Letter to a younger self.
Here are some things that are going to happen to you. Take heed and avoid the bad things, make the good things happen, and while there will still be a struggle, it may be a better journey than where your life has led you to be at 50.
So many people act as something that they are not. Most people don’t have the integrity they claim they do. Most people wont say what it is they really want, and may conceal their real intentions. Even the best among us. Beware of the hidden lies and cons after going in a given direction.
Resist what does not seem right. Move on, continue your search, keep open to new people and opportunities and shut down all those that will suck you soul out of you with drama, diversions, and decadence.
What you see to lure you in will never be what you get. Power is in manipulating others with what they want. Power is the lie that says you are worth nothing when in truth you have every right. Power is the lie that isolates you when the truth is you belong in the world.
Technology, especially in reference to the Internet, actively isolates everyone more than it brings people together. Piece by piece technology interferes with every human interaction and replaces it with a simulation. The wealthiest people in the world, whatever your measure of wealth is, are those who are the most social. Consider how many people a spiritual or political leader has met in his life, and consider how much of a rich life that can represent. Isolation, by whatever cause, is poverty.
Most of your aspirations will never come to pass. Often, your aspirations will be used against you and for profit. Still if you want something, you must do much more research and learning about what is really needed to require it, you should do much more work to learn what that is than you expect you must do. As for your deepest desires that align with who you are, find a way to live them. Regret can drive you mad.
In this modern age, there are endless lures to distract you from even beginning to think about what you truly need to do to improve your plight. A massive amount of things pushed in front of you is a lie. Consider the massive industry of unhealthy carbohydrates, pornography, political propaganda, overpriced products of every description, so much of it a contrived need.
Other people don’t have your interest in mind. Not even the people closest to you. However, if you can find or creating a small group of like minded people who share knowledge and resources among each other, it can be the most valuable method to improving your own life.
Don’t remain working at home forever. Turn it into something else eventually or move on. It is always in somebody else's interest to keep you isolated. Do this if you must, but it is isolating, and you belong in the world. It is in somebody else's interest to keep you at home. There are no assurances that you will be sufficiently supported to cover all your costs, with the depreciation of your equipment, inflation, and the imperative to continue to invest in your life savings.
Get work in the greater community, where the real opportunities are. The commute may be costly and frustrating, people toxic, but obviously the ones who flourish and prosper are those exposed to each other in a work place, out in the world, not shut up at home consulting.
The world is being destroyed with lies, especially when profit is possible. Every possible angle is tried in the desperate struggle for anything, and in the belief that this way is the only way that matters, because everyone else practices it. Still it is not too much to strive for a little peaceful square of it for yourself. It is also possible to end up with nothing despite the best of intentions.
Nobody wants you to know any of the above. It is in the interest of someone else that keeps you isolated, divided, and unaware of it. You must come up with the solutions to these problems yourself.
Edit: Thank you for the comments and great feedback. I wrote this late last night and could refine it I am sure, but there you go. Perfection shouldn't be the enemy of progress now, should it? Perhaps you all should take a turn at writing a letter to your former self every so often, as an exercise in understanding the route your life is taking.
WTF Reddit Gold? Aww thank you!!!
Great idea of isolation creating social retards. Being isolated psychologically fucks with you, once we become isolated our self-esteem plunges, we stop working out, indulge on candy and cheap pornography. We use our precious time on doing unimportant things like watching more movies or youtube vids of supercars that we dream to have, creating dopamine spikes although we didn't have the experience. And the barrel keeps rolling, and the longer it rolls, the more momentum it gains, and so as years pass it's going to be extremely hard to stop that barrel once you are so exhausted with your life, that you want to kill yourself, and in the end you probably will. Upvote the OP. Nice Post.
Law #18: Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself: Isolation is Dangerous
Isolation, aka alone time can be some of the most beautiful time you will ever spend. It's rare in our busy world,and when you find alone time, enjoy. As a retired man I spend most days alone, and I love it.
Talent and skills are formed in isolation. Try learning how to draw surrounded by your social circle talking about anything and everything, endlessly distracting you.
However, if you can surround yourself with likeminded people honing in on the same skill is better than isolation, I will agree with that. However, outside of college, this is hard to find
Yup, read the 48 laws. Brilliant book. Should replace the holy bible.
His 33 strategies of war is also applicable and just as good too.
Surprised to see that wisdom around here.
The only thing you put ahead of yourself is the creator who sowed you in your mother's womb. I agree, phenomenal book. Second to the most important words a man can hear in regards to your eternity and soul following sex and money that fades.
You're surprised to see the 48 laws mentioned on the red pill?
48 laws of power is adored around here almost as much as meditations by memeus aurelius
As someone isolated for years now, you're right. The longer the period of isolation & lack of progress, the harder it is. I just got my first job in years, a $13.35 per hour nowhere job at walmart at 27. I'm ashamed every hour I work there, but since I did nothing for so many years I have low skills. I decided to pick up learning Java programming, and have been at it for nearly a month now.
I'm on the edge you talk about already and am so far in the hole with debt, lack in all aspects of life etc that I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel or remember how it felt to be above ground. The only thing keeping me going is that I know the exit exists. But it doesn't feel like there is an exit at all.
You gotta take that shit one day at a time bro. Rock bottom is when you stop digging but ya still got a hole to climb out of.
You got to fully immerse yourself into programming. It's a very useful skill and can lead to a lucrative career. Just remember that all the tutorials and online classes wont teach you everything. Eventually you'll have to use everything you've learned and create a project. It will be shitty and basic. The code will be a mess. But you'll learn how to get better at ot the more attempts you make. Get on github. Plenty of good resources amd inspiration there. Its never too late man. You got this!
Reading others people code is the best way to learn. Not the easiest though. At first you don't get a thing. The second time you dont get a thing either. After the 10th time and a lot of hours with no sleep e too much stack overflow you get it. When you get it, it awesome because you see the little tricks that people uses and nobody is gonna teach you. Also reading other people's code is important for working in groups.
Ok. I'm at a blank for what my first project should be. Is there any websites with example project ideas? I don't really care what the project is about, only that its for beginners. At this point I'm not really even sure if I could come up with my own simple project idea.
simple games for example like snake.
There are different ways you can go with this. Have a look at code academy. It's setup to teach you to code and gives you tasks to complete. I've never tried it, but it may work for you.
I would start small with projects. If you can find something that would be useful to you that would be a good start. Try to think of which platform. Web app? Mobile? Desktop? Or just something simple to play around with in the early stages (which would be a desktop app). Once you dive in, the process goes something like, pinpoint a problem to solve, look through the documentation to see if you can figure it out with what's in front of you, if not google a solution which should take you to stackoverflow.com. Someone else has already solved the problem you are on and chances are the solution is there. Rinse and repeat.
