319,734 posts

Reminder: Neediness is THE Most Unattractive Trait

by becoolstaynschool on /r/TheRedPill
30 December 2017 04:56 AM UTC
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Often times when giving advice to new guys just starting out, the general mantra is, "Be confident, have abundance, increase SMV, don't be needy". The first and most important of these by far is minimizing neediness.

There are so many times in the past where i've fucked things up being needy. At first the girl was interested and excited to hang out, then due to the fact that I was constantly hitting her up and inviting her out, that excitement and attraction faded INSTANTLY.

Oneitis and abundance mentality aside, there's a reason that RSDTyler has said "The best thing to do when you find a girl you really like is to find five others."; the dynamic in a relationship (guys and girls) entirely revolves around value and investment.

By texting those girls, and further by inviting them to hang out on the weekends instead of letting them initiate first, I demonstrated that I was overly invested in them and they lost interest. On the flipside, if I went out and spread my time and attention among other girls, the scarcity of my attention and investment becomes more apparent and thus the attraction continues and increases.

Needy things you do and need to cut out ASAP:

  • CONSISTENTLY texting her first.

Don't bullshit yourself--girls have their phone on them and are using them literally 24/7. If you've initiated first in the past and have went out before, then leave the initiating to them. If a girl is interested she can and will text first. By hitting her up first all the time you're showing that you're way too invested. If you absolutely have to text her first (you don't), leave at least two weeks between contact minimum.

  • Getting mad when she flakes or doesn't want to be with you

She doesn't want to come out tonight? WHO FUCKING CARES?? Doesn't matter if she was your only option, your reaction should be "Alright have a good night!" and go out yourself or with someone else. A girl or (guy) is and should simply be a positive addition to your life, not the sole component in whether or not you can go out and do things.

Conclusion: Build yourself into something other people can invest in and be reluctant to invest in others. Be a fucking man and realize that the only person you need to focus on is yourself.

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Post Information
Title Reminder: Neediness is THE Most Unattractive Trait
Author becoolstaynschool
Upvotes 919
Date 30 December 2017 04:56 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/48031
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/7mzo60/reminder_neediness_is_the_most_unattractive_trait/
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188 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

And on this line of thinking it's just as important to remember that the MOST important key to being attractive is NOT doing unattractive things. Doesn't matter how literally attractive you are if you keep doing UNATTRACTIVE things. ALL your upside can be wiped clean with one downside.

68 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Dude, no kidding.

How does someone identify what they're doing that's unattractive?

Over the last 10 or so years I've realized how many issues I've had that need to be worked on and I've been all over the place and have gotten about the same lack of success:

  • Down to 200 lbs from 265 at my worst.
  • Started dressing/grooming better.
  • Quit playing video games religiously.
  • Started down a career path in IT that paid well, but it fueled the depression so I abandoned it.
  • Been aloof about my intentions.
  • Been honest and upfront about my intentions.
  • When I wanted short, sexual relationships, I looked for women who signaled that.
  • When I wanted relationships, I looked for women looking for relationships.
  • I've tried to be more honest and expressive with my emotions, to being more stoic and withholding them.

It seems like I was doing better at 20 than I am approaching 30.

105 upvotesmax_peenor2 years ago

Been aloof about my intentions.

No no no. Be direct with your intentions. You can't close without showing desire. Be aloof with your commitment. You want it! But you can take it or leave it.

I looked for women who signaled that.

AWALT. The problem here is you are trying to find unicorns instead of shaping your battlefield. Want and pursue short, sexual relationships with ALL women you find attractive. Quickly and politely move on from those that don't respond. They owe you nothing. You owe them nothing.

-11 upvotesRedwallAllratuRatbar2 years ago

I noticed that "send tits" turned into a joke and women are sure people are joking due to all "send tits" videos featuring some fake (or real) Indian people

20 upvotesmax_peenor2 years ago

videos featuring some fake (or real) Indian people

Apparently I've missed something on the internet.

5 upvotesRedwallAllratuRatbar2 years ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTZtu4UZ5Mc I opened some conversation thanks to this

14 upvotesPreOrgasmGroanLness2 years ago

This. My issue is I don't recognize neediness before it's too late. There's a lot of posts on how you shouldn't be needy, but there are very few examples on what is needy behaviour or texts. For example it seems to me as if all my Tinder texts are needy. I have no idea how to do it differently and no idea what am I doing wrong

3 upvotesRedwallAllratuRatbar2 years ago

If you are being needy, you feel this. If you think hard what to tell, in order not to "lose" her, you are being needy. On the other hand, everyone is needy, just successful people have enough plates to satisfy this hunger

3 upvotesToker952 years ago

How are you worse when you're older. Something went wrong somewhere

5 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Agreed. Still figuring it out. I did plan to become a Marine when I was 21/22, which I don't think was a bad path to take, but I never completely committed to it or signed the contract. Living with my mom for as long as I did around that time didn't help. Even though she was supportive, it wasn't what I needed in my life.

