335,114 posts
335,114 posts
894 upvotes
by whythecynic on /r/TheRedPill
15 December 2016 05:42 AM UTC
| Title | Realizing that nobody gives a shit about you should be the most liberating thing you think. |
|---|---|
| Author | whythecynic |
| Upvotes | 894 |
| Comments | 135 |
| Date | 15 December 2016 05:42 AM UTC (3 years ago) |
| Subreddit | TheRedPill |
| Link | https://theredarchive.com/post/39532 |
| Original Link | https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5iftt1/realizing_that_nobody_gives_a_shit_about_you/ |
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Being a man is simple. It's having the balls to say what you want and the wisdom to know when not to.
If this has never been quote before. It shall be from this day forth
If you came up with this thats a great fucking quote and rule to live by.
Thank you.
You, sir, are simply awesome.
TRP version of the serenity prayer. It's what I live by as well.
This goes hand in hand with becoming present (as often as you can) to the knowledge that you will one day be dead.
I think about my own death daily. It makes my coffee taste better in the morning. Sunrises are more excellent. Filling my lungs with air is a pleasure.
Along the same lines, knowing that nobody gives a shit... it's freeing.
Ancient greeks(actually any ancient european civillization) had this habit:Their soldiers,before going to sleep,had to imagine getting killed brutally a 1000 time,with a different way it's time,so they could be in touch with reallity.
Later,scientists found that this habit 'wakes up' a certain part of our brain.(i can't post the links,but it had benefits like extreme focus and energy,correlated to an increased adrenaline adena.)
Yep this is an ancient Stoic technique called negative visualization. Read Epictetus's Enchiridion or any of Seneca's essay such as On Happiness if you want to learn more about stoicism.
What good is that? I thought positive visualization was useful, this sounds like the opposite.
if you find it post here man please
Sounds completely absurd. Probably true
Could be an interesting experiment to experience yourself dying in different ways in VR, and see if any mind state change comes from that.
Agreed completely. Part of my redpilling (is that indeed a verb?) was fearing for my life. A few times in a theatre of war, and once with a serious illness (not related).
I imagined the world going on without me. I thought of what I had accomplished, and who I'd be leaving behind. And I realized that I'm not that big a deal. If I leave this earth, things are still ok.
Those experiences made me appreciate life more.
Years later, I learned that this was a technique used by the Roman Stoics - negative visualization (though they didn't call it that). They would periodically imagine losing whatever was most important to them, such as a loved one, wealth, or their own life. Thus, when minor setbacks befell them, they had the perspective that these setbacks were really quite insignificant.
The earth will be destroyed when the sun dies.
Magnetic core will cool far before then.
This is why I wear a Buddhist Mala.
it reminds me that one day the strings of the mala will break,one day I will die, one day everyone I know will be dead, and one day even the most permanent structures will crumble and be destroyed, the earth, the sun the solar system. even voyager probe on a long enough time line will be destroyed.
This
glassplate is already broken.Serious question. If there's no point to anything then why not just kill yourself?
There is no point to anything. But I do enjoy being alive. Why not see where it goes.
To OP's point, I'm not hung up on people giving a shit about me, or how I feel, or what I do. To my point, focusing on my own mortality is a way of getting present to the things I am spending precious time on.
Your serious question, really isn't that serious, and doesn't really fit this post.
Can you answer your question for yourself? Why haven't you killed yourself? Or better yet, why are you committed to living?
Survival instinct.
It is irrational to live. It is irrational to CTB.
Either way, it's irrational.
So may as well do what you irrationally want to do.
We have this biological wiring to enjoy things. And so we tend to do those things.
We each are also uniquely created by our environment in a way no one else will be, this will give you some certain calling or mission unique to yourself, if you can only hear it that is.
Perhaps you will enjoy finding yourself spiritually. The world is more than physical.
I have a friend like you, who asks these question. So I have to reply!
There is no point in anything yet there is a point in everything, with each passing seconds, your counts of breaths also lessens , second by second, point by point! If breath stops, point stops and then there is no point, so the point is, to live life to the fullest, you are not attached to the last breath but you want your next breath so badly!
if nothing matters, then nothing matters that nothing matters
After you hit 35, they care even less.
36 here, can confirm. Louis CK joked about that even doctors stop giving a fuck.
There is an upside, though. Fucking chicks half your age starts to get legal. :)
In my 20s, I didn't fuck chicks half my age because it wasn't legal. I didn't fuck chicks half my age because they were children.
Can confirm, 21 and chicks half my age are unappealing due to lack of development and refining that a legal age girl would have.
I'm 47 girls your age want to get fucked by me... Often. It's easier now than it was at your age, orders of magnitude easier. It was easy then, but now a bit of game, charm, and amusing shit tests and there they are, naked with her legs around me. Getting to this reality isn't easy, you have to put in work right now, it will pay off for the rest of your life.