Sorry if this is taking the original post off topic, just thought I'd respond.
There are boys way worse off. Trust me. As much as we should aspire to be greater and improve, still count your blessings. For everyone you look at and compare yourself to that's better, there are 2 that are beneath you.
I relate to your story. At 29 i took up a job as a building superintendent, which involved mostly janitorial work. It started at $10/hr but i had no other choice at the time. This was about 5 years ago... I'm not in a better place yet... But what else am i gonna do?
You need to seriously put in work to find something better. When people land a job, most of them stop looking for work at that time. If you're constantly looking for opportunities you'll eventually find some and not have missed them for lack of searching.
You need a general plan for yourself. Even a 2 year plan, a 3 year plan or 5 year plan. You need to set ab objective and then obsessively pursue it via baby steps every day. Rome wasn't built in a day.
True. I'm looking into a local community college, although none of their majors/programs i could really see myself do for the rest of my life.. Then again i cant see myself do what im doing now either? The advisors at that community college try to bumrush students into the place, all I'm trying to find out is which major/program will land me the highest pay? They can't seem to answer that... And i keep reading on reddit that most students who start college never get a degree, and those that do are 70% female.. My odds are not looking good
The stats don't mean shit to someone whos on a mission. For years the "I don't know if I could do X for the rest of my life" was a common thought. In reality most people probably thought that at one point or another, but just went in a direction anyway to try it out. Whether or not they work in that particular field for the rest of their lives is up to them. Generally speaking you want something 60-80k a year to live on your own comfortably. You need a "big boy" job as a base of operations just to not be a fucking broke chump. At that point you will be making more money but I think its just as important to learn financial discipline. e.g. Just cuz you don't have kids or a wife doesn't mean you should blow 50 grand on a fully loaded pickup.
Age 18-27 I spent bumbling around dead end jobs with huge gaps (in years) of total unemployment. At this stage I'm learning how to program because its one of the fewer career choices that you can make really good money while also not having any degree of any kind. The industry is growing every year with no end in sight. Many jobs are remote which means you could work for a company based in another country from your own living room making 80k a year. Do I particularly like programming? I don't hate it thats for sure, but it's a valuable skill I'm developing in order to escape the dredges of low-skilled job life and to finally progress. Just that reason alone is enough to make me boot it up every day. Its been over a month now where I've coded every day. If you knew me personally you would know thats a huge accomplishment, as for years I tended to commit to something for a few days or a week at max before it fizzled out.
It's kind of a law of numbers. You do something once, it might fail. You do it 100 times and you're bound to succeed one of those times. When starting out, hardly anyone ever gets a call back on their first application and gets hired at their first interview. You might think that chad "who always gets the girls and the good jobs" was just perfect from 18 on, but remember no one ever talks about all their failed interviews or missed opportunities but that doesn't mean they don't exist.
Make it up, make it happen
Start selling shit on eBay as a side hustle
I'm a professional software developer by trade. I can tell you if you stick it out and truly like to write code then a lucrative career is waiting for you. It's one of the few white collar professions where your don't need a college degree to enter the field. Between the salary and job market, it's an excellent field. I'm not trying to sound full of myself, but all I need to do to find a job is post my resume online. Then the phone starts ringing, literally within 10-20 mins. That's what the job market is like after you gain experience. But, you have to like writing code. That's something that gets better the more you practice, especially if you can get good in one area.
Do note that writing software can be a very socially isolated job. It doesn't have to be, but it can be. I currently work from home. I have a few 1 hour meetings within the week, and the rest of my time is sitting in my living room writing code. Its also a male dominated field.
If you have any questions about getting into software development let me know.
As a man who experienced this. You are absolutely right.
As a 20 year old guy who spent 4 years isolated to please his blue pilled father and manipulative mother, and finished with psyche, social life, confidence, etc... totally fucked up, i can say this is true AF.
I found this community some months ago by casuality and has been a blessing until now.
I ignored so many things...
As a 21 year old guy who was where you were, focus on daily habits and your life will change in a year. Lift (improves physique and social skills), get a part time job (money, experience and communication) and eat right (80% of results are based on diet)
How much should one eat? How to get fit? You have some link to a guide or anything that can help out? I really hate training but don't mind eating healthy.
https://www.muscleforlife.com/healthy-meal-planning-tips/
Hopefully, you are better now! Be good
Yeah, I much much better. Until a year ago, due to serious depression and anxiety, I had hard time taking a bus to a nearby town.
Now I've moved to the big city, flew alone 3 times, in the last one I've banged two girls (After 1+ year of no sex). I almost have no approach anxiety.
Taking my meds, working out, being as social as I can. Things can get better with time (and work, most of them at least) apparently.
brutally sobering and spot on
Agreed, great post. Very succinctly put some major things that we all need reinforced. Interesting point about real "wealth" and richness of life, it rings true.
Wow. So glad you wrote this. I started a business where I work from home. I make 6 figures a year and hardly go out for anything.
Its basically in real estate/mortgage sales.. but I have people doing outside sales etc. I totally agree it has fucked with me mentally and I need to be out in public more but often times there is nothing to do.
Started hitting gym again but I almost want to move to a larger city to be around more people. I have a bit of Social Anxiety so I went towards a job/life where I didnt have to be around big groups of people or bosses, however its affecting my life.
I have a bit of Social Anxiety
I was the same. But the fortress mentality will only make it worse. Force yourself out, go work in a coffee shop, hit the gym etc etc, be around people.
Well said! I was isolated and depressed two years ago. I wanted life to end, but I gave it one more chance and did a few sketchy things to see what life had left to offer for me. COMPLETELY turned me around and I start to tear up every time I think of it.
Today, I no longer play video games, I eat breakfast, I lift heavy every other day (in the best shape of my life, gained 15 lbs muscle) I approach any woman I want to (I'm still garbage tho lol), I'm learning guitar - life is amazing. What happened?? lol.
If any of you guys are going through isolation or depression, PM me. I'd love to help.
I can add to this.
I was pretty much socially isolated for a couple of years, especially in my first year abroad after being done from uni.
It fucked me up big time, like I didn't know how to connect with people and was sort of this psychopathic/heartless being who didn't give a fuck about anything going around me. My headspace was WAY in a different place than when I was in highschool, where I was functioning normally from a mental/psychological headspace and could still relate to people. I was constantly feeling irritated and pissed.
