By far the most asked question on AskTRP: "Should I get back with my ex?". Why the answer should always be a resounding HELL NO.

TrueRust11 · 2017-02-07T19:15:41+00:00

Oneitis has killed more men than cancer.

blasted_biscuits · 2017-02-07T19:32:28+00:00

The drug addiction analogy is spot on. Your oneitis is literally your drug dealer, dealing out oxytocin and dopamine. Guys become desperate for a fix even in the face of huge red flags. Inviting your ex back into your life in any capacity is playing with fire and you will be burned. It's not worth it when abundance is all around you.

Willkuer_ · 2017-02-07T19:03:51+00:00

Oneitis is not the only reason to get back with your ex. I rather think 80% of the time it is plane lazyness. Living the RP way is hard. Investing energy in new girls makes you tired. Being 'alone' after living a nice comfy BP life for many years is depressing. Just getting back to your ex is easy. She is already offering it.

If you ask 'how to get my ex back' it is a clear indicator of oneitis.

trptwerp · 2017-02-07T22:50:20+00:00

Those guys will proceed to ignore every piece of rational advice, and fish until they get their answer.

Sometimes, people need to learn these things the hard way. Men are ego driven to a fault

[deleted] · 2017-02-07T20:29:04+00:00

telling someone with oneitis who wants to get back with their ex "its OK if you just talk to her/fuck her/plate her!", its similar to telling a recovering alcoholic to just have a beer, just one won't hurt, or someone trying to quit smoking to have a cigarette, just one won't hurt, or a heroin addict to have a quick fix, just one won't hurt.

Actually laughed out loud at this. This post is 100% accurate. Sadly defeating an oxytocin addiction with logic and reasoning is all but impossible for these weak men so the dumb questions will never go away and the other weak men will always be around to give their go ahead.

ThxBungie · 2017-02-07T20:51:47+00:00

Struggling with this so hard right now. I broke it off with my LTR of 3 years a little over a month ago for various reasons. She's extremely attractive and was the first LTR that I've ever had oneitis for. I've been ghosting her, lifting, carpet bombing tinder, and I still have it bad. It doesn't help that we have the same group of friends. For instance, there is a bday trip for a mutual friend this weekend, and about 18 people (including my ex) that I hang out with regularly are going, my best friend and his GF included. I am staying back. Luckily I have one friend who is a bro and is staying back with me.

[deleted] · 2017-02-08T01:52:20+00:00

To be fair, most guys found TRP because of their ex.

These guys have wounded egos and think getting the ex back will remove the pain.

As pointed out, that won't work but I certainly can understand why this question is so common

EricDaGreat · 2017-02-07T23:41:12+00:00

Guys that keep going back to the same woman often find themselves in a legal pickle.

She accuses him of domestic violence, or worse, when she completely loses respect for him.

And if you keep going back, she WILL lose respect.

badtripp1988 · 2017-02-07T19:58:01+00:00

Damn I wish I read this a year and a half ago

Jackrabbit710 · 2017-02-07T22:55:35+00:00

Done this, learned the hard way

BipolarKing14 · 2017-02-07T20:21:02+00:00

I recently Fucked my Ex after 6months apart, the sex felt good but that wave of clarity after... knowing it's oneitis, witnessing my weak ass blue pill beta version manifest....it was horrific I was an embarrassment to the red pill community.

DJGammaRabbit · 2017-02-07T22:55:25+00:00

The good thing about oneitis is that it usually only happens once. After the first time the rest of break ups are like... meh, okay.

[deleted] · 2017-02-07T23:04:54+00:00

"It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was."

Tako_400 · 2017-02-08T02:35:28+00:00

A man who doesn't have oneitis won't be thinking about getting back with his ex. It will never enter his mind. He would have ghosted her already and moved on with his life.