I think I realized something was wrong and went to focus on the wrong things to fix.

It's like troubleshooting a problem with a car. You think you know the problem but don't properly diagnose the issue, you start replacing parts that aren't causing the problem, yet your car still has trouble starting. Eventually you get to the point where there are many quality components to the car and yet the original issue is still getting worse.

Eventually you find the problem and everything clicks, starts running smoothly and you start rapidly accelerating.

2 upvotesEulerbrah2 years ago

what's with "quit video games" bullshit that is being thrown around???

44 upvotesOhhDatDogOMine2 years ago

He said "Quit playing video games religiously." Meaning he was addicted.

22 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

wouldn't say I was addicted, but I have sunk a ridiculous amount of time into call of duty and battlefield. Yet that's probably what an addict would say.

I just realized one day that games stopped being fun.

17 upvotestruedemocracy32 years ago

It's a zero-add activity. Feel free to play video games - but recognize it for what it is.

2 upvotesTheTruthHelps2 years ago

Personally I use video games to stay in touch with a few of my friends that I only see during summer and winter breaks. It's probably twice a month that I'll sit down for 3 hours to catch up with the gang.

1 upvotestruedemocracy32 years ago

nah man it's totally worth it in that regard. Especially as you grow up and live in different cities. I love games, I just only use it after long days of productivity to unwind

-2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Training for your reaction time and brain overall, improving decision making, improving social skills and a good way to reduce stress?

31 upvotestruedemocracy32 years ago

Rationalization and bullshit is all the above is. Reduce stress, sure. That's why I said in moderation.

7 upvotesjuliusstreicher2 years ago

Damn! Who needs to work, lift, or go to school! All anybody ever needs is some Video Games!

6 upvotessd4c2 years ago

Yeah that would be judo, jiujitsu, or wrestling. Not videogames.

9 upvotessd4c2 years ago

Make life your video game. We've got character customization, different language packs, fighting styles, tons of really cool weapons, and vehicles that would blow your mind.

25 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Simply put, a man playing video games is not sexually attractive to a woman. You can play them, you can play them all you want, just don't do them in front of your woman.

A woman watching a man play video games is like a man watching a woman eating big macs. It's that repulsive. It's how the sexual dynamics work. And I love playing video games.

9 upvotestruedemocracy32 years ago

This is true. Not only is it 'not sexually attractive', but it is actually UNATTRACTIVE to women (where if you mention it as a hobby they will be repulsed).

Even if I'm playing video games I wont tell a chick I'm gaming.

9 upvotesBaronIncognito2 years ago

It depends. I know a guy who plays video games in front of his wife all the time, always has. But is a VP at his company and makes mid six figures and come from a very wealthy family. If your SMV is high enough, you can do whatever you want. In addition to being rich he is tall, athletic and extremely personable.

In the flip side if you are teetering in the edge of whether a woman thinks you are high enough value to commit to, your video gaming could be exactly the thing for her to justify ditching you.

All this assumes it is not a girl gamer. Obviously with them, your gaming will have different effects on SMV. It all depends on context.

15 upvotesEulerbrah2 years ago

this is bullshit. honestly. be tall, handsome, make six-figure ..etc so that "your girl" won't mind? fuck what she wants. be a fuckin man and do whatever the fuck you want.

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

I'm sure there are nfl players who play video games, and have plenty of women throwing themselves at them.

The point is, if you are here, learning red pill, you aren't one of those guys.

18 upvotesambientwhisper1232 years ago

With respect this is bullshit. Not taking into account the fact that your time would be much better spent elsewhere, if you're passionate about something you should express it and put it out into the world.

It doesnt matter what you like doing with your time, as long as you own it and dont care what people think about it women will respond favourably to it. Stamp collecting, video games, being one of those weird guys that walk along beaches with a metal detector, it doesn't matter. Women are emotional creatures and will sense and appreciate your passion.

35 upvotestruedemocracy32 years ago

Nope. Passion is attractive, but only if there are social or monetary gains from it. Building a game app to be sold on the app store? That's attractive. Opening a video game arcade bar? That's attractive.

Playing Xbox for 5 hours even if it's your passion? Not attractive. Absolutely unattractive.

8 upvotesJustmagick2 years ago

I’m one of those weird guys that walk along the beach with a metal detector. Bikini clad women who I’ve never seen before are constantly coming up to me and striking up conversations.

What are you looking for? What’s the best thing you’ve ever found? How much jewelry have you found? Have you ever found treasure? Can I get down on my hands and knees and help you dig that hole? I’ll let you feel my tits for one of those green pennies.

It’s good to be weird. 😎

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Bullshit? You think playing xbox for hours on end is attractive to a woman, because you are passionate about it?

You are living in a dreamworld. I know you don't believe me, but don't take my word for it. Watch a woman's actions and you'll see for yourself.

