always end with OP saying " Yeah that bitch was totally an entitled feminazi cunt " when in reality OP looks like an annoying five year old pulling a 25 year old womans hair just to get attention .
In my experience managing a woman is a balancing act , some times you need to assert authority and if you maintain the mindset that women are children sometimes you have to let them be and let them " play" with you . no respect for your authority is trouble , no ability to enjoy and play with you is going to wear them down . ideally if you care to have them around for more than a night you have to be somewhere in the middle .
Women break you down. Most guys that come on AskTRP have been destroyed by one girl or another. The first time I started dating a girl things looked great. I would be my regular self, having a firm grasp on reality.
In comes this bpd basket case who made it her life's mission to fuck with me. After half a year of her crazy manipulation I was utterly lost. Couldn't tell up from down and left from right. Your instincts whom you've relied on your whole life get all messed up when someone gaslights.
Eventually with the proper guidance and correct life path every guy regains his sanity. You look back to those months where you were an absolute childish loser. Wondering how you could have been so low. That's the effect of the crazy.
Taking an evolutionary perspective on things always helps to make sense of the world. Women are needy because the ones who were more likely to have survived, along with their children, were the ones who badgered the alpha male(s) for resources, attention, and manpower. The sweet, quiet chicks may have been socially-intelligent and altruistic, but she was less likely to survive in times of need when people were clawing over one another. Make no mistake: just like men have an inexhaustible capacity to achieve more, women have it, too. The problem isn't women, but thinking you have an unlimited supply of all of the above to go around. You are a finite entity!
We excuse women far to much on this sub. Thinking their some kind of emotional robot that can't think straight for two minutes. Here's the thing, men are creatures with desires to- more than women even. We are hardwired to fuck anything hotter than a five should we find the opportunity. Our testosterone levels are about seven times higher which results in a higher sex drive.
Yet it's women by en large that end up cheating and acting like total pricks. I get that it's in their nature to suck and that their failures reflect in their propensity to make poor life choices. Kind of like a child. If we follow the TRP thought process that explains things through evolution and natural instincts. Men ought to be cheating all the time. But this isn't the case.
The reality is that our modern western society has created a type of woman that is unbearable to deal with. Women are told from early age that their beautiful, deserving of everything, special little snowflakes. Then these same women get put in the societal grinder that promotes insecurity and destroys the nuclear family. Women piggyback through life getting help all the time. This results in an extremely entitled, jaded, narcissistic, insecure and lazy type of woman. Usually with actual lower value but one or two redeeming facts that make her fuckable for men (ass, tits, face, curves).
We as a society follow up on this horrible development by enabling women in every facet of life. Divorce rape, Rape accusations, Domestic violence awareness etc. Basically we have an already shitty individual that's unstable in the head and we give that individual more power. The end result is this. Men get shafted all the time and nothings really sacred anymore. Evolution might explain their triggers for attraction and behavior. But it doesn't explain their shitty behavior. We have our own society to thank for that.
We don't excuse women so much as accept it. There's no use in trying to change what can't be changed. The moment you allow yourself to think this as a beginner is the moment you stop working towards changing your mindset towards the truth. If a glimmer of hope about the possibility of true, unconditional love exists, you'll rationalize yourself out of cleaning out the mental pantry.
That's not to say we don't think certain actions can be taken to mitigate human nature.
You're assuming, I've been active for over a year. So I've read the back catalog. My point is that we don't make a clear distinction between female nature and current female behavior.
Women aren't born entitled and bratty/bitchy. They are raised that way. Someone made a post about Colombian women a while back. He explained that it's much more different interaction with non-western women.
This one speaks for itself. If you are good at something, you don't need to tell someone that you are good at it. Just like if you are alpha, you dont need to go out and demonstrate it.
Yeah, this is one thing I noticed. Once you get into the mindset, the confidence and feeling of "owning the room" just flows naturally out of you.
Well said, BUT the major problem with most guys these days is that they lack "authority." When you bend over to a woman's whims easily, she won't respect you. Playing with them is fine tuning.
I absolutely agree, it's a mindset that comes with understanding that you are the prize and that you hold the keys to a relationship. If she thinks your presence in her life is a given or a fact (she's gracing you by having a vagina and being in your proximity after all ) then you're fucked. You're no more valuable or interesting than an old pair of shoes and once you fall out of fashion. .. or her tastes change.... or she sees a new sexier pair you're just as easy to discard.
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just read this mate. https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/20/alpha/
It is even worse than that: I call it "keeping your level of Dread in the "Goldilocks Zone."
Lol that's beautiful , keeping it jusssstttt right , that nails it.
Relating to #9: Call it humble brag, but that is the downside of being a beta guy who has fairly good looks and the occasional alpha moments: you have constantly had the attention of women, and women have constantly been involved in your life, but you have always been too beta to not get seriously affected and sidetracked by them. Unless something traumatic happens, its hard to get out of the vicious cycle and take time off to focus on yourself.
Caution - anecdotal response/potential male hamstering to follow:
While I agree with you for the most part, I habitually smoke Marijuana several times a week; I do this as I have been pursuing a personal side project for 4 years now and it has finally been picked up and I will be benefiting from it financially for the rest of my life.
Now, I work full time (around 50 hours a week) and have put at minimum 30 hours per week (usually more) into this project for as long as I've been working on it, and I honestly don't know if I would have been able to complete it without my smoking habits, as some days after working a full day the fucking LAST thing I wanted to do was sit down and spend another few hours working: pot always relaxed me enough to think 'eh, might as well do a half hour or so' when I might not have otherwise has the energy.
