On the Subject of No More Mr Nice Guy, Part I

TL;DR: On a cross-country flight I had the chance to reread No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. I made notes while doing so, and what follows is a transcription of those notes to help others see how the book connects to an actual person.

BACKGROUND

Recently I decided to go back to reading the sidebar and linking materials. I had acquired a digital copy of Dr. Robert Glover's No More Mr Nice Guy (Henceforth to be abbreviated NMMNG) due to my paper copy being buried somewher in a box after a recent move.

While reading the book, I found myself using the Kindle to make margin notes, something I have not done previously with non-fiction I've read on electronic devices. Normally, I try to read nonfiction on paper, and I either write lightly in the margins or add post-it notes throughout the book. This was a new experience, and perhaps it is for this reason that I found myself more engaged in the book than I was on my first several read throughs. (I am not positive, but I'm pretty sure I've read NMMNG at least fifteen times, because it is such a light and engaging read. Somehow, for some reason, this read through seemed to be more thorough and brought me to more conclusions that I feel are going to be immediately useful to me, and perhaps to you as well.

This is not a substitute for reading the book! Your personal growth is your own responsibility. This isn't even a shortcut for anyone. This is simply a demonstration of active reading and interfacing with the text that also includes my own thoughts.

There were 55 notes originally. I have pared the list somewhat, choosing only those I feel are of greatest importance. Some detail my personal journey, and others are merely amplifying information.

Please find below the first fifteen of these notes, with hopefully enough quoted text to provide context, as well as links to amplifying information as needed. All errors of grammar, punctuation, and spelling belong to me.

BODY

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 17

"An integrated male possesses many of the following attributes."

  • He has a strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.
  • He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.
  • He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.
  • He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.
  • He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.
  • He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.
  • He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.
  • He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.

A Red-Pilled male also possesses these attributes. He can accept the need for personal growth without being excessively hard on himself. While he may admit that he is not perfection, he can accept and strive for the notion of perfectibility. Probably the most difficult of these for a Blue Pill is that of setting boundaries. It's not even a matter of not wanting to be a walkover. A good example is [a company my company provides security services for that consistently fails to notify us when they are doing after hours work.] I have to find a way to set boundaries and require them to provide proper notification so they aren't causing problems for my staff, but [the individual responsible] is quite likely to react in a hostile manner to any form of 'punitive' response to her bungling, and speaking politely to them has failed to make any changes in the way they operate. It remains a challenge.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 25

"Why would it seem rational for a person to try to eliminate or hide certain things about himself and try to become something different unless there was a significant compelling reason for him to do so? [...] Because it does not feel safe or acceptable for a boy or man to be just who he is."


This is critical. Western culture has so trivialized the role of men that boys and men can no longer be themselves. Men are demeaned and disregarded in all walks of life, from TV sitcoms to commercials to unfair hiring practices that give favoritism to females to simple declaration of lesser worth in such actions as pretending the gender wage gap exists, which claims that women are somehow worth more than men for doing lesser jobs. (Note: the wage gap claim fails to compare similar jobs, thus amplifying the supposed importance of female roles.)

Why would a boy try to be a boy? He's told from the first day of school that he is a 'broken little girl' because he can't sit quietly in class. He's medicated and told he's 'bad' for being himself. What possible reason is there for him to truly want to remain himself when he has been told over and over again that he is bad?

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 38

[Regarding the transition of women into 'leadership' roles following World War II]. "These social changes created three profound dynamics that contributed to the widespread phenomena of the Nice Guy Syndrome in the Baby Boom generation. 1. Boys were separated from their fathers and other significant male role models. "


This whole section further illustrates the failures of modern western society. We have forced men to surrender their power to women - the premise was that they could do a better, or at least adequate, job. In virtually every single case this has proven to be demonstrably and verifiably false. Women are generally terrible leaders. Carly Fiorina is a perfect example of this. She was more interested in making sure that her portrait graced every Hewlett-Packard office building than in making sure the company ran well, and the stock prices demonstrated this piss-poor leadership.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 38

"As a result, men became comfortable being defined by women and became dependent on the approval of women."


Women rarely know what they want. Thus, their approval is immaterial. With women dominating the educational system, men have been warped by their misplaced and mistaken feelings of what manhood is or what it should be. It is no wonder that modern young males are floundering.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 39

"It is not unusual at some point in childhood for Nice Guys to have made a conscious decision to be different from their fathers."


My own disconnect from my father occured when I recognized that he would rather work or drink than spend time with me. Pursuits I was interested in held little interest to him. Things he wanted to do, such as fishing, held little interest to a boy obsessed with wrestling and karate. I wonder frequently whether I might be different if I had made more effort to show interedt in his hobbies (other than drinking nine beers a night) or he in mine.

I specifically and consciously made a decision not to drink. I see no purpose to it. Additionally, I note regularly in askTRP that too many people seem unable to get out of their own way because of drugs and/or alcohol. Numerous posts have stated blunders such as "I was going to F-close, but I couldn't get it up because I was too hammered."

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 40

*"I believe the significant number of Nice Guys produced in the '40s, '50s, and '60s is the direct result of mothers, not fathers, teaching their sons how to be male. Consequently, many Nice Guys have adopted a female perspective of masculinity and are comfortable having their manhood defined by a woman.


Women have proven themselves absolutely incapable of even defining what it means to be a woman. They routinely ostracize one another for activities as simple as acting on biological impulses to have sex. It is utter folly to allow them the slightest input into what it means to be a man!

