Instead of deliberately trying to make yourself seem busy and unavailable to women, how about you actually do stuff with your time and let that behavior come naturally?

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letsjustfindout
June 2, 2017
1594 upvotes
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Title Instead of deliberately trying to make yourself seem busy and unavailable to women, how about you actually do stuff with your time and let that behavior come naturally?
Author letsjustfindout
Upvotes 1594
Comments 136
Date 02 June 2017 10:20 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/43684
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6etiua/instead_of_deliberately_trying_to_make_yourself/
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Comments

[–]LeviTheJedi247 points248 points  (16 children) | Copy

This is life advice, not just getting laid advice. Basically the fundamental of TRP. Make your life great and women are a byproduct. Extra: doing things this way definitely will help with emotional intelligence... as well as some basic discipline that is becoming rare in our age. Great advice in my opinion. This is why I follow TRP

[–]AcrossHallowedGround68 points69 points  (8 children) | Copy

Make your life great and women are a byproduct.

Trust me when I say that getting laid and partying and achieving nothing else with your life will not make you happy. Not in the long run.

I've been ignoring other people as much as is reasonable for the past 2-3 years and instead working on my hobbies/skills. I've never been happier.

Hedonism is not the way to fulfillment; discipline and hard work are.

[–]LeviTheJedi1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. Make your life great doesn't have to be getting laid or partying... or even socializing. You're a prime example. You made your life great via hobbies/skills, which is more so what I was aiming at. Socializing and getting laid just throw themselves at those with passions in whatever they do, or at least that's what it seems like. As for happiness, I have no say on that x) my philosophy teacher beat philosophical views out of me and I'd rather not all over this beautiful land we call TRP

[–]p3n1x4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Hedonism is not the way to fulfillment

It most absolutely is... by definition of the word. If you are that happy with your focus on your hobbies and skills, that is 'hedonistic'. If your indulgence of "discipline and hard work" makes you happy, that IS Hedonism. What is the point of doing anything if you aren't tipping the scales to happy?

partying and achieving nothing else with your life will not make you happy.

Versus what? Money grinding? Way too subjective. You are allowing the judgement of others to dictate what a "good" life and happiness is. Speak for yourself here.

Pursuit of happiness is TRP.

[–]TurgidMeatWand24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think in this case his usage of hedonism is the pursuit of sensual pleasure, i.e. dick wetting, getting fucked up, vidyu games. Those are all well and good in moderation but not the same as developing hobbies and skills.

Yes those hobbies and skills will grant you satisfaction and happiness in the long term, but your going to suck at them at first and it's not going to be fun. Even shitty sex and crappy video games are fun and low investment.

[–]p3n1x0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah,but that is manipulating the definition to fit an argument. I agree that hard work and having something to focus on is healthy for most people. But it too should be balanced and in moderation. I just read a ton of "nose to the grindstone brings "real" happiness" bullshit here.

There are so many guys here that claim to do 'superior' X, have skillz X, make money X and have position X in life...... yet can barely speak with a female and are not as happy as they claim to be.

[–]officerkondo4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Pursuit of happiness is TRP.

A person who spends the majority of his waking hours smoking weed and playing video games is red pill to you? A woman on the cock carousel is red pill to you?

[–]p3n1x-4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Silly propostion. Ambiguous scenarios like that are trap questions.

Are you saying those people in both of your scenario's are truly happy? If they are, fuck everyone else bullshit, they found the golden ring.

Hedonism is not a synonym for "fucking off".

Are you saying that a person using dark triad strategies to obtain hedonistic results isn't an area of TRP?

[–]BrackOBoyO0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

hedonism

I dont think that word means what you think it means

[–]p3n1x-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

By all means explain what I don't understand instead of being passive about it. The philosophy is solid. Nowhere in the theory does it say "how" you obtain it. It is not a negative theory, as postulated by the person above.

Nobody here can define pleasure for another person. We can however offer advice and experience's to obtain pleasure more often than pain. TRP is not about fitting into any specific system (head down hard work only) it is about finding a system that works towards advancement from your current situation. It is not the same for all of us.

[–]circlhat7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

women are a byproduct.

Umm no, I seen some pretty shitty people get women , this is why nice guys are so salty , they are given a false sense of perception about dating.

I would agree with you if women weren't so keen on dating heroin addicts who live off of them and in return they beat them up so bad they end up in the hospital.

It's not like she doesn't have the option of getting a nice well together beta man who has a good paying job, decent looking and can hold a conversation.

tl;dr Blue pill is in full force today

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

well together beta man who has a good paying job, decent looking and can hold a conversation

New to TRP, what specifically would make him beta?

[–]SuperSneekerz points points [recovered] | Copy

Pussy is a side effect of success

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Islam had it right the whole time.