It's also helped me to stay in shape, as I have a workout set that I do prior to every time I smoke (which can result in me not smoking after my crunches, as I often will feel sufficiently unwound after without the added chemical assistance)
As I said - maybe I'm hamstering (and I know many people would not view pot as a 'real' drug), this is simply my experience. I don't intend to continue this habit once I am no longer working as hard, and have always viewed it as a necessary crutch to be used in meeting a specific goal.
Marijuana isn't that bad if you do it in moderation. I smoke and I'm around 175lbs with a body fat around 10% and can bench 300+ lbs. it's not like marijuana makes you lazy and all that. I go to work everyday, I'm productive and go to the gym 3-4 times a week. As long as you aren't that stoner who just smoked a fuck ton everyday, you are fine.
Moderation is subjective though.
As long as smoking doesn't keep you from progressing in your mission, the amount smoked is irrelevant.
That is true. I think that's what I meant. I mean there is nothing wrong with having a glass of wine or beer after work everyday, as long as you keep yourself in shape and it isn't affect you in a negative way. Same with marijuana because it makes food taste really good.
yes this is highly true with weed. there are people who smoke it constantly and still make shitloads of money.
what ive heard most people say is the WORST it can really do to you is make you lazy.
That is true, but I'm definitely not lazy and I go to the gym 3-4 times a week and usually keep using marijuana to the weekends. I know plenty of other people who use marijuana and aren't lazy. It's much safer than alcohol, which kills thousands of people every year.
You don't know how much you'd achieve if you didn't smoke.
This is simple logic: if weed is very bad in high doses it is very likely it is moderately bad in moderate doses.
You can't see the effects cuase there isn't another non-smoking you that you could compare yourself to.
That is an interesting point. Although you can say the same for alcohol in moderation or anything else you do for fun in moderation. I think that work and fun need to be balance because you can't be in work mode 24/7. You will burn out.
Of course we need to relax. No argument here.
I mean physiological effects of smoking weed. It is psychoactive, there are consequences for your brain chemistry. It might be actually beneficial in some circumstances, but with the whole politics around it now the research being done cannot be fully trusted.
I've casually smoked on and off since the age of fourteen. Some of my best friends are die-hard smokers. And I can tell you that I haven't met a single one who didn't hamster his way into his addiction.
There's always some well thought out rationale why the guy feels it 'aids him'. Some unnecessarily convoluted reasoning that he told himself while blazing it. We all know weed makes you think you're really deep, but you aren't.
I love to get baked and I can't deny the lifestyle. But every time I smoked contently my life took a drop. My friends who do so are noticeably imparted in their lifestyle and personality. The killer is that you don't notice the effect is has on you until you dial it back.
Try smoking once a week (one off day) and spend the rest of the week active and energetically engaged. Observe this for two to three months and compare your life before and after. You will notice changes.
If you smoke several times a week think of all that money and time you have wasted on weed that you could have instead invested into something else.
It adds up.
If I buy a Starbucks Coffee, it's only $5. $5 isn't a lot. If I buy Starbucks Coffee every day for a year, thats 5 x 5 x 52 = $1,300.
I got hung up on lifting for the longest time. In high school the guys who lifted were assholes and that put a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing. I was right there with them on the field and on the mat but they would lift even after practice. It seemed like a big self absorbed waste of time. They never had a reason for it besides girls. When guys on TRP would try and explain the benefits of lifting I would equate it to male hamstering "yeah yeah yeah you're just lifting to pick up chicks. If lifting is so important why isn't it on the side bar?" Then I started reading the posts about testosterone and posture. You guys should really put lifting benefits in the side bar, or at least some direction towards them. "Just Lift!" is not a reason to start lifting. Nobody is going to just take your word for it, no matter how big the font. Edit: I was a beta in high school
I am honestly surprised at how many people on TRP are novice lifters or someone who hasnt lifted before.
I mean if you played ANY sport in middle school/high school you'd have lifted for the duration you played that sport.
I am guessing we just have a lot of TRPers who didn't play sports in high school.
even on the cross country team we had to do weightlifting. it's hard to escape.
7 fills me with rage. I realize how many of my friends are looking for girlfriends.
Meets a woman who is getting divorced with a kid, and you fuck her within 30 minutes of meeting her. So when they say "she was really hot I'd be down for a relationship with her"
Omg I just want to punch them in the face for stupidity.
Ditto: Also makes me angry N0 7 they will also settle for low SMV just to have a girlfriend, (I have nearly fallen into this trap on occations, only to pull myslef back and pull my self together) they want to be the ones who also shower gifts for Valentines day, Christmas, and Bday etc, like their friends, proper herd mentality
as for the dudes that take on a chick with someone elses kid.
THE AMOUNT of guys I have seen fall into this trap. They are optionlesss, cant be bothered to "put all the graft and effort required" into attracting younger hotter better women, so they crack to the thirstiness and settle for scraps. They also hampster every excuse for doing it. few years down the line, they are plough pulling for the bitch and someone elses spunk (who wants her real daddy) not you. This is the story with alot of men out there I am sad to say, they would rather have this then be alone and "lonely"
It fascinates me how so many people don't want to change. I have a coworker that is fat. He is running some, but still eat way to much snacks in the evening. Yesterday I said to him, "I made a list exactly describing how I lost weight and keep it off. I have it in my locker. I can give it to you, if you want it." He hesitated and said no. In my mind I go, what the fuck?
He recently lost his virginity (by being a player I guess, didn't think he would ever manage that). But that wasn't who he is so he is not doing it again. He would rather have oneitis on some girl he can't meet.
Had gym class just a couple of hours ago. One of the woman have been there multiple times and every time she wants to improve her core. Every time we do full body work with compound lifts. I explain how it activates the core and finish with sit ups. Yet she is isn't happy. "Thanks, I'll just finish with some core."