I'm still recovering and will most likely see a therapist in the near future to understand why I'm thinking in a certain negative manner and reacting to stuff the way I usually do.
So true, I've been working from home for 4 years now and it's starting to eat away at me. It's time to move on
Our culture leans so sharply toward the social that those who wander into the wild are lucky if they’re only considered weird. I personally enjoy the benefits of solitude. External validation is toxic.
I can acknowledge that I don't use my time as efficiently as possible, but when you live in an overcrowded city surrounded by toxic people, the small luxuries of being able to avoid them and enjoy time alone is underrated. You also get peace of mind from silence rather than the chattering crowd. (Check out the benefits of sensory deprivation)
At the same time it's unfair to judge other people who oppose isolation and solitude as most extrovert's are dependent on external validation and the need to "belong". I even know family members who will go out of their way just to feel like they belong or else they feel their self-worth is depreciated.
I began my isolation journey when I was 25. (Currently 27 so I'm still learning) While I still use Reddit as my main source of socializing, I cut most social media accounts like fb, youtube, instagram, ect. I also cut lots of family/friends out of my life. I don't use a cellphone, and I also don't attend parties or social events. While the majority of my friends believe partying and social events create happiness, at the end of the day they login on facebook with a sense of loneliness seeking external validation from others to fill the void.
But I would be lying if I said I was completely isolated. I have a dog. While I am content with my own company, I'm happy being in the company of my dog rather than toxic people. But to each his own.
The problem is that most people aren't isolated by choice. They are isolated by fear. It's like climbing a rock wall. There are people who climb it and say "It's amazing the view in the top". There are people who climb it and goes "Mew, It's not that good". And there people who look at that and say "It's too high, I can't make it". Those people stay in ground because they are too afraid to climb. If you dont like climbing,it's okay not to go up, but it you are afraid, it's a shame not to climb. It's like the tale of the green grapes.
There's something to be said about working hard to get where you want to be, but also something about being well-rounded and relaxed.
Another thing to consider is that the "real thing" is often a great deal of work to maintain consistently. I'm reminded of a line from Californication where Hank Moody's son is joking about masturbation and Hank says for even as much as he gets laid, jerking it is still his main source of action.
maybe you shouldn't shape your view of reality on lines hollywood scriptwriters think will sell.
While I agree that isolation can fuck your mind, I have to say that these three years on it helped me in some ways.
I have spent those years just practicing and studying music myself religiously and I would say Im grateful for it. It also helped me build the discipline to work out and practice music everyday
Can confirm. I'm a huge introvert and socializing can bore the fuck out of me and I have more to offer people the more I do my own things when I do socialize. Socializing too much can limit you. OP has sound advice but the most important thing is to be your true self. Simple isn't easy.
You had productive isolation aka monk mode. We are talking about different isolation. Please be more attentive to the post, before you comment. Good luck on your journey! May life and God bring you the fruits of your hard work, I'm talking exotic fruits.
Spot on. You've basically described my brother - 37 years of age, never moved out of home, lives upstairs in his own completely isolated space. No social contact outside of family. His escape - music, movies, books, pornography, and lots of booze and marijuana. Hell yes he's depressed but has been on meds for 9 months, not the answer but it has helped. Diet is shocking, don't even mention exercise. How do you even change that?
Not true. I spend 90% of my time alone, rarely watch TV, work and/or read in spare time, and lift three times a week. Also maintain a healthy diet. I find the opposite—constantly being mixed up in the affairs of others—to be the exact opposite: draining, demotivating, and difficult.
Absolutely. All the fake lies and posturing on instagram, the desire to have a 'hyped' life. Super rampant with the young kids these days and something I was very guilty of myself in my early 20s; now this social posturing disgusts me.
Well written post, OP. Thanks
The internet isn't just social media. I agree that social media can be toxic because people only pictures of their better selfs. Nobody would ever post a picture of them in the their worst day. So, you get a wrong impression that everybody is doing better than you. There are other ways to use the internet which is healthy. I personally use it a lot to learn to code and helps me a lot in the University. I use a lot too to find new music and new shows in my city. Or to access the reddit and check some things there are my interest. Also, using a app to send messages, like Whatsapp, could be very helpful to set up a happy hour with your friends. The internet has given you more access to knowledge than ever in history. Don't call it "Facebook" and say It's toxic.
On the high end of my 30's.
I already find myself reflecting quite a bit. My 20's had me married to the only girl who I thought would ever love me. Meanwhile I had perpetual oneitis on my college crush.
In my early 30's I had the opportunity of a lifetime but my useless wife didn't want support me even though I'd supported her all through our 20's. I ditched her and took the opportunity. I'm a multi-millionaire now and my LTR has the unique problem of being confused for Taylor Swift on the regular.
That college crush from your 20's? Thanks to Facebook I know how hard she hit the wall. Easily weighs twice what she did in college.
It's never too late...
Can you talk a little more about the opportunity and how it came to/how you sourced it?
It's a pretty stereotypical story of tech. I wrote an app--you probably have it on your phone. Then when another company came along and really needed someone to innovate for them, they found me. We all got acquired for a few B's and the rest, they say, is history.
This gave me a chuckle. That's awesome! Happy for you.
Shit like this makes me proud. I am so glad you chased your dreams and went with the opportunity. I can only hope to be as accomplished as you one day!
Can you elaborate on what the opportunity was btw?
It's never too late, I'll remember that
Letter at 50 to a younger self: Buy Microsoft and Amazon stock when they are first offered.
Google, Apple, Tesla, Astronics, Oracle, Qualcomm.
Oh my god yes.
I've worked remotely for 3 years. Good professional work, but still.
I lived with a girl for 2 of them. In fact, the second year she was on a gap year. It was wonderful.
I've been alone for a year and can no longer stand it.
This morning I decided to put together a mobile remote working kit (screen, keyboard, mouse) so I can work out and about. I also signed up for a class for a reason to go down to campus, work down there....extend my statistics abilities....light rail pass........and let's just say it's a target rich environment.
If I can bang college girls at 39 living on student loans and kind of fat, I'll do pretty well at 44 as a fit professional.
But I really want to separate my work and home experience. It wasn't by design.....the company hired me remote because no one want to work in the shithole location they are in....but still, this needs to change.
Edit: Inspired, I made the purchase. I'll start working away from home sooner than later....with better ergonomics than a laptop.
I think it's a damned sight better than being here alone, swiping right in vain.
Light rail pass? If ASU then your options are limitless brother. Stay frosty.
haha thought the same. god bless asu and the whores that fill it.