[–]alookachaloo58 points59 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pook said , and I quote

  • Don't SPEND your time chasing girls, INVEST it by putting it into your interests and desires, thus the whole of your life. When you do this, all of a sudden you have what every woman wants: Ambition, charge, decisiveness, backbone, kindness, stableness, and confidence *

and that's what works for me , I'm doing what I love I'm happy and confident

Similar thing was told by Mark Manson in " Models "

about living a true life , this is the key

[–]SheriffBart4285 points86 points  (5 children) | Copy

Basically Jordan Peterson 101. Clean your room and sort yourself out, bucko.

[–]EnglishMajorRegret35 points36 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is the kind of post that keeps me subscribed to TRP.

I personally don't buy into a lot of a faux machismo that seems to run rampant through many threads, but there is a healthy respect for constantly building toward being a well rounded person that is remarkably valuable.

I teach guitar in addition to my full time job, and a lot of what I harp on is directly related to building yourself. Before you can approach an instrument artistically, you have to develop your ability athletically. You'll never be able to play what's in your head if your hands can't physically do the work.

Start fundamentally. Drink more water, go to the gym with intent and fire. Work hard and exhibit leadership in every phase of your life. Beta characteristics can be endearing when in balance with an alpha drive. There's nothing inherently wrong with having a girl as a platonic friend, what's wrong is when that's all you have and it isn't your decision.

Lead yourself and others will follow.

[–]alefmale8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Beta characteristics can be endearing when in balance with an alpha drive.

Very reasonable. I appreciate your perspective.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (25 children) | Copy

Solid advice here. Produce more than you consume. Bottom-line:

YOU WILL FEEL MORE FULFILLED AT THE END OF A PRODUCTIVE DAY THAN A DAY SPENT CONSUMING TEMPORARY PLEASURES

[–]1empatheticapathetic10 points11 points  (24 children) | Copy

This is what I'm told but I feel nothing.

[–]beachbbqlover points points [recovered] | Copy

You can eat a delicious steak and feel nothing too, if you fail to take a moment to realize that it's a delicious steak that you're eating.

[–]1empatheticapathetic0 points1 point  (21 children) | Copy

Yeah I'm not good at acknowledging success/achievements. So your perception is more important you're saying?

[–]beachbbqlover1 point2 points  (20 children) | Copy

It's important if you're going to enjoy success, rather than suffering it, and that affects your performance so I'd say it's worth doing no matter how you look at it.

[–]1empatheticapathetic0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy

I try to get a lot done with my day (despite wasting time on reddit right now haha; i'm inbetween sets). But i don't really enjoy anything. This is something i've been aware of for a while now. Any advice?

[–]beachbbqlover4 points5 points  (16 children) | Copy

When I was a 1st year apprentice, I got alot done by hustling through everything in a mad rush to complete and then feeling exhausted at the end of the day. I carried all of my tools everywhere I went in case I needed one.

Now I'm a journeyman. I get alot done by planning what I have to do first, using effective documentation, bringing exactly the tools I need, doing exactly the work I needed to do and how I needed to do it, and never redoing a step.

I literally accomplish more useful physical work now at my job than I did before, because it's targeted.

So in real life, take the time to give yourself a plan at the gym and otherwise. Talk to a nutritionist. Enjoy your eye of round steak because it's delicious and makes you stronger. Plan your sets and days. Mark down what you're lifting at whatever sets you're doing. Acknowledge when you make progress.

Taking the time to do it keeps you focused and targeted. It gives you something to reflect on. It lets you see when you're not making progress, or need to make change. It lets you see when you've hit your goals.

[–]1empatheticapathetic0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

I do a lot man, i achieve a lot in a day. I have several jobs, hobbies and just moved city and managing a lot right now. It's all planned and maximised in terms of efficiency, time, cost, results. My issue is i tend to feel little to none satisfaction completing anything.

[–]beachbbqlover0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Getting results doesn't make you smile?

[–]1empatheticapathetic0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Not really no. I just complete whatever it is and move on generally feeling exactly the same. At the same time my self esteem/confidence is low.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You're reaching for fee fees my man... I struggle with this sometimes as a fellow guy grinding it out and building. ("fee fees" = feelings)

1: Focus on the present, NOT the future. "I'll make x dollars and then I'll by happy." Don't get too caught up in that mentality. We can often focus on where we want to be + the fact that we're not there yet. No worries! Trust the process. Especially if you are 29 years or younger.

2: Don't search for happiness. Be a continual learner. Enjoy things around you. Be Present

Some ways to get "in the zone" and be present:

  • Close your eyes, focus on breathing. Take nice deep breaths and focus on only that. Let your mind wander, just remember the deep breaths.

  • Run instead of walk down the street or to your vehicle.

  • Play sports. Practice a bit on your own on some stupid tiny aspect of the game that builds foundational skills. Hockey = shooting quickly. Basketball = balance & footwork w/ good shooting form. Golf = Working on the swing over and over.