I've invited my dad on my journey through life. Showing what I've done. The exact steps I've taken and how it has improved my life. That he has seen first hand. Even lived with him at times. Yet he doesn't do any of it.
Texted him yesterday and still no response. Probably drinking away his sorrows.
I'm grateful I'm taking the necessary steps to improve daily. It's so rare to meet people that actually want to change their life.
Lessons learned:
Be the change you want in others.
Speaking about self improvement is bad. Do the work in silence.
Improve yourself enough to be happy with or without a girl.
Lifting is required for a healthy mind and body.
Something to keep in mind is that lighter, shorter people get a far reduced ab workout from planks, pushups, burpees, etc. They are lighter and there is less torque and pressure for those muscles to counter due to the lack of height. Just sayin'
This supposed 'failure to inspire people' that you describe, is a grand problem I regularly think about. I do often wonder that, the day someone figures out how to truly penetrate someone successfully and inspire them to begin self-improvement, is the day that that someone becomes a millionaire.
I've found that I can't even follow my own advice in most instances, as for example, I can logically plan out and vision every step of the way I would need to take to have a perfect lifting routine, with perfect goals along the way that make sense to achieve.
Yet on the same day I think to myself, if I know all of this, why haven't I started? I knew all of this 6 months ago, if only I had followed my own logical thoughts 6 months ago, this is where I would be today. And yet, for whatever fucking reason, I still don't even really begin.
I think in order to be able to inspire motivation in someone, they have to first be on the track to following their own inner thoughts and advice, and by extension, I as the instigator, would need to be in a position of purely being able to interpret and implement my own thoughts as well. Otherwise, it basically lets the other person see right through your 'act'.
It's a very fascinating theory to think about, and I do often.
Nothing more beta or even omega than an LDR especially not meeting them in person
I vote omega. In an LDR she gets your emotional availability, attention and commitment remotely via skype/phone. But because of lack of physical proximity you get no sexual availability from her. Interesting question as to whether agreeing to an LDR is, in and of itself, such a DLV that it greatly increases the chance she'll cheat.
You'd be surprised at the number of AskTRP posts where there is some poster asking for advice about his LDR on the other side of the country he has never even met in person.
oh god...tell me the responses are appropriate at least
You can tell they are just beta gamer or anime nerds who came over from some nerdy gaming or anime subreddit looking for a quick fix to woo their LDR oneitis.
This is the single best post I have seen on TRP. Period.
This post is fine except for all the fucking moral christian messages about how drugs are wrong and bad. Fuck your morals.
Where did I say anything about my opposition to drug use being rooted in Christian Morals? You are looking for something that isn't there.
Light speed hamster.
I'm making assumptions based on my own experiences, that tell me that most opposition to drug use is almost always rooted in religious morals.
If you want to argue with me on this point, fine, then you are 100% a redditor.
Found the drug user who is butthurt that someone pointed out that drugs have zero upside and lots of downside.
just because you couldn't handle your shit and had to suffer through probation and AA meetings doesn't mean that other people entirely lack self-discipline. holy shit, moderate drug use for the sole purpose of recreation and leisure?! not possible! if you smoke pot and listen to some music, you're kurt-cobain status! it's a spectrum, , my dude, not an absolute. I don't even do any drugs, aside from the occasional beer. Just thought it was a silly/dumb post.
It all circles back to how much you value your time. If you are filling your time with drug use it means your time is not valuable, therefore, you have too much free time and nothing important going on in your life. Instead the time and money and resources should be invested with something that presents a greater return and less risk.
Zero upside and lots of downside?
Weed is super fun and has zero downside in moderation.
Zero downside my ass. It costs money, time, can hurt you career wise, can present a legal risk, and for many can be the gateway to more regular use.
If you use weed or do drugs you do not value your time, and have too much free time on your hands, and therefore said free time should be put to more productive use.
I knew when writing this post the "No Drugs" part would really bring out the pro-drug hamsters more than anything else.
Whining all the time about shit...
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I always hate the ones where they are like "Well I went no contact on my ex for 10 months and she contacted me. What do I do? Can I make a plate?"
I'm not always an expert and sometimes get certain things wrong, but I always tell them "block them, don't respond because you are gonna catch feelings and she will know she can always have you as a back up. Then you will be posting about how she treats you like a doormat." Yet, they still 'hamster' and won't take my advice.
That's also infuriating because it's like, why ask for advice if you aren't even going to listen to it.
The simpering crowd that sometimes shows up at AskTRP are often like drunks: they won't give up their BS, but they are pretending to want to give it up, because drama.
Talk to alcoholics, and all you get are reasons they need to drink, even as you say, "Just quit drinking. How hard is that, you idiot?"
Talk to people who don't drink, and all you get are reasons no sensible person drinks like an alcoholic.
My view is never try to convince self-destructive people to stop. It is pointless, I have found, and they just pull you into their nonsense. And you rarely can get people who are not self-destructive to start, because they are sensible enough to avoid such stuff. Tell them to quit drinking, and move on. Not your concern.
TRP is pretty much the same thing. Some people here get it, and apply it. Others are pounding the booze, and asking everyone to watch and talk to them, as part of their drama shitshow nonsense. We are supposed to play the part of desperately concerned audience, begging them to stop drinking so much.
Nope. Fuck off. That is my view of those simpering guys. They can either quit drinking (or playing beta orbiter idiot, in reference to Red Pill equivalents), or not. I am not here on this planet to participate, however, not even as audience.
It's also like when you tell someone who is in a dysfunctional relationship to leave and they come up with every excuse in the book.
Quick story: Was living with three guys. One of them had a girlfriend who was batshit crazy. She graduated a semester early and she needed a place to live because once you are done with classes, you can't live on campus anymore.
