I saw Shakespeare’s circa 1490 Taming of the Shrew in London recently and thought it would make an interesting post. In this timeless play about male and female behavior, Katharina is a vicious Shrew whose rich father is desperately trying to marry off but she keeps Shit Testing her suitors into oblivion. We first see Katherina dragging and beating her bound younger sister and yelling hysterically at her father.

The Shrew talks disrespectfully and rudely but I had trouble seeing her as a “Shrew.” She is pretty much like almost every woman today I have met in the last 10 years. Arrogant. Loud. Boisterous. Petty. Aggressive. Mouthy. Opinionated. Useless but demands a perfect man. Katherina viciously bad mouths every suiter who approaches her- aka: Normal and common shit tests men deal with today but they are nothing! I have seen worse shit tests at the bank.

In Shakespeare’s time at least some men knew how to deal with mouthy, shit testing, harpy screechtards. Petruchio is an Alpha Red Pill ManTM who recognizes Katherina’s childish attitude and attacks as Shit Tests inviting a masculine frame. He determines to conquer the Shrew (and get the hefty dowry to add to his wealth). Early in their first meeting he basically tells her to shut her complaining yap and she responds as a woman today might albeit without the eloquent rhyming couplets:

Why, sir, I trust I may have leave to speak;

And speak I will; I am no child, no babe:

Your betters have endured me say my mind,

And if you cannot, best you stop your ears.

My tongue will tell the anger of my heart,

Or else my heart concealing it will break,

And rather than it shall, I will be free

Even to the uttermost, as I please, in words.

See what I mean? This is nothing! The “foul mouth” and “bad attitude” Katherina displays is really the norm today and the “Shrew” is just a strong-independent-female. Perhaps mildly shocking to a Victorian audience but not today!

Petruchio passes the shit tests and convinces Kate to marry him. Today a newly married man keeps his head down. Certainly it is always important to remember “SHE HAS THE PUSSY” and to bow deep and scrape before the majesty and glory of his wife- she of the most holy and gracious golden uterus and overlord and gatekeeper of the coveted slimy, warm orifi. Today, Petruchio would be a henpecked husband in a dead bedroom. Today, Petruchio would have almost NO WAY to respond to the violent, arrogant, cruel little bitch except of course Dread Game.

She would use sex to manipulate and control him. She would wear him down. What could any man do in the face of complete female domination except give up and let the woman dominate and abuse him?

Oh wait, this is Shakespearian times so there IS something the man could do to "man up" and stand up to his haggard” wife and force her to submit beyond being prepared to Next that Bitch at any moment. I wonder what masculine power looks like? Let's see what Pettruchio thinks:

Another way I have to man my haggard,

To make her come and know her keeper's call,

That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites

That bate and beat and will not be obedient.

She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;

Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;

As with the meat, some undeserved fault

I'll find about the making of the bed;

And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,

This way the coverlet, another way the sheets:

Ay, and amid this hurly I intend

That all is done in reverend care of her;

And in conclusion she shall watch all night:

And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl

And with the clamour keep her still awake.

This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;

And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.

He that knows better how to tame a shrew,

Now let him speak: 'tis charity to show.

Yep, that’s right! Petruchio denies his wife food and sleep. He tames the shrew and curbs her mad and headstrong humour” by starving her into compliance and keeping her awake until she submits to his demands! Obviously in real life he would have beat her ass with a stick but this is a comedy after all.

Petruchio demands COMPLETE SUBMISSION. He tells Katharina the sun is the moon when he says so and demands her to acknowledge that he is right and to submit to him completely:

PETRUCHIO: Come on, i' God's name; once more toward our father's. Good Lord, how bright and goodly shines the moon!

KATHARINA: The moon! the sun: it is not moonlight now.

PETRUCHIO: I say it is the moon that shines so bright.

KATHARINA: I know it is the sun that shines so bright.

KATHARINA: Forward, I pray, since we have come so far, And be it moon, or sun, or what you please: An if you please to call it a rush-candle, Henceforth I vow it shall be so for me.

PETRUCHIO: I say it is the moon.

KATHARINA: I know it is the moon.

PETRUCHIO: Nay, then you lie: it is the blessed sun.

KATHARINA: Then, God be bless'd, it is the blessed sun:

But sun it is not, when you say it is not;

And the moon changes even as your mind.

What you will have it named, even that it is;

And so it shall be so for Katharina.

With the wife’s submission to her husband, weirdly enough her behavior suddenly changes completely. At the end of the play Petruchio and 2 new husbands are drinking and wager which wife will be obedient when summoned. They lay out bags of gold and the first man sends a servant to fetch his wife. He comes back and peevishly advises the lady will not come, 'she says she is busy.' The second man sends for his wife and the servant returns to say ‘the lady says she will not come. She says you are joking and bids you come to her.’ Finally, Petruchio summons Katharina, telling the servant: “Tell your Mistress that I command her come to me.”

The men grumble that Katharina will not come but within seconds she is at the door:

“What is your will, sir that you send for me?”

Petrochio orders his wife to go get the other disobedient wives from the dressing room and even forces the Shrew to remove a cap that she liked and stomp on it. She obeys and her father says ‘you have given me another daughter’ and doubles the dowry (along with the substantial bet).

At the close of the play, after Katharina has thrown the disobedient wives into their husband's arms Petruchio commands:

“Katharina, I charge thee, tell these headstrong women What duty they do owe their lords and husbands.

Her answer is shocking to a modern ear:

Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,

Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,

And for thy maintenance commits his body

To painful labour both by sea and land,

To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,

Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;

And craves no other tribute at thy hands

But love, fair looks and true obedience;

Too little payment for so great a debt.

Such duty as the subject owes the prince

Even such a woman oweth to her husband;

And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,

And not obedient to his honest will,

What is she but a foul contending rebel

And graceless traitor to her loving lord?

I am ashamed that women are so simple

To offer war where they should kneel for peace;

Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,

When they are bound to serve, love and obey…

Just in case we were in any doubt how Petruchio managed to tame the Shrew, it apparently wasn't all torture because he responds affectionately. Weirdly enough it doesn't look like Katharina denying sex was the issue- of course such a thing would be unheard of for a Victorian audience- but it was that she was being mouthy and unpleasant.

Not any more.

Well there’s a wench.

Come and Kiss me Kate…

Come, Kate, we'll to bed.

We three are married,

but you two are sped (meaning you guys are done for!).

Lessons Learned:

  1. Men today have a so much less power in intersexual games like marriage than they had in the past that it has clearly become a bad deal. Consider that it was COMEDY to a Victorian audience for a husband to starve and sleep deprive his wife if she mouthed off.
  2. Nearly all you go girls of today hepped up on girl power and arrogance are AT LEAST as bad as the Shrew. They won’t listen or shut their trap and quit complaining and they shit test and challenge everything.

How are men supposed to tame the ubiquitous Shrews of today? Dread Game and the ability to walk away helps a LOT, but it doesn’t seem as useful as the power to deprive them of food, water, and sleep.

Just sayin.