Take notes gentlemen

How To Protect Yourself From False Rape Allegations-- (credit to @DanielleMuscato on Twitter/insta/patreon and u/DanielleMuscato on reddit)

I'm seeing a lot of scared men right now. My heart aches for you. I get it: You're just trying to go about your day when in a mere instant, your whole life could be turned upside down. It's a scary world—you could lose everything, just because you were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

With that in mind, I present my Top 10 Tips for Staying Safe from false rape accusations:

1. If you go to a party, either have only one drink, or only drink soda or water, so you can keep your wits about you. Never get tipsy around people you don't know and trust fully—it could come back to haunt you later. Even around people you fully trust, remember that most false rape allegations come from people you know. Be vigilant!

2. Use the buddy system, so you always have a witness! Only go to the bathroom with a friend, or ideally with a group of friends. Always have a friend walk you to your car, in case you run into a strange woman in the parking garage. Never go camping or hiking or biking or running or even just walking alone. NEVER go to a bar or concert or party or event alone; that is just asking for it.

3. If you're going out anywhere, make sure you text the specifics of your plans to at least one or two trusted friends, in case they need to verify your whereabouts to police later. You may also consider using a location sharing app so you have proof of where you were and when.

4. If you're going to exercise, make sure that you bring a friend, or even better, just exercise at home. Never go through a park alone. There might be a woman there who could accuse you.

5. When you're heading to class or work, never listen to music or podcasts on headphones. You need to listen carefully to your surroundings to make sure no woman is accusing you of anything.

6. When you're getting into your car at the end of the day, always check your backseat to make sure there aren't any women hiding back there. Never take shortcuts through alleys or parking lots that aren't extremely well lit, in case a woman is hiding there, waiting to accuse you.

7. Only take out the trash, walk the dog, get your mail, go to the ATM, or get gas during daylight hours. Most false rape accusations happen at night, and you don't want to become a statistic. If you MUST go out alone at night, make sure to get your phone out of your pocket and start recording video. Grasp the phone between your fingers so it's not obvious, but keep it ready in case a strange woman approaches you.

8. It's expensive to take Uber or Lyft all the time, I know. But never use public transportation after dark. It's just too risky. Indecent exposure and groping accusations are very common on the subway, and you can easily avoid this by simply taking a cab instead. Protect yourself.

9. Never rent ground-floor apartments, and make sure you lock all your windows at night, even if it's hot out. You never know if a woman is going to break into your bedroom to accuse you while you are asleep.

10. Last but not least, even if you follow all these tips, you could still be falsely accused. After all, no matter what steps you take to prevent it, it's simply a fact of life that every year, a low single-digit percentage of rape allegations will turn out to be false, on par with other false allegations of felonies, and that's just a sad truth we all have to live with. You can take precautions, but that's all you can do. Hope this helps.

-This is clearly satire however it does depict an interesting parallel to what women have been constantly told to prevent being raped, which then tends to put blame on the victim when it does happen.

Edit: fixed weird word bolding

Edit 2: as I've stated to some of the initial comments I am not the author of this piece, I wish I knew who was so I can credit them but when I stumbled upon it (on Facebook) it was reposted as a comment without credit. I just wanted to share because. It's an interesting think piece that might allow for some discussion and parallels to be drawn. The only part I personally wrote was the end to explain its satirical.

Edit 3: the word sarcastic to satire because this post isn't meant to come off as dismissing false rape accusations but is instead a commentary on victim blaming and these exact points being constantly told to women so that they can prevent being raped.

UPDATE: AUTHOR FOUND PLEASE GIVE HER ALL THE CREDIT! @DanielleMuscato on Twitter/insta/patreon and u/DanielleMuscato on reddit she did an amazing think piece on Twitter that lead to this post "what would you do if men had a 9 pm curfew" and the responses are fascinating! Go check it out give her a follow, she also hosts @RESISTpodcast, and is a civil rights activist so please show her some love!!

Her message: I'm the author of the post about how to avoid false allegations, although for some reason I appear to be unable to post on /r/TwoXChromosomes.

As you said, yes, this is clearly satire. The purpose of satire is not to belittle serious problems but to shame society into improving itself. As a civil-rights activist, writer, and public speaker, I do not see satire, aka humor-as-activism, as a negative thing by any stretch, especially when it works.

I got the idea for this post based on responses by thousands of women to a recent tweet of mine that went viral, in which I asked fellow women, as a thought experiment: "What would you do if all men had a 9pm curfew?" and imploring men to read the replies and learn something from us. I don't think I'm allowed to link to it directly, but it's easy to find if you google it and currently pinned on my Twitter (my Reddit username is my real name).

I'm glad this has resonated with so many people, both women and men and nonbinary folks. Street harassment, rape, date rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment are overwhelmingly familiar topics to every single woman I know, and sadly, every girl I know, too. Even though these crimes are overwhelmingly committed by men against women, most (straight, cis) men seem to be either completely oblivious to this issue at all, or barely cognizant of it as a real problem.

Things are JUST STARTING to change with #metoo—and now with the Kavanaugh hearings—I feel like we're at the cusp of a very real shift in the way society approaches what is normal and acceptable for courtship, was is normal and acceptable for workplace behavior, and what is normal and acceptable behavior for acquaintances and strangers. We are having a real moment for women's rights and I'm beyond thrilled that men are finally starting to understand the depth and universality of this horrible reality.

Thanks for your post! - Danielle