Had oneitis for a girl at the store, did a hard next 3 months ago. Cut off all contact.

She came to bag my groceries, and I ignored. Repeated several times.

Today she confronted me about the nexting.

Her:"hey you, don't even give me that look! Don't ignore me, talk to me! "

Me:"what do you want dude, why is your shit (backpack and purse ) on the ground? "

Her:"Yeah my ex gangster boyfriend smashed my windows in so I'm waiting for a ride, my boy is bringing my car"

Me:"Cool."

Her:"So what are you up to? "

Me:"getting groceries, you still going to the marines? "

Her:"oh, well there's a hitch... Im pregnant."

Me:"too bad, man. See yeah around."

She came in for a hug but I opted for a handshake variant. I'm pretty sure I didn't betray the disgust I felt. The encounter was aloof indifference from me

I broke frame at home though: that I could've pedestaled someone so hard so recently in my past, only to have it replaced with pity and disgust. I was mad at myself. That I could have been so stupid, so Fucking weak. I broke things, left a dent in the trailer wall at home. Great way to break my hand. Fucking stupid of me. Luckily no damage, practicing kickboxing.

The look of happiness on her face when she saw me, flagging me down... She thought she found the betabux to her alphafuck.

Went to the gym yesterday. Going to my gym today, training for my bluebelt in bjj. I'll be getting it next month. My birthday is also next month. Going to push my weight limit on the deadlift and squats. I can see my abs without flexing now. Down to 185 from 230 in Nov at 6'2". Work is bitching about me only putting in 9 hours a day. Too Fucking bad. Lifting comes first you Fucks.

I refuse to raise someone else's kid. I'm the alphafuck.

Thanks for reading, the shit test made me realize I still have alot of work to do.