On the Subject of No More Mr Nice Guy, Part II

(Whoops. I forgot that linking to subreddits within a post results in its removal by bot.)

TL;DR: On a cross-country flight I had the chance to reread No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. I made notes while doing so, and what follows is a transcription of those notes to help others see how the book connects to an actual person.

BACKGROUND

  • (My apologies for taking so long to get this second part into the subreddit. My tablet developed a charging issue and I had to get a new charger.) -

Recently I decided to go back to reading the sidebar and linking materials. I had acquired a digital copy of Dr. Robert Glover's No More Mr Nice Guy (Henceforth to be abbreviated NMMNG) due to my paper copy being buried somewhere in a box after a recent move.

While reading the book, I found myself using the Kindle to make margin notes, something I have not done previously with non-fiction I've read on electronic devices. Normally, I try to read nonfiction on paper, and I either write lightly in the margins or add post-it notes throughout the book. This was a new experience, and perhaps it is for this reason that I found myself more engaged in the book than I was on my first several read throughs. (I am not positive, but I'm pretty sure I've read NMMNG at least fifteen times, because it is such a light and engaging read. Somehow, for some reason, this read through seemed to be more thorough and brought me to more conclusions that I feel are going to be immediately useful to me, and perhaps to you as well.

This is not a substitute for reading the book! Your personal growth is your own responsibility. This isn't even a shortcut for anyone. This is simply a demonstration of active reading and interfacing with the text that also includes my own thoughts.

There were 55 notes originally. I have pared the list somewhat, choosing only those I feel are of greatest importance. Some detail my personal journey, and others are merely amplifying information.

Please find below the final twenty of these notes, with hopefully enough quoted text to provide context, as well as links to amplifying information as needed. All errors of grammar, punctuation, and spelling belong to me.

BODY

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 99

"They also reveal that their tendency to be attracted to "jerks" is because these men have more of a masculine edge to them."

Women want jerks because jerks have passion to them. They are alive. Occasionally we see young men in the askTRP subreddit asking questions like, "What should I talk about on a date?" The answer is, "Whatever gives you passion and fire in your voice. Women want to know they are with someone who has fire to their blood. They can get a milquetoast beta any time they like merely by yelling, "Hey, who wants some pussy?" A man, a real man, has desires and focuses that she can barely comprehend.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 102

"Nice Guys tend to experience tremendous frustration in gaining the approval they so intensely desire."

A significant number of the posts at asktrp are from young men trying to get out of the friendzone. Trying to give women what they want to gain approval lands them in the beta orbiter Kuiper Belt of relationships. If these men approached with confidence and clearly expressed a desire for a romantic or sexual relationship at the beginning they would in many cases avoid the friendzone from the outset of the relationship.

Rollo Tomassi has said, "Women have girlfriends and they have boyfriends. If you are not fucking her, you are her girlfriend." I have also stated, "You're either orbiting a woman or you are fucking a woman, but not both."

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 102 | Loc. 1559 | Added on Friday, October 20, 2017, 04:02 PM

"...[W]omen view men who try to please them as weak and hold these men in contempt."

I came to TRP through Male Dominance when I realized that the beta nonsense of 'putting the pussy on the pedestal' was ineffective. I noticed that whenever I took control in the bedroom, the sex became hotter, the woman stayed focused on me longer, and the relationship was better. Slowly, I began to adapt that same approach to the rest of my life as well. It was through that study that I discovered the TRP forum here on Reddit and the enormous amount of support material it contained.

Because I came to TRP through a roundabout path, I recognized immediately that if you cannot control yourself enough to know and reach for your own desires and needs than no woman can trust you to control her.

You are the only person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. No one else should ever take precedence over your own life. Reach for your goddamn star!

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 105

"Friendships with men have the potential for tremendous depth and intimacy because there is no sexual agenda."

