How To Be One Charming Motherfucker

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April 18, 2017

Charm is universally applicable and it can be learned, here's how.

This post is primarily about how to be a charming man for the purposes of persuading pretty female things to press their girl bits against your boy bits, partly in response to the recent TRP article (Step by step guide to Being More Charming) archived here: Thanks for that post Aghayden, but I strongly disagree with some parts of it:

Don't overdo the listening

Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People) and many others advocate listening intensely and closely to people. Unfortunately a lot of advice out there is persuading you to be what the author wants you to be rather than what's best for you. Your parents almost certainly first started doing this.

MattyAnon however is only interested in the truth and what works, so here you have it. Everything I know about charm thus far: the good the bad and the perverted. Maybe not the perverted bit. Well, a little bit ...

So as regards listening: yes but only up to a point. Do not overdo being the good listener. If you're listening you are being dominated and you are supplicating. You are giving your attention. Put a price on this, don't give it for free. Don't let people who don't reciprocate with their own attention just dominate and talk over you while you listen. Women love to do this. Don't let them, they don't respect it. If you talk she should eagerly stop talking and listen. Otherwise be prepared to remove your attention like yanking the rug from underneath her if she starts to bullshit you or not let you talk.

Take yourself out of the conversation? - hell no

Fuck no, this is bullshit. DO NOT TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. You are not a free counselling and bullshit absorption service. (See below on non-needy though)

Make her feel great about herself? - hell to the motherfucking no

No, this is not what you should be doing. You should make her feel accepted, liked, and in the presence of a strong and attractive and sexual man. Making her feel great about herself is just inflating her Instagram-fueled ego. You should give her acceptance for her real self, not making her feel great about who she is or claims to be. Chances are she shouldn't feel great about herself and deep down she knows it. Someone telling her how great she is flies in the face of how great she knows she isn't. If she DOES have genuine reason to feel great about herself, she won't need your help doing it.

So after what-to-avoid, on to the meat of this post, ie getting her to want your meat:


1. Be attractive, you gorgeous Greek sculpture of a man

Be as physically attractive as you can. The halo effect is real, give yourself a head start.

Be as outgoing and confident as you can. Eye contact. Lots of eye contact. Smile at her like you like her. Have your own opinions and be firm in them. Go far enough to invite shit tests then shrug as if they don't exist. Court a little controversy.

Be happy in yourself. Be honest about who you are (but do put a positive spin on it!)

2. Be strong, you buff confident man (no homo)

Physically yes, but most of all: mentally/emotionally. Don't agree just to get them to like you (weak). Women appreciate premature rapport as much as they appreciate premature ejaculation.

What is strength vs weakness? I don't have a good definition (please someone chip in with one). Mostly strength seems to be "behaving as if you are in a strong negotiating position" and weakness is "behaving as if you are in a weak position".

Partly she will infer your strength (and attractiveness) from what she sees, and partly from your behaviour. So give her both. Convey options by letting her see you flirt with other girls, attractiveness by letting her see whatever good features you have. Convey attractiveness and strength through your behaviour with non-neediness, outcome indifference, not supplicating or agreeing with her too much. She wants a man, not a puppy. Unless she's a furry. Avoid furries, unless you want to spend the night dressed as a puppy. That's okay if you do, no judgement here. But be a man meanwhile.

3. Be non-needy, you delicious slice of man meat (still no homo)

Don't need a god damned thing from anyone else. Nothing. Don't try and get anything from anyone. No validation, no emotional response, no appreciation, no compliments, no thanks, nothing. Don't need these things, don't try and get these things, don't manoeuvre the conversation to get these things. Don't complain about anything they do. Never show any form of neediness. (Obviously avoid shitty people, do tell people what to do and what not to do if they fuck up, do maintain boundaries).