2 upvotesBrickles092 years ago

That's true, and that happens because they see it as a childish thing, it doesn't matter what the game is, they always see it as a 'toy'.

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Depends on the game.

I actually secured a date with a woman because we enjoyed Overwatch together. We got to bond and shoot the shit in a more meaningful way than OkCupid. (Which just ruined their own app by making it next to impossible to talk to women, even HB5s, now.)

Had to drive two hours west, but it was worth it.

3 upvotesRommel05022 years ago

About once every two months or so I run into a real over-compensating douche on this site. Whenever I do, I do a cursory check of their posting history to see if this is their MO, or just a bad day. Without exception, the majority of their posts are on video game sites. Without exception.

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

I will never understand why the 20 year old does better than the 30 year old. but then that's probably sex drive etc

1 upvotestrppr2 years ago

How's your posture?

This is secondary to dressing better IMO.

Dressing well amplifies what you got, and can also create it's own value sometimes.

1 upvotesaveragedad_2 years ago

How did you start your IT career path? I've been heavily wanting to pursue this path...?

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

I went to school for computer science, dropped out because I didn't want to do programming, couldn't find work, started a $9/hr job doing data entry and calls for our door to door sales reps while I lived with my mom for a couple years. When I left my mom's I started working for temp agencies who had technical jobs and grinded through those for a year or two until I found a temp to hire one that started at $12/hr doing VOIP support. I was at that job and learned any and all skills I could, including networking. Left there at about $16 an hour after three years for a better opportunity with a more local client base where I ended up making about $52k a year, which isn't a lot, but considering what I was doing and where I lived it was easy to live off of. Certifications like CCNA/CCIE will get you farther quicker, but you're going to start off making less money than you'll be happy with. I was mentally/emotionally drained and had no willpower for a large part of my career, making me decide to leave it behind and try something else. I knew people that loved it but it wasn't for me.

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Good for you for leaving something that's causing you to be mentally drained. I had a contract last year they paid me $100 an hour, but it was useless and it was soul draining so after a couple of months I left it and took my career to a whole new different direction... makes a lot less money but more fulfilling.

1 upvotesPhoenixRedFire2 years ago

How did the IT path fuel your depression?

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Cubicle death.

Man was not meant to sit behind a desk without a view past a couple feet for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, running your brain like it's an engine needing an oil change. Maybe for some people the work itself is fuel for them to keep going. Some people I know there love what they're doing because it gives them a means to provide for their family and gives their lives meaning. I'm a single guy who at the time didn't have many options or outlets for sexual relationships.

Basically I realized I was good at something, but that something wasn't good for me. Just because I'm good at drinking whiskey doesn't mean I should keep doing it.

1 upvotesDudedontbedumb2 years ago

Question. Ok so video games are not attractive because there is no monitery or social gain. What about activities like Snowboarding, Mountain Biking or Climbing?

5 upvotesTheBattleshipYamato2 years ago

Yup. Avoiding unattractive behavior is enough to put you above the average man, because the average man constantly exhibits unattractive behavior.

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Yeah the problem is that blue pill stuff is so potent. One blue pill activity can counter half a dozen red pill displays.

3 upvotestam8a_tomato2 years ago

Preach. Those 2 steps should be the other way around:

Step 1. Don't be unattractive
Step 2. Be attractive

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Define unattractive things.

1 upvotessuzy_sweetheart862 years ago

Objectively fairly attractive person, here. Your comment just gave me an epiphany on why I always lose the dating game. THANK YOU

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

You're welcome. Needy and dependant are the top 'unattractives' for both genders. If you act like you 'need' the other as opposed to 'wanting', it's a red flag. Controlling, passive/aggressive and manipulative are right around the corner.

1 upvotessappy022 years ago

And what would be examples of those downsides?

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Being needy; not saying 'No'; deferring to her wants more often than yours; being always avail to talk/text/meet; no eye contact; weak posture; no guy friends; waiting for her to initiate/lead; one-itis; regulary cleaning, polishing and raising her 'pedestal'.

1 upvotessappy022 years ago

Thanks for this. I certainly am guilty of doing a few of those, sometimes at the same time. What about the attractive things?

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Attractive is simply the opposite of the above. Again, that's why I say being attractive is mostly NOT doing unattractive things. The basic grooming and cleanliness is all you can do above what you've genetically been given. Maximize what you have been given. Then don't 'negate' those by doing 'unattractive' things/behaviours. You can catch her eye with looking 'nice' and walking with confidence and using eye contact. But then when talking to her (presuming you use that confidence to go talk to her) you undermine that initial attraction by averting your eyes, deferring to her perspective, letting her run the conversation, not initiating touch, complaining about 'other women/ex's, etc.

93 upvotesSigmundRoidd2 years ago

Have a long term goal and drive and all the neediness will go away.

