The only regret I have is that I didn't internalize what my father was telling me all of my life.
Toughen Up.
These two words will change your life, these two words will change your mind.
These two words are the kick in the ass towards masculinity, so simple but so powerful if applied.
I could be going through the shittiest of times, not want to move, not want to work, not want to speak, I just want to sleep all fucking day and wallow in my pain. These two words will ring in the back of my head and I realize, that it's not the situation, but how I handle the situation that defines me.
No matter how horrible it can be, I could catch my girlfriend cheating with my best friend. The anger, frustration, embarrassment, and rage comes, I hear the voice say "Toughen Up", then my priorities are set in the right place.
For us men, we have a natural drive to conquer and take the victory by force, then fall on the battle ground and breathe in the freedom. We take pride in our strength and ability to stand tall in the midst of trial. "Toughen Up", is more than it seems. It's a challenge! And I fucking love challenges.
When shit hits the fan, tell yourself to toughen up and see how great you feel once you do and overcome the obstacle like a man. It's not the outward attention and admiration that makes it worth doing, it's the inward satisfaction of knowing that you could pull yourself up by your boot straps and fight tooth and nail for what you believe in, and come out victorious.
Next time some shit comes your way, whether it be a shit test, something physically painful or mentally painful, see it as a challenge to go deeper into yourself and call upon the strength within. The fulfillment you get from victory is worth every ounce of trouble you endured.
I always hated the advice to "toughen up" or "don't be a bitch", but then I read a comment on Reddit that really changed my perspective. The comment was:
"Nothing in life is ever as big of a deal as you think it is."
Before that, I felt like toughening up meant you bulldoze through your problems. In practice, you get a lot more mileage out of chilling out, being patient, and remembering that nothing is really that big of a deal with the right perspective. She didn't text you back? Oh well, on to the next one. You didn't get that promotion you wanted? It happens, might not even be about you. Had a shitty workout? NBD, you'll do better next time.
It takes practice, but recognizing what is actually important can help you dial down the noise from everything that is not. That's mental fortitude.
I think it's fine when you say it to yourself. It's different when someone else is saying it to you.
I remember 10+ year ago at this point back in high school. "Don't be a pussy" or some variation thereof was essentially used as manipulation. Like "here touch this hot stove" ... "Aw don't be a pussy."
Transparent manipulation. You can't be too reactive or predictable or too concerned about "asserting your manhood" - or you can be played like a fiddle, even if you think you're the biggest badass around.
So an internal thing, sure. But don't get too wrapped up in some kind of hypermasculinity. Hell there is power in being liquid like water, rather than a stone fortress, which can be sieged.
Very true. I am a sociopath and one of the easiest manipulations are “tough” guys. I mean they wear it on their sleeve.
Oh yeah, I've dealt with a few in my day. Well, I mean sociopaths but yeah tough guys too. They don't prefer jaded skeptics like me usually. Though even some sociopaths still have some odd desire for acceptance/ a big friend list/ and to be loved, outside of power. That's some leverage over someone who is otherwise amoral, to appeal to their narcissism. Won't really work if you're a stranger though.
Yes, probably the sociopaths greatest weakness is their superiority complex. That is how they get caught: sloppiness due to a lack of recognition of other’s capabilities. It’s good you know this stuff.
The desire for acceptance, etc is not out of a necessity for love but rather it is easier to control someone who loves you.
What makes you a sociopath?
I used to be one. Now I am not. 😊
When I was one, there is no real ability to experience empathy. Imagine treating all human beings as rocks, you arrange them in a fashion that you prefer, regardless of other’s emotional/physical realities.
All sociopaths have a certain gene but their must be an environmental trigger. The trigger is early childhood abuse. So much more on this subject. Hope that answers it for you.
How did you un-become a sociopath?
You are now asking the important questions. No lie, you are a brilliant dude. I really appreciate your question. Nobody ever asks. Direct message me and I will tell you. Nobody else deserves that information because they didn’t ask. Regardless though, that question restores my faith in humanity. Nobody ever asks. They want to debate and refute. You my friend are brilliant. I am not jerking your chain, I must sound crazy. I’ve been studying psychology intensely for over 15 years, from Freud to Miller. Everyone wants to debate, and they have no idea what they are talking about. Thank you for being.
