I've written and erased this submission more times than I can count. These words aren't easy to get out, but maybe I can help someone here who feels hopeless.
Four years ago, before I found the Manosphere and TRP, I starting dating a girl I had pedestalized into someone far beyond what a drug abusing, alcoholic, cheating girl could ever be. For two years she slowly got better, she started to become the perfect person I thought she was. Then she got pregnant. We fought so much about what to do about it, but I pushed her into an abortion as we were both young and the time wasn't right. She wasn't ready for that decision.
Turns out, like anyone with a serious chemical dependency will do after trauma, she relapsed. She killed herself and I found her cold body on the floor. Prescription pills can destroy your mind and body when you take everything you can find at once. As much as I'd like to remember her smiling and laughing, I dream of her cold hands and twisted face.
I took two lives that year, and I planned on a third: my own. I got so far as to get drunk and stick a gun against the roof of my mouth. I cried like a little girl, it was the lowest I've ever felt. And yet.. I didn't because I couldn't hurt anyone else. I didn't want them to go through what I did when she died. She wasn't perfect, and she hit almost every red flag in the archive. But she was mine, and I loved her as much as any blue pill guy would.
I found TRP and without gaming women (I'm still not ready for that, BP or not I don't care) I started improving my life. If I was going to be an empty shell of a man, I'd at least have fun doing it. I picked up hobbies like woodworking and automotive maintenance. I doubled down on past hobbies I'd neglected, like snowboarding and going out with my buddies. The nightmares don't end, but the days started to become bearable.
I wrote this because I'm seeing a trend of depressed guys asking what to do next, or if life is really worth it. I can't answer that, but I do know that if I can hold the guilt inside and still be a pretty okay dude, so can you. Don't end your life over whatever petty reasons you see. Find help. See a counselor, try medication, (at least until you've worked out your problems) and start seeing some buddies. Make friends, find hobbies, and start to really enjoy your life. Lift hard and see what you look like with abs. Go back to school for something you've always wanted to try. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Do anything. Just start to do, something.
We talk about gaming women a lot, but by being on this sub, you have an advantage that most don't. You have an opportunity to find a mission in life and really live your fucking life.
Don't waste that chance on suicide. When you've hit rock bottom, you can't sink any lower.
Edit: I had originally written this to help others and show that we all have different struggles: don't fucking kill yourself over something dumb.
But the community outreach has been great and things like this make me grateful to have found TRP. Thanks guys.