If the above is hard for you, either take the view "my needs are my problem and I won't impose them on others" or "other people in my life supply my needs and I have it all sorted, I don't need anything from the person in front of me". Whatever you do, don't try and get any validation from people. Validation is a worthless distraction. What you're aiming for with people is a fun conversation for you BOTH. If you're having fun, others will be drawn into it. This is much better than false validation anyway.

4. LIKE people, you sexy privileged shitlord hunk of manflesh (probably no homo, but you're starting to get very appealing)

Like people. Engage with them, laugh at their jokes (if funny) or say "that's not funny" if not. Don't blank people even unintentionally (unless they are giving you very high bullshit levels). Inadvertent blanking of people causes deep offence. People would rather be insulted than ignored. People inadvertently blank each other all the time, and it causes no good for anyone. It's the nuclear option - keep it in your back pocket and rarely use it. Meanwhile aim to not blank people even accidentally.

Like people for who they are, accept people. You do you, they do them. Don't try and change them.

You want to carry yourself as if everyone always likes you, you like people, and the world just works and revolves around you and it's all easy. This is how your world works, and why wouldn't it? Women find this very attractive, and the reverse abhorrent.

Liking means non judgemental. Accepting. You're here to have fun, not judge people. Don't overtly judge anyone.

5. Putting it all together you strong charming motherfucker (ok, I'm definitely sounding a bit homo now)

Charm is power plus liking them plus positivity plus indifference to negatives. Charm is being their super big powerful older brother - you own the world, you like them, you tease them, you have their back, you enjoy their company.

A woman describes a man who shows he likes her as charming.... IF he is also strong and attractive. If a man indicates liking but isn't strong and attractive, he's not charming he's a creepy loser. Charm is the perfect combination of attraction and comfort.

Charm = attractiveness and strength plus liking the person you are speaking to.

Now you know it, act on it

Charm = interest + attraction.

Creepy = interest + no attraction.

What can we do with this knowledge? Well obviously "be seen to be attractive before showing appreciation". But also use this to detect a woman's attraction/respect for you. Show some appreciation. Well received or not? You'll get MORE interest from girls who are attracted and LESS interest from girls who are not. Polarising is a double win. The more overt and sexual, the stronger this works. "You are intelligent and genuine" will be appreciated by most, "nice rack" is a touch more divisive...

Having a charming conversation you sexy beast (given up trying not to sound homo)

Start by saying something about YOU that others can relate to. If you don't know them, don't ask how they are. If you do know them, also don't ask how they are. Just start by talking about YOU. It's easier for them, it's better for you. It's more masculine. It gives them a starting point. Literally start with something topical and recent. "I nearly ran over a chihuahua on the way here... little fucker ran out into the road. Fortunately I swerved and got its puppies instead". Just start talking. It works. But then transition into a two way fun conversation. And that means avoiding facts.

After a few sentences you can ask them something SPECIFIC if you know them. "How's the new job at X treating you?" or "How was the transgender penis implant operation? Big success?".

Don't ask big/factual questions. Try to avoid their job as much as possible. "What do you do" is horrid. Their favourite icecream is better for a million reasons. Exaggerate things, it makes conversations a trillion times better (but not facts. keep facts straight or you look ridiculous). Be a bit larger than life. Be mysterious - leave lots of unanswered questions about what you do and when you do it. Don't be pinned down. Don't agree to anything of substance.

The big secret of conversations is that you don't need to do all the work. Be charming and the other person will join in, or at least make it super easy for you.

Can I fake it?

A bit, yes. And you probably should. But it's best if as much of this is as genuine as possible. You might have to fake it some until you have abundance. For most of us this stuff is genuine but we also need to know how to do it - how to convey all this so that it works as intended - ie literally charming the pants off her.


Charm = attractiveness + strength and then showing you appreciate the girl for who she is.

Sources: TRP, The Charisma Myth, life.

This is a condensed version of the full article over on

Post Information
Title How To Be One Charming Motherfucker
Author MattyAnon
Upvotes 689
Comments 58
Date 18 April 2017 09:03 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
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[–]Conceited-Monkey191 points192 points  (11 children) | Copy

This is a great post, albeit somewhat homoerotic.....