All the side effects of being driven and working towards long and short term goals are you what define a lot of redpill truths. Doesn't even need to be anything grand. We as men are built to test ideas, and our own limits. We are programmed to hunt; and modern day hunting is just that.

You won't be texting her incessantly because you are busy with life; your life that you've created and building upon.

A lot of BP guys that I've seen are also losers in life. They work mediocre jobs, play video games, and eat junk food daily. No shit a pretty girl is going to intimidate them, drive up their anxiety, cause them to be needy, and cause them to overprice the product. That's the scariest and most intimidating thing in their sad lives.

31 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

I am 35 and this is the #1 thing I would tell my younger self. I cringe when I think back to my texting and behavior in my 20's. I forget who said it but I love the quote 'women want to be taken on an adventure, they dont want to be your adventure'.

26 upvotesTruthSeekaaaaa2 years ago

One of the best trick I use regarding texting is to save the girl's number somewhere (like a peace of paper, a txt file etc) and then delete the number from my phone. This counter the urge to text her

67 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

"The best thing to do when you find a girl you really like is to find five others."

Do you or anyone have a link to the video that RSDtyler says this? My frame is usually great but I have one of these weird crushes that I can't even explain.

39 upvotesslimydogs2 years ago

For oneitis you need to force yourself to keep AWALT at the forefront of your mind - it's hard to be specific because we don't know what it is about this oneitis that's making you become dependent and losing frame. Is it because she's presenting a challenge?

1 upvotes_MysticFox2 years ago

I have an awful crush on this girl because she has the most green flags I've ever seen on one.

1 upvotesvast_rightwing2 years ago

They always do when you first meet them. Once you know her for a while you'll realize many of those green flags weren't actualy green flags. You're measuring her against what you now know about other women despite not knowing her well enough to accept that she's like the rest, just better at hiding it.

1 upvotes_MysticFox2 years ago

Well, she's working for the same nonprofit that I work at. She wears no makeup, and her social media has only one guy she'd been seeing up until this summer. I only see her in the library with her friends and I've been speaking with her casually at every meeting and she's very likeable and attractive as fuck. Very stable family and volunteers at a church camp every summer. I peeked over at her phone one time and she had very little notifications on her texts and Snapchat. Do those not sound like green flags all around?

It was an interesting thought experiment. I'm nervous when I usually don't have a problem because all these insecurities started coming up. If she was a whore I would've had no issue, no feelings. I have never regretting not taking my lifting seriously as much as I am right now. She has a fuck ton of options and I'm just alright. The one thing I have going for me is that her friends have a generally favorable view of me, but at the end of the day deep down in my core my frame is rattled because she'd be better off with someone else.

21 upvotesupperdeck692 years ago

Damn, I wish I hadn't wasted my time reading this. Your self confidence is low.

5 upvotesbantad872 years ago

Just go for it man. You never know if she would be better off with someone else or not. That sort of mentality is just self-doubt.

Just make sure you keep her engaged in the relationship, no matter how many green flags there are, if you fuck up, she will ditch it.

2 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

it's hard to be specific because we don't know what it is about this oneitis that's making you become dependent and losing frame. Is it because she's presenting a challenge?

I think you hit the nail on the head - she's much younger (legal), very pretty but in a unique way, and different nationality (she's really into the latin culture). Anyway-- Here's an update since I last posted: after two weeks of dicking around talking to her on Facebook once in a while, I finally got the balls to ask her out last night at 8:30pm. Just get it over with and move on. Then...no response. I've been around the game enough that with women if they like you no matter how "busy" they are they'll make time for you. After I had sent it, walked around wishing, DARING her to say "no" so I can use that as log to add into my fire. Got pretty hyped last night, watched the RSD video linked here, did some mental prioritizing of what I want to do today and about to hit the gym actually. As I predicted she said no (it was a nice but clear way to say no) but at this point I don't care anymore.

Another observation: our dualities: It's funny how we have dualities. With the crush, I was like a puppy dog trying to cross the street for the first time - hesitant, scared, deliberate. Then last night texted with a plate of mine that really sees me as a man, our attraction is quite primal like two animals in heat and nothing more, and with her I automatically feel like the lead tiger in the jungle. Saying all these nasty things I'd do to her without hesitation and she eats it up. I felt like a puppy and a tiger in the same day. Funny.

2 upvotesflybywired2 years ago

Can you explain to me what the AWALT mindset is? Im familiar with the acronym, but not the mindset

15 upvotesslimydogs2 years ago

All women have the capacity to cheat on you and be sluts. Most women have fucked and sucked a few dicks already - if she hasn't there's usually something weird going on in that head anyway. Women's inherent nature is to be hypergamous - this is true for EVERY woman. She will be that loyal, top tier wife until you lose frame and fuck up. Then she will jump branches or abuse her new position in power. She may not even mean to do it. But that's simply how women are.

6 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

It's on the sidebar, and I would suggest you read the material there for some good info.