Amen. ASU whores should be a rite of passage.
I go skate asu just to holla at broads. Living in Tempe has its perks.
Different spot.....but limitless nonetheless! Thanks!
This is something I've been working for awhile. To me it's a situation of managing my technology use. Got rid of FB years ago and never signed up for all the other shit like instawhore or twatter.
Have always struggled with wasting time online and checking my phone too much. But have been having success with giving myself 1 hour per day to waste time on the net, youtube, reddit etc but outside of that hour only work websites allowed.
With my phone I'm only allowed to check it on waking up, 1pm and 7pm for messages, then it gets turned off.
I won't lie it's hard, but I'm going to keep fighting it and I will win in the end. Seriously if you're reading this and relate then get angry and do some fucking thing about it. Throw that shite Apple watch in the bin. Get rid of data on your phone and turn it off. Install website blocking extensions on your browsers. Fight it.
Right, times up, off to do something productive.
Holy shit. I can relate to this. I've been thinking a lot lately about this whole thing you do where you can check your phone only at set times.
Problem is, I commute 3 hrs a day. So even with reading a kindle most of it, I find myself on my phone for atleast a little.
Checking your phone constantly is because we're trying to get a dopamine hit. You need to ween yourself off it. If you're really struggling how about getting a dumb phone?
I've found the ColdTurkey (https://getcoldturkey.com) for desktops, and Freedom (https://freedom.to) for the phone to be great to help curb unwanted internet usage. Their blocks are very difficult to reverse once started.
No one has an unlimited amount of willpower or disicpline, so using technology to conserve it for other things (like not eating junk food) helps.
Please help me - how do I get out of isolation? I've worked from home for years and recently lost my job. I have a small amount of savings, enough to last me for 1-2 years, and I am at college studying for something fairly useful. I've just lost my only friend, my LTR, and now I've realised that I have nobody - no friends, nothing. How do I break this? How do I break free? I'm willing to do what it takes.
Adding on what other people have said, I will recommend some reading: Epictetus' "Discourses"
Thank you, I will read this tonight.
Good on you. Be careful not to use books as an excuse to hang out inside and not go out and meet people, though.
Man, I'm guilty of this. Mental masturbation
Read it for free http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/discourses.html
Martial Arts classes. It's good for you in so many ways. Mind body spirit
I just started bjj. In my first class I got absolutely dominated. submitted like 10 times. Something revitalizing about just being humbled like that. There is a Muay Thai class beforehand which im definitely joining as well.
Dude that is fantastic news. You will become everything you always hoped to be.
My advice is to look into Half-Guard Lockdown from the 10th Planet system. It's the first solid defensive guard that I learned and you can really stop your opponent from advancing and submitting you. Once you get comfortable there you can learn to sweep I.E. the Electric Chair technique or recover your full guard if you like. These days I sweep almost everybody from lockdown and end up in an easy top-half pass position. Being on top is nice ;)
Join a gym, Meetups, Find hobbies that get you out of the house and in front of people, Get a job in retail, Read good books, Pretty much do anything that gets you out and in front of people. Eventually you will find your niche areas of interest and build from there
Why do you say retail? I always recommend Food Service Industry.
I said retail because from my own experience that is what helped light a fire under my ass during my lonely, depressed, AFC life a couple years ago. I had recently been dropped from my university program and had to drop my campus job as well. I moped around for a couple months inside my parents house because no job no money. Finally got a job in retail which to me at the time could have been the lowest and worst place to work. Took some time to get used to it but can say it was one of the best things I did to turn my life around. The constant flow of people and regulars that you interact act with really help boost your confidence. Yea that was a long explanation but I would say Food Service Industry is another great option!
Retails going through a rough patch right now. Especially clothing. E-commerce is killing it.
Great response! I recomend I had a very similiar experience in food service. Worked my way up from the bottom and made a huge social network in a brand new state knowing 0 people. Good for you, I love hearing positive stories like yours.
+1 on retail. It's a great way to become social because of all the hundreds of people you interact with every day.
join a meetup, lead a group, mentor someone, get a side hustle where there are people, volunteer to read other student's papers before they submit, things like that. If you lost your ltr and friend, good riddance. The other side of college is that lots of people you know wont stick it out with you. Been there.
Take an improv class. It will force you to talk to people. The first couple times its nerve racking, then it gets easier. And maybe you'll make friends.
Thank you. Although there are none anywhere near me, I will seize the opportunity if I come across it soon.
I'm late to the thread but want to chip in as I've been living in a similar situation. Worked from home for 1.5years living with 3years LTR, after she left I quit that job and had enough money for almost a year and I did nothing.
First thing is to give yourself time. It's gonna take more than going to fucking meetups and bullshit events these normies suggest.
What it comes down is finding your next goal what you want to do in life. Showing up at random meetups is not a life goal.
So what do you want? Do you want to be part of a social group like in high-school? Do you want to get laid? Do you want to travel to Asia? What is is that keeps you moving?
It's hard to find that, it might take a year or so. Of course you can take everybody's general advice like go to a fucking cooking class or some bullshit in hope to meet sub-par everyday faggots if that's what you desire, but I'd say your problem is that you have no idea what you desire and the problem is not isolation but rather lack of goals. Actual goal that drive you, not goals like "I should work out".
For me the drive right now is a profession project I'm planning to do in August. I'm still isolated but I don't give a shit and I'm excited and feeling a drive that has been long lost.
Thanks bro, this is really helpful. I've been focusing on cutting out my bad habits and thinking about my vision, but I do not have anything clear. Some days are good, others are bad. I will continue to push forward regardless of what awaits me.
Sign up to meetup.com, and join groups with shared interests. I have plenty of friends, but sometimes, they are not available for a weekend travel or to chill in a Thursday afterword. I just look up any meet up, and go there. Met many awesome people.
I would try Lyft or uber. You get to talk to people and as a bonus make some money.
What are you interested in and/or good at? How can you work in a social environment or form social groups around what you just listed?
Answer these 2 questions and apply thoroughly for the rest of your life. Only rule is you have to start now.
For example: Bartender. There are a lot of different types of bars. Find one you like. If that's too much at first, try being a wedding DJ. Or work for a brand you enjoy and use all the time. Work at the grocery store, get discounts on food so you can eat better.
These will not bring you what you want, but it will give you an opportunity to earn what you want. I am in the same boat as you. This article hit close to home, tbh.