Unfortunately, since a staggering number of men are blue-pilled wimps, there also exists a huge capacity for harm. One should be certain that one is connecting with a group of true peers and not crabs who will drag the recovering blue bill back into the bucket. Not long ago a member of this community, after reading this same book, asked for 'safe men' to hold him accountable in his growth. This is the way it is supposed to be. Men help other men. Women are famous for being backstabbing cunts. It is, therefore, not terribly shocking that blue-pilled chumps who are feminized would adopt the most distressing of the female traits. A few weeks ago someone asked in askTRP, "What was the most important thing you ever learned from the sidebar?" My response was, "That I wasn't alone."

Choose your male friends wisely. Pick those who will help you grow and hold you accountable.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 111

(Regarding female to male teaching ratios) "That's about a 20-to-1 ratio."

This brings up some questions. Last time I checked, the national average had one male teacher for every twelve female at the primary level, and a ratio of one male to sixteen female teachers at the middle and high school level. Are the recent rises in female teachers soliciting their students a function of increased female numbers in teaching, increased reporting, or another factor? It stands somewhat to reason that an increase in per capita female teachers would increase both negative and positive behavior flags.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 117

"Nice guys are convinced that when others make this discovery [about how supposedly 'bad' they are], these people will hurt them, shame them, or leave them."

Often, these men are proven correct due to their blue-pilled, nice guy approach leading them to form a doomed relationship with a toxic individual. Before one can open to someone, that someone has to be worthy of that level of trust. As I stated above, choose your male friends carefully.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 118

"The enmeshing Nice Guy makes his partner his emotional center. His world revolves around her. She is more important than his work, his buddies, his hobbies. He will do whatever it takes to make her happy."

For years this was my mistake. When I focused on my ex wife, I forgot all of the things that made me feel like myself. I gave up my hobbies, stopped working on my body, stopped improving myself as a man, and became her lapdog.

Note that she is my ex wife now.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 119

"I sometimes refer to the enmeshing Nice Guys as *table dogs*."

This is the beta orbiter who places himself into the friendzone by acting like a puppy instead of a man. If you want a woman in a romantic or sexual way, make that clear from the outset.

Gentlemen, You will not win the woman by orbiting her and being 'nice' to her! She has girlfriends-- some of them male-- for that!

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 119

"The avoider can be a little tougher to get a handle on. *The avoiding Nice Guy seems to put his job, hobby, parents, and everything else before his primary relationship.*"

...

"Both patterns, enmeshing and avoiding, inhibit and real kind of intimacy from occurring. They may help the Nice Guy feel safe, but they won't help him feel loved."

It appears that this is a spectrum between 'avoider' and 'enmesher'. I can definitely recognize times in my life when I have been both or exhibited similar characteristics. Probably most men are similar and display traits of each depending on their partner and their specific situation at the time.

In my case, I made the 'mistake' of choosing my grandmother over my (now ex) wife. I missed the last three years of my father's life by being three thousand miles away while his health failed and he slowly died of cancer. I was determined not to make the same mistake with my grandmother.

Possibly the most foolish frame-break of the last few years that I committed with my ex-wife was to tell her, "My grandmother is the most important woman in my life." No woman ever wants to hear such things.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 126

"Using the 'Second Date Rule', Nice Guys ask themselves, 'If this behavior had occurred on the second date, *would there have been a third?*'" [Emphasis mine]

Brilliant idea here. Any behavior that would have ended a relationship at the second date should equally terminate a long term relationship under similar circumstances. Of course, people do make mistakes, but the basic framework of such boundaries should remain the same. Egregious 'mistakes' such as cheating in word or in deed should result in the end of the relationship.

My wife cheated on me while I was deployed during year three of our marriage. Instead of kicking her out of my life, I honestly felt we could rebuild the marriage. I was a fool. I literally said, "It takes two to tango, but it takes a third to play the music for them." This metaphor was me blaming myself for my wife's AWALT hypergamy! "Obviously I wasn't giving her what she needed in the relationship."

Yes, I am banging my head on the desk while I write this. It took another seventeen years to excise that cancerous blunder from my life.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 131

"In dog obedience school we learned that if you want an undesirable behavior to go away, you stop paying attention to it. The same is true in relationships."