Thank you, I asked because I know a guy who likes to trigger insecurity in random people and right after offers an explanation to make the subject feel not that bad. Then he's just listening explain the subject himself and feels pleasure degrading them and looks into my eyes well knowing that I've seen him do it again.
Example, ohh what's with your teeth they look different. He waits and smiles and let's you explain. Cuts you mod sentence and says something like yes you drink a lot of coffee that why. What are you up to today? It's just mad. It works. I have seen the strongest alpha egos cripple down to an omega, I think I'm not overestimating, sorry if it sounds so. It's just unholy and so bad behavior that I can't stand him make good people feel shit for his kick. Also using them for services like driving him around and whatnot also works for him. Anyway he refuses to cut contact with me even when I straightforward tell him to goto hell.
He made a really buff super strong guy that looks like a magazine model with hard large sixpacks and v back and neck leave the gymn for a month and train in an other gymn just to avoid him while feeling the insecurity he caused. The buff guy was juicing and always in great mood. So maybe that's why he was overly sensitive altough he really appears like the total opposite. I tried, but can't stop him and informing him about being a psycho or sociopath made him even feel cool. Avoiding him totally and have cut him from my life.
Usually people say toughen up as a means to insult who it is directed at. Coming from someone with good intentions, or coming from yourself, it can serve as a source of strength
Or a source of repression. If something even mildly traumatic happens to you and all you do is move forward w/o fully processing it (ie EMDR) then you're just repressing pain that will manifest in physical problems if not sooner than later. Taking the time to fully grieve and release an emotional disturbance in life is very important. Otherwise you'll be walking around with a chip on your shoulder without even realizing it...
Toughen up = perseverance, mental toughness
(Taken from a post 3 years ago, spoken by a genuine RP mexican cowboy/rancher)
"When things are difficult, make yourself into an impenetrable wall. Make your face stone."
"Don't chase after women and don't fixate on one. Build yourself up and then you'll realize that you won't have to do any chasing at all. They'll come to you."
I needed to read this today. Had quite a shitty day. Thanks.
I respectfully disagree. Patience is important, but I believe that "toughen up" (or "man up", as I was raised) pushes you to overcome adversity in a way that encourages action. For example, you didn't get that job? Toughen up and apply for a new one. Who needs patience when you're acting on something else?
I literally have this written down on a piece of paper, on my coffee stand in my living room. Look at it daily,
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Reading that book right now. It’s a must read for literally anybody.
when i manage to remember this during anger moments, it really does help... expecially if the distressing is caused by interaction with people.
I was once on an industrial construction site managing a project that was going poorly. I was obviously stressed and flighty and ran into a maintenance fitter in the bathroom. He said to me 'dude, there is only one person on this site who is going to care enough to drop their problems to help you, he's in that bathroom mirror. So go take a shit, wash your face and figure it out'.
LISTEN UP FELLAS.
The BEST ADVICE for being able to plow through resistance is you must find a purpose. If you've ever seen pursuit of happyness, the dude literally gets hit by a fucking car but you can feel that he won't stop because he MUST put meat on the table. You can see it in his eyes that he can overcome the pain by just thinking "shut the fuck up, put meat on the table Chris" "Just get meat on that table" etc..
From personal experience, when you have a purpose that strong any resistance is just destroyed. You will literally feel in your bones that you need to "toughen up" without saying it. Because if you DON'T toughen up, you won't get your mission done. Any form of shit-test, white knighting resistance or physical/emotional pain gets obliterated by a wave of focused masculine energy. Why? Because you're fucking HUNGRY.
All men need missions. Everyone go and write 3 things they can do TODAY and go out and do them. Write a long term plan from your ideal lifestyle all the way back to the present moment. Write every single step. Then just shut the fuck up and do it. When you've got that clear mission you will naturally shower, cut your nails, trim your hair, eat clean. It just comes out of you because you know that if you want to complete your mission your gonna need all the help you can get.
Final summarizing lesson:
Have your own mission; your own "PUT MEAT ON THE TABLE" goal. When you focus all your energy into one thing a resourcefulness that exists in every man is pulled to the surface. Resourcefulness isn't a talent or something you slap onto your resume. It's the focusing of ALL your energy into ONE THING.