It has often been told, and I agree with this, that isolation can be a great source of creativity. The greatest books and works of art are often created by people in self-imposed isolation. When nothing is there to stimulate your senses the mind starts creating its own 'entertainment' with deep thought and creative processes. I believe this can be harnessed become a better Man. That being said, constant-stimulation-type of isolation, such as sitting at home playing video games and jacking off is almost certainly 100 % bad for you in the long run.
I was going to post something similar but I think you hit the nail on the head.
I'd add that if you're the type of person that gets easily bored or insecure when isolated or alone of an extended period of time, then you really do need to practice being in isolation and figure out how to be comfortable by yourself.
Personally, I enjoy spending the occasional weekend (or longer) completely by myself. But, as OP suggests, it's not to sit on my ass and watch Netflix. It's going on a remote hike, or extended meditation sessions, or travelling to a country where I don't know the language.
To that end, I'd say isolation is beneficial but, to be clear, it's not the type of isolation where you're building a fortress of protection. It's more the situation where, through isolation, you're exposing yourself to some risk and vulnerability.
You need isolation to work, but you need to be social to know the right thing to work on!
creativity follows the form of projects with an end goal of sharing them with the world. In this modern day often the end product is something that is shared online, thus re-enforcing the trap of isolation. That self imposed isolation should not last forever. Today it is an expectation.
Love this.
Think, speak, and act as you truly are and accept the consequences.
Don't know who you are? Get out in the world and find out.
Make promises to people and keep them. Build an internal track record of what you can and can't do. Ask others for help with what you can't do. Offer help where you can.
Think, speak, act (in service to others), reflect, and repeat.
I turned 50 last November.
PM Me
Brother can you comment on a few things for me.
How to handle office politics and somehow stay above it yet be seen in a positive manner
How do you cultivate sense of value for yourself in workplace
How do you handle desire for children without being used as an ATM
Do you find it better to be angry and adversarial for motivation
Any more knowledge you can drop will help immensely , especially regarding building an estate (property) in this crazy real estate market of always increasing prices.
They tell us to not give a fuck as a strategy, which is great, but if something toxic makes you angry then yes scream and yell, because anything is better than sitting and just swallowing shit. Office politics can be bad. But learn from those trying to guide you instead of lashing back, if possible. Make an ongoing effort to find better opportunities if the one you are in sucks. Dont base your self worth on a fucking job anyway. Anger is a thing like anything else. Better you practice facing conflict until you manage it calmly. Brazilian Jiu-jitsu is fantastic for that one skill.
The prices will fall one day, I guess, I am just concerned about the corruption in my local market caused by foreign influences. This is well documented now. Keep looking around for places you havent considered before.
My answer is not very complete for all the things you ask. But there you go.
A letter to myself, at 74. "Dear Walt, you were a real dumb shit"!!
19 years old here. I live in a modest cabin in the woods, somewhere in Upstate NY. I'm 20 minutes away from the nearest town. I go to college in Long Island during the school year but I spend my summers and winters here, just me and my parents.
I don't think that this isolation is good for me at such a young age. It's my fathers dream to get away from people and lock himself up in the woods, but not me. My mom feels like a prisoner as well.
I'm currently a nursing student so i am going to find my own way in this world. I only have two years left. Once I graduate I will work and start a savings fund before I move to a larger city.
I also just got my first job as a certified nursing assistant at my local nursing home. I told myself that I need to grow the fuck up, get an adult job, and grind for the future.
My escape plan is going to take upwards of two, three, possibly five years max. But I am going to enjoy my mid twenties. I just need to take care of some things at home first.
I know it wasn't much information, but can anybody relate to my isolation? I'm sure it's not healthy but I could use a second opinion. Also my father is psychologically abusive (narcissist), and my mother is handicapped.
Sometimes I feel like he is resentful towards the world because he's 63 and he wishes he lived his life differently. Not married to the same old woman for the past 30 years.
I've learned that I can only rely on myself in this world. I'm grateful to have parents but I know that they will be gone soon.
It's me against the world.
If nothing else, you are in the game, you are in the fight. And that is good.
21 years here. We are our own enemy. I've grown up in a fairly large city in NC. Large enough to have somewhat of a social life from what i can see. But I've still been isolated for most of my life.
Initially it was from my lifestyle as a child. I'd just stay at home chillin with my parents and baby brother, playing Ps1, some toys, bullshit kid stuff. Only playing with kids in my neighborhood every now and then.
And because of this, through the years I've become very introverted. I went to public school the whole time. Didn't have much trouble being social there. But after school it was straight back to my house where I did nothing. For 12 years straight. So yea pretty isolated.
I just have a "don't care attitude." I thought it didn't matter to be social because once we got out of school no one was going to talk to each other anymore anyways. I was right. Only the kids that were social knew how to interact with people afterwards. And form relationships. But not me. I don't understand people.
I can be very extroverted for a short time. But it's only when i have to be. Because as soon as I can leave, nine times out of ten that is what I do, I go right back to my house. And it's nobody's fault but my own.
I'm changing though, and that's my point. It's really not you/me/anybody against the world. Thats how most people see it too, no matter where they're from. But typically It's us against ourselves.
I've made it a point to go out more. Dancing, movies, whatever i feel like. I still hate people lol. But when the moment lines up, it makes it more than worthwhile. And if i was in a situation where i couldn't go out. I'd leave. Which is what i ended up doing, when i left my moms part of town a few years ago.
That's the good news i think. You sound like you're only isolated physically. So as soon as that changes, everything will take care of itself. Because so long as you actually want to be part of the human experience. Things will come naturally. Because as for me I'm just making it up as i go along. Good luck mate.
Sounds like hell pal, but you're pretty smart for realizing this at 19. It's very difficult to really see your family situation for what it is when you're younger.
My father didn't treat me poorly, but he is for sure a created narcissist with a savior complex. Basically took me out of the game of life and never taught me shit because he did everything for me to feel good about himself. My life--I realized was a complete prison much like yours and I don't even live in the woods. I was stuck at my parents house, under their thumb having to watch everything I did so my melodramatic father didn't have a heart attack if I did anything remotely risky aka live my life and learn.
It's hard but the best thing you can do is let go of any resentment. Your parents are just flawed people too, and the moment you realize that is the moment your life is in your hands and you're not a child anymore.
I know it can be tempting and even empowering to get drawn into your own narrative where it's "you against the world", but try not to think of it like that. You'll put unnecessary pressure on yourself.
It's more like "you for the world". The world owes you nothing, the harshness and beauty of it is that it is indifferent to you even though it seems otherwise at times. All you can do is venture out and look for the good yourself. As someone who is prone to cynicism and negativity through analyzing too much, the hardest thing to do is not to "stay positive", but rather to keep the possibility of positivity alive. Allow for it.