It isn't the black and white issue you make it out to be, OP. I'll use myself as an example. I had a girlfriend for about 18 months; things were going great with no problems (I had been applying a lot of TRP). We ended up breaking up because I had to move and we didn't want an LDR. There was no fight, no argument, and we split up on mature and peaceful terms. Fast forward three years, and I find myself attending grad school in the same country she lives in. We get in touch and it's almost like we just picked up where we left off. I didn't do it because I hadn't moved on; in fact, the only reason we had a second chance was entirely coincidental (the university of my choice happened to be located in the country she lives in). I had the opportunities many other women but I preferred her since she game me sex and a fulfilling relationship (few red flags). Did I still have feelings for her? Sure. We didn't end on bad terms so why wouldn't I? Did it influence my decision of picking her over other girls? Yeah, it did. But that doesn't mean she was the only girl on my mind. Just because I preferred her over many other girls does not mean I came at it from a position of weakness or scarcity. I saw in her more than what I saw in other women and I made a choice.

I think the "oneitis" lable should be exclusive to those people who are still emotionally dependent on others with whom they have had an unhealthy relationship in the past. Just because you like one girl over other girls does not mean you have "oneitis."

iplayhearts · 2017-02-07T19:56:55+00:00

Why isn't this ultra dank post 50 points ahead, you might ask?

TRebirthP · 2017-02-08T04:18:52+00:00

I'm surprised this post is so highly rated.

Most the post is spent making vulgar and empty analogies on why you shouldn't get back with an ex or verbosely going through different ways people ask about their exs, but offering no substance. After getting through literally 5 paragraphs it finally states it's main idea which is all desire to get back with an ex is a form of oneitis which is obviously not entirely true and not necessarily even mostly true. It may be the case that's a huge risk factor, but it's only a hypothesis and one that is not backed up in this post at all. It is merely stated, assumed to be true and then talks about how it's singular hypothesis has downsides.

Arguments I've found that were more persuasive and sophisticated than this post and also come to the same answer to the "Should I get back with my ex" question are:

Having a proper dynamic and frame with an ex is extremely hard if not impossible. If you were on the weaker side of the relationship she will remember your betaness and use it against you and if you were on the stronger side then either you walked for a reason that probably still exists (people rarely change) or there will simply be baggage.
It's easier to form a new positive first impression than get someone to reimagine you. It's simply how our minds work.

Finally, there may be cases where exs can interact in a mutually beneficial ways. It's rare and hard to pull off, but confident, wise men are not intimidated inherently by risk and judge things more often by specific circumstances rather than dogmatic principles.

ljstens22 · 2017-02-08T00:22:19+00:00

What I needed to hear, thanks. You're helping men.

Swellyrides · 2017-02-08T01:55:06+00:00

I agree with everything said.

Only reason you shouldn't completely ghost her is, if you have a kid with said woman. Even then, the relationship remains because of your child. Do NOT fuck her. Just had my ex ask me to get back with her. This post hits close to home. TRP is about betterment and becoming the best version of you. You are you're own Tyler Durden. Don't let go of your kids because their mother is a bitch, teach them fundamentally important values and hope they catch on to what you teach them. TRP isn't just about fucking women, its about being great men, the greatest YOU can be.

I'm fighting an uphill battle with the mother of my daughter. Its become hard for me to see my daughter, and this shit is getting annoying. Awalt wake the fuck up. Thank god i didn't marry

RedditAdminsSuck_88 · 2017-02-07T22:54:41+00:00

Nigga.

You are way too strident. Your immediate ex I can understand, but as you age or just get smart, pussy once removed is key to building a stable. Girls I haven't dated in 20 years hit me up; I fuck and we're both happy. It's not a relationship thing. It's the confidence to get what you want and still walk away.

I will fuck any of my exes.
I will not exclusively fuck any of my exes.

If you're doing TRP right you'll have dozens of exes. Denying pussy simply because it wasn't right once emotionally doesn't mean the pussy is now garbage. In many cases like subcultures and small towns throughout the world fucking your ex is the only option once in a while. DON'T GET CAUGHT UP, but fucking a broad you haven't fucked in years can be spectacular.

I'll leave you with this. Curb your hate for women. Fuck em, friend em, and walk away as you choose. It's the essence of abundance mentality

Returnofthemack3 · 2017-02-07T22:25:15+00:00

There are probably rare cases where getting back with your ex isn't the worst idea in the world, but goddamn are they rare lol.

maniclurker · 2017-02-08T04:36:11+00:00

You get messy, your neighbors see you do it

Dude is golden. My copy of The Rational Male will be in in a few days. I can't wait to read it.

