For any guys who are regularly getting it in on the first date, this post is not for you. If you're having a hard time getting it in on the first date, or getting call backs for a second - this post is for you. This will be especially relevant for girls whom you've met recently or girls you meet in the near future. A lot of guys are misled into what a, "good" first date actually is, or how to go about arranging it. I'm here to share my game plan (which works great for me) which I have refined through advice on this sub and trial and error.
Before I even get too deep I want to put out a very important concept: You can buy her time, but not her affection. Some guys try to persuade girls into hanging out with them by offering them expensive/fancy dinners, concert tickets, etc... This is a bad direction to take. If she wants to go on a date with you she will make a noticeable effort to do so. You might be able to bribe her to come along with you, but honestly if you need to persuade her so hard to go on a date with you she's not interested. She's going to take your free shit and not even feel bad about it. With that being said I strongly recommend against expensive venues - or anything that might be perceived as trying to buy her time or your way into her pants. Regarding the bill, I almost always split the bill. This has never hurt me personally. I do occasionally buy the first drink, or pay for all of the meal. This doesn't hurt me either.
Step 1: Setting Up the Date. An important point to remember is: You guys are on the same team and want the same thing - to meet up and have fun. You're working together - not against each other. I'm going to assume you have someone in mind (if you don't check out my post on how to open and close). Like I mentioned earlier it's great if you haven't been talking much with her if you're arranging your first date. Anyways send something like this via text, or ask her in person (you'll usually get bonus points for asking in person as it takes more confidence, but it's not necessary or even practical all of the time), "Hi (her name), what's your schedule look like this week?" This works for me, if you're doing your own thing and it works for you then do that instead. Girls who want to meet me will tell me when they're free - or make some noticeable effort to try and arrange a date. Girls who don't want to meet me will tell me they're busy - twice or more. Once she tells you when she's free just tell her where and when to meet you. Don't ask her what she wants to do - this is your responsibility to make the plans. Besides you should have already screened her for interests when you opened her and have some general idea of something she won't hate. Her only responsibility is to show up. You don't need to tell her what you guys are doing, or what you have planned. It's actually more fun for her if she doesn't know, because it makes it more of a mystery and a surprise. Don't ruin the surprise for her by telling her what you're doing so early on. Just text (or tell) her something like, "Cool, how about (x place) at (x time)?" Once you arrange the date cut contact . Don't be texting her smily faces and shit or sending her good morning texts. It's like talking to the police. You're just giving her shit to use against you. You have nothing to gain by texting her after you have already arranged the date. Most girls have the decency to let you know if they're going to flake. Don't take it personally if she does.
Step 2: The venue. This is a very important aspect of the date that too many guys fuck up. A lot of guys go to dinner, a movie, or some other boring shit for their first date. Let's be real - there is hardly anything less imaginative and more boring than interrogating each other over dinner. Watching a movie (in a theater not your place) is also bad because you can't build any report by talking, all of her attention is focused on the movie and not you. Those are probably the worst places to take a first date.
You want to choose something that you DO not WATCH. Think ACTIVE. This should also be something that you enjoy, and even better if you're good at it - the date is for you, not for her. Get creative with it. Some dates I personally enjoy: Lazertag, Rock Climbing, Karaoke, Drinks, etc... Bonus: Quite often I will suggest we cook dinner at my place, this is great and solves a lot of problems regarding logistics. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to take every girl on something spectacular, but if you're not very charismatic or attractive you're not helping yourself buy sitting across from her questioning her at a dinner table. If you're not enjoying yourself, she's going to notice and judge you as not fun. More than likely, if you're having fun she will too. As a last note, pretty much every beta orbiter is trying to take her out on a traditional "fancy" dinner. Remember what I said about buying her time - one of the easiest ways to get put into the beta bucks category.
It's important that you have more than one place planned. I recommend two or three, but I have done as many as four in a date. Changing venues will make it seem like you guys have known each other for longer than you really have, and help her become more comfortable with you. It also makes the date more interesting and memorable.
You want to have everything planned in a way so that it's hassle free to get back to your place (or someplace you can fuck). Things should (ideally) be within walking distance from each other. You don't want to spend too much time in a car, or on public transportation. These are not very conducive places to escalate (if you're driving). You can fuck in a car or in public but I don't recommend it if you can avoid it - you can rack up some pretty serious charges for fucking in public.
Step 3: Enjoy yourself. Too many dudes center the date around the girl. They worry too much and make too big of a deal about it. You shouldn't noticeably or consciously be trying to impress her, win her approval, or anything of the sort. Honestly she isn't that important and neither are you. Just have fun bro. You should be doing something that you enjoy, so this part shouldn't be that hard right? Just enjoy the moment. A huge point here is: Don't be needy. Don't worry whether or not she's enjoying her self. Don't ask her what she wants to do next, or if she's having fun. Don't make the date about her. Take her off the pedestal and realize you're the prize. Up until now, you've done everything. All she had to do was show up.