Cue the question of "are you guys fine with her living here?" The rest of us say no and against our wishes, she does. She was terrible not just to him, but to the roommates. Anytime something needed to get done, would shout and act like a freaking child. Always had to walk on egg shells around her. She has actually done things like punch the guy in the face, scream at him and pretty much insult him all the time, the whole works. It escalated to the point where cops had to come to the apartment because it was late at night and someone heard him.
Throughout the entire relationship and even before the domestic violence shit with the cops coming, I kept telling him that the relationship is dysfunctional and that he needs to leave it. Yet, they still stayed together and acted as if nothing happens.
At a certain point when the lease is up, they move into an apartment and through the grapevine, I heard that they got in an argument and pulled a knife out. Still, the guy came up with excuses. The crazy thing is the guy when you meet him is alpha. Strong dude and can get tons of women, while the chick was gaining some weight and was just full of herself. Calls herself a 10, when isn't even close. It wasn't until I guess a certain point they break up, but took way longer than it should have. If he got married to her, she would have divorce raped him.
This is not oneitis, this is codependency. Perhaps she reminds him of one of his parents (or both). He recreates his own childhood environment because that's what he knows, that's what his program of "this is how the things should look like". Perhaps he has some kind of savior complex.
He wants it, he likes it, he thinks he's doing a good job. Why the fuck would you ever think of interfering with this lovely process? =) (I know, I know... but when we want to save somebody with a savior complex or codependency, we enter the savior complex, we become codependent... this is infectious, watch out).
FTFY. No, honestly. Just think about this.
Been there, done that. I love TRP for comments like this one. I love being held accountable, I love discipline, I love book suggestions like "Extreme ownership", I love reading about proper manhood. That's why I keep coming back daily.
i think the like drunks was a sort of reference to game theory, alcoholic. not that everyone drinks too much per say but it plays out as if they do
True. I've seen a lot of bad advice. I usually correct said bad advice.
Saw a guy suggest to kick the ass of someone who was joking about him being gay. And it got upvoted. Really?
The funny thing to me is how much of the advice for ltr's is "hard next". A guy could be married 10 years with 3 kids. Wife says something disrespectful once and everyone starts chiming in with it.
half the equasion is understanding good advice from bad.
Theres easily posts that could be made on 'how to answer questions on askTRP and not be an aspie'
Any time I see a post that starts mentioning red flags on here, I throw up a little in my mouth.
Here are some fun ones, starting with the ones mentioned on here:
Bisexual
Multiple/Unusual Piercings
Short Hair
Tattoos (apparently, even one is a hard-stop red flag)
This is all complete, unfiltered horse shit. Here's my experience:
Women tend to be bisexual more often than not. I'm not saying all of them are, but what the fuck is this supposed to imply, anyway?
The implication that the count or positioning of a woman's piercings has some bearing on their emotional or mental state is straight up 1950s brainlessness. Okay, sure, if she's got 47 piercings on her face she clearly has lost some grasp on reality, but once you start throwing around that a nose stud = sucks cocks for $5, you start betraying the fact that you have no place opening your mouth.
Short hair? Really? Because it's impossible for a short haircut to be feminine? Having a layered pixie cut is somehow the same as wearing boxer briefs and picking fights at the bar?
How about tattoos? Some 40% of Americans under the age of 30 have tattoos, and they are only becoming more prevalent. I am highly suspicious that the kinds of girls being picked up at bars (still, somehow, a popular place to prowl for people around here) are even more likely to have tattoos, but apparently having so much as a treble clef on your ankle makes you a cum-gargling slut. Sounds legit.
This post is right in so many ways, but keep your hilariously misguided anecdotal red flags out of it, please.
Having a nose piercing does not equal being a drug addict/cutter/pornstar/alcoholic/diesel dyke.
If you actually read my post, you'd realize I wasn't criticizing nose rings, more along the lines of tongues, eyebrows, and body parts.
Listen, if you want to game short rainbow haired feminists who wear thick frame glasses, have lots of tattoos and piercings, and dress like some kind of death metal groupie, go right ahead. Knock yourself out.
Can you point out, exactly where you clarify nose rings are okay? You just say "or multiple piercings", which implies semantically that you are stating multiple piercings as a singular example of a "red flag". Yes, I am arguing semantics, but this is written word and semantics is pretty important here. This example becomes especially troubling since virtually every post on this sub regarding red flags mentions, as independent points on bulleted lists, each of the things you mention in one form or another.
So it stands as fact that your post, semantically, and contextually using TRP as a frame of reference, states that "multiple piercings" alone is a red flag.
Now, what that means exactly is certainly up for debate. A piercing in both ears would obviously be multiple, but in your clarifying example you mention eyebrow or tongue as fitting whatever it is that you meant, while somehow exonerating the nose. Which is nonsense.
My point, in light of your reductio as absurdum response to me, is that calling any single common trait "a red flag" is fucking ridiculous. To take your example a step further - if she has a permanent unicorn horn implanted in her head, a swastica tattooed where her tits were before she had them removed to fight the "cis-hetero-right-wing cockocracy", and insists on being called "Helix Stardong" while she shoots heroin, she might have a screw or three loose.
But throwing somebody in the same pile just because they have a pixie cut or a septum piercing is just... Stupid. It's dumb. It smacks of idiocy.
Human beings are pretty gestalt animals, here. Use your head and pay attention, but most of the things people like to bandy about as "red flags" are laughable.
Like I said, I've got mad respect for everything else you said, and I agree you've got to watch for shit that may betray instability, but I think you missed the mark on some of your examples.
Can't agree more. I'm supposed to believe that simply because a girl dyes her hair an unnatural color, she has severe mental problems? I don't think so.
because it's* silly
It's that easy.
There are better places for you to be a grammar nazi than TRP.
