A plate got mad today that I hadn't asked her to be my girlfriend and complained that, "We never talk or do anything. All we do is fuck."

She was close to girlfriend material, but given her daddy issues and her party habits, while modest, I still wasn't totally sold on her as a long-term option. I could do better for an LTR.

She knew this and gave me the "do or die" shit-test. I played around with it and realized I either had to firmly declare that I wanted her as a GF or it was done.

I passed on it. Pussy was great and she's a cool girl, but everyone has a line and chasing after a relationship is mine. Yes, results are what matter, but a man has to ask himself what he's willing to give up for a particular result. She was not worth my self-respect.

I was strangely calm after her blowup. I have mounds of experience and know the game, but it doesn't mean I don't dig the girls I spend time with, even briefly.

One of the thoughts that came to was about MGTOW. That feeling of release from attachment, it is more sublime than pleasure, but in terms of relief from pain, it is greater. All releases, whether dropping that barbell off your shoulders after a PR or even the feeling that you're about to die and accepting it, are microcosms of the ultimate release, sometimes called Nirvana.

MGTOW, I believe, is a politically-charged attempt at systematizing this release.

The Buddha did it. His motivation was one of "I want to stop this pain and imma fucking do it." He ran off into the woods, spent half a decade mutilating and starving himself as a way to escape from pain, and then discovered the Middle Path that led him to the ultimate release. In a way, he was the ultimate MGTOW.

However, simply because one claims to be running towards freedom doesn't mean it comes from a place of strength. If a man gets dumped or loses something valuable to him, then he goes on some MGTOW spree where he talks about freedom from women or (insert material pleasure), most experienced men and women can see through it - he's upset that he lost something and is rebelling against that thing as a means to justify his loss.

"I didn't fuck up, AWALT!"

Every permutation of this flight from the world has both virtue and fear in it. The trick is getting it right.

I've been monk mode for a while, but have still casually seen women that I meet during the day, while out on my once-in-a-blue-moon bar-hunt, or online. I have one very great GF candidate that I met during the day that I'm trying to crack, but after this plate dropped, and I dropped a few other plates who were fun but sub-par, I was again drawn by the siren's call of "Give it all up."

I'm not yet tired of this world enough that I want to stop writing, dating women, lifting (which I recently picked up again after a few months of writing-dedicated isolation), or even enjoying the trivial pleasures of life like Rick and Morty or vidja games.

But I am slowly being pulled to the Black Hole that is Final Release.

And I think that all who have been called to MGTOW are also drawn to this, whether they realize it or not.

But the trick is being aware of it.

If you get dumped or you do the dumping, or if your two desires simply don't match up, like what happened with this chick, this is your moment of Truth. Pay very close attention to how you react and be aware of what the reactive desire is going to be.

Be honest with yourself. Are you MGTOWing because you can't get pussy? Because you realize that the people you thought were your friends weren't as loyal as you'd hoped?

Whatever the reason, press attention, as my father likes to put it in his broken ass English.

Once you're aware of your true motivation, that's when you can act with decisiveness and passion. If you're truly and genuinely finished with material life, then don't be a bitch - go into the woods and do what the Buddha did. Make a solemn declaration that you will either find Ultimate Release from suffering or that you will die trying.

Otherwise, don't be dramatic. You're upset, hurt, and angry. Deal with it then get back into the game. Keep approaching, keep lifting, keep writing - keep doing.

Play the game until you don't want to anymore.

Cheers.