Hello brothers,

​

This is a long wall of text, so TL;DR: I had an horrible 3,2 year relationship. Being economically used and wasted 4 years of my youthness in someone who only wanted my to be the beta provider. Beware my english, i am not native english speaker :)

​

It all started one summer afternoon in 2010: a friend told me to go to a main square because he and his girlfriend, a friend in common we have and another girl who came from Italy, all doing a vermouth. I decided to accept the invitation and I went.

​

In the vermouth, we did not have much contact: she only spoke Italian, she did not speak Spanish, or English, or anything. Only their language and the dialect spoken in their region. Even so, she was a short, sporty and pretty woman. But short stature which, now that I have taken the red pill, I understand that she was not a woman of much value given her short stature: 1.54m (4.98ft). Still, she had an explosive character and looked like a determined woman.

​

That same afternoon, after the vermouth, we all went to their respective homes and then stayed in my downtown apartment, where we were going to organize a poker game. Of the group of vermouth people, 2 fell because they did not like poker, but the Italian girl did want to play.

​

The night came and in my apartment there were already 4 friends from another city who came to play with us too, all boys were in a serious relationship, all former alpha male because they were all already medicated with the blue pill. After a while, my roommate arrived, another very fat and nerdy friend and this Italian girl who would soon be my new girlfriend.

​

To give you a clear idea of the ages of everyone and so we understand the situation of my ex-girlfriend and my friends, I will tell you that I was 34 years old. The four friends were 33, 28, 27 and 27 years old, all mega engaged (now they are half separated), the fat nerd, 29 years old and the Italian girl 26. Miss my flatmate, 26 years old, alpha project .

​

---

​

As soon as the game started, the Italian girl had chosen me among all the men in the group. It was noticeable in her body language. She sat next to me when I had the opportunity to sit elsewhere. As soon as we were 4 in the last round of poker, she sat on my lap. All the men looked at me with approval and looks like "oh, what a bastard!" I was in Glory, because, being a total Soyboy, I had a lot of value in the market because of my status and economy. This woman noticed me because of this, even having alphas available at the table. She was going for my resources, it was very clear. But I, ignorant of what was happening there, I thought that she had chosen me because of my interior. Nothing could be further from this idea, it was clear that I was under the influence of a blue pill, but a pill of a very dark blue.

​

The game was over and there was nothing left but my roommate, the fat nerd, the Italian woman and me talking in our living room and on the balcony. A few minutes later, my friend retires to his room and, the fat nerd (who was the owner of the apartment where the Italian woman was sleeping during her stay in Barcelona) and the Italian girl decided to leave as well. I say goodbye and go to my room. I've been so stupid, coward and I already assumed that declaring my interest to the Italian girl would be worse, even having experienced all the courtship received in the poker game by the girl, I felt that I did not have the courage so I I retired to sleep. In any case, if she was in love with me, she was going to call me. And so it happened, 20 minutes later, I see a message on my phone, it was her and she said "you want to have breakfast with me tomorrow" in an Italian that I did not understand very well. I told her yes. And so we hanged out the next day.

​

---

​

In the following days, we saw each other and we had sex. It was all magic and I felt a complete man: having a nice girl to care, to protect, she was my project and I didn't realized I never said yes to anything, yet I was giving all. More emboldened for everything: I felt that the person in my life had arrived. The one that had to renounce everything for her. As soon as she went to Italy, my friends told me "it's over, it's over, forget about her", but I resisted, and I wrote messages the following days telling her that I was in love with her. After 10 days I was at his parents' house in Sicily, Italy.

​

The girl was from a too humble family. Jobless father and mother, they lived on the contributions of the eldest son and the pensions from the State. For them, I was their ideal son and husband for her complicated personality daughter: tall, thin, not on drugs, with money, studies, speaks several languages, lives alone in Barcelona. It was the millionaire that her daughter was going to marry

​

I was with them for 1 month and then I returned to Barcelona. I returned a little disturbed because, being alone, I realized that part of my resources were at stake, mainly due to the comments that she made at family gatherings, as if she were going to live with me. As she did not have studies, did not speak Spanish well and did not even have a secure job in Barcelona, I doubted a lot about this and it was so much that I decided to end the relationship 4 months later. It was 4 months where I was alone, because she was in Italy, but well, we talked every day. She did not let me go, it was obvious, I was her "gold mine". So when I told her that I wanted to end with her, after crying a lot, writing messages and a long silence, she decided to come on her own to Barcelona.