Step 4: Escalate. If this girl agreed to see you and do XYZ with you (and you didn't buy her time) She's obviously into you to some degree. She wants you to be the man and take the lead. Escalating is something that deserves a post all on it's own, but here is my take on it: Escalating is about openly showing your sexual and romantic interest in her, without shame, neediness, or embarrassment (although it's okay to be a little nervous). Touching, flirting, eye contact, kissing - these are all ways in which you can convey your sexual interest. How you do it is up to you, but you MUST ESCALATE. Really just do anything that get's your dick hard. It's as easy at that. If you don't show her that you're sexually interested. She's going to place you into her list of, "dudes that don't deserve my pussy". She's also going to be disappointed that you didn't have the balls to show your interest. Fucking on the first night may not be on the list for everyone (but if you are check out my post history, "How to fuck on the first date - A Guide") You need to show her that you're sexually interested on the first date - this is absolute. How far you choose to go is up to you. I think going for the kiss on the first date is the bare minimum, but I don't stop there if I can help it.
Part of escalating is taking her back to your place and fucking her. You don't need to be clever about this, just make up an excuse: "Hey you should come try my tap water"/"You should listen to me play guitar". Just be plausibly deniable - give her hamster something to work with. If you took my advice on the venue it'll be easy to get back to your place from wherever you are. If you guys have been making out, then it's an easy transition. I don't invite girls back to my place unless we've kissed already during the date. This really isn't that big of a deal. You offer, and she replies with yes or no. If she's giving you a Maybe, you can try to lightly persuade her.
Her: Weellllll I'm not suuuuuuuuree. You: Oh my tap waters great, you have to try it Her: Haha Okay!
I invite girls back to my place towards the end of the date, even if i'm not sure she's 100% into me. If she doesn't want to come over it's not a big deal. I'll just try again on the next date.
Important Concepts:
Pacing. Every girl has her own pace which she is comfortable with moving at. Just think of it as how soon she is willing to fuck you. The higher your SMV and better your game the more you can cut this time down. Some girls are cool fucking me within a couple of hours, some after a couple dates. It just depends how you play your cards and what kind of mood she's in. Don't get disappointed if she turns down your kiss, or advances. Just take a step back and try again later. One of my current plates didn't want to kiss me at all on our first and second dates, but we fucked on the third. Being able to gauge how into she is along with how turned on you're getting her is a skill that comes with time and experience. If you're interested on reading more about this check out my post on how to read body language. To sum up this otherwise out of place point, take things as far as you can. If you have a hard time reading ques check out my guide to non verbal communication in my post history.
Keep her focused on the present. You don't want her thinking about her job, her ex, her family, or xyz. You want to keep her attention on you and the date that you're on. Comment about your immediate surroundings, get her caught up in the moment. Bring her focus to you. This is again something that takes experience to develop. The more you can get her focused on the present moment, the more you can bring her into your frame.
Isolate: I don't recommend double dates for beginners. I think these take a little more game to pull off well. Don't agree to have her friend come along with. Just you and her. See my point above about keeping her focused on the present. If she's thinking about her friends, she's going to worry about being judged if she fucks/kisses/whatevers you. Make it you two against the world.
Seating arrangements: This is actually more significant than it might appear to be. A lot of guys sit across (Guy > < Girl) from each other when sitting down to eat or whatever. This is not intimate and puts distance between you and her. It makes it very difficult to touch her, whisper in her ear, kiss her, etc... Sitting like this is not intuitive to escalating. It is much more intimate to sit right next to her, parallel if you're having a hard time imagining this: (Guy ^ ^ Girl) where you can put your hands all over her, like I know you want to. Also makes going for the kiss easy. There isn't anything wrong with sitting perpendicular to her (Guy > ^ Girl) if it's not possible to sit parallel to each other. I will often violate social norms just to sit next to her. I don't really care if the norm in the restaurant or cafe is to sit across from each other, and I'm the only person sitting next to my date in this way (many restaurants are set up this way where I am for only two people). I will always sit parallel next to her if I can help it, and I've never gotten a complaint about it.
Don't Be Needy: I talked about this briefly. If you're dependent on her to have a good time/enjoy yourself. The date will never flower - and neither will you. You should be outcome independent. You don't need her approval or attention. Being needy is an extremely quick way to kill any sort of attraction.
It's not your job to entertain her: A lot of times in the past I felt like I was obligated to make sure she was having a good time. This didn't necessarily hurt me in regards to getting laid, but it placed an unreasonable burden on myself. Now I only make sure I'm having a good time, and she always plays along. This goes with the above point.
Conversation and "getting to know her": Some of the most bullshit, ridiculous excuses I've heard is that, "I want to get to know her before XYZ." If you're saying something like this, you're probably making excuses. If you want to get to know her, take her on a date. You don't need to be sitting across from each other at a dinner table questioning each other to get to know each other. In fact if you really want to "get to know her" this is probably the worst way you can do it. You're going to see the most rehearsed, calculated, and dishonest representation of a girl (person) in that sort of atmosphere. You're going to have plenty of time to talk, even if you're doing something super active. You don't have to be talking 100% of the time. In fact it's better if you say less than you usually do (if only by a little bit). Try to get her to talk, girls love to talk about themselves. Ask her questions about her hobbies, family, hopes, dreams, etc... Try to keep it light hearted, it's okay to touch on dark subjects, but you don't want to get too deep into it and start consoling her. If you're a sperg, keep it light for now until you improve your social skills.
