Charm is universally applicable and it can be learned, here's how.
This post is primarily about how to be a charming man for the purposes of persuading pretty female things to press their girl bits against your boy bits, partly in response to the recent TRP article (Step by step guide to Being More Charming) archived here: http://archive.is/GRNFd Thanks for that post Aghayden, but I strongly disagree with some parts of it:
Don't overdo the listening
Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People) and many others advocate listening intensely and closely to people. Unfortunately a lot of advice out there is persuading you to be what the author wants you to be rather than what's best for you. Your parents almost certainly first started doing this.
MattyAnon however is only interested in the truth and what works, so here you have it. Everything I know about charm thus far: the good the bad and the perverted. Maybe not the perverted bit. Well, a little bit ...
So as regards listening: yes but only up to a point. Do not overdo being the good listener. If you're listening you are being dominated and you are supplicating. You are giving your attention. Put a price on this, don't give it for free. Don't let people who don't reciprocate with their own attention just dominate and talk over you while you listen. Women love to do this. Don't let them, they don't respect it. If you talk she should eagerly stop talking and listen. Otherwise be prepared to remove your attention like yanking the rug from underneath her if she starts to bullshit you or not let you talk.
Take yourself out of the conversation? - hell no
Fuck no, this is bullshit. DO NOT TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. You are not a free counselling and bullshit absorption service. (See below on non-needy though)
Make her feel great about herself? - hell to the motherfucking no
No, this is not what you should be doing. You should make her feel accepted, liked, and in the presence of a strong and attractive and sexual man. Making her feel great about herself is just inflating her Instagram-fueled ego. You should give her acceptance for her real self, not making her feel great about who she is or claims to be. Chances are she shouldn't feel great about herself and deep down she knows it. Someone telling her how great she is flies in the face of how great she knows she isn't. If she DOES have genuine reason to feel great about herself, she won't need your help doing it.
So after what-to-avoid, on to the meat of this post, ie getting her to want your meat:
MATTYANON'S GUIDE: HOW TO BE ONE GENUINELY CHARMING ATTRACTIVE PANTY-WETTING BEAST OF A MAN
1. Be attractive, you gorgeous Greek sculpture of a man
Be as physically attractive as you can. The halo effect is real, give yourself a head start.
Be as outgoing and confident as you can. Eye contact. Lots of eye contact. Smile at her like you like her. Have your own opinions and be firm in them. Go far enough to invite shit tests then shrug as if they don't exist. Court a little controversy.
Be happy in yourself. Be honest about who you are (but do put a positive spin on it!)
2. Be strong, you buff confident man (no homo)
Physically yes, but most of all: mentally/emotionally. Don't agree just to get them to like you (weak). Women appreciate premature rapport as much as they appreciate premature ejaculation.
What is strength vs weakness? I don't have a good definition (please someone chip in with one). Mostly strength seems to be "behaving as if you are in a strong negotiating position" and weakness is "behaving as if you are in a weak position".
Partly she will infer your strength (and attractiveness) from what she sees, and partly from your behaviour. So give her both. Convey options by letting her see you flirt with other girls, attractiveness by letting her see whatever good features you have. Convey attractiveness and strength through your behaviour with non-neediness, outcome indifference, not supplicating or agreeing with her too much. She wants a man, not a puppy. Unless she's a furry. Avoid furries, unless you want to spend the night dressed as a puppy. That's okay if you do, no judgement here. But be a man meanwhile.
3. Be non-needy, you delicious slice of man meat (still no homo)
Don't need a god damned thing from anyone else. Nothing. Don't try and get anything from anyone. No validation, no emotional response, no appreciation, no compliments, no thanks, nothing. Don't need these things, don't try and get these things, don't manoeuvre the conversation to get these things. Don't complain about anything they do. Never show any form of neediness. (Obviously avoid shitty people, do tell people what to do and what not to do if they fuck up, do maintain boundaries).