​

To all that happened, she did not give up on returning with me and she did it in a moment of weakness that I showed the first time we saw each other at a party that we were both invited to. We returned (all friends and her), as always, to finish celebrating in my downtown apartment. She was the only woman in the room with me and my other two friends. She did not stop drinking and interrupting all the talks with her absurd phrases. Everyone laughed, but I did not. So I said goodbye to everyone and went to my room to watch netflix. She told my roommate if she could stay that night sleeping at the sofa in the living room, as we usually let our friends do, my partner said there was no problem. After a while, when there was a sepulchral silence in the apartment, I received a message. It was her, she told me if I was awake. I said yes. That's where everything began...

​

We hangout 3 and a half years. We went to live together to a loft. She worked taking care of children of a couple of directors of a big company, but did not even collect 300 euros per month. I carried all the expenses and also gave her money so she could move around the city and do her own life. So were 2 years of established relationship. The first two months, sex was abundant and good, but then, it was declining. She could not find a job. She was at home all day, playing video games and not searching mercilessly for a job, she was totally frustrated and I tried to encourage her, but it was never enough.

​

Already entered the last year of the relationship, she gets a job in a company that does Help Desk. Apparently, she earned well. The first month, it was great. She paid me a dinner (as a good alpha male I ate as if there were no tomorrow) and we had a fairly fluid and warm physical contact. But the next month, she told me she wanted to get married at the end of the year. I told her she was crazy, how could she pretend to marry now? when we did not have a house, she was just in a telephone operator job, it was financial madness to get involved in marriage. That's when everything really began, there she decided that I wasn't her provider due the new denial I gave her, so she already chose another man from her life, betas that were after her, clearly, because after we broke up, she told me she where already making good male friends. It outraged me.

​

At that time in my life, it was very hard. I came home from work and I already felt bad about myself for not being able to make my life more cheerful, and I expected her to change my mind, but that did not happen. Constant fights, no sex, her way of punishing me was put into practice: treat me badly in every occasion she could, even in front of other friends. The day came that I could not take it anymore and I talked to her. And that was the drop that overfilled the glass. She wanted "to get married at the end of the year and have her son ready to be born in the following summer".

​

Not only did she want to marry me, she wanted a son too, we were also looking for a new bigger apartment where we could live. I had also already planned the purchase of the engagement ring she wanted and that, on countless occasions, she brought up when we were meeting with friends. All these expenses, they ran on my money, always. And the thing got bad when I demanded her to pay half the rent and the services. She went crazy, but she could not deny that it was time to pay after living free for 2 years at the cost of my money. She payed only 1 month. I remember her face and her phrases like "show me the water bill" because she wanted to check that i splitted half. She started also to be more distant and be with 2 other girls, that were single thots too. Those thots for sure encouraged her to fuck me up and it was her time.

​

The day she told me she was leaving me, we went out with friends to a bar. It seemed like a normal day, she was calm and I thought that tonight I would have sex and everything. No, we get home, we go to bed and she starts talking to me. He told me she was leaving me, etc. We talked for a while and there was no way to stop it. Everything was already decided and I was the one who screwed it all, she was going to go to a girlfriend's house, which she frequented more and more.

​

She left, but left her things in my house. After 4 days, she returned home and stayed there. The relationship had only become "hello, good day", "I need this, that", an ice cube. On the other hand I was totally destroyed, knowing that I had someone in my house who could not love anymore because he would leave. Not content with leaving me, she started sending Whatsapp audios to her group of friends. I could listen to her as she received messages, how she talked about going out, parties and gossip about men that the group of women in the group had met and she was laughing with complicity: they were already hunting all of them. The anger began to dominate me. I couldn't believe she didn't leave home, she was openly partying on her new free life and never cared if those things would bother me. It was on that same day that I told her that I had 3 days to leave my house. She put on a face to wish me death, however, she accepted my request and so she did. Prior to this, she told me that she did not want to end the relationship but that she wanted to leave in order to have her own space. I told her no. That if she wanted to leave, then leave it all, but distant relationships i don't want. She wanted us to go to the movies, to dinner and probably sex, she wanted me to again conquer her, submit to her. I said no, I found it insulting.

​

The days following her departure, I started dating women. A friend sent me a picture of Tinder, it was her, with her profile. It had not taken her 20 days to get in there. I talked to her and I reproached her for her hypocrisy. She denied that she was in the dating app, I showed her the capture and she changed her speech of denial to "I did it for the jokes, I was with a friend, I already deleted the account". Lie, because the capture had occurred 15 minutes before the messages. My anger grew and I told her to fuck off of my life.