Is there any best sources for learning game, or mostly practice?
isn't easy? i'll bet it is tho
The saying is "youre not taken seriously until yoire 35"
If you're not taken seriously before 35, will you be taken seriously after?
I don't respect old women because they're older than younger women, so why would I respect an old man more than a young one? Idiots survive too today. If old people want to get respected, I want to see something which culls the dumb, the foolish and the lazy, on a regular basis.
I don't have an eloquant reason why, it's the same for rank in the military I found.
When I got my first promotion into a merited rank (LS - MS) I remember, supply shop used to treat me like a chode. Wait, I'll get to it when I can. Soon as they threw the maple leaf on my shoulder, all of a sudden it's not only stepping-to, it was with a smile, a sense of urgency. My buddy switched over to an officer, and even worse. People actively submitted to him, in demeanor, who used to be the chiefs that treated him like garbage, prior to.
Same thing with age. I had my shit together, and every time I needed to move a project forward, it relied on my showing I knew what I was doing. At 37, the same statements are taken with gravity.
You are right, if I was an idiot, eventually I would be dismissed, still doesn't change, your initial reactions are from an assumed position of competence and authority.
The ancient greeks thought no man worthy of respect until he was over forty and showed signs of balding and grey in his beard. Think of CEOs and politicians. The world has always looked up to and respected older men. They have been there, done that and they have found their voice and their confidence. 30-40 years ago it would have been laughable to have a CEO like Zuckerberg or younger men (let alone women) in political roles.
Can confirm - firsthand knowledge as a long-serving senior NCO. In fact, the way they treat MWOs and CWOs is FAR beyond how they treat most officers, even Capts, Majs and LCols.
I feel bad for the hardasses when they retire.. All that goes away, and then they are just angry old men.
Small aside, youre right
While the idiot survive longer now, there is still knowledge to be gained from those who have been there, done that, and earned what they have. The nearly 60 year old guy my ex is married to isn't someone that had earned anything. He is a loser and always will be, you can see it by looking at him. Likewise you can see I'm not a loser by simply looking at me.
I test everyone I meet to discern their capability and knowledge. Nothing obtrusive, it's about measuring their reactions to what I say. Everyone must earn my respect, but I don't discount them out of hand based on age. I don't put more weight in things old people say, unless they've obviously earned it.
It depends on what you project in your actions and non verbal communication, leaders naturally fall into being respected because of this. If you demand respect you shall get none. Sometimes your achievement speaks for you. Losers tend to remain losers throughout life, so if you are a loser at 30, there's a reason nobody takes you seriously.
Then you have the far side of this, the rare area. You're not taken seriously because your understanding far exceeds almost everyone else and you sound like a nutter. It sounds farcical at best, because your audience is akin to drooling troglodytes in that area. However this is incredibly rare, and if you never prove you're right, you become that crazy guy nobody wants to be around. Without action knowledge is useless.
Cause man has the burden of performance, so if he's made it to past 35 and things are going well; one can assume he's accrued some measure of wisdom.
9 more years to go. Better make use of the occasional fuck people give about me until then.
Posts like this show this reddit is maturing. You stated the truth which the BP wants to deny. I made a similar post a while back, this doesn't mean your psot is irrelevant, on the contrary, people often need things expressed in different ways till they catch on.
For myself there was fear when I had this realization but it changed to liberation you put it.
While I'm not deeply into TRP I think the most useful element of this reddit is not all the occasionally idiotic field reports (worst examples smack too much of a desperate nerdy/recluse/The Game tendency and are shot through with odd social autism about women) but the posts where men share, without pussyfooting, home truths they observe from experience. Especially things like business negotiations, management challenges, negotiating disagreements, getting your shit together. Relationships and dating too but from a RP perspective which is not pedestalising the women issue, but rather the success and self-fulfilment of which that is a part.
You ever read any Illimitable men?
Man, i can stomach Rollo's writing, but Illimitablemen takes it to another level , pages of what could be paragraph, and i am used to reading some heavy shit.
You would lose meaning if you reduced his essays to mere paragraphs.
Illimitable Men's writing style is college level. Rollo is high school level.
Well yeah but i dont think his topics needs this 'high level' of writing, its not philosophy or some classic literature criticism but basic psychology/sociology/whatever. Maybe i am not smart enough, or my english isnt good enough but i am sure it can be explained less longwinded (as my comments for example) by better writer.
So i draw the line at rollos writing, illimitable is imho in intelectuall jerkoff territory.
This, expect you should flip the way you say. People only care about themselves and their own interests. No one gives a shit about you, except for how it affects them.
The corollary is - take responsibility for yourself and be courageous.
I learned this the hard way but now I enjoy the idea of knowing that nobody gives a shit, it makes me more relaxed and careless.