Give her a Ride on The Emotional Rollercoaster: You want to evoke different emotions within her. You can do this in a number of ways. Excitement, suspense, surprise, laughter, Happiness, Horny-ness . If you look back at each step I'm sure you can find some way on how it connects to the theme of the Emotional Rollercoaster: Don't text her after you made plans (suspense), Just tell her where and when to be, you make the plans (Excitement, surprise). Enjoy yourself (Happiness, pleasure). Escalate (Sexuality, getting her turned on). If you're a top notch Chad you can even work in some stories that cultivate certain emotions (sadness). I'll leave this up to you, but throw some lows to contrast with the highs if you're a good story teller. If not, you can get away without it.
You are the prize: If you've followed this guide, then you've realized you've gone through a considerable amount of effort and all she did was show up. Don't put her on a pedestal. If you have this problem read my post, "What I learned from fucking my ONEitis" - it might help out a little bit.
Push-Pull: There are some great posts already on this, which I can't explain better then they already have. Search for them. Just think two steps forward, one step back as a general guideline.
Calibrate after the fact: Not every date/joke/advance is going to be a hit. You want to calibrate afterwards. Not during.
I hope this helps for a lot of guys who are clueless on how to have a good first date that leads to sex. Have fun and good luck!
Edit: Spelling, Grammer and Sentence structure. If you have any suggestions let me know and I will consider adding them in.
Edit 2: Thanks for the gold!
Just to add: if you're good at ice skating, that's a great date. Many touching excuses (it's cold, so you can hold her to warm her. She might suck, so you can hold her, drag her around and make fun of her. She might be good, so you can do some playful ice dancing crap. It's active but not sweaty and you don't need to be talking the whole time.)
Took a date to ice skating once. God wouldn't have known this little petite girl could skate on her own with a handbag hanging on her elbow.
Jokes aside, ice skating is great for kino.
I personally don't like ice skating that much as a date - just my tastes though.
Edit: But I think this is a good idea if you enjoy it.
So many women are insecure and feel intimidated. I suck at ice skating, and playfully displaying that is a way for me to keep the interaction lighthearted. It puts everyone in a good mood.
Sounds like it's a great match for your personality, I think that's a huge aspect of it. It's something YOU enjoy, so it's perfect for you. Although I do enjoy watching people fall down, I can't stand the crowd (It's super packed where I live) and lose my patience.
To add to this, a lot of places will have free entry and sometimes even free skate rental on certain days.
I was actually thinking about this as I was reading the post becuase i'm especially good at ice skating. Thanks for the tip.
Great post! Stealing that tap water line, it fits my sense of humor perfectly.
I'd add this. If you want to get laid on the first date... More important than what you do on the date is logistics.
Logistics trumps all
Think about your date backwards. Start with your dick inside of her at your place or her place and plan it out backwards from there
Don't just meet up at some cool place and wing it. Pick a place near your house or near hers. If I'm taking public transit, I'll pick a place near her house and just ask for her address and head to the place from there since I might be late "due to the vagaries of public transit". This is great because she'll invite you in and usually offer you a drink. In rare cases you can even bang her without going on the date. Even if not, once you've been in her place once, it makes perfect sense for you to walk her home and come in again. (This works the same if you are picking her up)
If you are meeting her at the venue, it's best if you know how she's getting there. If she's driving take an Uber and make her drive you home. If she doesn't have a car, give her a ride home. If you don't know how she's getting there drive and find out at the venue. If necessary you can just leave your car and make her drive you home (obviously don't tell her that you drove).
This probably sounds sleazy and conniving to guys that are new, but it's really just common sense. 90% of the time if a chick is willing to kiss you, she's ready to have sex with you. It's just a matter of getting the both of you to a location where that can happen without making her feel slutty or expecting her to help you lead it there. The easier you structure your date to end up at your place or hers the better.
Also, don't wait until the end of the date to go for the kiss. If you wait until you are saying goodbye it's always akward. Just go for a quick kiss earlier in the date, 2-3 seconds max, pull back and continue the conversation as if nothing happened.
Bahahaha!!
Dude. I've used backwards planning for planning campaigns and big events.
But I've never thought about it for dates. Excellent idea.
Most people think about planning forward towards the goal... planning backwards from the goal is always a great thought exercise.
Great point about the kiss mid-date and continuing like happened. So much better than at the end of the date where is it is expected and can be awkward.
I'm not a fan of trying to go to the girls place, I'm usually closer to the venue then the girls I meet, and a lot of girls where I live still live with their parents until after college (Japan). Even still I like fucking in my bed - but if that works for you, more power to ya
I'm probably 50/50. It just depends on what's easier logistics for me. I live in the suburbs of a major city. For girls that live in the city, I pick a bar near their house. For girls that also live in the burbs I pick a bar near my house.
Great post dude. Top notch. A great starter guide for newbies or guys who are just consistently have a hard time starting out with girls.
Also a good refresh point for guys who are more seasoned in the realm of girls and dating.
You've really done a great job with the detail. Explained every single step. Thanks for this. It covers all the basics, and beyond.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. My goal is to write material and set a precedent for topics that haven't been covered well yet.
I couldn't find something like this when I first got into TRP. So I put what I learned from a number of dates into this post.
Funnily enough, so much talk about women beind douches, a lot are losing sight of why one is here.