  • Go swimming! Swim some lengths & challenge yourself if you're a decent swimmer. Work on strokes. Try to be efficient in the way you use your body & the physics of water.

  • Walk around your city, town or some rural area for no reason at all and allow life / your curiosity to take you on a journey. No phone or music.

  • Leave your phone facedown on your bed for days at a time. If you need to manage your phone for work purposes, give yourself 1-3 hour periods to say "fuck off" to everyone attached to their devices. Real life conversations are better.

  • Meet new people. Start conversations. Say stupid shit that's on your mind. Just don't be vulgar or bring up politics/religion. Don't rant or rave.

  • Journal. Spit out your thoughts. Have targeted to-do lists, reflect on recent accomplishments. Take in both the good and bad. Work on the bad. Reflect on its beauty when some flaws are improved.

[–]poppadelta680 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd agree, great advice. I'm going to take a different perspective here - one that considers neurophysiology and neuro chemistry. I'm a health care professional whose been a clinician for 22 years now and use the gamut of NLP, hypnosis, neurofeedback, chiropractic and biomedical treatments to help people heal from a variety of stuff.

I've noticed when guys are at a place of achieving but not enjoying, they're often dealing with adrenal exhaustion, low dopamine, low testosterone or a combination of the above. Another hint I look at is if there are any substances or behaviours they're over indulging in - almost always it's an effort to shore up deficient chemistry.

Here's a quick cheat sheet to balance out basic issues. Usually I suggest adding in one a week so you get a sense of what each effect is like: Adrenals: adrenal supplement with adrenal cortex and cordyceps. In tough case pregnenalone. Dopamine: n acetyl tyrosine, EGCG Low T: tribulus, selenium, 2 farm fresh eggs EOD

I'm reasonably driven and have found when my physiology is intact, my vision is greater, execution better and I enjoy my achievements that much more.

[–]1empatheticapathetic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey thanks a lot for your comment, it's a great filtered list of important stuff. I agree with everything you've said. It's just a matter of implementing and sticking to it. I try to implement a lot of it but i also miss a lot and feel like what i miss out is definitely contributes towards my apathy.

I'm slowly working on adding good things and dropping bad habits; i need to remind myself there is no rush.

Cheers, have a good day!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Depression counseling. Same here

[–]AnjaJutta134 points135 points  (15 children) | Copy

This is actually good advice.

[–]pagerage2137 points38 points  (12 children) | Copy

Yep, especially when where getting in the mid 20's

[–]Laptopbutt20 points21 points  (11 children) | Copy

Yeah I'm mid-late 20s finishing my graduate degree soon and can't wait to have actual time to devote to my music and python programming soon.

[–]sygede14 points15 points  (10 children) | Copy

You may want to go beyond python boy.

[–]igetript[🍰] 11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy

Great starting language tho imo

[–]RedPharaohRising3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Not even debatable, probably the best to start with unless you're core CS in which case fuck outta here pointers in C or bust

[–]chadeusmaximus0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for tip, both of you. I've been planning in starting to learn to code this summer. Looks like I'll start with python.

Tldr: Sold!

Edit: Stupid autocorrect

[–]RedPharaohRising1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's a tip, it's what works for me when I'm bored. Find an interesting problem you wanna solve, and learn code as a way to solve it. Like i wanted a chrome extension to do something that didn't exist, learned how to code etc

[–]searsaw0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Or you can use a language that won't be on the way out soon and learn Rust instead.

[–]oscarpaca points points [recovered] | Copy

Python helps you learn the key concepts behind programming. Even if it's on the way out, learning these concepts is a valuable skill.

[–]fearachieved0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What about starting with ruby if web development is goal?

[–]asotranq6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Apart from going to the gym as much as possible. If you're natural, research recovery and deloading and you'll have much better results and will actually have to work less!

[–]_penseroso_42 points43 points  (5 children) | Copy

The lack of a mission is why men pursue women desperately. Men are BORED. Women are a means to fill that boredom. If you have a regular job and regular life you have a ton of free time. It may not feel like it, but you do. If you have the time to watch TV, play video games, or chase women, you are BORED.

The solution to pedestalizing women and oneitis is to be busy with better shit...make women a small background thought as you pursue your dreams. Red Pill becomes EASY once you embrace this.

[–]sigma27218 points19 points  (4 children) | Copy

Red Pill becomes EASY once you embrace this

That's my absolute favorite part. It's super easy to have the abundance mentality when you're driven by a bigger mission. The vibe you put out to every girl is "we both know that hoes like you are a dime a dozen, but guys like me are one in a million". They know it too, so they chase you.

[–]_penseroso_6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

There is far too little written on this forum about this. It takes bravery and heart to jump into a big mission where you could potentially fail - and men today are generally cowards - so they try to take shortcuts. Women can smell this a mile away. They chase truly impressive men. So the Red Pill isn't specifically about being an alpha male, or game, or confidence, or anything else - it's about diving into a mission, making it your life, and becoming the very best version of yourself you can be. Women are everywhere when you're doing that. They are an easy side project that barely occupy your mental energy.