You can have your own tribe who give a shit about you
I absolutely completely disagree. I have hobbies and interests and I'd love to go out into the world to share my creations with others, because it feels fucking nice to have others to share your world with. Not only that but to teach others and help others out. Its called being a human being, and it feels fucking great.
Getting happiness from yourself and people not giving a shit about you are two completely seperate things. You're telling me to go out and live my life, but expect that no one cares about what I do or have to say? Whats the fucking point then? I for one am not looking for a life of solitude, and I know there are others who think the same way. I'd like to believe that there are people out there in the world that have a genuine interest in you, what you do, and want to be a part of your life for those reasons.
I understand that people wont shave their skin off for you, but to tell everyone in this sub that no one gives a shit about you? Have you gone mad? Just because you had a shitty circle of friends or parents, does not mean the rest of the world thinks you're just a sack of fucking skin.
What about the marines in the trenches with each other? Do they not care about each other, to the point they would take a fucking grenade for one another?
Edit:
This post is contradiction in its entirety...
Years ago the posts in the sub had some truth to them. Lately it seems like people string shit together from out their ass for free internet points. No research, no logic. Just assumptions. Did we become the catholic church, because I didn't get the memo...
Yeah I think this thread is personal for a lot of people. My dad I and get along like brothers... ride motorcycles together, hang out, shit he even comes to my beer league hockey games sometimes. My mom and I fight for fun because we're loud ass Italians, but at the end of the day have eachothers backs... but this thread seems like a few people with chips on their shoulders.
I mostly just lurk here, but to me the whole Red Pill thing seems to be about getting the most out of life and the people in it, not isolating yourself. Sure having control over your life and your decisions is an integral part, but to say no one gives a shit about you seems a bit extreme.
Nah bro unless youre creampie-ing 10 girls a day after knowing them for 10 seconds who already have boyfriends/husbands and making them get abortions, are a millionaire and you tell other men to fuck off if they even look at you, if you cant bench press 1000 pounds then youre a little beta omega pussy.
Real alpha delta sigmas are walking gods and everyone men and women included suck their cock and bow to them because theyre delta gamma zeta theta alphas.
Thats what its all about here right?
You're right when things are going well for you or when you're seen to be doing things that seem socially respectable.....but, when things go wrong in your ordinary life, it can be a little different. I'm 51 and speaking from experience - I was previously mega successful in the business world and am still partially respected in social circles...yet... This post makes sense. Whilst you're doing well or even doing ok, everyone (pretends to) care(s) about you. But when you're really down, be it only temporarily, you'll find that 99/100% of your friends don't actually give a shit (shadenfreude?)....until you completely cut them off and some may reach out through regret, when they see their own vulnerability. The only exception I ever knew was a (red pill alpha) friend aged 78. In other words, someone who didn't feel threatened by any of my success or setbacks, that we all have occasionally and who understood what challenges we have as men. If you maintain a solid, loving and stoic relationship with sons, then yes...they do give a shit. But never complain and always be working to progress. That's what sons want to see in a father. One who never backs down. PS....having embraced an RP mentality, many of my (ex-alpha) blue pilled friends have become hostile towards me, feeding off (be it covertly) my temporary setbacks. Say no more....their relationships suck!
This is where I come from. A deep realization that, in your deepest darkest times, it's only the ones who don't care about what you do who care about what you undergo. I don't exaggerate when I say "nobody", because just as you do not know the temper of steel until you smite it, you do not know the depth of a friendship until you hurt it.
I think the point of the OP is that you must always have a plan B with your relationship to other people.
If that means constantly doubting that anyone cares about you, that's not psychologically healthy. No man is an island and it's harmful to yourself and those around you to think that way. Being resilient and independent is one thing, undermining your relationships with others is something else. Don't confuse the two.
Then you're not a leader, and you're not interested in being an Alpha. The top is lonely. No one fantasizes about the harsh realities of possessing power, but they certainly desire its benefits.
Besides, no one said anything about undermining relationships. You're interpreting a pretty basic post that boils down to simply, "Look out for numero uno before anyone else," and extrapolating, "fuck everyone besides yourself, they're all blood sucking leaches." Come on.
This is good. This is why I love TRP. It's not just an echo chamber of agreement and emotional circle jerking. There is unapologetic conflict and logical debate.
I completely agree with what you have to say. The motivation for self-improvement can come within, but at the end of the day, we are all social, shallow, and needy creatures looking for appreciation, respect and admiration from our peers. It is one of the primary motivators for what drives the greatest inventors, innovators and artists. To deny that is obnoxious.
Your analogy of marines in trenches is also something that truly can't be appreciated outside the spectrum of military service. Although i haven't fought in a war, the mateship and comradery I found in the military completely smashed the perception displayed by the OP that i used to also believe. I wouldn't want to live in a world without my closest mates. Thinking back to the days when i struggled to maintain a few friends, I simply can not, and will not believe that walking the path alone is beneficial.