At the end of the day, TRP is about power. If you are a powerful person, women will be a side-effect.
If you are lifting, make sure you are on a proven, progressive-overload workout routine, and that you are on a strict diet. IRL I know a ton of people that spend about 6 hours a week at the gym, half the time doing cardio, and the other time doing dumbbell flies, and then they spend their hard earned cash on muscle milk. Supplements are mostly a waste of money. Get on a strict diet, and track your workouts.
I used to struggle with this, but not anymore. If a girl disrespects you, you hard next her. Don't even tell her, just hard next her. I used to hang around friends that treated me like shit, and would boss me around and manipulate me. I had no confidence, and I couldn't even approach a girl in my class to ask her for the time because I felt like a little bitch. As soon as I dropped them, I started focusing on myself, and I made a ton of better friends, and I have had the confidence now to lead people and cold approach girls as often as I want. It's hard to hard next a girl, and oneitious is one hell of a drug, but it kills your confidence, and that is not worth anything in this world.
If this is happening to you often its because you're not commanding respect. Your best course of action is to find better friends.
Having no girlfriend is better than having a shitty girlfriend that is on the brink of jumping ship as soon as she gets a better option.
I've been guilty of this, perhaps its because I lack abundance mentality. I have friends that haven't been laid in years, and they still find it easy to focus on their career (Investment banking) instead of women. I really wish I could get in that frame of mind, any advice?
This is the one I see quite often. "My ex texted me after a year of not talking to me. What should I say?"
Yep, said it in a comment on here. Those are the worst because the answer is so obvious. Don't contact and block. Yet sometimes, they don't do that.
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The no contact mandate is for the guys suffering from oneitus. Those are the ones who are susceptible to fall back into their own grave when an ex comes bye and says hello.
Yup, /u/anupsetzombie looks like someone talking about "marijuana in moderation" on an anti-drug subreddit =)
Can agree on gaming women first. Went on a few Tinder dates. No game, LOL. Will revisit Tinder when I've reached 35 cold approaches/week.
Its also stupid to do anything self-detrimental just because other people are doing it.
Be extremely practical with everything. Use the logical approach. How does what you are currently doing benefit you? Ask yourself if its worth the time out of your life that you are investing.
Would the future you look back and be proud?
This should be a stickied post at askTRP, and men directed to read it before posting.
It just baffles my mind how much basic TRP tenets are violated by people posting to AskTRP and then they wonder why things aren't working out for them.
This is golden. Thank you for your contribution.
You should add no alcohol to number 6 as well.
Personally, I don't drink, and there is a case to be made for avoiding it. However I thought putting "avoid alcohol" in the OP would have caused the commenters to just focus on that.
Fucking simple, easy. Direct.
Love it.
You know, I expected this to be a real woman hate sub, but I am actually really impressed. I think I am going to have my soon to be 15 year old son check this sub out. He has pretty hardcore feminist mom who double majored in poli sci and philosophy and a little sister who just has feminism in her bones (I dared to question mormonism because I couldn't bear to raise her in it), but I have noticed for a few years now that he often feel BAD whenever a discussion comes up related to misongyny. It's not that whatever is being observed isn't true, but we're not talking about him (he got my guilty conscience unfortunately). I've made a point over the last few years to be very careful about generalizations about "men" or "boys" as I have 2 of them, just as I am very careful about generalizations about women or girls. I want to promote independence and self-sufficiency in my girls, but not to the detriment of my boys.
If there was anything that broke my marriage up it was my artificial desire for a traditional marriage with the passel of kids I was supposed to have. In my zeal to protect my daughters from the same mistakes I have seen my eldest's very empathetic nature take on a responsibility for my "issues" that I did not intend. I have pointed him towards "The Way of the Superior Man" which my ex introduced me to and which I think excellent, but I think hearing it from his peers in real time would not be a bad thing.
I still want my daughters to strive for self-sufficiency, because although we are no longer married the reason we still work together as parents with mutual respect is because I am self-sufficient. I'm actually the one who pays child support believe it or not, but I do not resent it nor have I ever missed a payment. It all worked out as it should have and we are very much co-parents (we live across the street from one another), but we could not make each other happy. He has had steady girlfriend for the last year and a half and I am glad as it of course alleviates my guilty conscience, but I know we are very unique. The thing is, I believe one of the things that makes us so unique is actually because we are equals. A true equal has to take responsibility for their shit (yes, I'm referring to me).
I guess I would say, don't date women looking for a meal ticket. Date women you respect, find interesting, and want to be around. There are plenty of career women who decide to take a few years off to raise kids. There are plenty of Dad's who never saw themselves as SAHD's who absolutely love it. I know mine would have, but finances kept us both working. In this day and age of washing machines, dishwashers, and housekeeping services you don't need a forever stay at home wife, just someone who loves your kids as much as you do.
We are very fortunate in that we are both successful professionals. I've also worked from home since our first child was born, but I know that is not standard. I do believe most couples can make it for a few years between birth and first grade to make sure their kids are mostly raised by their parents or at least not in factory child care. I also believe that "most" women, not all, are happier when they feel financially able to support themselves or at least know they could if needed. I think the idea of living your life as if you're going to have the SAHM dream is a recipe for disaster. The thing about being a SAHM is, you honestly don't know if you can handle it until you're in the thick of it and dissatisfaction can be a disease. I was going to be a SAHM. I never sought a career. Thank god we couldn't get pregnant and by the time we did after 4 years of treatments I had accidentally fell into one, because I didn't make it 6 months before I was like.... uh... I can't do this. There is no job harder than SAHM, but in a way also no job easier. It is a marathon in tedium day after day after day and it is 24 fucking 7. Some women absolutely love it and I am in awe of how good some of them do it. I just didn't end up being one one of them and thank god I could afford a nanny, even if she was just on the other side of my locked office door.