[–]p3n1x7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

They chase truly impressive men

Only some do, this comment is a form of pedestalization.

Women are dumbasses also and make just as many poor , lazy and cowardly choices as men. I think the beta female gets overlooked way too much around here.

[–]pencilcasserole0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Beta female? I think I know what you're talking about, but I'd like an example please.

[–]p3n1x4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Beta female?

There are a ton of comments here in the forums that don't get called out for making women sound more superior than they really are. The comment above takes away the female pecking order and lumps them all in one "superior" class and negates the weaker females in their ranks. It reads like a guy stuck in Disneyland when it comes to women. "work harder", for women. fuck that.

Go to a bar, find a group of woman and then cold approach. If you notice that more than one of the woman are interested, break rapport for a moment (go to the bathroom / step outside for phone call, etc..). When you return, you will know who the Alpha and Beta's are right away. They will sort their shit out for you.

[–]Dr_Villain10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

Great post. The one thing to add is not to overdo it. A demanding career where you work 60+ hours a week, a hobby, and lifting on a regular basis means you have 1-2 nights a week that you can do other things (assuming you do your laundry, cleaning, coming etc on your day off). Maintaining friendships is important, so that's one night.

Now you have one night a week to date, plus the option of doing lunch/coffee dates or late night drinks, which will quickly cut into your sleep time. Being busy is easy, being balanced is not. Find good balance and maintain it.

[–]SonOfSparda3043 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

maintaining friendships is important

One of my biggest balance-issues with life is friendships. I'm terrible at making real friends. Being friendly with coworkers and the occasional conversation at the gym is not the same thing.

I know there is a lot more I can be doing, but life right now is constantly impeded by financial barriers.

Gym membership: $20/month = fine

Student loan payments: okay

Hobbies: minimal $$$ leftover from necessities and the above to invest, so currently trying to improvise some stuff. I'm not getting a new bow anytime soon.

It took four months out of school (CS degree) to get a job in retail (not for lack of trying), and another month later (now) they're bringing me on full-time in a lead role. Haven't heard specifics on salary yet, all I know is that it's more than the $10/hr 30-35 hr work weeks I've been getting.

In my off time I have minimal time to work on personal code/tech projects because I've been trying to learn what I can about personal finance and keep my life in order (cleaning, home maintenance/cleanliness, etc). I haven't even touched on investing simply because I don't have the capital to do it, nor have I had the time to do whatever research I need to on that topic.

Aside from that, I always feel like in order to have real friends now I would have to lose valuable time and, most importantly, they wouldn't. I don't feel as though I'm at a point where I can afford to have a real social life. I'm miles and miles away from my old college buddies, but most of those people would be absolute poison for my life now.

I basically spend most of my time isolated and rely on customer interactions and sales at work to keep social skills sharp. Honestly books on social engineering are so much more helpful than most guides for conversation IMO.

[–]Dr_Villain1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Taking care of your mental well-being is just as important as taking care of your physical health. Meditation, diet, exercise, and rest are all great, but we're social animals; we need companionship. Investing your time in maintaining or developing friendships is not time wasted, it's also an investment in your mental health.

[–]nonstoplife26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good advice. Get busy doing useful things in your life. Two years from now, you could spend that time as another idle passive consumer who binge watches Netflix and mindless TV sports, or you can choose to invest that time in yourself, developing new skills, enhancing existing skills. You'll be two years older, and have something to show for it.

My girlfriend recently made some comment about me eventually being bored with her. I laughed but didn't say anything. The thought going through my mind was that I would only be bored with her if I built my life around her, and her ever changing wishes and moods. I'm too busy working, learning and practicing guitar, learning dancing, reading intelligent news, consuming smart books (like 48 Laws), working out, cycling, going to men's team, taking care of living, etc to have time being bored with her. She's learning that she earns her place to be in a relationship with me, it's not something she gets just because she happen to be born a woman. Just as I earn my place in the world as a man.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fake it till you make it emphasis, op

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

Bullshit 2017-era redpill hamstering.

Success does not naturally bring women.

Understanding female nature and sexual strategy and cultivating legitimate alpha personality traits bring women.

Having your life and your shit together does not bring women. I know far too many people with 6 figure net worths that are betas and don't get laid 1/10 as often as my deadbeat ass.

I cannot emphasize enough how reckless and bullshit it is to say "Work on yourself and the sex will come."

BULLSHIT!

[–]Need2LickMuff4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

^ . OP's advice definitely makes you great husband material, though! Hopefully more guys fall down this path so my illegitimate child can go to a private school.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you need any more evidence that this subreddit is filled with the most bottom of the barrel beta male normies imaginable, OP's highly upvoted advice is to "actually do stuff with your time."

HOW INSPIRATIONAL

YOU MEAN, LIKE, DO THINGS? THANK YOU OP!