I will admit that I feel like I was a little harsh in my comment, but I agree with you about loving TRP. Its like this is the only place where dudes can sling mud at each other and come out stronger together. I love it and I think we need more honesty between each other like this in real life.
I'm glad to stimulate discussion. It's a nice change from getting shouted down in so-called liberal politics. But enough about that.
DialecticParadox brings up precisely my point. We are all shallow creatures looking for the validation of our peers. It feels good. And people know it makes you feel good, and instinctively use that for their own benefit. You won't know who's really on your side until you've taken a hard fall.
As for the military- indeed, you share the world while you're in the service. But after you leave, you find your individual ways to happiness, because your lives are no longer united in one purpose.
And, aptly enough, it's only a true RP who will stay true to his friends. I've watched my old buddies get stomped by bosses and wives. They think that's happiness for them. I don't think they're happy, but it's their realization to make.
You're way off base I think man. Perhaps you're interpretation is being mixed with some preconceptions about a more destructive train of thought. OP's message is just another blunt reminder to watch out for yourself, for those who are very likely failing in that basic aspect. Maybe that is inconceivable to you, that someone would naively become vulnerable in a way that defies common sense, but it happens a lot. It's one of the whole points of this sub; white knights became a toxic archetype for a reason.
I was depressed for a long time and wondering why no one would love me. I realized and internalized the fact that no one really gave a fuck about me. I only started to feel happy when I learned to love myself and cared about myself the way I expected someone else to.
Fuck happiness. It's way overrated. Let women spend their lives chasing their tails seeking "happiness".
Self satisfaction is what men should seek, the feeling that comes from accomplishing measurable, tangible things ... improving your physique, earning a degree, building a business, rebuilding a car, seducing an HB, winning a championship, becoming a millionaire, etc.
"Happiness" is so subjective, impossible to define. Accomplishment is not.
Great addition. The amount of blue shills in this thread indicates a severe fee-fee alert. Seriously, just look. Young bucks and enlightened souls providing their tired condolences: "I'm sorry you feel that way, but the world has so much to offer and you're shutting it out because you're insecure..." It's disingenuous, and reeks of projection.
Their assumption is hypocritical, that this message could resonate with anyone must indicate a lack of perspective. There are times to discuss the pleasures and rewards of a fulfilling life, in fact, remaining positive is indeed the underlying message of OP's post as well. However, for those whose fragile life equation depends upon a happiness-constant, how dare you be skeptical of the, "power of love," in any and all interactions. Just open up guys, let everyone in. Sounds just like a bitch: How dare you withdraw access? What could go wrong? "You must not be human."
If you believe that your parents do not care deeply about you, then you have very fucked up parents. My parents would have given me their heart for a transplant if required. I would do the same for my kids. Most (not some) of the parents I know are the same. You live in a fucked up and scary country if this is your reality. I feel sorry for you and for anyone who upvotes, or agrees with this. Apart from parents, siblings, children and close friends, your post is correct (unless you and your family/ social circle are weird fucked up lower class losers).
Yeah, the OP is a bit misguided in saying your parents don't care for you. You're biologically programmed to protect your offspring no matter what the cost. While there are a few exceptions, the majority of the world would go to considerable lengths to save their offspring.
You're biologically programmed to ensure your offspring have more offspring, and part of that involves protecting your offspring. But look at places where it's socially acceptable to disown or even kill your children for violating marriage and childbearing norms, and you'll realize that it really boils down to the grandkids.
Of course your parents care for you. They sincerely love you. It's their biological imperative. But they do not necessarily want your happiness. Keep that in mind.
dunno why you got downvoted. some sensitive people in this thread.
a lot of parents suck. they're shitheads. it's true. and it doesn't always have to do with it the country you were in either.
not to mention /u/88Will88's comment about your family being weird fucked up lower class losers is stupid as hell. I guess they think they're superior because they haven't had to deal with certain situations that are a reality for others
I would also add, its not your business what other people think about you, or say about you. Your business is to be happy with yourself so to hell with everyone else' sentiments about you.
While I agree with this post wholeheartedly, I want to point out that people will pretend to "care" if you effect their life. They "care" to the extent that they think you can improve their life. They only care about how you help them feel happy and how you help them achieve their own goals.
I specifically wanted to call this out for those of you, that think that their situation is different, it is not.
[permanently deleted]
That's how you feel, but is that how they feel? Are you a friend of convenience will they really help you towards your goals? Look at their motivations.
The only ones left in my life are the people who I care about enough to help them on their goals and path, who also reciprocate that level of friendship. Trust me if you were considered a friend to me I would help you get rid of a dead body, but if you aren't, and don't have the potential to be, idgaf about you.
I stay loyal to my family, and even though some members can be shady at times I will always be there for them. It was a general statement as some of my friends came from toxic families that they had to abandon.