Training a woman or child is no different than training a dog. Reward behavior you wish more of and ignore or punish behavior of which you would like to see less. Be prepared for an extinction burst from the dog, the child, and definitely the woman. In fact, the extinction burst from the woman is generally worse than the extinction burst from a child or dog, because she has had literally a lifetime of using those abhorrent behaviors to get her way.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 132

[Regarding Nice Guys in relationships] "They tend to pick partners who have had troubled childhoods, are sexual abuse survivors, have had a string of bad relationships, are depressed, are having money problems, are overweight, or are struggling single moms."

These are all red flags. The man with abundance mentality sees the flag, remembers that he is the prize, and departs. The man with scarcity mindset is so grateful for the female attention that he either ignores the warning or rationalizes it away.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 133

" When recovering Nice Guys create relationships with people who don't need fixing, they improve their odds of finding the love they want. This doesn't mean searching for the perfect partner, *just one who is already taking responsibility for her own life.*" [Emphasis mine.]

Unicorns do not exist. Good horses, however, are all over.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 133

"Doing something different also means refraining from being sexual in new relationships."

This is the least Red Pill advice in the book. Evaluation of a partner as potential mate rather than plate must of necessity include bedroom performance. I do, however, agree that a bond should be formed before moving onward to a true long term relationship.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 138 | Loc. 2105-6 | Added on Friday, October 20, 2017, 07:52 PM

[Regarding vagiphobic "Alan"] "Even though he was very aroused, he turned down her offer to go up to her room because he didn't want to 'jeopardize their working relationship.'"

This was undoubtedly the right decision for the wrong reasons (Alan made that decision out of fear for his marriage, not his job, and rationalized it as what it should have been from the beginning: protecting his employment.) Even a recovering Nice Guy should know better than to shit where he sleeps.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 141

[Regarding repressing of their life energy and passion in order to win a girl] "It is at this point that many young men decide that maybe by being "nice," they will stand out from the other guys and might gain the approval of some member of the opposite sex. This decision is especially important if the young man has already been conditioned to believe that he is not OK just as he is."

This is an absolutely ironclad and certain recipe for prolonged life as an incel.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 142

"Because they can't think of any other reason why a woman would be attracted to them or want to have sex with them, Nice Guys hang on to their strategy of "being nice" even when it consistently proves ineffective in getting them the sex they want."

It is the only strategy they know. Trying anything else is difficult and scary. It is vastly more safe to simply do more of the same. Even if it does not work, at least you're used to that, right?

"When failure is all you've ever had, you're more afraid of success than anything else."

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 156

"Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good on a man."

Notice that he doesn't say self-esteem. self respect is a foundation of pride. Pride comes from honestly knowing the worth of your accomplishments. Self-esteem is a useless, made-up psychological buzzword. holding yourself in fake pride because you're told to 'feel good about yourself' is propping yourself on a fake foundation.

Real pride requires real accomplishments.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Highlight on Page 160

[Regarding Nice Guys in the workplace] "They have difficulty delegating to others. Because they believe they have to do it all themselves, Nice Guys rarely live up to their full potential."

My predecessor was a phenomenal boss who I both liked and respected. However, he was terrified to delegate because everything rode on his shoulders. He worked hard for his people and we all loved him.

When he departed and I was promoted to his position I immediately began to train my staff to do everything in the office. Not only was more work able to get done in less time, but I continually stressed that my people were always ready and capable to take on more responsibility. That year, corporate awarded our site the biggest raises in our history. True, I did lose an employee to another job. but I remain thrilled to know that he landed that job because he could point to the added responsibility I had tasked him with.

Nice Guys are also threatened by the competence of others. They are concerned that they will be outshone. As a result, they manipulate and hold others down, never giving them a chance to grow. They make terrible bosses and ineffective leaders as a result.

No More Mr Nice Guy (Robert A. Glover) - Note on Page 180

The book concludes with a number of rules as part of the last of the "Breaking Free" activities scattered through the text. These are awesome rules for life, but one has to move beyond using them as mere slogans and consciously develop a HOW for each. For most people, this will likely be baby steps. "I will put myself first in... my approach to my hobbies."

Much like dieting, small changes should be made over a longer period to ensure success.

I conclude this study with my favorite quote of Dr. Glover's:

"Don't settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for."

Best wishes, brothers.