[–]showerthoughtsgenius166 points167 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nothing wrong with that, you beautiful primate

[–]shardikprime20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

If this isn't Wholesome I don't know what is

[–]mnemos_115 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Does that make you uncomfortable, you demi-simian homophobic shitlord?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once you start referencing the greeks it can all go downhill from there.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good post.

What I've found as a good first step is not provoking anxiety in others. I have never known a person that was relaxing to be around that did not at least have some charm. This doesn't mean to just "chill bro" because being the silent chill guy can make talkative people anxious. You engage but do so in a way that relieves them of insecurities while not putting yourself in a weak place. You make them as if "this is going well, I'm enjoying this, and this person likes me". The opposite is the person that "wears people out".

I've always been relatively charming, partly because I'm attuned to people's emotions and I have wit. The last bit I am working on is charm while maintaining dominance, or at least not being dominated.

[–]CQC32 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've had an interesting duality with charm. I am charming and not charming.

I dug myself out of some deep holes I was in and have--looking back on it, come a long way from my insecurities.

The last vestige I noticed was that my hyperactive mind that gets out of my control at times always sabotaged me, I had too much mental energy and it wore people out probably even if I wasn't being annoying. It was just too much (lack of an outlet I guess)

I accidentally came upon an interesting observation, the times I was most charming were when I was sick. Yup, when I was fucking ill. Not seriously ill, but something like a cold that would be a downer, enough to drop my surface energy levels. All of a sudden, I would be more sparing with my words, more concise with my meanings to conserve energy and I would let a lot of shit just be as it was and focus on my self. I guess being sick robbed me of the energy to bullshit myself and put up an act.

[–]Musicpulpite25 points26 points  (6 children) | Copy

All of this rings very true. Thanks for mythbusting the Dale Carnegie passive sponge advice.

[–]arrayay30 points31 points  (5 children) | Copy

Dale Carnegie's advice is for being a successful businessman, not for gaming in the SMP in 2017.

[–]BigBrotherZiggy5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Still, I can't help but think some of Carnegie's points are outdated. Not due to his analysis per se, but due to the fact that his book is so famous that you see some of his points being thrown around the internet as common sense advice. In business, you may not have the time to improve on some things(testing and failing), if you're not excellent right off the bat people will see right through what you're trying to do and that may destroy your reputation. This kind of approach OP had on the SMP should also be had on business situations, albeit from a different perspective, of course. I feel like too much of Dale's advice is about making others feel good. That may make you look like a business beta.

[–]RobertCarraway1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dale Carnegie is not outdated. These are fundamental truths. The fact that the book is well known changes almost nothing.

[–]BigBrotherZiggy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I didn't say his points weren't true. I said if, in business, you don't do it right, overdo it or whatever, that might make you look bad. Of course that doesn't invalidate it, just throwing some ideas.

[–]traptoXXL0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah this is a key point a lot of people overlook

[–]bigmfkr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, it keeps surprising me every goddamn time. A very huge part of client interactions is simply listening to them vent.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

I like that you have called out the conventional wisdom of "active listening". It depends on a lot, active listening Carnegie style work well when you are introverted or you are dealing with an extrovert, and you are trying to sell them something. If you are an extrovert then you sell yourself with your charm, you cannot do that if you just sit there nodding and smiling. So listening is good for girls who are extroverted, talking is better for the introverted girls. It is not one size fits all.

[–]akolyteofthecentury0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Active listening should be conditional on whether she is investing more into the relationship than you are, generally. When dealing with extroverted girls, I find passively listeing to them, if at all, and only actively listening if they qualify to you in some way ( i.e she's investing / trying to get you to invest) as a way of positive reinforcement to work out quite well. Also, if properly executed, gets'em to pipe down... Don't want her just constantly talking your way, gets old really fast.