I spent many years suffering from the aftermath of a shitty upbringing and a series of personal tragedies. For a long time I thought that there would be someone out there who would see past the facade I put up to make it look like I was alright, and then that person would be the one to help save me from myself.
Well I'm here now with the best years of my life wasted in fear and isolation, with nothing else but the realization that no one else but me can help save me from myself and a burning desire to see whats left of my life make up for all that I was denied.
No one is going to know you like yourself and when the world leaves you broken from its bullshit there is no one else in it but you who can have the strength to endure.
Even if no one else can see that strength it doesn't matter, you can, and you're all that does.
You are the only person RESPONSIBLE for your happiness.
If you're the only person who cares about your happiness, then you need to fix your life. RP can help that.
Now this is a fair objection to the semantics. Better than I can say for a lot of the misconception and butthurt in this thread.
This is precisely one of the realizations you have once you find Manosphere!
Sorry, but my grammar OCD really needs that to say The Manosphere.
Anyone?
That makes it sound even more like a gay nightclub.
Most parents have their children for their own selfish entertainment, watching you grow up and play with you. But as soon as you start getting in the way of their own happiness then they quickly stop caring about you even though they were the one who forced you into existence.
The worst are the ones who live vicariously through their kids and think their kid will become the next Lebron or Venus. Work hard but keep your head out your ass and be realistic
i wouldn't say it's for entertainment, it's more to give their worthless existence something to live for.
You all must not have kids. We talk about biological urges all the time when it comes to getting chicks and how they work here. Making kids is what is natural and IS the reason you are here.
i missed part of my own point. i mean women who have nothing going for them in life, no career, a rocky relationship, bad support system, financial issues etc. that suddenly decide that having kids is a good idea, then proceed to complain about how hard it is being a parent. like really?
I believe that some people have kids because they are losers and no adult respects them, so they have kids partially for the ability to throw them around and tell them when to go to bed and what they can and can't do.
There are huge amount of wrong reasons to have kids.
Unfortunately not so many gets them for right reasons.
I'm sorry you have no friends/family or a wife/girlfriend that cares about you. All you RPers must have some serious fears of abandonment for you not to let anyone in. Life isn't a series of events full of people looking to work you over. Sure you can cultivate your own happiness but for me, experiencing things together, as a family, or as a couple - That's what true happiness is. I used to think i was the only one in the world who cared about my own happiness, and accordingly lived a life of debauchery, spinning plates and getting high. But that's not the way things are at all. Life isn't about swallowing one pill or the other, its about finding that happy medium, and taking the good from both sides and applying it to your life. Not bashing anyone in this sub, it's been very helpful and I've learned a lot from it, I just think some people forgo having a truly fulfilling existence, and play it safe instead. But then again my idea of a fulfilling existence is probably much different than yours..
No, we've just gone through the wringer enough times to realize Santa Claus isn't real.
Everyone isn't actively trying to work you over. The vast majority of them don't give a shit and don't even think about you. And even the ones who are trying to work you over are mostly lying to themselves about what a great person they are while they're doing it. Even Hitler was a good person in the story he told himself in his head.
But consciously or not, your friends and family are only there because you give them a benefit. When the benefit stops, so does the relationship. Most of the drama people encounter in their lives is people ginning up self-serving excuses to try to end relationships or distance themselves from people. They need a reason that doesn't make them look bad to do whatever they already wanted to do. So: fight for a year before you get that divorce, rather than just say you think your husband is a slob.
If you think there is anyone else in the universe who cares about you for you, then you've never experienced ups and downs in status. Those of us who have know that relationships all flip like a switch at once. Lose your job, no one wants to talk to you anymore. Get a little bit of fame or win the lottery, suddenly everyone is your friend again.
And wives? You think she's going to love you if you put on 200 pounds of fat? Or lose your job and can't get another one? Or your face gets burned up and you're suddenly hideous?
Would you really have even started dating your girlfriend if she was 300 pounds? No. You wouldn't look past the shallow stuff any more than anyone else.
Your kids? You know how many people have kids who don't visit them in the nursing home? Even the BEST you're going to get is a visit once a week or so, and that's if they live nearby.
That's just how people are. We can't help it. You can deny it and try to live the fantasy, or you can realize it and stop doing things you don't want to please people who don't really give a shit about anything other than the part you're playing for them in the fantasy in their heads.
TRP awoke me to the fact that our attractiveness to others is literally a fantasy, a construct in their minds. That's why masculine mystique is an important part of a passionate relationship. It keeps both man and girl on their toes and (the girl especially) hungry for more.
The next enlightenment was the nugget of thought that became this post: this extends to every relationship you have with others. Break the fantasy, and you become worthless. Such is the nature of society. It is, after all, one shared fantasy of justice and fairness.
I'd sincerely love to sit down with you and /u/sharkfinnsoup and hear your stories some time.