8 upvotesnot-so-useful-idiot2 years ago

instead of putting her on a pedestal recognize that she’s no different than any other chick you’ve encountered

1 upvotesjuliusstreicher2 years ago

Need to read the sidebar. It will answer a WHOLE LOT of questions.

13 upvotesbecoolstaynschool [OP]2 years ago


The whole video (partly inspiration for this post) is fucking great

0 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Thanks! This helps me a lot personally right now. And it's one of those things that it's always going to be helpful no matter what. And I love what he says to close out the video at the very, very end. In a way, it's totally true!

5 upvotesUncleWarwick2 years ago

It’s okay to have a crush. That’s human.

Hell I’m still crushing on a girl from years ago.

But she’s out of my life and I’m out of hers and the only way to think is to look forward to the next one and not backwards.

It’s okay to have emotions. Just don’t do stupid shit with them.

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Don't worry it will go away.

Just be busy with productive things, and you'll forget all about ver.

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

The problem is you have to understand why it happened, or it will repeat itself again, and again, and again...

1 upvotes_MysticFox2 years ago

It's called serial oneitis, trying to find someone, anyone to fill the gap left in you by your parents.

1 upvotesghost_atlas2 years ago

I think it is a thing with parents. My parents got divorced when I was 4 and I never saw them together. That fucks up everything for me. I'm in counseling, but haven't really cracked it yet. If anyone has anything helpful to say about that I'd be grateful.

1 upvotesdaymi2 years ago

Same story here. If you wanna talk about it, you can PM me. (I'm not a psychologist - but I can provide support and tell you what helped me: it's talking to other men without the bullshit political correctness - and finding male friends)

15 upvotesmax_peenor2 years ago

Yup. I trace back to the moment where my marriage went to shit and it when I failed a test in a spectacular fashion. She used to hound me about how I didn't need her. Eventually I got tired of it and literally started fabricating reasons why I needed her.


10 upvotesmetallicdrama2 years ago

Always do the complete opposite of what they want. They’re like dogs chasing cars. They wouldn’t know what to do if they caught one.

6 upvotesmax_peenor2 years ago

You know, that's a good point. They will chase you like no tomorrow, but if they get you, it's completely up to you to take control of the situation. Or they will just chase another car.

3 upvotesmetallicdrama2 years ago

Exactly. You have to keep them chasing. As soon as the chase is over, no matter how long it has been, it’s new car time. This is why marriages fail. This is why LTRs fail. But we have to also be chaseable.

5 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

And then you unplugged and the world turned upside down. Except, when you learned the new rules, they actually worked like people said they would. I still remember, twice, actually putting my hand up to my mouth to close it because I was afraid it flew open in stunned amazement when a red pill philosophy worked on my wife.

5 upvotesmax_peenor2 years ago

The only complication is that the same journey that brought me here is the same journey that left me not wanting a wife. She has often insisted that if I dumped her or something otherwise separated us, I would just find someone else to marry. I kept telling her that I would never get married again. She kept insisting I was laying, I guess assuming I was trying to make her feel better. No, you twat, I really don't want a wife. Marriage is done in modern civilization. I want nothing to do with it.

She's lucky she is good with the kids.

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill instead...just kidding of course.

It's a very bitter pill, in more ways than one.

1 upvotesH422 years ago

A workable plan is to have 3 plates. This is how you view them:

One coming in. One going out. One in the middle.

Plates do not last. They come and go. The harder you try to hold them, the easier they slip from your grasp.

Their order can change with any event by her, or any whim of your own. You may keep spinning a middle plate for months, while the other two are changing out with new women constantly.

For example, Crazy can be fun once in a while if you are careful, but she will usually go from incoming to outgoing rather quickly.

You spend time with each of them about once a week to 10 days. This gives you 3 dates a week with 3 different women; but you only see each one woman once per week, or less often.

This method helps reduce oneitis a lot. An Excel spreadsheet can help with logistics, pregnancy control, and to make sure you do not see one too often.

56 upvoteschalapeno_guy2 years ago

Upvote for Excel spreadsheet.

23 upvotesmetallicdrama2 years ago

Excel for pregnancy control lmfao. If only they weren’t this crazy.

10 upvotesRedwallAllratuRatbar2 years ago

My longest plate lasted 9 years :P

29 upvotesHoodwink2 years ago

Neediness is the easiest way to get rid of a girl if you don't have the stomach to do it yourself.

Well, not all girls.

65 upvotesbecoolstaynschool [OP]2 years ago

This is a method a friend of mine uses with girls that he's hooked up but is afraid they'll go nuclear if he simply ghosts.

He showed me some of the texts. It was hilarious to see how fast they got turned off after he started sending incessant amounts of "good morning beautiful!" and "why aren't you me replying??? :/" texts

1 upvotestuesdayrain2 years ago

Putting effort into being overly nice to a girl so she can reject you because you're afraid of rejecting her might be one of the most beta things I've ever heard.