​

I had deleted her from all social networks. I installed Tinder and I went to bed with as many women as I liked. Even with Tinder, I was really a loser, a soyboy, a male behavior hater. I was a gentleman's book stereotipe. I did not have all the luck I wanted because, basically, I was still with a blue pill mentality and, I had not yet accepted that I had a problem with myself: I was almost in my bones of how thin I was, out of physical shape, zero exercises and my attitude with women was to lick her boots. All to get a win. I was totally screwed in the head, brothers. Despite being a full-fledged soyboy, part of my instincts protected me from accepting all the things my ex asked me or other women I've met after her. It was not until the year I left with her that I started a red pill process and that was when I discovered the truth of everything. And it was hard to discover everything and realize that I've always being used. Everything made me so much sense and, the examples were so clear and evident that none of the examples I've read sounded like fantasy, on the contrary, they were a perfect account of what had happened to me, brothers.

​

***

​

The first thing I did was accept that I had several problems, not only physical, but also of attitude, money, work, friendships, hobbies, everything. I was aware that I could not solve them all at once, but I could be smarter and start a discipline program that would help me concentrate and achieve things and this gave excellent results. The first step was to recognize the problem he had and the second was to discover the best way to solve it.

​

In a matter of months, the first thing I did was change my diet and start a gym program. I was very afraid to go to the gym and be seen. I was a walking skeleton. I felt absolute shame of my being. I could not lift 500g in each hand without feeling a piece of shit. But my anger to show the world that I could get out of the pit was bigger and I kept going to the gym. I also changed my way of dressing, my diet, my haircut. Everything was done strictly and I began to notice the changes 3 weeks after going to the gym. I looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom of my house, I noticed that my body began to have the features of a man. He had never seen me like this and it was not a big thing, brothers, but even so, it was enough proof to follow the path of cultivating the body.

​

Another thing I did was change jobs, improve managing my finances better and change my home. Change of apartment was important because it helped me leave my relationship behind. Today I do not care about anything that I've lived with that woman. My head has eliminated the vast majority of things lived, even good ones. There are no pictures of me with her, I do not have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram anymore. I have deleted all those social networks and all the photos where she was. I've even searched all my computers for traces of it. There is nothing. The Peace that I feel is supreme. There is no way to go back and become a coward man who does not accept his masculinity. Now things had changed drastically.

​

The first thing I noticed, after going 6 months to the gym is that the women in the street, places or parties started to look at me, smile at me, talk to me. Other men stopped treating me condescendingly or with pity. Even when someone in the street bothered me I told them, with the angriest face I could put, so they understand that I would not bother to break their face, moreover, I was willing to fight and that I never wanted in my life, on the contrary, I was a coward. I have noticed that men no longer see me weak and they start treating me as an alpha. With the men who are good alpha, I feel comfortable and they with me too. Before I thought that everyone was a bunch of cocky: nothing is further from reality. I just did not accept that they are people who, if they have to call you an idiot, will do it without any problem, because they are not beta. I have created more friendships with quality men, thanks to my change of attitude from being a soyboy to going to explore my masculinity to the fullest. Today, with a year and months going to the gym, about 12 kilos more in my body, well contoured forms, I look myself in the mirror and I see a man.

​

The encounters with women in Tinder multiplied and I have access to better women. I do not intend to get in contact with any woman. Moreover, I tell you at the time this question comes up. However, they love it! They love when I give them a negative, when I do not agree to a millimeter of their whims. They look for me, they send me photos. Even many send me half-naked photos without my request. Even with all this success, I now choose better when I want to have sex, with whom and under my terms. And if the minimum drama arises: "pump and dash, in a cloud of kush" if you know what I mean.

​

I know I can have a relationship now. I can also get married, but I will not: the outlook for people of my age (40 years old) is devastating: full of single mothers or 30s hipster instagramers and women frustrated by the amount of bad decisions they have made in their lives and the feminists. I only see women who are interested in my new and abundant resources and that's why I love being MGTOW because you go off the radar and you're king. Eventually I will stop doing Tinder and go full no contact with women.

​

If you are reading this, please take the red pill before it's too late. Your life will change forever and you finances too. You really don't need women, you just need to be financially free to do all the things you like, even sex.

​

BTW: I am thinking in paying for surrogate pregnancy with a good Russian 20's model so no woman in earth can take my boy and I can raise it my children properly red pilled.