I also picked up Getting to Yes. Seems solid so far.

turtlemonkeigh · 2017-02-08T06:49:12+00:00

Oh I did it and I fucking regret it every day, relationship was dead, she was a cheating lying immature person with crocodile tears. Relationship lasted 2 or 3 more months then it ended. I almost went into depression now I'm 5 months after the break up (first gf of 2 years) and I'm in the greatest shape of my life, never been this light, my muscles are starting to come in, and fucking girls out of nowhere want to hang out. If I knew where I would be in 5 months when I finally ended that shit relationship I wouldn't beleive it. There are LITERALLY BILLIONS of women on the earth, why the fuck was I trying to stay with 1. I'm lucky and learned this lesson at the age of 18.

SlyAM · 2017-02-07T22:03:43+00:00

I have my weights class at school with my ex. She was my first real "love" (oneitis), and when I lost her it killed me a little UNTIL I realized and fully accepted that she used me the majority of our relationship, and is a shitty person. Thanks to TRP and my own effort I have real muscles now and am a lean 145-pound man.

I catch her staring at me all the time (don't know if it's because of my looks, or muscles, probably both), gazing at me with her friends in hopes that I'll look over at her and instantly fall back in love with her. Not one look. She is ghosted forever in my book, I will never give her the attention of even a little staring or a look because she doesn't even deserve that. The funny thing is that she has a boyfriend now, although he is a fat, ugly slob, no wonder she stares. Probably one of the only times she gets to see real muscles on a real man.

If she were to come up to me and try to say something, I would walk right past her like she wasn't even there. She is forever crossed off the list, I wouldn't even fuck her, she does not deserve that. The point here is don't pay your ex any attention, there is a reason they are an EX and it should stay that way, don't fall back into the trap of oneitis, you'll just get hurt again in the end.

SkorchZang · 2017-02-08T01:21:38+00:00

Great rundown of how it goes.

I like to make a distinction between my "BP ex's" and "RP ex's". The BP ones OP described very well. Old trash with weird-ass, emotonal blue pill expectations attached, expectations that never match the reality.

The RP ex's are usually past short term plates, who drifted away, found a different guy etc. Sometimes they come back all by themselves and throw themselves at you. Never had any problems with taking those RP ex's back even if it's only for a short fling. They're fun and no real reason to burn that bridge if you don't especially care that she left to begin with.

Buchloe · 2017-02-07T20:52:01+00:00

When in doubt, NEXT. cultivate abundance

[deleted] · 2017-02-08T01:33:16+00:00

The thing about playing the field is that it takes time and energy. I have a packed schedule. I wanna spend Friday night with the ex reminiscing and listening to her work and family stories? Nah, there are more exciting and fresh things going on.

The main thing bout this kind of lifestyle we are trying to live is that even if you are really plating someone just for sex, you still need to spend the time and energy on that person. For the last half of last year I was gaming 3 or 4 different women at any time, and it got so tiring. The ex didnt even get a look in or warrant a thought, my free time was booked up in advance.

If you have enough time to see a few different women and then still go and bone your ex then good for you, but I have not got the time for that.

Stythe · 2017-02-08T01:57:25+00:00

A good analogy I can give for why this is a bad idea is that I've gone back to a job or two I'd moved on from while I'm between other jobs. I quickly realize I left because I learned the skills I could, hit a ceiling in the company, didn't lIle the environment or simly didn't care for the work afyer trying it. It the same for an ex. Maybe for a brief moment there's a fondness, but it snostalgia of what was, not appreciation for what is. If you left, you had a reason. If she left, you're devaluing yourself. Either way you womt be satisfied, so let it go and keep trying new things until you hit a point where you're happy enough where tou are to stay in that situation for a while. Then you'll find another one.

The_M0rning_Star · 2017-02-08T07:01:41+00:00

I dunno man, one time I got drunk and threw away my wallet. Did not regret fishing it out of the trash. There was like 80 bucks in there.

But yea. Don't get back with your ex. You're gonna have a bad time.