That's like your opinion man. For every 100 people that do behave the way you're describing, there's 1 that does just the opposite (i happen to believe the number is much higher, but just for the sake of the argument I will err on the side of caution and use a low number). Some people might disagree but i think it's worth it to open yourself up and behave in such a way that allows you to find someone like that. I've been cheated on, I've lost my job, struggled with substance abuse, but at the end of it all, I have a greater faith in humanity bc I might not have survived all of those things were it not for surrounding myself with the positivity and support of others. Maybe that makes me weak. If my gf gained weight it would mean some other aspect of her life was lacking, and we'd work together to figure out what that was and solve the issue. And if it didn't work out, then that's just the way it goes. But to say on the surface that someone would base their behavior on outward appearances and first impressions is (i think) absurd. A lot of people do visit their families, myself included. The older I get the more I realize just how important family is. Maybe I'm jsut fortunate enough to have been raised in an environment that is conducive to that behavior. Maybe i'm also getting TRP confused with MGTOW....
"But to say on the surface that someone would base their behavior on outward appearances and first impressions is (i think) absurd."
Life is absurd, I guess, because that's what virtually everyone does. Go on Tinder and try to get a date with a pic of an ugly, fat guy. Not happening.
And why aren't you dating a 250 pound woman in the first place? There are probably lots of them with great personalities. Any guy with dating problems on here could fix them by dating a burn victim. Not her fault, anyway, and there's no non-shallow reason not to.
But you're an animal, and I'm an animal, and our genes tell us what to do. The rest is all rationalization after the fact.
What ?? Fat people get dates on Tinder all the time....
Either from (a) people who fetishize them, and thus find them attractive, or (b) people who don't have much to offer themselves, and thus have to settle.
But you do not see men who aren't attracted to fat women going on Tinder and dating them because they have good personalities. If they did, there wouldn't be any men online complaining they couldn't find women.
I could say the same thing to women. Set that Match.com filter to a MAXIMUM height of 5'7, and every woman who complains she can't find a good guy would suddenly have a flood of men who no other women wanted, lots of them with great personalities.
People won't do it.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but again. This happens all the time, all over the world. Crazy i know.
I just wanna say I agree with you, though maybe not for what you said about outward appearance and first impressions, but I'm not sure if I really understood what you meant. It's not really absurd, those things do tend to be pretty important in human interactions they're just not everything. Especially when you start getting to know people better than what's just on the surface.
When meeting people for the first time though, their appearance and our first impressions do end up shaping how we think of that person a lot of the time, though of course it's important to remind ourselves that we don't know much about that person.
I just think that a lot of people on here see the world as being completely black and white, which isn't the case at all. Though I admit that I can see the appeal in believing that life is that simple.
Finally, yes. I get the appeal also. But to think that its the only way an AWALT is just silly
I'm referring to all these folks talking about the "poor saps who just don't get it." Poor sap signing off
Uh... You're wrong. I'm jobless (finally actively looking for a job now) and have been for a few months. I left school last winter, had no job until I worked during last summer at a summer camp. I was lost, didn't know shat I wanted to do, where I was going, etc.
Anyways, my friends still want to hang out with me, I still have people who care for my wellbeing, my family still love me to death. So I don't know where that bullshit you're spouting is coming from, if you're just repeating things or if you really had a shitty circle of friends/family, but the world isn't exactly as dark as you're making it out to be.
So you're 22? 23, tops? That's not old enough to know anything about anything.
The "bullshit I'm spouting" is coming from being older, knowing what happens as you get older, and acquiring wisdom and experience. You're absolutely right. At age 22, when you're working at a summer camp, people don't give a shit about your job.
Why? Because working at a summer camp is not much higher on the status ladder than being unemployed. Your status barely changed at all because you never had any job-related status to begin with.
At 22, your friends are benefiting from you in other ways. People don't care about job status. They care about how attractive you are, whether you can get them into good parties, whether you can introduce them to people they can fuck, et cetera, et cetera.
Try being 40 and losing your job as an executive. I can promise you that you'll see a difference in how people treat you. Many of your friends will ghost you and come right back again when you find another job. In your thirties or later, people want different things from you.
I can also promise you that the vast majority of the people you are friends with now are not going to be your friends when you're 40. You won't benefit them anymore, so it will become a chore to hang around you. So they'll stop. If you're 22, you've barely had time to go through a couple of friend groups (high school and college). When you've gone through a few dozen, and you see how few people keep in touch with anyone, you might change your tune about how you're best friends forever, cross your heart hope to die.
It's just how people are. We're animals at our core. You can deny it, but you can't change it.
Seems to me like you put all your eggs in the same basket. Your life, your friends, etc. So when you lost your job you lost everything.
I've lost touch with so many people, but I've met so many new people as well. You're right, we don't keep a vast majority of our friends for our whole lives, that's normal.
But if losing your job ruins everything in your life, then you did something wrong, plain and simple. Your job is a facet of your life, it shouldn't dominate everything about it.