[–]RichieFinn2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

invest in your own IRA.

im Irish and was completely thrown off by this

[–]drsherbert4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can lose a lot money chasing women, but you'll never lose a lot of women chasing money.

[–]miranto2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nooooo this was a brilliant post! Give it back! GIVE IT BACK!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why did you delete the post?

[–]LegalSC2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you! Had to turn away from this sub for awhile because it seemed so many had missed the whole point.

It's not about fooling people into valuing you, it's about being valuable by valuing yourself.

[–]PLEASEHIREZ2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not sure if you're a guy, or a girl. Good advice overall.

I go to the gym 5 times a week, and have a trainer for 4 of those visits. 1-2 hour sessions depending on availability that week.

I'm a commercial diver / nurse so I can weld, do electronics, fabricate, and tinker. Having a degree lends some sort of credibility to my technical abilities when it comes to computers and the only coding language I know is android. I have been cooking for myself since high school and enjoy cooking. I have an 8-4 job, and do work on weekends when dive jobs come up. In the summer I cut hours nursing to go diving. Being an adult I don't like having anything less than 7 hours of sleep. I am taking Japanese courses at this moment, and speak English and French. My hobbies include being a potato. You are correct, there isn't that much time to be a potato - however what's wrong with making time for my significant other (SO)? I like staying up until 2pm talking with her on FaceTime. I like snuggling! I like literally fucking my Sundays away with her. We get up at 10 am on Sunday, we head to our local dim sum place, we have a lazy Sunday. We nap, then we sex until dinner time. We cook something nice, do laundry, then have more sex. Is there something really wrong with that?

As far as taxes are concerned I just use H&R block. Sorry for not wanting to learn to them myself. o.o\

Forgot to address the growing finances. It's risky to start something on your own. I'm glad everything worked out for you, but I have two mortgages on a small condominium and a (2200sq/ft) four bed-room house. I'm trying to build my wealth. How does one "invest" in a business as well? I "could" theoretically start my own dive company but then I'd have to bid on contracts and use my current assets as collateral. I'd also have to invest around $50k to start the business. One aluminum flat bottom boat, two KM37s, two 200' umbilicals, one set of full scuba gear, one HP compressor, four K-bottles, three sets of dive radios, two trailers (one for the boat, one for land based operations), and don't even get me started on pneumatic tools / workshop space. If I wanted to start a marijuana farm I'd need to invest so much as well. I don't know what type of business you're talking about, but what capital and what time? If you take my Sundays away from my SO, when do I get an SO? How do I get a wife? Also, how old are you? If you're in your mid 20s, then really hats off to you. If you're in your 30s, I think you're working way too hard. Just chill, you can always make money later. So many jobs pay $100,000 right now and after your first business or income property - wealth generates wealth. It's okay to go slow until you're 30-35, because after that what are you going to do with more than $300,000 a year? Legitimately having a modest stock porfolio with 4% interest on $1,000,000 at the age of 35 is fine. By that time you'll have your properties and big ticket items out of the way, and you'll be getting $40,000 in spending money to allocate to business or pleasure.

I don't even know what I'm typing anymore. I'm compelled to answer because I think the scope of view is too narrow. Everyone has their own standards, and as a by-stander you should accept that people make their own choices. If they complain or ask for your advise then give it to them. You obviously have your life figured out so enjoy it, don't' let others bog you down.

[–]adambrukirer2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Why is this deleted?? Anyone have the original thread??

[–]SaggyT2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am searching for it too as I put it in my bookmarks to read later but it was too late :'(

[–]1empatheticapathetic17 points18 points  (10 children) | Copy

People can have full lives but still find themselves in a moment where they have the opportunity to reply immediately to a text, but choose not to. Get over it.

[–]upthatknowledge34 points35 points  (3 children) | Copy

I feel like this sub is based around not being able to get over it

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, it is just that most readers never get over it, i.e are stuck in anger-phase and then hamster away more and more reasons as to why it is OK to remain bitter over an old ex.

[–]wholebottleofpills4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

unproductive comment, you either misunderstood the intent of this post or you're signaling for no reason

[–]1empatheticapathetic2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I have a busy life. Do I have the opportunity to immediately respond to a text when I receive one? Yeah sometimes.

What's unproductive is OPs holier than thou attitude and binary outlook.

[–]p3n1x0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You just made this about "right"/"wrong", when the subject matter is about "STRATEGY". If you choose to use a poor strategy, that is your prerogative. People here are trying to debate ways to optimize their beliefs, strategies and philosophies.

Always being instantly available for a woman anytime she communicates never ends well. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean it is a good strategy.

[–]1empatheticapathetic3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hey bro.

I didn't make anything about right or wrong, OPs attitude did. He implies you're either having a productive life to the point you can't reply instantly to a notification on your phone (whether it be girl, family, friend, employer) or you're replying instantly and have nothing going on in your life. That the only reason you should wait to respond is if you're genuinely too busy to do so, otherwise simply waiting for the sake of it is pathetic.