Listening passively is something else. When my girl starts blabbing about stuff, I occupy myself with shit like cleaning surfaces but acknowledge her talking at me - in general though, since women talk about themselves pretty much any chance they get, they might reveal something to you that needs dealing with - whether it's a serious red flag or some peculiar bit of info one might take into account).

[–]BasebornLion14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

Strength is being able to get your way even if other's oppose you.

Weakness is the result of the reality that there ARE better and worse ways to live and you chose poorly.

[–]Paratonir0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Its the bitter truth for me. I cannot seem to be able to stop feeling weak when opposed and chicken out of it.

[–]News_detective0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Reminds me of the story I learnt in the military two guys one called Mike the other called Steve walk into a bar each Friday night for a month, Mike always picks up a hottie and scores every Friday night, Steve never scores or picks up and spends a bundle on buying a ton of drinks for the talent he's trying to chat up. so Steve says to Mike how do you score every Friday night ? Mikes' reply is I cut to the chase walk up and say with a smile on my face hey I'm as horny as hell I could bone all night you interested? with a big smile. He knows that its going to go one way or the other, a slap on the face as a NO or a grin, if he gets the grin he's going in. Steve is working the numbers game, not wasting time he will get 5 slaps but he will score.

[–]redpill_llipder23 points24 points  (2 children) | Copy

Says 4 comments, only see 2. 2 of you are shadowbanned.

[–]Jake_le_Dog1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I frequently see more comments shown, than the actual number of comments. How does a shadowban happen?

[–]AwakeningLion1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's a ban that they typically use on spammers. To the spammer, it would seem as if everything's working normally: they can still comment/submit normally and such, but to the rest of Reddit they are invisible, and their votes don't count.

I don't think it's necessarily shadow bans though, /u/redpill_llipder.

I just discovered a few minutes ago that some of our comments are automatically removed with no warning if they are too short. The mods made a thread about this a couple of years ago, apparently in an effort to get rid of low effort chains and reactions.

They also automatically remove your post if it links to another website, and there are probably other variables that I am unaware of.

The thing is, when this happens, it looks to you like your comment is there but it will always be at 1 karma point and unanswered because to everybody else, the comment doesn't exist.

[–]mnemos_19 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

You had me at "sexy privileged shitlord hunk of manflesh".

Found my new motivational piece to say in the mirror on my way out the door.

[–]snogsdogs2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know right? I want to befriend this delicious slice of pork sword and rejoice in our mutual manliness.

[–]Metalbear553 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

I've been inadvertently blanking people always because of social anxiety. As I my mind gets full of thoughts like he/she will like my presence or not. I've also noticed other people do this a lot especially around girls they're interested in

The only way I found out to deal with this is to keep a positive frame and be relaxed. Almost downright delusional that everyone likes and appreciate my presence and those who don't doesn't matter

This attitude has helped me to relive some of my social anxiety Does anyone else has a better way to handle these type of situations?

[–]rigbed0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

What is blanking? I may do it myself

[–]Metalbear551 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Blanking is when you deliberately ignore people because of your social anxiety

[–]rigbed2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I do that to girls when I don't have the balls to approach

[–]News_detective0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Its a known fact that many men don't have the balls to approach the best looking girls in the room, it steams from them thinking (bet she's got a rich fancy guy) the truth is many attractive women are lonely because so many guys are just to scared to chat them up.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

On listening, this is another area where pathetic men have tainted what it should really mean. You don't just sit there listening to her jabber for hours while nodding, that's not being a good listener. Being a good listener is being an active participant in the conversation because you're actually listening to what the other person is saying and responding to it. Most people only listen until they feel they've waited long enough to say whatever they wanted to say with little regard for the other party.