But anyways, we're fundamentally different in our beliefs, so I guess I shouldn't have argued in the first place, but seeing you state your opinion made me want to state mine, so yeah.
Love the classic "I'm older than you so I know so much more" line by the way. Of course people tend to get wiser as they grow older, but I've seen older people who were amazing as well as older people who were pathetic, so that's not really a good argument.
I've never lost a job, but I've quit one, and the same thing happens. You can't do people favors anymore, then suddenly most of them are gone. People will instinctively avoid others who they feel are on the way down status-wise. It's just what we do.
And while some older people don't ever acquire wisdom, someone in their teens or twenties is not going to have enough experience to be wise, period. It just can't happen, no matter how smart you are. There isn't enough time. You probably haven't seen friends have kids and then suddenly drop away from all their other friends because that social circle no longer benefits them. You haven't seen kids distance themselves from the parents who raised them to live their own lives (and whose parents only really had them for selfish reasons anyway, like "I have such great genes" or "he'll be my retirement plan").
You can disagree with me, and that's fine. But you are falling for other people's bullshit, and you are falling for your own bullshit. Everyone makes their decisions with respect to other people based on self-interest. Then they lie to themselves about why they did it to feel better about themselves.
If you start looking at what other people do, it is virtually always explainable by self-interest. If your friends drop out of your life because you moved, or they had a kid, or anything, then how great a friend were they in the first place? If you won't date a woman because she's 300 pounds, how much do you really care about "personality?" If she won't date you because you're homeless, how much does she care about who you are inside?
The answer is they don't care, and you don't care, and at the end of the day it's nature red in tooth and claw.
The sooner you realize this, the better off you're going to be in life.
I've seen everything you wrote about. Horrible parents. Kids who leave to hopefully never see them again. People who drop out of circles of friends. People who are so selfish it's literally sickening. I've seen, experienced, heard about, a whole bunch of fucked up things.
I've also seen so many great things, that it made me happy to be alive.
But anyways, you're right, I wouldn't date a woman that's 300 pounds. Even if you disregard physical appearance, she wouldn't be able to keep up with the kind of life I want to live. And would I want to date someone who's homeless? Of course not. Of course personality counts, but if you're homeless, or obese, or unattractive or whatever, obviously that's also a part of who you are. Self-interest is also a big part of what motivates people. No one is arguing on those points.
But you can't just say that everyone only acts out of self-interest all the time, or that Looks are all that matter, or that social status is everything, because that's just hyperbole, and it's plain wrong.
The world is not black and white. It never will be. And you might think that you have all the answers, but you don't. The second you start thinking that, you lose. Because you'll stop looking for something better.
EDIT: As I've said to the other guy in this thread, I've just realized that our views are just fundamentally different, we don't perceive the same things, and what we're arguing about is so subjective that we won't be able to convince each other anyway. Basically, it's a senseless argument. Almost like arguing about religion haha. But do feel free to respond to this, I'll definitely read it, I promise. I just won't respond afterwards though, because like I said, this is going nowhere. :/ I have my beliefs and you have yours, simple as that.
It is because he's seen more than you. You come from a place of abundance because you are young. You have no idea what grit means until your body fails and everyone around you abandons you.
I refuse to accept that just because someone is older than me, that makes them right. It's a flawed view to have.
How about instead of just saying "I've seen shit, believe me, I'm right", you guys actually pulled up real arguments?
But anyways, I just realized that a lot that we've argued about can be subjective, like analyzing people's motives, so I highly doubt that we'll be able to convince each other. We just view things too differently, so I guess we'll all just have to throw in the towel!
That's not the point faggot. The point is you could be hit by a car tomorrow so appreciate every moment.
Whoa whoa whoa no need for name calling good sir
Locker room talk includes an element of hyperbole sperg. In other words, why care what a random internet says? Ego brosef.
Simple post for interesting thought. For me it's only a phase of maturing. Because paradoxaly when you begin to think like that you end sharing more to other "what you are" for the better or sometime the worst.
There is no "strong need" to see the world as "I'm alone fuck all - my "happiness" (or whatever) first" (Ive done that a bit after a depressed phase, it give you a pat in the back for sure)
what op say should not be drawn to extremism. It's a realization wich will make you a better version of yourself in some social way, There is still stuff you continue to do "for other".
The filmmaker who have make "inception" (Christopher Nolan) spoke about that in an interview if I remember correctly (not refering to what I said, it's more about the title of the post).
When I discovered this sub a year ago, I was broke, getting divorced, and figuring out what to do next for a living as my old job/career was shit.
The moment I realized I don't need to go through another divorce or breakup again, don't need to get married again, don't need to have kids (thank god i don't have any), don't need to live with a woman again, don't need to make my parents happy (coming from an asian family, this was the hardest), don't need to be held personally accountable to anyone besides myself, it was utter-fucking-ly liberating. This was not depressing for me at all, it actually cured the shock, pain and loneliness I had at the time. Felt like I won a spiritual powerball.
