What a clickbait!
I’ll start with some background so the still not-so-sure-about-everything-we-say-here-is-true-believers can relate to this story.
I also add that I’m generally pretty, pretty good at reading people. Like i’ve been cheated on before and I Sherlocked it quite fast, and I have some good knowledge of human cognition/body language. And still, I never found out of anything I’m about to post now. You think that you’ll know the day she decides to dump your sorry ass or cheat on you ? Yeah ? I would have bet my life on it aswell, but not anymore.
I was a blue piller for, well most of my life. i'm 26, so judge if you will. Had a 3years LTR end up because I wasn’t able to deal with the relation bullshit no more (that foreshadowing tho), so after that I had a bit of a monk phase. From that point, I absorbed bits and bits of the red pill, implementing, experimenting in my daily life.
It was fun.
Then I met my current girlfriend with whom I’ve been for a bit more than a year. We’ve had our ups and our downs, but as most relationships I suppose, nothing too bad. We always communicate and stuff. I feel like I’m raising up, showing her when she’s pulling some bullshit or hamstering, she seems to grasp most of it (seems is the key word here). The sex is good (thankfully !), she is fun to be around, well, I learned not to ask for too much in LTR and to enjoy the ride while it’s my turn.
Yesterday, I logged on Firefox instead of Chrome and I was in her FB account . I generally trust her, as far as I can trust another human being, but the curiosity got the best of me.
I looked at most of her messaging history.
Talk about swallowing the pill the hard way. I’ll quickly sumamrize what I learned about the girl I thought I knew more than anyone else :
Everytime we had a fight, minor or major (at some point she said she wanted to break up with me ????), she complained to at least 3-4 friends. Some people that I meet on a weekly basis. It’s like she genuinely can’t think alone, she needs her friends’ help to process the arguments we have. I don’t think she is stupid, doing Masters’ studies and everything, but that sure says a lot about women in general.
I had trouble saying « I love you », thanks to you guys I guess. I dont know what love is anymore, so I had to wait a year to say it, not to lie to her or just « say it ». Anyway. It was kind of a sensible topic because she said it first and I pulled a Han Solo (hardcore unvolontary dread, the best). The day I told her back she seemed happy and everything, well apparently « it changed nothing » and « she didn’t feel the butterflies», according to a convo she had. Well, she is a good liar as well, I’ll give her that.
She has had sex with more guys than she admitted to me, I found like 10 different stories, at least (How shocking). Well I know she had fun in her youth (she is 24 now, yeah how sad is this). I KNOW this isn’t a competition, but I feel like I lost by the numbers. Anyway.
She didn’t find me fit, or even pretty, compared to her ex boyfriends. Ok this one hurt to read, but I used to be obese, and has some stretchmarks on my belly. She said that she feels bad for saying it (oh, sweetie !) but she found it kinda disgusting when we fucked the first time. Oh, and I apaprently have a small dick.
She keeps talking with an ex (just talking ?) who cheated on her. Let that sink in. She, a strong independant woman is still talking to an ex who cheated on her, because they work in the same industry, so they might need contacts from each other. I know this is true, but she never told me that she were still talking to him. Oh, and she dreamed about having sex with exes as well (not gonna blame her for that, I had dreams about past references too) That ex was also the biggest she ever had. Fair enough then.
Her conversation is filled with so much bullshit including be not limited to tv show, drama, clothes, what she ate/is eating/will eat…. Like erratic convo, straight from a child’s mouth, going from one topic to the next with no link. This one shocked me,it was straight from reading an old MSN convo (Remember Messenger ?) I might have had at 14… It just make her look stupid to be honest
Last but not least, this sentence : « Before I met JacquesNicoleSonne, I never thought I would find someone as good as my ex regarding sex and cuddles. Now that I’ve found him, I know I can find another »
Welp, that’s true love right here kids. At least this place taught me to take it with amused mastery, I can imagine my younger self crying over a message like this. Well, who’s crying now ?
But hey, everything’s not so bad. Her friends actually give her good advice and call her on her bullshit, i’m as good as her ex regarding sex (and cuddles), she finds that I dress well and she « loves me so much » and she finds me smart. And at least she’s not cheating, right ?
The day I read her messages was one of the best in my life. This is what AWALT is all about.
I won’t dump her, as I really enjoy her company and the sex (yeah it goes both sides), but suddenly I found that my motivation to go to the gym, to take care of myself and to generally improve my SMV just rose up…Who knew ?
Bottom line is :
Even if she loves you, even if you love her, she can and will leave you if you let her treat you as such. Enjoy your turn, as long as you want it to be, it will come to an end. At least, I’m preparing for it while enjoying the show. She is not the prize, you are the prize. **