This is sexual strategy
Not really any point in complaining about that kind of stuff. Honestly I think a lot of the time the guys aren't even that douchy. The guys are just miserably jealous of said douches.
The most difficult part and you wrote onle line about it. I'd like to hear more about actually getting her to your place. Everything up to this point is fairly easy.
Edited the post, does that help?
She wants to fuck you, you only have to give her pkausablr Deniability.
Back in the day, guys used to say they had to feed their fish. Any excuse can work
and in that sense I know that she doesn't want to if she doesn't come along.
the seating thing is a much bigger deal than i thought it would be. face to face is fine if the table is narrow enough that you can touch her hands/legs without reaching, but any normal size table is cock blocking you
on inviting her to your place: you can be straightforward about it if you're confident and have already escalated ("i'm going to fuck you all night. my place is just around the corner" and take her by the arm). you can be coy about it ("can we go somewhere more quiet?" with a sheepish look). you can go for implausible deniability ("come see my stamp collection").
don't say bold words if you're not going to back them up with bold mannerisms. be playful if you invite her over for something dumb; if you go too dominant, or too coy, it'll come off as rapey or needy. basically, there are several ways to do it, but if you do them half-heartedly or mix them you'll come off as gross
This made me laugh>> sometimes this is how I get women to leave me alone. It's the ULTIMATE reverse psychology. You want them to leave you alone, so YOU get over attentive/affectionate. Then it seems like their own idea to back off. Works every time.
I vote for +1 ♂ for u/The_BitterTruth
I once read taking a girl on a date where you are both solving some sort of problem together is a way to tap into a primal bond-forging apparatus of human nature. I guess we are biologically biased to at least try to establish some connection with the other person if we are relying on each other for survival, which is what problem-solving used to mostly consist of. If you have a modicum of chemistry, it acts as a catalyst for sparking a connection. I've never tried it but it sounds plausible.
Any example of such a place or an activity?
"hey we gotta find some weed"
This is a one of the best comments I have read
I'm sure they have these elsewhere, but in the Detroit area we have these things called escape rooms. They are basically exactly like the guy above described. You have to work together to solve problems. The only problem is they might be meant for more than two people, but i guess that's another problem you have to solve.
Holy hell... One of these places is about to open up next to my office and I couldn't figure out what it was.
Thanks.
Lots of good advice here, just one issue
I disagree with this piece of advice here. Never ask open ended questions to a woman. They don't know what they want. This just gives her an out to hamster away, AND it also makes it look like you have absolutely nothing better to do all week and your schedule is wide open, meaning you have no life.
Instead what I think is better is that YOU state the time, YOU state the place, and do not ask "Do you want to come?" after but simply state the time and place and tell her to be there and leave it up to her to either say yes or no.
Can't agree more. I see it so much on AskTRP it makes me want to puke, and of course they ask why she flaked. Text for logistics only
This too. Girls don't want to fucking sit and talk on a date. They want to do shit, have fun. There is a reason Cyndi Lauper's song was such a hit, because its true. On AskTRP so many ask why she didn't want to go out again, and they say they talked for hours on their date. Hmmm I wonder why? The 2/3 rule ESPECIALLY applies on dates, in fact, I'd say make it 1/2.
That's not an open ended question. You're not asking her when she is free, you're asking her when she is busy. There is a difference. If she's working, she won't be able to hook up while on the job. She tells you what won't work for her when you ask the question like in OP, then you as the man DECIDE when will work, using knowledge of both her and your schedule. My EXACT line is, "Wats your schedule look like this week" Example (she says I work till 5 every day this week, I'm free this weekend, you simply say ok, awesome, lets meet up for drinks tomorrow at 6... don't wait for the weekend unless you have no other choice her offering that she was free that day was a trap, and then that is bad logistics because if she's talking to you, it means she's in the mood to hook up with a new guy, and if it isn't you first, someone else will beat you to the punch) Leading is not just about being controlling, it's about controlling with knowledge and making good decisions. If you just tell her to meet you at 6pm on friday, she'll just think less of you if she's, for example, working 3-9pm that day. Maybe she'll flake without telling you, maybe she'll call off work because you are SOOO incredibly outside of "her league" (be in the 5%) but it's terrible advice for most guys. I mean, maybe it works for you, but I'm guessing it works for you in spite of it being bad advice.
I text all the time. As long as you aren't coming across as needy, it works, but the mindset has to be there. If you're flirting and fun, you're there. If you're gaming younger women (I'm 34 currently fucking an 18 and 19 year old, recently broke up a LTR with a 21 year old) texting is their number one method of communication. If you aren't fluent in it, you are going to be missing opportunities.'
OP, might I suggest you get a dog, it will love you unconditionally, unlike women, and it's a good excuse to get your date back to your place... I have to go home to feed my dog, come along and meet him, you'll love him, he loves meeting new people. (pre-selection, she know that you bring back lots of people back to your place)
That does sound like an interesting idea. I don't think getting a dog for some pussy is a good idea, but I want a dog anyways so I might as well make him as useful as possible. Right now getting a dog is out of the question as I'm living in a foreign country temporarily.
The when are you free works for me, and I fill my schedule better this way.