Health
Happiness
Family/Friends (true confidants)
Let nothing stop you from enjoying these things, especially some others ideological misleading.
Wisdom in words.
But how to intersect what you said with Monk Mode? (I am in it right now and a part of it is isolation).
I'm combining Monk Mode with trial and error. I've wasted enough time isolating myself and not taking risks. Got to make mistakes in order to learn from them.
How long are you into Monk Mode?
What trial and errors you plan to take?
Six weeks or so. Spurred on by coming out of an awful relationship. I'm going out with friends, meeting new people (male and female), getting girls numbers and asking out at every reasonable opportunity. As I do so I come across mistakes I've made as I read various TRP literature. Before I was a lot more shy about approaching women but now I'm just saying "fuck it".
As long as you focus on the "me before everyone else" and not going deep into relations its good.
How old are you? What do you do for a living?
Thanks for the advice. I feel like if I did nothing but dig into the literature and mentality of TRP, I'd be using that as an excuse to avoid rejection. I've already wasted enough time avoiding rejection, I want to throw myself out there at least a little bit as I also learn the mentality. Definitely focusing on myself and my needs and wants more than anything else.
Monk mode is a noble idea. Perhaps an exit from Monk mode should be part of the timeline. Perhaps monk mode should be used as a time to look at people and work on having those kind of people around you.
Nice post and in parts full of wisdom. But There are other parts I heavily disagree with
I'm 26 and have worked in an office for four years. I've grown to truly despise it and YEARN for the day I can earn enough working at home for myself doing what I truly want to do in life, writing.
I love training and have been kickboxing for many years my main hobby. It irks me no end that I have to slog through the day at the call centre (surrounded by hot girls and okay people to talk to) before I can do the things I really want: training, reading, browsing online, watching videos, playing video games, cooking and jamming on guitar.
I get a few paltry hours at night to do these things without truly ruining my sleeping pattern and living a life exhausted. If I squander my time going bed early, yes I have more energy the next day at work. But I am even more bitter and resentful that all I seemingly do is work (a pretty crappy call centre job that pays the bills but not much else) and sleep. If I skip training more than twice a week I feel like shit.
I would LOVE to be able to make the same money working for myself from home, being able to do what I want, when I want and envy anyone who does.
As someone who's been on the commute to social job grind for four years in various different roles, I can attest that it is definitely not as rewarding for the soul as you make it out to be. At least not for me.
As for the internet, it's straight up one of my absolute favourite things in life and always has been. Not that I'd ever want to have to chose, but I would chose to keep the internet over pussy 10 times out of 10 if I had to abstain from one of them for a year or longer.
I've been to a few places in the world and just don't have any interest in travelling anywhere that is deprived of internet and/or modern technology or at the very least, well written books. Within 2-3 days I am desperate to be back amongst the good shit. Namely modern technology.
I am clean of weed, alcohol and all other narcotics and have felt this way ever since I was a young child. Therefore I HIGHLY doubt I will wildly change my views on this matter.
I completely disagree that the internet and working for oneself is inherently bad like you seem to infer. My days off when I can do whatever I like, browse and write and play whatever I want, whenever I want, are always excellent and most of any negative feeling I have right now comes directly from the 'social job' that you seem to feel is something we should aspire towards.
And I get on with people. I'm in good shape and look after myself. I have no interest in having children as I find them mostly irritating and would not have or ever want to find the time required to raise them. I much prefer looking out for number one (as my dad always liked to snidely but rightly say about me).
I have no interest in marriage either as I simply do not trust women in committed relationships. I plan to make lots of money and do not want to lose half of it to some lady when we inevitably divorce. Not to say I don't enjoy their company. Of course I do. But in my experience 'true love' comes hand in hand with 'true pain' and is simply not worth pursuing as a primary objective.
But that's my two cents as a 26 year old. Thanks for sharing yours as a man twice my age. Maybe in time my views will grow more similar to yours. Maybe not. Who knows. 🙂
If you have a good start, the future will work out well for you. I would suggest you keep getting out there and travel and embrace the world. I still think that working alone would isolate you. You must have strong connections to the outside world whatever you do. It is worth it in the long run because of what you learn and take part in.
My kickboxing hobby takes good care of my daily social needs. I enjoy training with these people and it's good to help push each other onto new heights and skill level.
Having said that I just don't enjoy spending extended periods of time with people with vastly differently opinions that wildly conflict with my own. I am not one for compromise on values i deem important and get irritated when I have to tolerate ideas and notions I strongly disagree with (for the sake of 'getting along'). I'd rather just avoid interacting with these people beyond the basic 'hello and goodbye, three pounds and a shilling'.
I love my 'me' time and needs lots of it to destress and relax. I feel people are different in this regard and some people need a lot more or a lot less than others.
Without wanting to sound 'racist'. I have immense respect and admiration for western culture and am hugely thankful for being born a native speaker of the English language. I am immensely grateful for this fact and feel... less positive about certain other areas and cultures of the world.
From my times visiting abroad, I feel travelling is massively overrated and I am more than happy to view more dangerous parts of the world from the safety of my computer screen.
Like I said. My main goal going forward is to set up a job where I can work from home and ultimately do as I please. It fucking sucks that I have to get up in 5 hours to go to a job to bust my balls making money for a bunch of suits. I'd much rather stay at home and work from the comfort of my apartment generating income solely for me. Even if it's less than what I'm earning now the rewards in free personal time are priceless.
I find it genuinely amusing that you paint this to be some kind of bad thing. Because to me it sounds like heaven.
It sounded like heaven to me too. But being lazy creeps in without others to motivate you. Porn creeps in. The fridge beckons. Facebook distracts you. The phone rings. Toenails need clipping. That isnt time you can bill for. Yes people are assholes at work. They are for the most part asleep selfish cunts who dont have any better clue than you, probably less. In software development, a key notion is 'a separation of concerns'. I suggest still that you grind out all your work at work and home is home. I have kickboxed for years it was great; now in to BJJ, martial arts is a great influence upon the right people, osu.
We'll have to agree to disagree on this one friend. My alarm has cut through my sweet sleep and now I have to go to said office to grind out my day. What I wouldn't give to roll over for another couple of hours.
As for laziness. You should see the amount of fat slobs plodding around the office. I used to be one of them after it drove me to drink and weed and munchies abuse on and off for years amplified by desataifaction and stress. So working in an office doesn't cure that. That's all down to you to solve.
I'm currently in as good a shape as I've ever been in but I was also in fantastic shape before I had to go back work (before my savings ran dry) when I could train twice a day at will.