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 41

"Nevertheless, enough angry women were significantly vocal to contribute to a social climate that convinced many men that it was not OK to be just who they were."


This is the foundation of all marxist mindbending. If one simply makes enough noise, one can get one's way just so everyone else can get some peace and quiet. It should also be noted that these changes did not take place in catastrophic leaps, but in tiny, measured steps over many years. Toxic femininity did not poison a generation of young men overnight-- it took many years of growing societal pressure that being a man was not okay before it became routine and somehow acceptable to degrade manhood.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 44 | Loc. 668-69 | Added on Friday, October 20, 2017, 02:27 PM

"Nice Guys seek this external validation in just about every relationship and social situation, even from strangers and people they don't like."


This perfectly sums up social media and its addictiveness to a generation of young men raised and conditioned by women. The ability to receive near-instant social gratification and external validation creates a feedback loop. The pussified young male feels these fake interactions are more meaningful than the achievement of real life interactions. He posts a pic that is 'liked' on Instagram by an attractive female, and the symbol is even a little heart, which takes the place of real world interaction. He then rationalizes that this validation has equal weight and meaning when compared to a face-to-face interaction with the same female.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 48

"'If a man is talking in the forest and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?'"


How many times have we heard this insult, or others equally insipid, couched as a supposed joke? My most hated is the meme that was making the rounds on Facebook one or two years ago that stated, "Your husband will always be your oldest child and require the most supervision."

It's almost as if the same women are not also complaining about how men have 'kept them down' for generations. It remains confusing to me how a gender can be simultaneously nothing more than big children and yet still somehow possess the wherewithal to develop and maintain a Patriarchy designed specifically to keep women in the kitchen and bedroom. How is this even possible, given that men are such mental weaklings that we cannot find our car keys, buy insurance, or make a goddamn sandwich without a woman there to roll her eyes and take us by the hand to show us how it's done right?.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 64

"They also convinced themselves that if they didn't have needs, it wouldn't hurt so bad when the needs weren't met."


Additionally, this trains men not only to ignore their own needs, but to place the needs of every other person - particularly women - above their own. "Noble service, cheerfully rendered," used to be the mission statement of the chivalric knight. Somehow this became, "Do as you are told. Ignore your own wants and desires, and perhaps, if there's nothing more important taking up our time, you'll get something you need or want in return. Maybe. But probably not."

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 73

"Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must center on learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority."


How many things have we been trained by a female-dominated society to pretend we do not want or enjoy? If a man wants sex, he is a pig. If he desires to play games (video or otherwise, such as pickup basketball clubs at the park), he is shallow or a nerd. If he has hobbies, he is self-centered. If he focuses on his body, he is vain.

Almost all male pursuits are looked down on as somehow irrelevant.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 75

"I tried to plan some time with my wife Elizabeth, but she seemed ambivalent and unwilling to make a commitment to what she wanted to do."


Even the author of such an astonishing and effective tract fell into the trap of forgetting that he must be the captain. When he tried to allow his wife to have input she was uninterested. When he pulled up his big boy pants and said, "This is what I am doing, with or without you," she suddenly became tractable and joined him.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 85

"As Les began to face his fears of abandonment he also began to see his wife more accurately. This change allowed him to start asking for what he wanted, set boundaries, and express his feelings of resentment and anger."


Earlier in the book, Dr. Glover explains that children have an innate fear of abandonment due to being totally dependent on adults. It should be noted that my biological father was a disaster. Alcoholic, abusive, and absent, my sole contact with him was after I was hit by a car while young and nearly crippled for life. In what I assume was a moment of guilt, he sent me a note in a box of toys and said he would follow with a letter explaining why we could not be together as a family. For several months I stumbled on crutches or cane to the mailbox each day in hope that I would find a letter addressed to me. None ever came.

Growing up with an alcoholic and workaholic stepfather (Who I will always call "Dad") and workaholic mother who had a string of abusive relationships left me deeply desiring to be married. My hope was that it was a commitment and if I could just get someone to commit to me they would be more or less stuck with me. I was very wrong, as my divorce after two full decades of matrimony displays quite clearly.

Fear of being alone is not a solid foundation for a successful long term relationship of any manner. Moreover, it is perhaps the ultimate edge of scarcity mentality, as only those who believe women are scarce are afraid to be without one.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 97

"It seems that each successive generation of men are becoming more and more passive."


Thus the function of TRP is not to save men. It is to provide a means where a man may, if he chooses, save himself. It is not masculinity that is toxic, it is femininity. Feminism has not only obscured, distorted, and erased what it means to be a woman, but the very same caustic wenches who fucked up their own gender and sexual roles have done their damnedest to do the same to men.

We have to accept that we cannot save anyone else. The most we can ever do is to help him save himself. Men must be active in order to save themselves. This passivity is destroying the culture of men and can only be reversed by active confrontation with it and active desire to improve.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 98

[Following a list of statements from Nice Guys regarding their disconnect from other men]

● "I tend to be a loner.


Even the sports i gravitated to were not as focused on male groups. While I loved football, wrestling and combat sports like point-style karate and MMA always drew me with a stronger pull. I felt that my inability to rely on my absent biological father or alcoholic stepdad meant I could not rely on my male teammates, either.

On the mat and in the ring there was no one to let me down and consequently also no one to lift me up.


This concludes part one of this post. Part two will follow in a few days.