Also you are living in Japan. I've traveled there extensively and currently live in China, the girls here are definitely less cutthroat in the sense that they won't smell blood if you ask them a question like that whereas they might do back in the UK/Europe/USA. I agree with you that a quick schedule enquiry is a good opener here, especially via text it's better than a straight up "me, you, here, 8pm". It's just cultural, and in all honesty from what I've seen of local dating routines, you've already stood yourself out of the crowd just by asking that.
Also, they know we are busy here as foreigners, we tend to be here for work or traveling, so they know we're not just sitting at home jacking it and thinking about them. The questions you ask only evoke responses based on her impression of your personality already. And we're in a good position as they already view us as daring handsome adventurers, so often they are grateful just to receive a message in the first place. "There are 5 million other tight-bodied, prime age girls in this city with pussies for him to slay, but he messaged me" - The emotional rollercoaster has started before you've really done anything.
nice man.
im still struggling with sitting next to her at dinner or whatever. i've usually stuck to sitting across and doing some sort of footsies and ending up crossing our legs of some variation under the table.
At the kind of restaurant where they show you to a table, you don't have to take the first one. Say "can we have a booth" or "could we sit over there." Also, bar stools can be excellent depending on the place. In addition to sitting next to each other, a good bar will be full of interesting people you can strike up a conversation with. You need to carefully control this, you don't want Chad at the next stool taking over the conversation. But it can turn what might have been an interview style date into something more fun, and if you're good at it, it can display social status on your part.
i can see where bar stools can come into play. i just feel awkward sitting in a booth side by side lol. but i understand the dynamics. ive had a girl who slide over to my side after she finished eating, def can up the kino.
Saved; great post, came off well without any cringy humble brag that is in almost all TRP posts so I appreciate that. Hope to see another post from you soon, the escalation idea would be an interesting read
That's one of my posts I have planned, here's some upcoming ideas I plan to write about if you're interested:
How to be more attractive
When to let a bitch go
How to escalate
Please do "how to escalate" first. Some of us really need to learn, especially me.
I'll be working on a few ideas at the same time, I'm not sure which one I'll finish first. Please look forward to it.
Will do. Thanks for your effort! It's appreciated.
Sounds good man, from my perspective the most interesting one would be the latter. I think there's a lot of resources already on attractiveness and I feel confident in when to let go through personal experience so for me the most interesting would be the last. I'll read regardless though if it's as well balanced and structured as this post
I think how to escalate is going to take the most thought, and consideration. It'll probably take me the longest. I'm not sure where I'll start honestly, or when I'll finish. If you like I can link you when the time comes.
If its a "day light date" take her geocaching. If you don't know what that is google it. I like it because its fun and active. You get to see her trying to solve clues to find the cache. Stop at the dollar store and pick out some trinkets first to put in the caches. But let it be a mystery why your at the dollar store buying little green army men or dinosaurs. There are a few apps to download that are free. Above all make it fun and exciting, you want it to be a lasting memory for her.
That could be interesting - I might have to try this.
First date: Stand up comedy show. Followed by drinks at a bar discussing the show and jokes. Keeps it light and in the moment.
I think this is a good idea, but probably not good for everyone.
Probably not everyone. But when it does go well, it usually goes very well.
Great post. What I would like to add is that guys should practice, go on dates and see what works for you. Because this post purpose is exactly that: to make things easier in practice. Go on dates, hit on woman it really reduces approach anxiety and makes things easier. so my advice would be to go on dates and gain experience applying knowledge represented here.
Yea this is a big deal. Everyone has what they like. Someone suggested ice skating - which is a great date, just not for me.
A very interesting read. How do you ask to split the bill though?
Not really anything special, "hey let's split the bill"
I don't do this unless I'm in a LTR. A current plate im spinning paid for me without me asking on our 3rd date. She just said she got it and I was like OK cool.
Now she loves fucking me.
Depends on the girl. Most times they offer to split it. Usually when the waitress brings the check, I don't say anything and the girl will take out her card as do I and the girl will say she wants it split.
Now last week I dated a complete bitch. I was waiting on her to take out her card and she didn't. I put my card on the check and gave her "a look" to let her know that I want her to pay.
She said "you're not going to pay z you're the man."
I said "I never heard of that being a rule before, but yea I wasn't planning to pay because I just got one beer while you got an entire meal."
She eventually took out her card. Again she was a complete bitch the entire time so it's rare that I found myself in that situation when the girl gives me shit for not paying.
lmao Did you at least end up fucking that girl tho?
Funny. No. I ended the date on a kiss, which was hard to get because she said she likes to wait.
She's in school trying to be a surgeon so now she's in another state for some school thing (I don't know the process). I just got done texting her before I wrote this message asking when she's free to hang out. She kept avoiding the question and told me in two weeks when she gets back (again, complete bitch).
At this point, I'm just pressing seeing how far I can go and yes I completely understand that I'm probably feeding her ego. She's 31 and still single and that wall is coming fast. So that alone is why I believe I can bed her despite her shit test. She does not have as many options as she think she has, especially with her attitude. So even if I don't succeed, then good luck to her holding out thinking some guy is going to carry her off her feet.
Nothing to add, but wanted to say that this is a very well done post.