So brothers, toughen up. I don't mean do some dumb shit to entertain me or some other blue pill fuck-wits. I don't mean slam your head into a wall and chug a beer. I mean toughen up and #put meat on the table.
As a transgender vegan, I am triggered.
As a trigger, I'm triggered.
I've recently quit my job to chase my mission. Are you self-employed? I've found that your purpose is challenged much more when almost every choice is on your shoulders.
At the same time, I've experienced a lot of contentedness recently and seen that I don't actually need to achieve anything to feel good about myself.. seems now the purpose must be less selfish, perhaps more about helping people? That's the only purpose I could see that would stay burning.
It's completely up to you man. Figure out what genuinely makes you feel good. Is it sex? Is it being the best at something? Is it being able to do nothing all day and just sit in the sun? You figure it out.
For me I am self-employed because I fucking hate taking orders from others. Been stubborn since I was a little kid.
Also performed professionally on a certain talent that I will keep private for obvious reasons. I loved that because I love being the best and I was always happiest when I had the status of being the best. The things I wanted naturally came to me by being valuable. When I eventually lost it due to other things going on in life I was fucking miserable.
So look at your life and events like that. What are the things that just put a big ol smile on your face? Go towards that.
Nice post. My two words are: fuck it.
Seriously. Not sure if you should hit on that chick? Fuck it. Do it anyway. Got rejected? Fuck it. Try again to the next girl. Got a bad review at work? Fuck it. Do better next time. Got a speeding ticket it? Fuck it. That'll happen.
When you're stressed, not sure what to do, or feeling timid, just say fuck it, and get it done.
That kind of Nihilism is what makes a ghetto a ghetto. Or why western civ is currently cracking at the foundation. "Fuck it, nothing matters".
If you are at the Olympics, you don't get a second chance until 4 years later, if you stay at the top of the game for those 4 years. Some business opportunities come along only once a lifetime. So no, fuck it is not gonna cut it.
Disregarding obstacles like you mentioned is good, masculine risk taking behaviour. Suspending care and purpose like a buddhist new age hippy is poor, ghetto behaviour.
I was complaining about some shit once on asktrp (I still haven't really gotten past yet tbh), but some older dude said to me "you need to stop being so timid". Whenever I start acting like a little bitch, I always remember that because it's entirely the issue.
Also whenever I read vaandalens responses on asktrp, I realise I am just getting wrapped up in my emotions. Dude just keeps it real and basic. "Feeling sad? What's your 1RM deadlift? Bitch acting like a cunt? Why do you even give a shit. Go talk to someone else".
Yep I needed this. Currently in a depression phase. Fucked it up with one chick while another one ghosted me and then I find out a cousin died. What a great week this is. Instead of sitting here depressed and wallowing in pity you gotta toughen up. There will be other girls. I gotta work on my game more. My cousin had a heart attack but was a smoker and had high blood pressure.
The pain of regret has always hurt worse than the pain of defeat.
Look at yourself properly on who you want to be in life and what mark you want to leave on the world.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." - Nietzsche
Words to live by. This is why I love being a man. While women live to seek comfort, men have the capacity to thrive by enduring pain and discomfort in the pursuit of excellence.
I prefer "Man Up". Has a certain ring to it.
Harden The Fuck Up
It's good advice.
Life throws a lot of shit at you. And it never stops. If you don't toughen up you're going to get hurt.
Think of the men you personally admire. Pretty much all of them will have that trait: They deal with stuff. They don't let things get to them. They survive.
Think of what you really need to do, then try to do it. There's one more thing: Once you know you've handled something tough, you'll be proud of yourself. And that gives you more resources for handling stuff next time - because you know you can handle things.
Reminded me of the Mystery's advice for all men looking to get laid
Thank god someone actually says more than “toughen up” Sometimes, we need the details as to how and why
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are your worst critic.
I don't like this one. It's kind of like hamstering. It's good to look at your own flaws, reflect on yourself and see where you can improve.
Agreed. But often times, many people overthink their problems and judge themselves ten times harder than what was actually necessary. There's a lot of men out there who make mountains out of molehills when they critique themselves.