If the above is hard for you, either take the view "my needs are my problem and I won't impose them on others" or "other people in my life supply my needs and I have it all sorted, I don't need anything from the person in front of me". Whatever you do, don't try and get any validation from people. Validation is a worthless distraction. What you're aiming for with people is a fun conversation for you BOTH. If you're having fun, others will be drawn into it. This is much better than false validation anyway.
4. LIKE people, you sexy privileged shitlord hunk of manflesh (probably no homo, but you're starting to get very appealing)
Like people. Engage with them, laugh at their jokes (if funny) or say "that's not funny" if not. Don't blank people even unintentionally (unless they are giving you very high bullshit levels). Inadvertent blanking of people causes deep offence. People would rather be insulted than ignored. People inadvertently blank each other all the time, and it causes no good for anyone. It's the nuclear option - keep it in your back pocket and rarely use it. Meanwhile aim to not blank people even accidentally.
Like people for who they are, accept people. You do you, they do them. Don't try and change them.
You want to carry yourself as if everyone always likes you, you like people, and the world just works and revolves around you and it's all easy. This is how your world works, and why wouldn't it? Women find this very attractive, and the reverse abhorrent.
Liking means non judgemental. Accepting. You're here to have fun, not judge people. Don't overtly judge anyone.
5. Putting it all together you strong charming motherfucker (ok, I'm definitely sounding a bit homo now)
Charm is power plus liking them plus positivity plus indifference to negatives. Charm is being their super big powerful older brother - you own the world, you like them, you tease them, you have their back, you enjoy their company.
A woman describes a man who shows he likes her as charming.... IF he is also strong and attractive. If a man indicates liking but isn't strong and attractive, he's not charming he's a creepy loser. Charm is the perfect combination of attraction and comfort.
Charm = attractiveness and strength plus liking the person you are speaking to.
Now you know it, act on it
Charm = interest + attraction.
Creepy = interest + no attraction.
What can we do with this knowledge? Well obviously "be seen to be attractive before showing appreciation". But also use this to detect a woman's attraction/respect for you. Show some appreciation. Well received or not? You'll get MORE interest from girls who are attracted and LESS interest from girls who are not. Polarising is a double win. The more overt and sexual, the stronger this works. "You are intelligent and genuine" will be appreciated by most, "nice rack" is a touch more divisive...
Having a charming conversation you sexy beast (given up trying not to sound homo)
Start by saying something about YOU that others can relate to. If you don't know them, don't ask how they are. If you do know them, also don't ask how they are. Just start by talking about YOU. It's easier for them, it's better for you. It's more masculine. It gives them a starting point. Literally start with something topical and recent. "I nearly ran over a chihuahua on the way here... little fucker ran out into the road. Fortunately I swerved and got its puppies instead". Just start talking. It works. But then transition into a two way fun conversation. And that means avoiding facts.
After a few sentences you can ask them something SPECIFIC if you know them. "How's the new job at X treating you?" or "How was the transgender penis implant operation? Big success?".
Don't ask big/factual questions. Try to avoid their job as much as possible. "What do you do" is horrid. Their favourite icecream is better for a million reasons. Exaggerate things, it makes conversations a trillion times better (but not facts. keep facts straight or you look ridiculous). Be a bit larger than life. Be mysterious - leave lots of unanswered questions about what you do and when you do it. Don't be pinned down. Don't agree to anything of substance.
The big secret of conversations is that you don't need to do all the work. Be charming and the other person will join in, or at least make it super easy for you.
Can I fake it?
A bit, yes. And you probably should. But it's best if as much of this is as genuine as possible. You might have to fake it some until you have abundance. For most of us this stuff is genuine but we also need to know how to do it - how to convey all this so that it works as intended - ie literally charming the pants off her.
Charm = attractiveness + strength and then showing you appreciate the girl for who she is.
Sources: TRP, The Charisma Myth, life.
This is a condensed version of the full article over on trp.red