MuhTriggersGuise · 2017-02-08T07:17:41+00:00

I completely agree with your post. One doesn't understand how perfect an analogy it is to say "you wouldn't eat your vomit, would you?" until you're dumb enough to start talking to an ex. It isn't hyperbole. It isn't an exaggeration. Without fail, talking to an ex, and allowing anything aside from straight ghosting them, winds up being as disgusting as eating your own vomit.

I too have noticed even in the TRP sphere here on reddit, a lot of guys encouraging the "plating" of exes. I too agree with you here. No no no FUCKING no! Whatever sex you may enjoy simply is not worth the mental effort to maintain your stance and frame. Plus you broke up with her; either by her choice or yours. Either way, you're a fucking chump for pleasuring someone who ditched you, or you're a pussy for not standing by your decision.

Even if there wasn't 3.5 billion other women, and she was the only one; fuck that. Breaking up with a woman needs to be final. And a man needs to be capable and willing to do it when it becomes obviously apparent as the right choice of action. If he must do it, then do it. If she dumps him first, he needs to mentally ghost her and "break up with her" on his end. And when she comes back thinking he'll be a broken man from her leaving, she needs to find the door closed and the boy she thought she was toying with is actually a man who moves on after a break-up.

Your post is gold sir.

TheYoungOwl_ · 2017-02-08T14:32:13+00:00

To call failed relationships "trash" is the wrong mentality for me. Yes most relationships will end horribly, but for example, there is the rare few girls who I maintain great friendships with. We have plenty of red pill conversations (they don't know about the red pill) and they always keep it real with me. But they know that if they ever wanted to be my main chick again it would be an uphill battle.

sazzmflazm · 2017-02-08T04:19:29+00:00

So I'm back with an ex-oneitis. Here's the kicker, I have oneitis for a different girl now. So the original girl does nothing for me! Now I can treat her as indifferently as a standard plate and it drives her wild! It's an amazing feeling to look at this girl I had so high on a pedestal and now see her looking up at me.

Doesn't help that I have oneitis for someone else but still.

Goomich · 2017-02-07T22:15:53+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJhylYtDGRA

DopeYDamo · 2017-02-08T05:16:21+00:00

Huge eye opener this was for me. Was out of a relationship with my ex for 1 month and we started hanging out and fucking again after that point up until today. I have to stop this behaviour immediately. What a pussy I am for even hanging around with her let alone putting my cock in her few times a week.

Me and my good friend both lost our gfs at the same time and we both were going through shitty times and shitty oneitis recovery. Both of us around the same time went back to our ex women. I see so clearly now how fucking pathetic we were. I messaged him and sent him this redpill post and told him we need to man up and stop, he responded with haha "they sure owned you man" Hes doing pretty much the same thing as me hanging out with his ex and fucking her, I want him to understand that hes being a stupid beta faggot, just as I have been and obviously still am. I responded to him "your situation is no different man" and his response was a smart ass, "Except for quality of female in question" basically paying out my ex gf him implying his ex woman is a higher standard or some other stupid bullshit he believes, which to me is only further proving his oneitis he has. He keeps making excuses, but isnt he just exactly what this fucking post says, Im admitting to my fucking bluepill shitty betaness why cant he!?

Odiumvex · 2017-02-08T09:24:43+00:00

Does quality matter? She's just good to be around. Non sex is good, sexually its silly. I just had my first gang bang and I still rather just chill with my ex.

CrazedHyperion · 2017-02-08T09:35:49+00:00

It's not only that, but old issues resurface, it's like words that were spoken can never be taken back. So, yes, correct, no contact with ex.

evilkenevil · 2017-02-08T12:58:33+00:00

"It's like eating your own vomit, eating out of your own garbage can, re-using a sheet of toilet paper. It's like trying to rebuild a car you crashed into the pond."

Perfect analogy. She should be dead to you. However I would rebuild that car.

fenghsui · 2017-02-08T13:57:31+00:00

Youre right. This applies to me. Im dating, doing my TRP plan, rolling hard with no regard. My ex has a new man. Yet, Im still fucking her. On occasion. Told myself I dont want a relationship. Yeah...

SheepDogM24 · 2017-02-08T13:58:22+00:00

An Ex is an Ex for a reason

crg1017 · 2017-02-08T23:01:34+00:00

Needed this today. Ran into my old Oneitis at the liquor store right before my birthday and it has been playing on my mind. And just like OP said we look for the excuse to try.