Anyway, I am very pleasantly surprised by this sub. The earth has reached peak child at 2 children per woman for women born today, even in the third world. World population will peak at 11 billion. It's no longer a biological imperative for every person to pair up and pro-create, but those that want to should. My sis is in her last year of a PhD program in Mathematics at Rutgers and was recently hired at Columbia for no small sum while finishing. She also has a great partner pursuing his own PhD in a much longer program. They live in small apartment in Manhattan and neither of them want children. I secretly hope they will have one just to pass on their incredible genetic material, but I respect that it is their decision and neither right nor wrong. He's a quiet academic, but has some "alpha" characteristics in his own right in that he knows what he wants and doesn't want and he's only going to compromise so far. No one on the street would say "Hey, that's an Alpha Male," cuz he's not a ripped arrogant asshole, but he is a man who knows what he does and does not want.
You don't have to be an over-educated hipster in Manhattan to be a man or woman who knows what they want and are happy with themselves BUT, no matter where you live people who are happy, always improving, and value themselves are far more pleasant to be around than people who aren't.
I think the drugs thing is a pretty big one, and while some people can handle drugs in small dosages, many others cannot. It kind of makes me cringe when I see 18-23 year olds talking about drugs casually and how manageable they are because I was like that once too, and it bit me in the ass and bit me HARD. I'm not going to pretend occasional mdma or smoking weed once a week is going to destroy you, but it's just so so so easy to start trying other shit or escalate in your usage of the drugs mentioned. I've seen people handle it with ease, but too many people take it too far. The deleterious effects of drugs can be very insidious and before you know it you have a problem, whether that be addiction or mental instability or both. I feel like an old man saying it but it's the truth and I lived it firsthand
edit: Another issue with drugs is that if you have access, you're usually hanging with people that take them more regularly than you do. The more you spend time with those types of people, the greater the temptation is to branch out and try more, or do it more often. The company you keep is extremely important.
2nd edit: Also, drugs have dangerous legal repercussions. We can argue til hell freezes over as to the legitimacy of drug laws, but reality is reality, and if you get caught with drugs it can be impossible to recover from or very hard to. All it takes is one time getting caught and you can be fucked for careers and programs and so much shit
Some have it and some don't, it's that simple. One of my online friends smokes fucking h, and has for years, every time I play with him I wonder if I'll see him again, next day, he's there, I shudder to think of the long term effects.
This is what it's all about. This is probably the subject I get into the most disagreements on TRP about, drugs. So many users think that its OK to do drugs as long as you do them in m oderation.
I subscribe to the zero tolerance policy, no drugs, that includes weed.
Because a lot of people say "I just like to do <XXX> drug just on the weekends, or occasionally, just to mellow out". But then these people have a bad day or a bad week, and occassionally/just on the weekends turns into twice a week, then twice a week turns into every other day, and then it spirals out of control to addiction.
It's best just not to open that Pandora's Box and never get started on down that road.
It's like credit card debt. People have credit cards "just for emergencies" or "I will pay off the balance ASAP". But then they start to justify non-emergencies as emergencies, or do not pay off the balance one month, and then the debt spirals out of control. Best just not to open the door to that scenario and not using a credit card.
I got into weed in highschool. Not all that much, maybe twice a week. My brain just shut down. From straight-A student i went to C in a few months.
Took me a year to recover.
I would change the one about not cohabitating until one is ready for kids. Because Fuck Marriage.
Yes, men, if you are awesome enough you can find a worthy chick that will have your kids without you marrying her. Believe me.
Dress. You can do better by dressing well, but for most 80% of the initial battle is about consistently not dressing badly. Get rid of those scuffed shoes and shit logo-ed t-shirt. Are you Nike's bitch #23412341234? If you upgrade your shoes and shirt then look in the mirror and think, "I don't know.. most guys that wear this don't look slouched like I do" then it's time to lift. Make posture fixing exercises a whole 1/3 of your routine.
everyone is Nike's bitch. I don't know one person that has less than 3 pairs of Nike shoes.
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It's not sad, besides, who gives a fuck how you get your women. It takes balls to approach, that's what separates it from online fishing for pussies. But Tinder can be meaningful to learn to game women when you go on a date. But approaching is gold.
Can you expand on number 14 with examples? That's the only one I myself have an issue with. Great advice though!
Hey I'm going to the {place} at {date and time} to have some drinks and listen to live music. If you're lucky and don't piss me off I might take you home after ;-)
EDIT: Then go there, have fun, and take some other chick home if princess doesn't show up.
I made an entire post about it a couple weeks ago. Search my submission history.
Great post, bang on the money with everything
Some points to add to your own including my own take on things.
Women love the idea of "a new phase in life" it's excites them and excuses their past life choices. "From now on things will be different!" Is their favorite catch phrase. Moving far away from you means she already subconsciously turned a page and is looking for new cock.
This one is obvious and a true sin of society where we brainwash young boys to be good providers. If I got a dollar every time my family asked me to get a girlfriend i'd be rich. Mind you that they start pushing for this around the age of twelve. No wonder most guys grow up to be dependent. None would believe me when I told them I was having more fun playing the field.
Young lads obviously can't do anything about this. If none of your peers can afford their own place and your studying forgo a job. Then these are completely passable in my opinion. Girls that refrain from fucking you due to this are looking for something else. Remember that these are provider traits and should be treated as such.
This is a tough one for guys looking to LTR. In my honest opnion, you shouldn't be. But if you are then you are playing TRP on hardmode. Most western bitches wield two or three red flags.
"9. Get your own life in order before worrying about women."
I agree. This would be monk mode. However, at what point should a person come out of monk mode?