I used to be a stay at home man four years ago for a year and fucking LOVED it. Especially the 6 months I got clean of weed smoking. It broke my heart to run out of money and have to go back to work. I had an iron 6 pack even better than the one I've got now, as I could maintain it daily without having to sit there and take calls all day.
Now I've again got clean of weed and this time alcohol too, I've rediscovered my passion for reading and writing and have decided this is what I want to do for my life's main goal. NOT working the daily social office grind.
Dealing with annoying customers and irritating bosses has been nowhere near as good for my soul as you make it out to be. Not even remotely close.
In fact. I've been toying with the idea lately of simply handing in my notice. But until I can get a good writing portfolio together and start making money freelancing then this is not realistically possible.
Again, I've done multiple different roles over those four years with varying degrees of enjoyment. But the demolition of my free time has always been downright soul crushing.
I can't wait to start working for myself and can't freakin wait to be a stay at home man again. I live in the city centre so can see any number of people by simply stepping out my apartment block. I don't need to waste my time grinding in an office to accomplish that.
Edit: just to make clear. I think it's the type of work you do from home as opposed to just working at home as to why it sounds so appealing. Writing has always been a major passion of mine and foryears my mind was too clouded by the smog of weed and alcohol to make good of this. Now that smog has lifted after nearly 2 months fully clean my desire to make use of this passion has returned with a vengeance.
I agree that if I had to do the same job I do now from home in inbound sales and customer service (or something similar or worse) that would fucking suck.
This is profoundly stupid. Girls want young alphas, not old beta bucks (over 35) who think they still have SMV.
Dude have what you want. But I have news for you: life does not end at 35. Hell no. SMV is at any age, plain and simple. Who gives a flying fuck anyway about what girls want anyway? I really have no problem getting laid at this time in my life. It is what it is that is why I wrote it. You are going to go through a lot in life and at different times. Use TRP to have some insight and get through it better.
Sounds like you're trying to comfort yourself. Go to any bar in Manhattan or the Bay and 21 year old prime girls are flocking to 22-25 year old ripped alphas. They are grossed out by over 30s.
Who gives a fuck about Manhattan and its bitches? Life doesnt end at 30 for fuck sake! Jesus christ. Go pick them up if that is what makes you happy.
Life doesn't end at 30, but you're deluded if you think women hit the wall and men don't. Women's wall is at fucking 65 or something. Men's wall is at about 35. Why? Because men want 20 year olds and 20 year olds don't want us at that age (in general).
A 50 year old woman in good shape can fuck as many fit 25-40 year old alphas as she wants.
Why? Because their pussy is worth more than our dick, and as men we have nothing to lose by fucking a cougar. Women generally don't want men over 35 because evolutionary we make older, less fit fathers.
Yeah they can't secure an alpha for marriage at that age, but statistically they can never secure an alpha at any age. Hell, most women don't even want pure alphas. They want beta alpha hybrids that they can literally get at any age. But what we want we can only get while we're in our 20s, unless we're rich or celebrities.
Just face facts. The wall is for us, not them.
Sorry but I see it every day. I go into high end clubs and see men of all ages competing to buy fit 40 year old women drinks. Sure we want the younger ones first, but to them the difference is miniscule. Most clubs well let in 49 year old women but not 40 year old men for fucks sake. I'm not saying I like it.
I dont know what you want. And nobody cares about the clubs you go to. And you are using words here that I never said, about 'women hit the wall and men dont'. I never used those words. Who cares about these bitches? Dont like em? Dont date em. Fuck there is more to life than the club scene. Fuck man, some days women are going to be the least of your problems. There will be much. larger. problems. to encounter in life I can guarantee it. I wish TRP would be a bit more about getting your life together and focus. Once you realize that women are snakes you can kind of move on from that trap. Go work on you now, and never mind.
Nice flow.
I like how you touch on the bogus notion that the "Internet-age brings people together" when that plainly isn't correct, it just makes us live in each others pockets without ever connecting.
Being isolated socially is to live in poverty indeed, if that is your reality for too long then it becomes a psychological wound.
Huh.... not necessarily? There are some very wealthy lone wolves and also some poor people who socialize all the time...
Real wealth means more than money. Having loads of cash wont stop people from being total shits if that is who they are. Any social poor person would feel more poor without those social connections. Wealth and being rich is more than money. The wealthy lone ones, lucky though they may be, never made it entirely on their own. Something for you to consider.
erm once you make a wealth(which requires enormous amount of hard work and isolation), then of course you are in circles and constantly "socialising".
Hard work and selective isolation. You dont isolate yourself from the people who have the same goals as you. Better to attract them. So I think anyway. But time for mental cleaning, rest, deep focus, and learning make alone time important. But its not everything.
No. There are a lot of cases of people who got rich because they invented a new technology or got lucky, they are not socializing all the time.
Profound and beautiful. Thank you.
"Isolation is poverty " & "You belong to the world"!!!! Thanks for this post. Its crazy how much technology has distanced human interaction. Automated phone service (which we all hate), More computers at the DMV, Social Media ( aka indirect snooping). Isolation is like eating a grain a rice a day, you'll survive but are you getting better? You know their's other option? you know you can have a variety of foods? Its mental starvation against your central dogma of being alpha & active. Having options, dominating, learning what we want. Regardless of the hardships, failures, shortcomings, you matter as much as you believe ( You better believe in you!). You belong to the world! if you didn't , you wouldn't be here. We are social creatures and we thrive off the love & energy of others. Make an impact, believe what you want to see and receive what you are. Once again, thanks for this humbling post.
I like some of the ideas said here but I am really not happy with the usual..
This needs to stop. It's these kinds of statements that get morons elected into office. Because jumping from 'they don't want you to [X]' to 'Vote for [Y] because he is the Messiah' is too easy.
But I will say something very positive, too. You are right about technology driving us further apart. I hope there is a lot more discussion about this, on TRP and anywhere else. Our society has already transformed fundamentally thanks to computers and the internet and they have only been around for a couple decades. I can't imagine what kind of effects technology will have on us in 50 years from now.
I wrote my thing late in the evening and some things could be better said. Perhaps instead of saying "Nobody wants you to know any of the above"... I could have better said, "...these things are not taught to people properly, but they should be." Or perhaps, "These are things that matter vitally, but they arent generally said...." I dont think there is any conspiracy in the world, I just think that the ways that that some people assert advantage over others start to look very similar after a while.
I totally agree with this statement. I've just run into too many conspiracists and I think it's important to not come off as one if you really are not one.