Thankfully walked away from the situation when it happened to me.

Still, like a recovering addict, there are times when I want what I know is bad for me... I just come here and read the reminders until I feel strong again.

In other news, got two different girls lined up for this weekend. Abundance mentally and having fun.

hostile_adept · 2017-02-09T05:55:45+00:00

Never wanted to go back to an ex... Did I think about banging the shit out of them a time or two? Sure did! That doesn't mean I have oneitis.

Actanonverba11 · 2017-02-10T16:36:49+00:00

Two of my friends back in college got back with their exes. Both failed, again, within a year. There's a reason why people break up, and that will never go away even if you get back together. Both are now with different women and seem far happier.

Basically, you lose respect if you go back to a girl you broke up with. It shows that you can't do better than her.

provaut · 2017-03-05T13:56:44+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

[deleted] · 2017-05-05T05:53:38+00:00

What a phenomenal post. I'm dealing with some oneitis issues right now and this really helped me. Thanks TRP

vandaalen · 2017-02-07T18:57:06+00:00

Thank you. It makes no sense why these people even ask. Now I have never been in an actual relationship, but have had fuck buddies and once they truly break things off, then it's OVER.

newName543456 · 2017-02-07T20:39:21+00:00

Even asking this question in the first place clearly demonstrates lack of abundance mentality.

Slut_Slayer9000 · 2017-02-07T21:02:39+00:00

Refucking an ex LTR is a terrible idea no matter what. But if she was a plate then yeah there is no reason to not fuck her again if she isn't insane. But you have to ask yourself if your frame is strong enough to fuck her and not catch feelings? If you're already fucking plates and want to re-add her to the line up, sure why not? BUT if you're fucking her out of scarcity you are really hurting yourself and future growth for yourself. You're using her pussy as a crutch to hamster yourself into think that its ok because you're still fucking pussy right?? No... No its not and I'm speaking from experience.

Bulk_king11 · 2017-02-08T04:47:06+00:00

I have to disagree with this to an extend and even if you want to downvote me for that hear me out. . I have got back with my ex and our relationship has been better than ever. Here is why, I was no where in the position to be in a relationship when we first dated. I was a drug addict and did not have my shit together at all (I hid it very well). I cheated. And was just shitty to her when in reality she was really a great girlfriend.

When I finally got my shit together and went my own way plating tons of women. It was fun but my goals changed and I wanted someone there who was going to make my life/job/goals easier. When I looked back she was it. She had a low partner count did everything I asked of her. Doesn't drink, Was loyal and was raised very well and a lot more. I have been with tons of woman and I just haven't found someone as receptive to red pill behaviors as her. I'm very glad I got back with her. Because now I am in a spot to make the relationship work. It was me not her who needed to change.

This is just a different perspective on this. And one circumstance where it may be beneficial to take an ex back and give it another try. If it's 100% what you want

3rt41 · 2017-02-08T14:21:57+00:00

This sums it up perfectly, some guys will never learn.

And i talk about the guys affected with oneitis and those MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTS claiming to be alpha and suggesting to bang and plate the girl this guys is obsessed about.

You are motherfucking stupid as hell and at the very start of every possible path to a better mindset.

Yeidra · 2017-02-07T21:22:31+00:00

So I am currently with this dilemma... What if my ex has my daughter? I don't know if I can fix our very broken relationship,but I believe she truly loves me (5 years with my daughter and never asked me for money.. Only asks me to comeback and be a good father)

Cptn_Jib · 2017-02-07T23:40:22+00:00

"When a woman asks you if you have a girlfriend, what she is actually asking you is "Do other women find you attractive?"" had to stop reading there, as it is obviously utter bullshit and begs the question, "Does OP actually interact with other human beings?"

Title	By far the most asked question on AskTRP: "Should I get back with my ex?". Why the answer should always be a resounding HELL NO.
Author	RedditAdminsSuck_88
Upvotes	845
Comments	127
Date	07 February 2017 06:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	TheRedPill
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/40697
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5sn3ff/by_far_the_most_asked_question_on_asktrp_should_i/