While almost everyone I know --both men and women-- is racking their brains day and night trying to find a significant other/life partner/ball-n-chain (or if they have one, they're just trying to get by) I'm just having the time of my life on my own terms.
Life gets seriously interesting when you promote yourself to King, start acting like you own the room wherever you go, and report to yourself constantly.
What the fuck is so interesting about working at Burger King ?
Shit is too real. Shut it the fuck down.
I give a shit about me... and for very good reasons too! Definitely the most liberating thing I agree 100%.
This is the core philosophical difference between RP and MGTOW - abundance mentality.
Oh believe me. But knowing this and understanding it intuitively are very different things. I recommend reading a book like art of seduction or 48 laws of power and applying it to see how quick people forget your misdeeds and silly shit you've done because they're constantly living in their own worlds. This will help you a lot with social anxiety and dressing the way you want to and many other things.
Yeah, good to know.
The next step of understanding a truth is to use it for your purposes (right, that's what most lack in their life).
People don't give a f-ck about you, indeed, in the sense you're saying here.
There's only two ways, though, for people to care about you:
They gain something if they care.
They lose something if they don't.
It's about bargains.
You have a purpose, you need to achieve it.
You need to use people, you need to give people something for them to give something back.
You exploit the transactions using Hope, which you sell in conjunction with the real chips, so they give you their chips in return.
This is how boom and bust cycles are created.
Value is in the mind.
To exploit a transaction you must exploit the perceived value.
This is totally true, unfortunately truth wont stop you from slitting your wrists in the bathtub. Best of luck!
Love the concept above with the obvious caveat that family does matter for most. My family absolutely cares about my happiness just as I care about theirs. I'm a parent and I have parents so I know both ends of that relationship. My parents would take a bullet for me and would to this day. The bailed me out literally and figuratively many times when I was younger and the world was close to crushing me. They didn't do for their amusement or because they wanted grandkids. They did it because I am a part of the family and that's what we do. And I feel the same way about my kids. They are total fucking rock stars and make me proud every day. And I would take a bullet for them. And I don't care if they ever have kids. And nothing in my life even comes close to the level of contentedness that I get from seeing them be happy, successful, and content. Nothing comes close. It's tragic to think that anyone wouldn't get to experience that feeling. Sure it's great to find a 25 YO girl who will let you stick your thumb up her ass but that good feeling is a bit more fleeting than what you experience with a tight knit supportive family. Fuck the rest of the world, but my family, my team, they've got my back and I've got theirs unconditionally. And that's what it is all about for me.
The cosmos do not care if you live or die. Life will go on as it always has. You are not important.
Accept reality and make the most of what you got. Create an internal kingdom and fight for your happiness.
Great morning motivational post. I'm off to the gym.
It's not that nobody gives a shit about you. It's more the fact that you can be who you want, do what you want, and people generally aren't looking too deep into your actions. Plenty of people care about you. But I can see if you had fucked up parents and friendships where this mentality would come from.
WTF are people raving on about?
This is a good post using hyperbole to get you motivated.
If you took this post literally than you're probably a sperg who can't decipher who really cares about you and who's faking it.
YOU'RE DYING! YOU'VE BEEN DYING SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN.......
Most don't get it. They ignore it, they fear it.... Fill out your living will, last testament, DNR What have you... You will wake the fuck up and realize you do not matter. Your death is already written...... Take the approach that you have a gas tank that is capable of getting you a certain amount miles, how you travel those miles is up to you.
Actually people give a shit - when I comment too much on facebook my waifus remove me from friends list. Didnt happen back when I had actually attractive picture though
An erroneous notion in many ways. The world doesn't benefit from more egocentrism.
You shouldn't care about yourself.
That's the first step to not giving a fuck about others.
By that I don't mean to make yourself unhealthy and stuff line that.
I mean, that you shouldn't be attached to who you think you are, because that's not who you are.
If you realize that 90% of our personality is composed by what OTHER people think we are, you will then ask yourself what do other people think you are, and then ask if thats really who you are or want to be.
When we lose our sense of self we become like water. We become formless, and as that happens we become whole because from that point on we start getting in the flow within everything we do, and evryone we meet.
True freedom is when we are uncategorizable. We can be everything we wan't.
If you wan't this, then I advise you to get into meditation and buddhism.
"should be", "you think". It is not, of course. Realizing that it is your judgement of yourself that matters most is only the first step, true meaning and freedom lies in a sense of belonging, to a people, a cause, a group, a tribe.
Just fucking lol at this cope, lots of people give a shit about me.
Or possibly your parents received more joy from their children than anything else in their lives and want you to have that same joy. If however that will make you a miserable SOB then for Christ's sakes don't have children. Or, maybe your parents are just self absorbed asswipes.