My opinion is that is a very binary view and doesn't reflect reality. Some days i am busy, some days i am not so busy. I am always ready to reply to notifications on my phone in case of emergency (family, work, other), whether i choose to or not is a different matter. Whether i purposely wait because i don't want to seem eager is not a big deal whereas OP decides that it is actually 'pathetic'. It is strategy like you said.

It's a childish definition of 'busy'. I'll reply when i fucking want to while being aware that an instant reply may imply i have nothing going on, that's my strategy.

[–]p3n1x2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

because i don't want to seem eager is not a big deal whereas OP decides that it is actually 'pathetic'.

Fair enough.

I also disagree with quite a bit of the black and white of the post.

[–]toothpickhd4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Everytime someone brings up TRP and just says its a way to get girls, you should just show them this post. This is the epitome of TRP. Fix your life first and the girls will come, because the success will come first. Great post!

[–]TheSameDifference4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Non game playing women don't judge you based on how long you take to respond to a text this is nonsense. I actually have had women call me out on why it takes me so long to respond to texts which generally is amusing to me.

I don't think we should glorify being busy, its fine not to make a women your top priority and not be needy, but purposely making yourself busy so you don't appear needy is also very bluepill.

Yes you can be more interesting and well rounded if you are passionate about your job and your hobbies but if you are too busy for relationships than perhaps you don't know how to connect with women or people in general like you do your activities.

Balance is key.

[–]maninthepantspants1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good advice. If you aren't happy to begin with a bf or gf won't make you happy in the long run. Maybe in short term just due to the infatuation.

[–]SonOfSparda3040 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This and "drink more water" are probably the two most helpful pieces of advice in the universe that get ignored on a regular basis.

[–]KingLi881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is actually good advice. If you got your shit together and the girl rejects you then its on her. If you are fat, with no career, and no interests, your mama dont even want you in the house, blame yourself.

[–]bano1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sidebar material and should also be stickied. This right here is everything.

[–]vorverk1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

% of people not doing the basics is enormous. Shower, brush your teeth, clean after your meal... then they wonder how they cant get a decent job. For fucks sake. You can't take care of yourself? How am I as an employer going to trust you to take care of anything?

[–]downvotesanimals1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is called not fakin' it cause you're maikin' it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm in the middle of this experiment myself. I always went way too far in the past. I've done some monk mode, and now I do judo, climb, and swing dance. It's a lot, as I'm also a professional job wise. But I'll be damned if I let some bitch fill up my time again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Live this. This just goes to show how easy it is to be attractive nowadays. So many luxuries, conveniences, etc., if you even just do the basics you're way ahead. Pathetic but, hey, it is what it is.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I went back to school to get a two year degree in a hobby of mine at a local CC that by odd luck had a program for it. In the end I got more out of the connections I made than the actual education (I usually knew more than the teachers) and in the end I didn't actually finish it. And I was awash in young poon.

[–]TastySewp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great, this is great. Thanks for this OP.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good advice. I do this anyway. I'm awful at replying to texts because I'm busy enough living life and doing more important, productive things. Sometimes I ghost by accident.

Why do people wait to text in the first place? It signals high value. Why does it signal high value? It's not because you know the rule that you're supposed to wait. It's because high value people are too busy to bother replying right away anyway. If you don't have better things to do than her, you're doing life wrong.

[–]atlantique160 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What I'm about to say I may not have full knowledge in so if you believe I'm wrong correct me or state your belief:

The idea of pretending to be busy is unauthentic and kinda lame. Your merely just hoping to get a response from her by holding back. I'm not sure if it really works or not because I feel unauthentic when I do it and I feel it throws off the vibe. I'm usually pretty occupied though like OP said. I have hobbies, work, class, and parties so in general I'm typically somewhat busy.

[–]Returnofthemack30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, if you have a full time job and work out 5-6 times a week ( i mean do a serious workout regimen), it's not hard to do. Add in a few social events here and there and you're basically a busy motherfucker.

[–]LiveFromArizona0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't have full-time employment, get it.

[–]makethemflaunt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is why I read TRP. For posts like this.

In Summary: Keep in mind the bigger perspective always. By striving for big goals, we accomplish smaller goals naturally. As the reverse cannot be said to be true, we must always stay most focused on what matters most --what we make of our lives.

[–]1ozaku70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I find that "waiting a few hours" to respond to be complete bull in a time where we have a phone stuck to our thigh or palm of our hand most of the day. Give it an hour max, unless you are actually out camping, swimming in a pool or whatever activity disables you from responding on whatever goes on on your phone.

I respond pretty soon to my plate, but we don't have a problem communicating for an entire week either, because we rather speak in person instead of wasting all that conversation material over some text on a screen which misses roughly 80% of the communication like facial expressions, tone of voice, emotion and all that. Just minimize conversations with women over text and try to move it to actual meetings, unless it's impossible due to distance.