I think the key is to make your intentions clear before meeting so you're on the same page. If you only want sex, only meet women who want the same.
With regards to planning an active date: I wouldn't want to go on a date where I don't know what's planned. For a first date, this is a really bad idea except if you know from previous messaging that the other person likes this activity. She may not want to go ice skating, climbing or doing a pottery class or whatever and she could end up feeling pressured and uncomfortable.
Yes this is set in the first interaction, before contact info is exchanged. You can't introduce yourself as, "Hey let's be friends" and then suddenly switch to, "Let's fuck"
I think you missed out on the part where I mentioned screening for interests during the first interaction. A lot of times when I first meet someone I'll find a common interest, and suggest we do that as our first date, in person not over messaging.
Most people I message are happy with just a meeting place, and if they aren't sure I say, "we can decide once we meet". I usually already have something in mind. So it's still a bit of a fun surprise.
A boring place can be fun with the right person. A fun place can be a drag with a boring person.
Great job, this post is gold and it's basically my strategy. Very Corey Wayne stuff.
One thing that I didn't see is when you set the second date after the first date. For me is of course a week while writing in the middle to set the date exactly as I set the first one. Then no contact again. You do this twice, she gets the rules of game, if her attraction level is high she will start pursuing you because she can't wait a week to see you again (at that point you just sit back and wait). When she does all you do is to set the next date and repeat the thing.
Tested several times and 100% working for me.
Great job man.
I love the first date cooking dinner together. You order her around the kitchen, chat as you do prep work, then once something is in the oven, smirk, "whatever will we do while we wait for the food," and go for the kiss.
Cue escalation, cut off by food being done. Sexual tension continues as you eat, then it's time for fucking.
I'm a fucking noob at game, and it's gotten me two first date lays.
Great excuse if you start with drinks near your place, too. "I'm hungry. Let me show you this place nearby, I'm great friends with the chef." Go to your place, laugh as she realizes you're the chef.
Ha I love that last line, I will definitely be using it.
Thanks for this!
It really shines a spotlight on an aspect I'm having trouble with: date activities.
Can someone help me with suggestions?
I check online event listings weekly. Interesting events (orchestras, festivals, trivia nights, karaoke, etc.) are uncommon in my country.
And they're often out of my budget as I suspect the economics just don't allow for it to be cheaper (or frequent). They're heavily expat-focused and priced accordingly.
Dinner/drinks/movies/nightclubs is literally 99% of the dating activities everyone does here. And the % of event listings they take up reflect that.
So, I have to "create" my own interesting dates.
While the bar for "Hmm, that's interesting" isn't that high, I'm kinda struggling with thinking up stuff that would make ME want to not just sit at home with a book.
So far, I've been working with:
Light BBQ meal at bar/restaurant > buy ice cream @ supermarket > get spoons & eat at my place.
Movie at my place.
Send some cash for groceries > have her cook > picnic at my place.
Swimming at a nearby health club.
Other ideas I had include a game of pool, bowling (if the price works for me), and maybe an ActLikeYouBelong-type experience or two.
Any suggestions?
If this isn't already said, Shooting range
Not really an option if you aren't in a gun friendly area (usually south and Midwest of 'Murica)
I'm always a fan of the outdoors, going to parks, hiking, driving through twisty windy roads when it's snowing out, going out to the lake and canoeing, going to the beach, with or without the dogs, dog park. Summer time even just cruising in the convertible with the top down works.
I'll agree with bittertruth about the sending money for food thing.
Remember, you are the prize, you are not a beta bucks, she should be spending her resources to attract you, not the other way around, you have the good genetics and lifestyle that she wants. Giving her money directly is one step removed from prostitution, and prostitutes are not in love with the men they fuck (but they will do it anyway)
Tell HER to bring food to a picnic is a good way, unless she doesn't have a job or something and you're making good money, but then again, you REALLY don't want to be a beta bucks for a girl like that. You have to really work hard to make sure she's working for not your resources, because they are yours, not hers.
Just go for some trial and error. You'll find out what works for you and what doesn't. Don't be afraid of failure.
I think everything is good except sending money for groceries and asking her to cook for your first date.
I see.
It's not a first date option. The light BBQ, ice cream, my place thing is my go-to first date.
I did the go buy groceries & cook for me thing for a 2nd date and she was super into it. Mostly because she'd never been on a picnic before.
(See what I mean about how bland social activities are in general?)
Other than that, anything you think is worth mentioning for my date options so far?
I've been taught to split the bill and I'll start on that where applicable.
I don't know what you have in your area or what you life, so I'd be shooting in the dark. Get creative with it man. Be adventurous.
I like going to this restaurant that also has bowling and pool. The food is good and there's enough people around where it feels like a really chill place.
horseback riding , yoga , hiking
Keep in mind that there is no default first date ideas that will work for all women. It really depends on the woman.
If you know a girl likes to drink beer or wine then grabbing drinks at bars is perfect or wine tasting event (usually $20 or less). Now I have a bar by my place that has a bunch of old retro arcade games including old systems like Nintendo 64 (for free). It's perfect because if just sitting there drinking gets boring we could play games. But bars are only good for women that like to drink.
There are times when I took a woman to a bar and she would not drink anything (after telling me how she likes to drink). So now being sober and talking ruins everything.