I said to another redditor on my thread that I could have phrased that line differently. Its not so much about intent as indifference. It has been a good writing experience to just put it out there and get feedback. Also I wrote it late at night, so definitely some things in it could have been better written. Absolutely. Anyway, I think identifying things as conspiracies is a lazy trap and probably a logical fallacy elsewhere.
As a late 40's man these stand out for me;
As for your deepest desires that align with who you are, find a way to live them.
This is being a man 101.
And this;
"Other people don’t have your interest in mind. Not even the people closest to you."
Women, kids, family, business contacts all want something from you.
And I would also add that, life doesnt end at 40 or 50. If you look after your health, keep in shape and build financial independence, it can be a new chapter with many possibilities.
Good good. I wrote my thing late at night, so yeah, it could be written better and reviewed a couple times and added to, but that is not the point. I hope that other redditors can write a letter to their younger selves at some waypoint in their lives.
I can't freakin wait to start working for myself from home, being as social as I read various TRP literature.
Can confirm. 4 years of working in food courts and then 4 years of working in an office is mostly mind numbing and spirit crushing. The fact some guys here seem to recommend it as being 'good for the soul' and that it should be some sort of aspiration over what you truly want to do (if that its a job that requires focused solitude like writing or art) is profoundly stupid.
I cannot wait to make enough money freelance writing and selling products from home that I can quit my shitty call centre job.
I know enough 50+ year old druggys, alcoholics and straight up fools to know that being old does not make you some sort of wise man worth listening to by virtue of their age.
OP makes some good points but the part about working from home (if your passion is a job that requires focused solitude) is NOT one of them.
Going off your thoughts on isolation..
I've said it here to warn a few posters before, but monk mode can honestly fuck with you in this department.
Social skills are like lifting. It takes repeated regular practice to develop a habitually "good" practice. If you take some time off, you might fall behind a little bit or not be quite as close to where you were before. If you're constantly socializing, you're improving your wits, ability to develop rapport with someone, be a good listener etc..
If you're doing monk mode.. Try to keep yourself open to socializing with people outside your living arrangements to keep your wits to stay sharp. Doesn't mean you have to "hang out" every night.. But just try to converse with close friends/acquaintances/family daily for at least 10 minutes. It's good for you and may alleviate some depression/anxiety one might experience from socially isolating.
"Social skills are like lifting"... Very well said!!!!
Isolation is shown to create more disorders and issues in studies on mice than any other factor. Literally mice would get addicted to drugs when isolated and those that were able to be social with other mice would never get addicted no matter how much the drug was available. Isolation is a mind killer more than any other factor...but it should be shown the opposite is also true, if you are facing addictions or can't get it together, joining groups like AA or venturing out to join social groups can single handedly help a mammal more than anything else.
funny you should mention AA, I have not needed that path but I have lots of friends who have used it and it has helped them be better human beings.
When you find something that's helped addicts become more aware and change their behavior, then it clearly is a special program. We're talking literally about people that couldn't control themselves suddenly gaining control over themselves. That's a magic pill if ever there was one.
I have no issues with alcohol and am not really big on people pushing God, but it's impossible to argue with something that gets results like that. It's worth it to look at the principles of the program and use it as a self improvement program for whatever thing you want more control and results with.
https://youtu.be/rd3yeX1-SaM
I appreciate you giving us this advice, especially if you are not a native speaker of english. But the flow of the article is just not that great - could i suggest a couple of rounds of edits (including working with a native speaker) to make this sidebar worthy?
I would be happy to hear your input on how it could be improved upon. I am most certainly a native speaker of English. The little composition I did here was the result a late night effort, starting with bullet points and then fleshing it out. Yes I know it wasnt perfect and there was maybe a thing or two more after I finished that I could have added, but there always will be.
What about when I'm surrounded by losers who bring nothing good to my life. Do you think I should hang out with them or stay home and learn Java?
It's interesting that you think that your life is represented by the choice between two unfavorable options.
Don't you think there is a third option? (Not to talk about the million other ones)
There are times when you simply don't have that many viable options. Tha being said I'm compensating by spending time with my family a little more.
I did something like that and learned PHP. Learn a language, but learn much more than a programming language. Consider MIT free courseware or other free offerings. Software programming languages have user groups with in person meet ups. Find those. Also, I would personally favor learning Python over Java.
I'm only into Java so I can make Android apps. Why would you advise Python? Because of the AI trend?
Python for easy to use and idea to prototype time. Using java or c#/++/.net is overkill for most of homebrew projects now.
Python is well written and damn useful. If you want to make Android apps fine, but you will need to learn a lot more than just Java to do it. Keep that in mind.
Nothing about relationships and sex?
Im disappoint by your efforts.
And yes, it wont take you until 50 to realise working from home isnt feasible.
You need to go out and grab life by the balls..
I get laid all I want, multiple partners, all partners are in the loop with each other, and I got rid of the shitty relationship. My criticism of TRP is that it is too often about the bitches and men should not forget that there are all kinds of predators, not just soul sucking female parasites. Life? I have motorcycles and bjj. But I need a real job, not consulting. Thanks for your feedback :-)
Very well said. It reminds me a bit of Charles Bukowski. Or at least that's the voice I heard when reading it. Excellent advice.
there are books with countless pages that fail to deliver what you have done here with just one page of text.
My hats off to you sir and I thank you!
So, being an older gentleman here, what advice could you offer to someone about half your age who was a mistake that nobody knows? You can probably use your imagination to fill in the gaps of things that I've been through and had to become to fight against said things, I am certainly not well adjusted, but highly functioning even on my shitty days.
For what its worth, I was also a bit of an unexpected arrival to my parents. I think its not unreasonable to think that lots of people coming to TRP could benefit from talk therapy. Barring that, perhaps becoming involved in an activity where you can practice just a part of yourself, like dancing, martial arts, yoga, perhaps public speaking even can help you get the confidence you need over one part of your functioning that may just help the rest of you fall in to place, or be something you can hold on to when the rest doesnt function like you wish. A comment in my thread I really liked is "Being social is like lifting".... that really makes sense. A little regular practice makes you stronger and stronger over time, that is the only way it works.
They wouldn't put people in solitary confinement if it was healthy.
indeed. In fucking deed. about 20 years ago I did a remote work job with a group of guys once and I was the only one who hadnt been in jail. The other guys said that after a while that it was just like jail and they just used that experience to cope.
This read like a graduation speech. Thanks for this
It was a late night jam after a few days of thinking about it. Other redditors might be well served to write to their younger selves as an exercise in perspective.
Thanks, i need to hang out more with my dad