[–]wheresMYsteakAt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You just accidentally discovered what we refer to as abundance mentality. The fake it till you make it part is as old as The Book of Pook's 2/3 concept (in that if you weren't faking it you wouldn't need to count in the first place). Both are valuable and I (think) we both agree that the faking it should never be a replacement for achievement.

[–]Shakydrummer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah between working out 4 times a week, practicing at home two or three hours 4 to 5 days a week, band practice, teaching drums, recording, editing/mixing, and playing/seeing shows and a full time job, life is busy. But it's a good kind of busy - it's fulfilling!

[–]atlantique160 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This post seems to be written by someone with high levels of intelligence.. Will certainly follow up with applying some to my life. Thanks for the value.

[–]CaffineAddictNYC0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. Of course, as someone who already is busy as fuck. I don't think there is anything wrong with staying in on a Friday night and drinking some wine while watching a great show.

(I woke up 17 hours and went to work, I got home one hour ago, I cleaned my apartment, and, now, I rest.)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seen on /all. Excelent post

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fantastic advice. Any advice for a man who chronically finds him self alone and thus lonely? I mostly chase girls because I like having a partner in crime (so to speak) on my adventures instead of doing everything alone.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Trust me, I fill my time with many interesting things. It wont make women flock to you.

[–]Musclenoob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, thats great advice. But i have to admit, i often catch myself being "busy" but not getting shit done. Watching tv series on end i dont even really like... i really have to work on that^

[–]adambrukirer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

orginal post:

I see this often here - advice like waiting a couple of hours to text, or not scheduling things day after day and being unavailable. Here's a novel concept - if you're sitting around binging Netflix and holding off on texting plates to seem like you're fixing your car or whatever, how about actually be doing shit like that in the first place? Most people don't respect their time and look for a women to feel the void in their boring-ass lives. Most of these guys have a lifestyle in which they'll go on a date with a single girl ("I've never had a girl say yes before! This has gotta be the one!"), and immediately be able to see her every day of the week, stay over until 2 AM, move in together ASAP, that sort of thing. On a subconscious level, this sort of availability and willingness to jump in repulses women. Take some fucking control of your lifestyle. If you don't have full-time employment, get it. Next, make sure you are lifting and going to the gym as much as possible. Make sure you're eating right for every single meal. This usually means you've gotta cook your own stuff, so learn to do that. Get in control of your finances. Pay your debts, learn how to invest, do right by your 401k, invest in your own IRA. Stay on top of your shit, clean out your car (most people have fucking disgusting cars filled with pizza boxes and empty water bottles), go through your junk mail, read through your credit card statement, make sure nothing you have is expiring soon, organize your email, don't fall behind on anything. This paragraph is the minimum amount of shit you should keep up with just to be a functional human being. I'm shocked at how many people's lifestyle equilibrium includes none of this. This alone should take up a decent amount of time if you're thorough. Then once you have a handle, you move to the next level. Really take care of your car, wash it, wax it, do maintenance on it. Get an artistic outlet (music, sculpting, acting) and push past the amateur level to actually start doing something with it. Learn to garden or really source your food well. If you have a house, mow your own lawn and do your own maintenance and DIY repairs. Be a man. Learn to code. Learn how your computer works. Say hi to a friend you haven't seen in a while or volunteer somewhere. Keep up with politics so you know what you're talking about. Take something apart and put it back together. Get a cool hobby like hunting. Learn something about history or science. Start a side business and try to make it your real business. Get enough sleep. Literally pick any 3 of the above things, and do them well (not just going through the motions) and you'll find that you don't have enough hours in the week anymore for keeping up with things you want to do. And this brings me to my main argument. At this point, you will naturally be a busy person. You wont have to take a look at her text and then tell yourself to put it aside for 2 hours. You naturally wont look at your phone for long periods of time. For myself, I only have 2 main "things" - music and electronics. I work about 10 hours a day at my regular job to be able to keep improving and making a name for myself there. I go to the gym, take care of the food situation and any outstanding adult-type chores I need to take care of. Then I throw myself completely into recording music (the plan is to release a well-recorded album, I'm about 3/4 done), or my tinkering/inventing (I've applied for a patent, started a business, and hope to launch my product later this year). Since I actually focus on what I'm doing at the time, plates know I'm not one of those schleps who can text back a minute later all day. I'm not available to see every week. When they see me it's a privilege and they can feel it. I'm taking time out of my busy schedule for them, and they respect that. I don't have to artificially make it seem like I'm more important than I am. "What to do next" is always in the background of my mind, and I can't say I've been "bored" in the last two decades. You'll notice there's nothing here about social media, Netflix, TV, etc... That's because those things are literally cancer to the modern man. I see that sentiment on Reddit, even TRP: "Of course I keep busy with my day! In fact, I'm always looking for a new Netflix series, Candy Crush Deluxe is now out, I found a new Youtuber I like, and there's a Kardashian marathon all day Saturday so consider me booked! Yup, you know me, always busy doing something." Fuck you, you're a professional consumer. Continue down this road and you'll be wallowing in mediocrity for the rest of your life. I think the odd TV show or video game that is intelligently made and has artistic merit is worthwhile, but most people view their day as if that window from 5 PM after work to 11 PM when they go to sleep must be filled with some sort of screen entertainment no matter what. TLDR: Produce, don't consume.