[–]RedditAdminsSuck_882 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Factual post

Attractiveness is the pre requisite for many things

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Inadvertently blanking people causes deep offense< Story time: I'm out one night with the boys, few pitchers down and sloppy as fuck (old boy in town, so we doing it right). Anyhow, the nights coming to a close, lights come on in the bar and doormen yells for everyone to finish up. I'm sitting at the back with my buddies finishing our last glass and that doormen makes his way to the back to start clearing everyone out. He approaches our table and says it's time for us to go. I, in my drunken stupor, unintentionally ignore him. I mean, I heard him, but I didn't acknowledge. I meant no offense, but that was certainly the way he took it. This big mother fucker starts screaming at me at the top of his lungs. All things about respect and tough guy attitude. I'm dumb founded. Just stare at him confused as fuck. Say 'uh, alright' put my coat on and walk out. So Ya, when you ignore people, they tend to take it as extreme disrespect, even if you didn't intent.

[–]Mckallidon1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Be charming and fuck mothers. Bam. You're a charming mofo.

Don't fuck moms. Not worth it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm banging a 46 year old and her 19 year old daughter. It's worth it.

[–]aDrunkenWhaler1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What about the grandma? Why not go for the magic trio?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your post is a nice contrast to Robert Greene's the art of seduction. Robert frames charm as getting the other person to like you based solely off of lack of judgement and the ability to listen intently. While generally this works, women definitely find a degree of resistance to their opinion intriguing. The keyword there is degree. Social calibration is everything.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I do like the idea of not sitting back and listening.

No idea how that became a talking to girls thing.

That vast majority of dudes have crappy conversations and are boring because they don't have enough to say, not because they talk too much.

When you hear girls say "ugh all he did was go on and on" it generally means "I didn't think he was cute so I didn't really have any interest in what he was saying."

No one outtalks me haha.

[–]kaane0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women appreciate premature rapport as much as they appreciate premature ejaculation

Very good observation. They love it because they probably think that they are a sex god or something. But if this happens regularly, that is a no go

[–]NaughtyFred0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Is the smile thing necessary? Generally I have the "Resting Trump" expression, obviously things that are smileworthy make me smile.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's going to be hard to convey that you like someone without smiling their way at least occasionally.

[–]evilkenevil0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've found myself out plenty without the energy to fully engage and possibly it's that I'm in my 50's so women of all ages are either giving me a pass or are totally into me as their unicorn of men my age.

The lazy version of this can be broken down into some well timed blurbs of "I know" "I agree" "I totally agree" "incredible" "good for you" "what did you think when..." and last but not least "yes".

Agreeable conversation goes a L O N G way towards softening a woman's guard. Don't tell her how to be or what to think. Just sit there nodding like a little bitch until she starts playing with her hair. Boom.

[–]rndmstrng0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"How was the transgender penis implant operation? Big success?"how did you know I like traps?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Endorsed Contributors get access to your search history

[–]fanthor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

stupid question, I have drooping eyelids.

Would people actually notice when I make eye contact with them?

[–]hahayeahthatscool0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I blank people at work all the time, mostly because my co-workers act like they just finished How to Win Friends and Influence People 24/7. They have no off switch and if you give them an inch they take a mile. Even indirect eye contact and slight movement of my lips is for some reason an invitation to become the most intimate of friends. Hate it.

[–]snogsdogs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I dig your sense of humor, you big-balled bison mutha fucka.

Questionably homo

[–]mpiftekia-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

"It's ok, guys, all you gotta do to attract women is change your appearance, physical ability, way you talk, way you think, your entire outlook on life, and also just go ahead and cure the human condition while you're at it so that you "like people", now. Just do those simple things until you twist yourself into an entirely different person, THEN you might have a chance to meet their insane and constantly rising standards, who knows? Just don't put them on a pedestal, right?"

When did TRP become so... un-TRP? How is "change absolutely everything about yourself to achieve some mythical "charming" status" TRP advice?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your options are "just be yourself" or "grow as a person".

It is up to you which path you choose. I choose to grow.

[–]Cicuta-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

1) Reads juvenile 2) it is still chasing the skirt which 3) defeats the purpose of Red Pilling.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The Red Pill: Discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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