This post is going to piggy back off of what /u/imatahigherplace recently said in his post, "The Most Powerful Tool in Your arsenal: The Ability to Walk Away". This post will address things from the perspective of spinning plates, as well as LTR's, but I think it can apply to any non-platonic relationship you have with a woman.


A lot of guys land a girl they're satisfied with (or settle for) and do everything they can to keep her in their life at all costs. These men are unwilling to let go of their terrible relationship, and are usually desperately trying to save their failing relationship. They value the relationship above themselves and it often has detrimental effects: Sacrificing oneself for the sake of a (one-sided) relationship. It's important to understand that clinging onto a sinking relationship is the embodiment of scarcity-mentality, along with an unhealthy amount of neediness. If you can develop (and maintain) an abundance-mentality along with minimize your neediness, then you will most likely never need to contemplate whether or not you should end your relationship with a women.


There are some simple questions you can ask yourself that if you answer honestly you should be able to answer whether or not your should NEXT her.

Are you trying to save a failing relationship?

I would like to quote Oscar wild, “The only difference between a caprice and a lifelong passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer.”

Too many guys have fooled themselves into thinking that since they fell in love, their relationship was meant to last forever. Nothing lasts for ever. Everything goes bad or dies at some point in time. It's possible you can stretch a relationship beyond it's expiration date numerous times - but what methods would you have to employ, and at what cost? What sort of frankenstein-like state would the relationship be forced into after too many futile attempts to keep it alive? Where as if you let a relationship die when the fire burns out, you both can cleanly part ways with your dignity and sense of self intact. There is no sense in destroying yourself to prolong a temporary pleasure.

Are you getting what you want out of the relationship?

Some guys go wrong here by lying to themselves about what they really want from a relationship, "I don't want to fuck her, that would ruin our friendship!". This should be pretty straight forward and easy to answer with a "yes" or "no". If you have to think about this for any length of time you're probably not getting what you want. She's getting what she wants from you, why don't you do the same?

Do you want her behavior to change?

The sex might be great, she might make a great dinner, but do you just wish she would cut out that annoying habit of being a complete bitch all of the time? If you consistently tell yourself, "This would be perfect is she would just (stop doing ____ / change _____ / do ______ more/less often)" You're probably asking her to change her behavior. Many guys actually want to change the girl's personality, or who they are as a person. Any of these cases are futile. She knows how to be a good girlfriend. She knows she's being a bitch. She knows she's being disrespectful. She knows she's hurting you when she does XYZ. If you need to confront her about her behavior it's (almost always) too late. You're not a White Night in Shining Armor. You can't save her from herself. You can't change her. Stop making excuses for her.

Are you having sex regularly (or at all)?

This goes with above point, but it's an important issue so I will address it on it's own. Women understand how important sex is to men, that's why they withhold it as a weapon. There are a few reasons on why she might stop having sex with you, and all of them allude to worst things coming, and the end of a relationship. Here's some possible reasons she might have stopped sex - along with why these are grounds for letting her go.

  • She no longer finds (or never found) you sexually attractive: You've done something that killed her attraction to you, or she never found you sexually attractive in the first place. You can't negotiate desire. Any sex you get from this point out will be out of pity or obligation and will be unsatisfying. Why do you want to fuck someone that doesn't want to fuck you?

  • She is weaponizing her sexuality against you: In this case she has made a direct effort to hurt you. She has no respect for you and is trying to manipulate you through extortion. Do you really want to be in a relationship who is trying to hurt you?

  • Reasons other than above: See, "Are you getting what you want out of the relationship?"

Is she giving up on the relationship?

Has she told you that she wants to break up? Has she mentioned that she's unhappy? Does she want to take a break? Has she told you that she's uncertain about the relationship? If she has this should be setting off sirens and strobes. Women mainly communicate through covert means of communication. If she is telling you these sorts of things overtly, it means that she has exhausted every other means to tell you that she is unhappy with the relationship and wants it to end. Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way? - This is an example of being extremely needy.

Are you thinking of NEXTing her? If you have a great car, and you love driving it. You don't think about throwing it away. You might think about getting a second/third/fourth car (or motorcycle) in addition to the first, but you don't want to take your first car to the junk yard if you are happy with it. If you're contemplating nexting her, it's for a good reason. Trust your gut.

Edit:

Is the relationship practical? People have different standards of practicality, but in this sense I'm talking about long distance relationships and other things of the sort. Use your head on this one.


/u/Meat-on-the-table mentioned something similar to the message I'm trying to convey in this post (check out his post history if interested "Not having Women in your life...") You might also be interested in my post, "Hoes can't bring you happiness" - for a similar take on this issue.

You don't need to have a women in your life. If you're in an unsatisfying relationship you'd probably be happier without it. There is no reason to drag yourself down and sink with the ship. Let her go and try again with someone else.

I hope this post helps some people out who are uncertain if they should be in their current relationship. I understand that it can be difficult for some to leave relationships, but it's something you must do for your sake, not hers.

If you have a good suggestion that my above points do not address, I might edit the post and add your suggestion in.

Good luck on your Journey.