Some people have an issue with being unrealistically hard on themselves. This is an issue I've recognised in myself. Part of being a perfectionist.
Reflect on your flaws, don't dwell on them.
A lot of people do overthink their problems. In fact, a lot of people overthink to the point that a small issue is then made into a huge issue which they then have to figure out how to get out of but they can't because they are overthinking every little thing.
This exact thing happened to me tonight, i am now paying for it. This post is really a ping to the head. It makes me want to move forward. Life can be so tough and shit at times, but for fuck sake - I really just need to toughen up.
That critic does a hell a good job too, day in day out.
100% agree. Don't sweat the small things or you'll bog yourself down in a muck of self-criticism and depression. Some mistakes/failures should just be taken as an "Oops" instead if the end of days. It's easy to dwell on a negative experience and actually learn nothing from it.
Truth is, nothing is an end of day mistake to me anymore. I just accept that you have to keep growing, and to be able to grow you need to know what's weak within you and that's starts from being honest with yourself in a world full of people telling you to be nice to yourself when that just keeps you in the place you're in.
This kind of brutal self-honesty is great to see, and I'd like to think is one of the more constructive things you pick up as you wander through this community.
I'm on day one of nofap/monk mode. I'm saving this. Thank you sir.
I hope you do well man, the 5th day you're gonna wanna beat off, push through the 5th and 6th day and you're golden
I'm going to come back here and thank you if I am able to utilize this successfully.
My own version of this is:
Suck it up.
yep, i also tell myself "life is cruel and unfair until you die"
Thanks OP - I needed this post more than you can imagine.
Your last sentence is the best advice I can give. And props to you for talking about this, takes courage to bring this subject up. The topic scares most people which is way the nation looses it shit over an event like the recent shooting we had.
In the future, never confront a sociopath. You can’t really “win” with them in this civilization. They are bad news. You never want to get on their radar because then you can become a source/toy for their need and fulfillment. If you then leave abruptly they will seek you out.
You were dealing with a sociopath from the sounds of it, maybe a psychopath.
Anyways, stay away from them, if you need to confront just be the nicest person you can be and then get away.
Take brother brother.
Was going through a rough change of life direction style breakup. Divorce plus loss of funds. Anyhow what stuck most with me through it was someone told me some rub some dirt on it and get back in the game.
"I need you not be a bitch."
This wordier phrase works for me.
Made me laugh. I like it too.....I visualise a woman saying this to her man who just took a day off work because he's had a bad day:
"I need you to not be a bitch".
Yes, because she is the bitch, and she needs you to be the breadwinner (and man of the house...)
Thanks for this. Something I very much needed to read.
Very true. Thanks for the post!
Too many soft clueless people use 'man up', 'toughen up' etc. When I'm frustrated I just remember everything in life is a shit test. It's a fork in the road as well as a 2-fer. Don't overreact and one-up your RP or become a notch closer to one of those bitch men you see walking down the street. Skirting life shit tests and working out are the two easiest straight forward ways to up your RP.
Sorry not “confront”, I meant interact. If you have to interact with them be nice and then leave. Example would be like a police officer who pulls you over. Be nice, then leave.
One word: GOOD.
The easiest day was yesterday.
Advice from this subreddit that always stuck with me.
Be patient - my dad always tells me "kerri.. the hardest thing to learn in life is patience!" His a legend. God bless his soul
Its yours. Fortunately I’ve never heard those dreaded words.
Reminds me of this speech by ex US Navy Seal Commander Jocko Willink. Good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdTMDpizis8
Old news for some of us.
I always look around and laugh at people who don't know how to deal with adversity or rough patch in their lives, haha.
This only works if you are tall.
I really hope you aren't serious
I mean I'm 5'6 and ankles like a twig.. easy to "toughen up" when you had a gf and actually can
My girlfriend could wrap her hand around my ankles, I was skinny as fuck and have had many comments made about it by her and others.
I filtered that shit out and carried on with what I was doing, or sometimes I'd threaten to stick my leg up their ass, they 'might' feel it Lol. Anyways, just laugh that stuff off dude, it really doesn't matter.