There is no one-size-fits-all. It's really up to you and how ferociously you want to go after your goals.
Here's a relatively specific question: for guys who have gotten back into the routine of lifting after suffering an upper body injury, how exactly did you get back into it? I had a labrum tear and surgery that sapped my strength and have had a hell of a time getting back into form. I currently do a variety of dumbbell work and cardio but I would really love to get back into the bench press and other overhead stuff as well.
It doesn't matter if it's hard or painful but I just need a game plan and haven't been able to find one anywhere
I destroyed my lower back playing football in college(injury happened before my senior year, I didn't get it operated on because I didn't want to sit out my senior year) and I thought that not doing any lower body lifts for a year after graduating would have been enough time to let my lower back heal on its own. It wasn't enough, first set of squats I did, my warm up set, for the first time in a year, I wound up back in the hospital. I couldn't lift for a good 18 months.
I don't have the same injury you have but I just took it easy and gradually worked my way up to bigger lifts. I stuck to simple dumbell lifts and machine lifts for about 6 months before getting back into the main compound lifts.
My single rep maxes in college were 315 bench, 465 squat and 425 dead lift at 6' 190 pounds. I am working my way back up to there but I am currently 6' 158 pounds and cutting down to 150. My current one rep maxes are 250 bench, and I have to take squats and dead lifts REALLY easy and careful, and I have not gone higher than 225 on squat and 300 on dead lift. I could easily do more but I choose not to just because I don't want to wind up back in the hospital.
Did you got injured doing lifts or football at young age?
I started lifting when I was 12, in 7th grade for football.
I have never gotten any injuries from lifting. My back injuries(and other injuries I got playing football in my life such as concussions) were all football related.
My back injury came from getting knocked over into the bottom of a pile where a 250 pound fullback landed square on my lower back and smashed it inward. I blew 3 discs.
I've stopped replying on asktrp as its such a colossal waste of fucking time. wonderful post
True, but there are some people there who truly are in the right mind and could use some advice. I do most of my AskTRP posting when I have downtime at work so its just something to pass time for me.
Would be nice to stop seeing so many "Help me I am Indian and white women dont like me woe is me" whining posts though
Have options even her friends are targets maybe sisters too because society has created a monster in the common good guy and its too late to stop it dont use logic in dealing with them be assertive and dominant and who cares what she wants be a selfish heartless bastard and her panties will stay moist awalt.You can meet married women at gas station and have sucking you off in 30 min if you follow these 15 examples.
Excellent post, and your day to day experience there shows. I will be adding this to the AskTRP sidebar.
What if you cohabit with a fwb you're not planning to marry anytime soon but you go out and fuck other girls and even bring them home with you
Don't cohabitate period. Stop hamstering.
There's upsides to living at home, I've saved 6 figures by living at home rent free while working.
When I look at the shitty expensive flats my friends live in, living at home is a no-brainer. I'd rather get my own mortgage than pay someone else's.
I completely agree with #15 (among others)
There's a guy i work with who is in a LDR and i just heard he is moving out there (we all know because of her) its pathetic, especially when leaving an amazing city for a hole in the wall town in the mid west.
Just came across a post on AskTRP this morning about some guy who fell for a girl on Skype. He claims he has been RedPill for a long time and I called bullshit
How the fuck do you fall for a girl over sykpe ? Todays men are pathetic! What is happening in the world ? There is so much life arouns us (live in a big city) i cant believe people are resorting to online relationships like this. Gents, put the plastic controller/keyboard down and go go outside!
To be fair, I don't - I am almost 40 and all my life I had too much time to kill. I have a regular job, a wife, a kid, and go to the gym religiously and STILL have too much time to kill. Which is why I drink and it is not healthy but I feel like a trapped lion at home, small space (rented apartment third floor: smart married strategy is never buy a house she could take at a divorce), nothing to do.
I have no idea why other people have so much to do and even too little time, not too much. First of all, I am not the type to run a side business, I am a typical European, I clock in my 38,5 hours and that is work. For self improvement, there is the gym, for mental self improvement, I already speak languages, know a lot from economics to psychology, it is enough. So there is nothing to do and just too much time. Perhaps social life or having friends would help or perhaps I should do the stupid shit other men do like watching sports in the TV (never did as competition does not interest me), because just popping a beer after the other and waiting for the clock to say time to go to sleep is no way to live. How the heck you find so many projects? I am not lazy, I work on things when my boss orders me to work overtime or something, but on my own I don't find worthwhile things to work on. I don't have any particular goals beyond to deal with the usual stuff, family, work, gym, at a decent level that does not shame me.
I think TRP authors should realize people don't waste time: they kill it because they have nothing to do, because they are not given enough things to work on. OK I am older, but even at college age, I had so much time to kill even more than today, if you work towards a degree and a nice biceps how much more self improvement you need? So I was so extremely bored and so much time to kill it was not even funny. It as good to get a regular job and later a family to kill at least some of my time.
My dad is dead but my father in law, 60, has the same problem multiplied by 20. He retired. In the summer he can work a bit in the garden but in the winter NOTHING he can do, no tasks, no jobs, no duties, so he just wanders aimlessly around the house, one room, another, then finally sighs and gets drunk and goes to sleep because his life is completely devoid of duties and tasks do work on.
Perhaps it is better to have goals on your own, I don't know, both him and me are used to life giving you enough tasks, teachers tell you to study, bosses to work, mens mags to work out, so you don't need goals. That seems like the problem. How does one have goals?
Hows it work in 'merica? I hear you work longer hours, not 38,5. That would be pretty awesome if my boss offered me 50 hour weeks and of course an appropriate level of salary raise. That would fill out my life. And my father in law, retired, what could he do all day?
2 should actually be 2-4.
