1. The Alpha Sperg shall, at all times, be Alpha. Alpha Alpha Alpha Alpha.

  2. The Alpha Sperg shall not treat his Asperger's syndrome as a disability, or attempt to unlearn its habits.

  3. The Alpha Sperg shall construct simple rules for being Alpha, in the form of a big, long, numbered list.

  4. The Alpha Sperg shall show this list to anyone who asks, and everyone who doesn't, because bitches love lists.

  5. The Alpha Sperg shall fill his list with Alpha traits, which everyone may emulate in order to become Alpha.

  6. The Alpha Sperg shall not give his list a thesis, topic, or coherent centrel point, other than how to be Alpha.

  7. The Alpha Sperg shall shun learning game, interaction with girls, and writing field reports in favour of cultivating his inner Alpha.

  8. The Alpha Sperg shall tie an onion to his belt at all times, because this is very Alpha. Also, use lotion. Lotion is Alpha.

  9. The Alpha Sperg shall publish his list of Alpha traits and actions for all to see, that they, too, might become Alpha by following a list of someone else's instructions.

  10. The Alpha Sperg shall make his list as long as possible, to pack in all the very specific tips about what to do, which he has worked out by sitting around thinking about it, such as how to knot a tie, what the most Alpha way to mix a martini, and where in NYC most Alphas make dinner reservations. Eskimos need to know this shit.

  11. The Alpha Sperg shall continue adding points to his list until he runs out of things he can think of. At no time should a list stop simply because it has made its point, exhausted the topic, or reached a natural conclusion... especially because all of these things would imply having a thesis, and that's not Alpha.

  12. The Alpha Sperg's list shall encompass all the Alpha tips he can think of, every single one (especially lotion), then stop sudden