44 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Says the man who’s never needed to get a woman out of his life

1 upvotestuesdayrain2 years ago

I've had no problem telling girls when things aren't working out.

17 upvotesCabbagedDaughter2 years ago

Chick I’ve been seeing missed our FaceTime session and I sent a message saying “ You tease” with a sad emoji.

face palm

I have a lot to learn.

16 upvotesEdgun2 years ago

Just don't text her again until she says something to you. Then ignore it for a while and post a Snapchat of you doing something interesting/making money/etc. Most women will forgive a dumb text or two. It's not a big deal.

10 upvotesJohnnyvile2 years ago

This applies in most aspects of life. needy coworker, needy friend, needy family member. It’s just draining for others and an unpleasant characteristic.

28 upvotesleotard-princess2 years ago

Getting mad when she flakes or doesn't want to be with you She doesn't want to come out tonight? WHO FUCKING CARES?? Doesn't matter if she was your only option, your reaction should be "Alright have a good night!"

Disagree. Next this disrespectful bitch. Life is too short to be placing you energies in women who are only half interested. It's not on and by validating this bad behaviour you are only going to get it time and time again. Don't be a second choice. Be first choice or no choice - and use the energy of no choice to find those plates where you're first choice.

17 upvotesbecoolstaynschool [OP]2 years ago

Sooner or later you’ll realize that in this day and age companionship is easy and low-effort to get (especially for young hotties) and as a result girls will place a low level of commitment on going out with one specific person. I recently watched a documentary about Tinder and one of the girls in that doc—no more than a 5/10 at best—literally had four or five OTHER dates set, same time and everything, outside of the one she intentionally planned with guy number 1.

If you ask a girl out and she flat out says “Haha I would but I’m hanging with (insert other guy or girls’ name here)” or she just blows you off then I absolutely agree, hard next. However, sometimes it just doesn’t work out for other reasons and you simply have to shrug it off in a non-needy way.

Recently I asked a girl if she wanted to join me going bar hopping. She told me her sisters were in town that night so she couldn’t come unless they AND her friends came too. “Nah, was just wanting us to go. Have a good night” and then she thanked me for the invite anyways.

Next weekend she hit me up and we went bar hopping alone without the sex n the city gang cockblocking us.

Agreed, if she blatantly disrespects you or doesn’t show any effort to make things work, next her without a second thought. Sometimes you have to realize though that the logistics of it doesn’t always work out and (OMG) she has tons of familiar guy (orbiters) gaming her who she’ll always prioritize over you

6 upvotesleotard-princess2 years ago

Next weekend she hit me up

There's the rub. If she genuinely has social complications - I'd argue that's not flaking - trying to make it up is a world of difference to just flaking and then giving you the slow fade.

2 upvotesnot-hardly2 years ago

She declined his invitation. Vs yes lets go out and then changing her mind.

1 upvotesCaspero4442 years ago

yeah I botched one of these recently so bad it should be in high school freshman text books. asked her if she wants to go out next weekend. She says "yes". Then I get swamped by obligations tell her that its 50/50. I tell her I can make it after all. She says "already has plans". I react. Apologize. But its too late to salvage. Women don't change their minds once they write you off.

1 upvotesTunedtoPerfection2 years ago

They do, it just takes very long period of time with no activity(years) and a large change in your demeanor. You have to reset their stereotype of you instantly upon re meeting or you will fall right back into it in her mind though.

8 upvotesmacaroon182 years ago

It depends what you need and expressing it honeslty. I think we all need love and sex to some extent, but pulling on someones attention for validation is the selfish egoist side of needing which is just a little immature

36 upvotesbecoolstaynschool [OP]2 years ago

“Yes, keep on degrading yourself, soul. But soon your chance at dignity will be gone. Everyone gets one life. Yours is almost used up, and instead of treating yourself with respect, you have entrusted your own happiness to the souls of others.”

- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

3 upvotesStoneColdJane2 years ago

This is one of those things that autocorrect itself when you start exploring yourself, your hobbies, living interesting busy life. If you hanging out on reddit all day long, watching netflix as your hobby, well think again buddy!

4 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

This is real shit, neediness is a killer.. I use to be a needy cringe cunt too my ex, now I ghosted her I was always initiating contact making myself look like a fucking idiot.

No more dude, fuck everyone lol.

5 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

the more you need sex, the less you deserve it.

4 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

A good reminder, neediness is never a good thing, ever, in any relationship (men or women).

A wild animal never feels sorry for itself.

7 upvotesShakydrummer2 years ago

Dude thank you for posting this. I could kinda feel the blue pill slipping in on a tentative plate (we'll see how next weekend plays out)/old crush and gotta remember that doing that needy kind of shit are the exact things that create orbiters.

2 upvotesDarktharionGod2 years ago

You talk about girls like if they had a sixth sense.