[–]Trooper_18680 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

collab bro? :)

I hear you man, very solid post. We need more of these posts here.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

lol THAT IS the advice.

but while you figure out what to fill time with, you do shit to make it seem like you are there already.

anyway. nothing new

[–]Endorsed ContributorWoujo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with almost everything OP is saying.

Women are attracted to men with a busy, interesting life, and faking like you have a busy, interesting life fails because women can emotionally "sense" a man who actually has other shit on his mind.

[–]askmrcia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Couldn't agree more. I remember the first year after I finished undergrad. Didn't have that many friends as I was in a new city. All my rec league activities were over by Nov because that's when Holiday season began.

That was when I felt miserable, bored, and any chick that gave me attention, I would have to fake being busy, or get too worried about if they going to text back and all that type of stuff.

Now, its completely different. When women flake, its not that big of a deal. Perfect example, like today. I play on a traveling sports team for fun. Had planned a date for today. I'm sure she is going to flake.

No worries, my team is having a party and there will be tons of people there later tonight. Her flaking is not going to even come close to ruining my Sat night (assuming she does).

Tomorrow, I'm coaching a team. Our last game is tomorrow. Invited another chick to come watch and maybe for drinks later that evening. If she comes cool, if not, then we're partying for our win afterwards.

Now you add up all the other things I do outside of work gym, 6 different rec league teams (volleyball, softball, flag football, basketball,ect...), and being heavily involved with volunteering for a non profit organization, I truly don't have to spend so much time thinking about one girl, a date or whatever.

If you always have something else on your mind, the less you will care if a girl flakes or takes years to respond to text messages.

If you're just sitting around doing nothing, then that's when you're going to start thinking that you should wait 5 or so hours to text back.

Me personally, I don't play those dumb waiting to text back games, if some girl texts me while my phone is in my hand, I'll respond (just like I would for anyone else) because chances are I'll forget later. And at the end of the day, I don't care if they think I have nothing going on to text back instantly because I know I have things going on.

[–]sadbasturd99-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

What should I do ? I am 42 and miserable. Give me some real ideas please ?

[–]Cesare_MA points points [recovered] | Copy

OP gave you a million ideas right in the post.

I bought an arduino microcontroller recently and plan on tinkering with it, making some basic shit. You can do that. Learn basic C/C++ too and the sky is the limit. You will learn a lot about circuits and shit.

[–]sadbasturd990 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

been a programmer for 20 years. So programming after work is not my idea of fun lol

[–]sorren_uogl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pickup a Jeep Cherokee that needs work, 1998 was the best year. Easy vehicle to work on.

Make sure it's the inline 6 4.0 and 4x4 automatic.

[–]YouPoorBastards-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

You too can be basic middle class with these twelve easy steps.

[–]_MysticFox1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lmao. How would you recommend rising from middle class otherwise?

[–]Need2LickMuff-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sounds extremely boring, tbh.

[–]AbyssalWhip55 points points [recovered] | Copy

You will find its quite the opposite. Sometimes even stressful.

[–]Need2LickMuff-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

So annoying on top of boring? Sign me up. More meant that I'm not planning on being Fiscal Phil the Responsibility Whore, and 90% of these recommendations remind me of Hank Hill.

[–]LolaSunshineKitten-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP you are the awesome!! This is all such wonderful advice many should take to heart! Even me as a taken female. Never hurts to really look after yourself and yours. Thank you again!

[–]i4mn30-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You should make your woman do all those chores. That's the real win.

[–]1Entropy-7-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

There are two angles to this.

The first is "BE AWESOME". The biggest pussy magnet is to be awesome.

The second angle is the more direct approach. You might see GLO and a few other ECs going jihad on "self improvement" thing rather than the "getting laid" thing.

Tao of Steve moment as an interlude:

  1. Be desireless.

  2. Be excellent in her presense.

  3. Be gone (withdraw)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women don't notice actual awesomeness. They notice the peripheral and secondary symptoms of awesomeness, which is primarily confidence.

You don't need to be "awesome" to be confident, though. It helps but isn't necessary. Self-acceptance and self-praise, or simple narcissism, is a shortcut to confidence.

By all means, self-improve. But that isn't related to sexual attraction, which is simply a physiological phenomenon occurring in women in response to perceived strength/ability.



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