Now it's harder to plan things in the winter because there is only so much going on. Ice skating is perfect and cheap, Dave and busters is cheap. If you're still out of ideas you can invite them to your house to play your games (assuming you have them). I have a vr headset and Xbox kinnect, so alot of times I suggest that then we can plan from there.
During the summer or warmer times of the year, you can plan walks in the park or some live music fest. Hope this helps.
Awesome guide man. Everything except for sitting on the same size of the booth is top notch. Just my opinion, but sitting on the same side screams I'm trying to hard. The reasons you gave for doing it though were great and make sense, but it's just too lame for me to be able to be comfortable. Also, every girl I've asked about it says it makes them uncomfortable too. Maybe that's the idea, but I just couldn't deal with the bit of throw up in my mouth.
If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work. Of course if you're uncomfortable with it, she's definitely going to be uncomfortable with it too.
It works for me, and is my recommendation - not an iron rule cast in stone.
I agree. I've found that the best way to sit is (GUY > ^ GIRL)
Babe, you see one of those tupperware containers full of autistically weighed sweet potatoes, rice, chicken breast, steak, and broccoli? Grab the one labeled 6 OZ CB 12 OZ rice and 3 OZ broccoli. Yeah? Microwave it.
Going to add just a little pointer
MAKE A FUCKING MOVE. I learned this the hard way..
I'm not even talking about getting laid, even though this is pretty much the goal for every interaction with a women you are attracted to. A KISS or make-out session at the very fucking minimum is needed by the end of the night or you can hard next and try again.
I'm pretty sure I already have this written pretty much verbatim
not when her brother comes to pick her up...
Please, master, tell me how to tell her that we are splitting the bill? (So that it doesn't sound like I care too much about this matter) How to prepare her for paying for herself, so that she actually knows she needs to pay when the check comes?
I usually just tell them to pay for their portion of whatever. Most of the time I don't have to ask
Edit: "Hey let's split the bill" - say it with a smile and they can't get mad.
Usually the girls offer to pay for themselves. When the bill comes don't say anything. Make eye contact if you have to.
Now if the girl is not going to offer, just say something like "let's split the bill and I'll pay first round of drinks next time." that always worked for me. Even if there won't be a next time, her ass is still going to pay for herself
I usually let the bill sit there for a while so she starts to think about it. If she offers to pay, I usually just pick it up (insignificant $ value to me usually), and tell her to get the next one. If she never offers to pay & I'm not interested in seeing her again, I'll just flat out say "hey we should split it" or some variation. That being said, I will typically cut the first date off after 2 drinks to either end it or switch locations. This keeps the $ amount of the tab low. I also never ever ever EVER schedule first dates at typically dinner hours. I eat before and if the server asks if we're eating I'll just quickly interject that I ate already. Have never had a girl order food after that. On a few occasions after first bar they admitted that they were hungry and so I find a place for us to eat. Who pays depends on what happened with the bill from drinks.
25Y-old lurker sharing his experience on converting a date into lay. Seriously- for an easy lay aka little time and money investment, be as hot as you can (mainly to attract at least decent chicks), develop average social skill and LOOK for girls in NEED.
I was a bloody involuntarily virgin which never had a girlfriend nor kissed any lips of girl by my volition until exactly on my 25th Bday. First-kiss-available virgin-> Sex with tinder (stranger) date in one instance.
My advice to the virgins out there: be hot and confident/having a true personality. This is what I figure allowed me to smash this life barrier. It took me slightly more than a year of serious lifting and grooming with a strong desire to be a critical thinking individual (personality). I might share my story sometime.
great post, keep 'em going!
Thanks! I've got a couple planned for the future, not sure when they'll be finished
Sounds like you wrote 'Get in her mind get in her bed' :D Great content!
which of these tinder style apps works best
I believe you just answered your own question.
This just up my game, I would simply say lets go back to my place and get to know each other better, it works most of the time but I can easily see how having a activity pre plan can help the hamster.
I feel this is over thinking it and becoming robotic , I simply feel out each girl , my stories aren't particularly exciting or emotional but if she likes me she will come home with me.
I'm very interested in knowing where you meet your dates,(Social circles,online, on streets), I found dating in social circles is the hardest, but online or streets they will usually sleep with you on the first date if they like you.
I have a pretty diverse variety when it comes to different girls I game. I did online for a while, they're the easiest to fuck, but flakiest imo. Social circle game does put up a lot of resistance cuz her name and reputation is on the line, but easiest to introduce myself to.
The street is pretty hit or miss, but it works pretty decent for me. Takes some balls and get some awkward conversations occasionally.
Otherwise bars and stuff - these aren't bad for me.
I do clubs once in a while if I'm trying to pick someone up that night, but clubs aren't really my thing and wear me out.
Couldn't agree more on your point about seating arrangements. Was recently at this girl's place where she had one of those couches with individual seats and a console dividing it. Made it very difficult to get close for escalation.
I have a question about "calibrating" you mentioned near the end of your post. What exactly does that mean in the context of dating?
I mean adjusting yourself like conversation topics, jokes, approaches, etc after you do it not during
Great post! The sitting next to her portion is a good one. I'm going to try that out if I do a cafe date.
Good luck, remember to have 2-3 venues
Agreed. Multiple venues is good advice.