20 upvotesbecoolstaynschool [OP]2 years ago

They do. It’s called their vagina.

2 upvotesmartinger2 years ago

Thanks for this posting. We all have faced that neediness is the killer #1 for girls.

However, I think neediness is one of these nice guy behavior/traits. Thus: The underlying result of being not able to escalate and scared of rejection.

I’m particularly interested WHY this is the case for most men these days? I am also interested about any research that has been done (psychology).

7 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

Because society has been trying to teach boys growing up that being needy is what women want. "Your wife is your best friend", ie you can talk about anything with her. Is just one example.

School boys, when standing up to a bully in school, get in just as much trouble as the bully. Another example.

"Men don't talk about their feelings"...becomes "where have the real men gone?"

Now we have a bunch of confused men AND women who are sexually frustrated, and they don't know why. But we do, thanks to a little red pill knowledge. Of course there will always be jackwagons taking things to the extreme.

2 upvotesRedwallAllratuRatbar2 years ago

100% of people are needy, just like 100% people are hungry - you just don't notice if they just met their needs.

2 upvotesAugustuscrassus2 years ago

Honestly, maybe my SMV isn't that high but I've NEVER had a girl initiate first. It is just my experience. Even when I went after 3s, 4s, 5s they wouldn't. Not saying it doesn't happen but I've always been under the impression you need to initiate because girls won't.

4 upvotesmetallicdrama2 years ago

All girls already think they’re nines. A three will respond to you about the same as a 7.

1 upvotesjuliusstreicher2 years ago

It happens. Nothing you can predict, though, unless you're a Brad Pitt or Chad.

2 upvotesSavaaage2 years ago

TRP has taught me to think that I am the boss. To never get attached to no woman. When I got some girl's number earlier this year, I did start texting her first (not everyday) whenever we talked. Sometimes she wouldn't reply but I always thought, if she fucks off, then she fucks off. If she's interested then maybe she'll hit me up first.

So I got busy with life and didn't text her for about 3 weeks. After those 3 weeks she does text first and even tells me that I forgot about her. I just said I was busy but didn't apologize(apologize for what).

About that texting first thing, I don't know if that'll always be true. Maybe some girls really want you to talk to you but want you to text first (as in my case)? But I do agree with the texting everyday part. Fuck that

2 upvotesozaku72 years ago

You can make neediness as minimal as you want, but if you are the person that has nothing of value for the other you will never be asked out as much as Alpha Adam who is so fun to be around, always has an adventure or a great story to share.

1 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

I have never met an alpha called Adam

2 upvotesnewls2 years ago

This is exactly why Mark Manson centered Models around "non-neediness". He changed it to the vague and nebulous "true confidence", but changed it back to "non-neediness" by popular demand.

3 upvotes • [deleted] • 2 years ago

You can be needy if you're hot. A girl will simply interpret it as cute

8 upvotesAndgelyo2 years ago

Nope, that "hot guy" will drop major points on his SMV. Same thing if a hot girl was constantly texting me 24/7 and bothering the shit out of me. I need my space, I don't give a fuck how attractive a girl is. That's how people get sick of each other. Abundance cures all.

2 upvotesleonxtravis2 years ago

Mannn I know "oneitis" is bad but if Aubrey Plaza texted me every hour of the day about some annoying bullshit on set I wouldn't complain.

The girl literally had surgery done on her brain but I would wife her in an instant.

1 upvotesshawnx232 years ago

Honestly speaking , tyler is one of my gurus . But what rsd ( tyler and nick) are doing with todd valentine and his new youtube channel is some of the worst impressions of rsd i've ever had .

1 upvotesironjohnred2 years ago

The key is dont undervalue yourself and put the bitch on a pedestal. Value your time!

1 upvotestruedemocracy32 years ago

Even for someone who is seasoned if you are focusing on one girl this can be hard to improve. This is why abundance is so important. By default you will be spread thin enough where you cant overinvest. If a woman flakes, you don't care. If a woman is slow to respond, you don't care. And you not caring, often makes her care.

1 upvotesStaunch_Moderate2 years ago

The last (almost) relationship I was in I totally ruined by being needy. She liked me, i don’t doubt that. She bailed on me a few times and the last time I calmly told her off. We talked it out and hung out a couple more times but i soon after got friend zoned. I was too invested, too needy. It’s an important lesson I won’t soon forget.

1 upvotesmonsieurhire22 years ago

Eh, unfortunately, if a girl is chasing you, there maybe something very wrong with her, as I've found out on several occasions. Initiating is NOT chasing. Chasing is repeated initiations after repeated signals of lack of interest. She doesn't reply to your text? Stop thinking about her for awhile and move on to someone else. Try again in a few months if at all. There are billions of girls on the planet; don't fixate on one. Easier said than done, as most of them are fugly, reducing the interesting pool to millions, or even hundreds of thousands depending on how high your standards are.