2) Always 3) Be 4) Lifting
An LDR can be acceptable if it has a set date, in a reasonably short period of time, for her to move to your city. My current girlfriend was a plate that lived 10 hours away (night train travel so it's not a bad trip). Then she started becoming more than a plate and I accepted exclusivity, on the condition that she would come here almost every week, and would move in within 6 months. Is moving in the next month. And yes, I'm going to follow rule number 12, if cohabitation doesn't fuck it up (I keep telling her I'm against marriage though, drives her nuts)
DONT COHABITATE.
It's a rule for a reason, dude. No matter how much you hamster away and think your case will be different.
LMAO! #15 killed me bro, good post.
I'll make an exception to your drugs rule: psychedelics (LSD,Psilocybin,DMT,other 5-HT2A agonists).
What exactly defines an LDR? If you go to college out of state but she travels to see you during breaks and the summer still considered an LDR?
If this is still considered an LDR then will gaming women around you suffice or should one end it completely?
Edit: you live out of state but go to the same university as the girl.
It's not important to "show" your masculine behavior. It's like acting and stressful over the long term. Be yourself . You'll be fine if you just don't let your dick control you.
Freshly unplugged about a month ago. Just need to say this once: I love this lifestyle and mindset. I am happier than I've been in like a fucking decade.
What changes have you made? I ask because I don't know wear to start
First things first I went to the ONEitis I had been orbiting and basically told her "We fuck now or I'm gone". I have started lifting three days a week. I have been eating healthy for over a year now before I ever found TRP but that's really important. Get enough sleep, seriously, testosterone is produced while you sleep get enough and make sure it's quality. I gave up video games, I've wasted way too much of my life on that shit already. I gave up porn, real women should be your sexual focus not your computer screen. Be happy, don't try, just change your attitude. Talk to people, make conversation with men and women. Approach women all the time, they look at you, assert dominance, smile and go say hi. Ignore her beauty. Study game. Internalize the concept of "Hypergamy", ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, once you really understand what it is you can see it in all their actions, and it allows you to develop an "Amused Mastery" towards them. Focus on you first, no one in your life is more important than you. The biggest change I have made is my mindset though. Realize your value, YOU are the prize not pussy. Maintain your frame like a fucking boss. Develop discipline, don't wait for motivation. Always be the Alpha.
I can get girls anyway, I made a point of this in the post but everyone seems to of ignored it. My main problem is being around groups of guys, they force me to the bottom of the hierarchy. Not sure what I'm doing wrong, I always thought it was because i'm different and more attractive than them
Maintain your frame. They "force" you to the bottom of the hierarchy because you let them.
Do you believe marriage, OP? Because you talk about it in your post then yet say nothing against it?
This is a great fucking thread, much respect to the OP for writing this.
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Same thing could be said to playing chess, so you have to quit chess too ?
If you can play in moderation there's no need to quit, don't become a cultist of quitting games like the people of nofap for masturbating, it's not because you can't play casually while getting shit done that others can't.
Also I would say, first step of being a man is following your own instinct if you honestly feel that games, fapping, alcohol or anything is putting you down then quit, else don't just quit because someone told you that's "how you become a man".
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Honestly I don't see what's wrong with having 1 hour / day where you just entertain yourself.
If that hour enables you to go all out during the 23 other hours then why not do it ?
It's not about chasing all distractions away, it's about moderation, now if you can't have moderation and are an addict and need to spend hours everyday on it then yeah stop now.
But if you're just poppin a quick FPS game to shoot some stuff after working whole day and working out at the gym, honestly don't see the problem.
Overall good advice but I have a question about the "Red Flags" section. Obviously militant feminism or addictions are bad news but are things like piercings, dyed hair or bisexuality really red flags? the first seem like style choices and bisexuality is just something you're born with. There are definitely some universal red flags in women I agree you want to steer clear of but the ones I see being listed on this sub often seem very subjective or personal preference.
Yes, yes, and yes.
It has to do with abundance mentality.
Piercings(I am talking about exotic piercings that are abnormal, not ear or nose or belly piercings) and Dyed Hair are not feminine behavior and indicate some kind of daddy issues or mental issues. Abundance Mentality says there are 3.5 billion women on this planet, you are telling me you can't do better than some chick who has tongue and eyebrow piercings or has rainbow colored dyed hair? Piercings and dyed hair almost always equates to feminism anyway. If you find this attractive I am guessing you are a nerdy geeky anime fan/gamer type who is looking for their nerdy manic pixie dream girl.
Whether or not you are born bisexual is beyond the fact, the fact of the matter again circles back to the 3.5 billion argument. 3.5 billion women on this planet, you can't do any better than some girl who isn't hetero? If she is bisexual chances are she is very prone to branch swinging and has mental issues.
the ocassional psychadelic experience has taught me more about myself and the world around me than anything I've ever read here. Im not tripping balls every other week, but nothing has been more helpful with deep internal thought than a moderate-low dose of psilocybin, lsa or lsd. maybe 2-3 times a year. lsd cut habitual cigarettes for me, shrooms showed me my passions, and lsa gave me profound respect for the natural world.
obviously not all drugs are created equal and the term "drug" is like calling everything with wheels a car. for the sake of your argument, yes calling all drugs bad will yield the greatest overall benefit for readers. Just hear this caveat that sometimes your world needs to be flipped upsidedown so to understand whats really up.
Are any of those drugs you mentioned addictive?
no, the experience isnt about a dopamine rush. separate from that, you build up an immediate tolerance where the day after you would need 400% of your previous dose to have an equivalent experience. as well, the ld50 is several orders of magitude larger than the average dose. very very low potential for abuse. id urg you to do your own research on the substances. theres plenty of information on them
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I like how you post an asktrp question outside of asktrp, while knowing where it belongs.