I developed a pricing strategy I find fair for a first date. I pay the first $10, and the rest is 50-50 for the total bill. Still wondering how to implement it without bringing a spreadsheet to explain.
Edit: wrong placement
Lol if it's that hard to implement maybe you should just pay for the bill.
why is this post so long? Are people that autistic they need a step by step guide for basic social interaction? this isn't fucking rocket science.
If this post seems long and unnecessary to you, that's probably a good thing. There are a lot of people that have never been on a date before- I wrote it with someone like that in mind.
LOL
fucking autists polluting this forum, never been on a date, pathetic!
Good post, although one awesome thing you can do on a date is not mentioned.
Once I discovered this, it made getting laid on dates that much easier.
and that is this. HAVE HER MEET YOU AT YOUR PLACE FOR THE DATE!!!
I can not stress this enough!
When she gets there, just act like you need 5 more minutes, and buzz her in to your place. Since she's a chick, she might be nervous that youre gonna try to fuck her right away (but no, that is NOT your plan at all)
You buzz her in, she comes into your place, she sees that you dont live like an animal, and you also get points for not jumping her bones right away. As soon as she is in, you just are putting on your jacket or some such, and you both head out on your date together.
Why is this a good idea?
because, later on in the night, when you are taking her back to your place, ITS A PLACE THAT SHE"S BEEN BEFORE (even though it was only for 2 minutes)
To a woman's tiny mind, just that fact that she's been there before makes her fine with going back to a "place she already knows"
SO, the fact that on the date you've taken her to multiple venues, AND the fact that she's already gone to multiple venues with you, strengthens the illusion that she's known you much longer (even though this might be the first time that she's even hung with you, and your actual time with her is only a few hours)
Of course... there is another advantage to the quick, have-her-pop-in-and-then-pop-out approach to dating, and that is that sometimes if a chick is particularly horny, a real slut, or just super into you, you can sometimes make the move to kiss her, and she'll just let you. if that happens, there is open no time wasted on a date, and you can just bang her right then and there (this is rare, but hey... it happens, and when it does what a time-saver and money-saver it can be).
Also, even if she won't give you a bang right then and there, upon first being along with you in your place (which is to be expected) there is another option, if she has a purse of some such, you can always offer to let her leave it there (you know, so she "doest have to carry it with her all evening"). And that way, she already has an excuse why she has to come back to your place after the date activity.
But even if it doesn't do either of those things, like i said... its always 100 times easier to get a give to come up to your place if she has physically been in there before.
I never do this and think it's a waste of energy and time. If a girl doesn't want to fuck me after spending a whole night with me, some cheap trick like this isn't going to tip the scale.
If this works for you then that's fine, but I don't consider this good advice to most men either. For me (and I assume many others), logistically this would be a terrible choice.
If some girl wants to come all the way to my place before we even go on a date, we're going to fuck at my place. Not go on a date.
well, you can think that, i'm just sharing whats worked for me
but hey... if you're against "cheap tricks" then why even go on sates, or take women out at all?
i mean, a date is the ultimate cheap trick, even a girl knows that you dont want to really go bowling, or play pool, or just randomly spend time with a stranger. both people really know its about seeing if you like each other enough to fuck.
usually the guy knows as soon as he sees if the chick is hot or not, but talking to her, pretending to care about anything she says other than "fuck me" is just trickery.
and as the whole point of a date is to make a chick want to, and let me fuck her, then "cheap tricks" like making her feel comfortable coming into my apartment as if it were a regular place that she already knows, then its just good dating.
i mean, the point isnt to make a girl fuck me after spending time with me, the point is to spend as little time with her before facing her as possible.
with the "meet me at my place" approach, she can see my place, then be taken out to a local bar, or ice cream stop, maybe a stroll through the park on the way home, and then... after just two hours of so, be back in my place (that she already "knows") and once there the fucking can begin.
I mean, if you can get chicks to come over and fuck you right away, thats cool (I can, too - at least in many cases) but the whole point of this post was to give info to guys who are getting dates, but not getting laid on those dates (and thats both annoying and a waste of time) as such, for guys who arent getting laid on their dates, I still stand by my advice as good advice for guys with that particular issue in their dating.
The bottom line is: If it works for you, it works. There's no reason to change what you do because I say so or disagree with you.
In responce to your points:
You're labeling a cross-cultural norm as a cheap trick. I think that's a bit of a stretch. You'll have to make an argument for this if you want me to play along. I consider myself a straightforward and genuine person. When I'm on a date I let myself shine.
Maybe you feel this way, but not everyone does.
Not sure where you're getting this from. This isn't at all how I go on dates, or what I wrote in my guide.
If that is your goal when you go on dates, then your approach suits you. I go on dates to have fun, which I felt like was emphasizes plenty in my post.
For your last point, my rebuttal is still the same as the first. If they blow the date, I seriously doubt your method is going to outweigh the bad impression they left. However if they're riding on the line of getting it in on the first date, they'll most likely get a second date, where they'll meet much less resistance. In either case, nothing to worry about.
Just make sure she isn't bored.
If your idea of fun is a Magic the Gathering tournament at a comic book shop, and she's over in the corner rolling her eyes, you're not getting laid.