1 upvotesmaplemaximus2 years ago

I'm incapable of ghosting and pussyfooting around with texting so I just un-added any women I found myself texting to often. If anyone else is having the problem I had, deleting them might be the best move.

1 upvotesDiethylamideProphet2 years ago

Be a fucking man and realize that the only person you need to focus on is yourself.

That's called selfishness. It's not a virtue and doesn't lead to a good life. There are plenty of things you should also focus on, and it's not like you can have a good relationship if you don't focus to your partner as well. You just must have balance with it and keep your head cool. You can't be the one who always makes the initiative, but that doesn't mean you can never do it.

That being said, you are completely right with the rest of your comment.

1 upvotesbiglaughingcock2 years ago

that explains why i got stood up for a coffee date today after asking this girl 3 times until she finally agreed.

1 upvotesRaknith2 years ago

What does it mean when a girl wants to hang out with you, even agrees to the time and place, and then when it gets within an hour of the event, she makes up some excuse saying she doesn't want to go? It happens to me so much. I usually stop talking to them because I figure they don't want to hang out. But it's so confusing. What am I doing wrong

1 upvotesradpeel2 years ago

Neediness says, "I'm a fucking PUSSY who doesn't think I can do better than you"

1 upvotestrp_nofap_rewire20182 years ago

I know it's a reminder, but this subject was already discussed so many times. I thought you were going to bring up a new insight OP

Anw, thanks!

May we in 2018 be abundant in every aspect of our lives.

1 upvotesShinobiKrow2 years ago

I agree with not looking to desperate and not chasing her if she shows zero interest in you. However...a lot of girls just don't like to initiate contact, and they have so many options that they simply don't need to. Doesn't mean they don't like to talk to you and don't wish to be contacted by you. They're just not in love. They won't chase you. And if you refuse to text her first, you might end up missing a nice night of sex. Insisting has actually got me laid many, many times. I like to be clinical. I have a goal and i'll do whatever it takes to achieve it, even if it involves swalling my pride and contacting them first.

1 upvotesTunedtoPerfection2 years ago

Neediness comes from your desire to have other people solve the problems you have that you dont want to face. If you want to get over it quickly you need to face that fear head on.

1 upvotesbecoolstaynschool [OP]2 years ago

Neediness because you don’t want to be alone: learn to appreciate solitude and find solidarity by having only yourself

Neediness because you are insecure and seek validation: Set goals to accomplish in order to succeed in your chosen path. Lift and realize that the only source of validation you need is that which comes from yourself

Neediness because you desire to get laid: Focus on yourself and direct that desire into constructive ways that will benefit you (lift). Then you will get laid.

1 upvotespoochman2 years ago

Not sure if this is entirely accurate. Some of the very submissive/feminine (ie HOT) girls will never text me first but will be very receptive after I text them. They are expecting me to lead in every way so waiting for them to text me for a meetup is disingenuous.

However, the same concept applies. I don’t text or push for a meet up too much and don’t act needy. I spread my time to a few plates at once to prevent this. When I feel like fucking one I hit her up which is once or maybe twice a week at most.

1 upvotesletrasett2 years ago

Since when do women initiate? Sorry you lost me on your chadness.

3 upvotesbecoolstaynschool [OP]2 years ago

Since when do women initiate?

Uh.. Since forever? The past three dates i've been on were initiated on her end.

You don't have to be George fuckin Clooney for girls to hit you up or ask you out first.

1 upvotesAugustuscrassus2 years ago

You have to be really high SMV though. I'm not going to doubt that you are, but my main plate won't even initiate with me. She will drop everything she's doing when I ask her to hang out but she'll never make plans.

2 upvotestrpcounsel2 years ago

I bet you just aren't waiting long enough. You ignore her indefinitely and she'll hit you up. Guarantee it. Try it, some dread never hurt anyways.

1 upvotesPanduin2 years ago

How does this count in a Long distance Relationship? I know Ldr is beta itself, but I dont care for that. In an ldr it's just that you have mostly not that much contact and either my girlfriend or I get kinda needy (seems like it's always one of us, always exchanging) to be sure our relationship is still like it's used to be. I dont really want that and when I'm busy with University I feel how it gets much better but I also feel like moving emotionally away from her and she gets mad for not having much contact with her. Any tips for that?

Also the fact I have holidays now and so much freetime makes me so needy sometimes, I cant stand myself.

3 upvotesAugustuscrassus2 years ago

Also the fact I have holidays now and so much freetime makes me so needy sometimes, I cant stand myself

I feel you here man. Fuck the holidays. All my hobbies and things that I do are shut down till second week of January and all my plates are gone away for Christmas. Basically all I do is work and read and try and find shit to do.

Secondly there is no such thing as an LDR imo. She is basically using you as a tampon while she fucks other guys in another state/province/country (wherever you're from). Just move on and find another girl. It isn't easy but just don't do it.

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