TLDR: Having an excessive Fawn response is one of the main causes of Oneitis and People Pleaser Syndrome. An excessive Freeze response is the root cause of approach anxiety and fear of rejection. Understanding the fawn response can vaccinate you from oneitis, and having knowledge of the freeze response can prevent approach anxiety.

As you continue on your Red Pill journey have you ever asked yourself, "Why do I have onetis and approach anxiety all the time?". The answer maybe the you learned to overuse certain responses when dealing with perceived threats, especially women that you want to get with. For those that have "severe betaness" you may be actually have been a victim of childhood trauma and are are using certain responses excessively to survive in this world.

"Dealing with hot women can be stressful. The responses we use we to manage interpersonal stress says alot about us."

Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Responses

When you were in school you probably learned about something called the fight or flight response. The fight or flight response, (also called hyperarousal), is a physiological and emotional reaction that occurs in response to a perceived threat. It's a fancy way to say Stress. It's what you feel when you think a bear is about to chase you and your body is flooded with adrenaline. Besides the fight or flight response there exists two other possible responses as well; freeze and fawn.

" The majority of beta's behavior is to overuse the Freeze and Fawn responses, and underuse the Fight or Flight responses when dealing with hot women. "

Popular culture has long recognized three typical patterns of response to an experienced or perceived threat: fight, flight, and freeze. Each of them is fairly self-explanatory. In response to threat or actual attack (physical or emotional), the fight response is, "ll fight back!" The flight response is, "I'll run away" The freeze response is, "I'll become rigid and freeze, like the phrase "frozen in terror," or "I'll shut down and play dead," . The fourth response is the fawn response which means to "flatter, kiss ass, or act cute". Betas excessively over use the fawn response to please others when they see a perceived threat.

The 4Fs

Threat Response Action Normal Use Heavy Use Exclusive Use
Fight taunt / confront / control Enforce Boundaries, Leadership Hyperviligence (always on guard), High Insecurity Narcissism, Borderline, Control Freak
Flight hyperactivity / escapism / obsession / passive No Contact , Entertainment, Video Games, Porn Overanalyzation, Heavy Masturbation Social Anxiety (fear of rejection), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ADHD
Freeze avoid / daydream / isolate / inaction Daydreaming, Brainstorming, Meditation Social Isolation, Procrastination Dissociation (stuck inside your mind), Attachment Disorders
Fawn flirt / please / impress / lie Seduction, Intimacy People Pleaser, Oneitis Codependency, Enmeshment (love addiction), Histrionic (attention whore)

The 4Fs in detail

The following is an except from http://childhoodtraumarecovery.com

1) THE FIGHT TYPE – The individual who has become fixated, due to his/her childhood experiences, on the ‘fight’ response avoids close relationships with others by frequently becoming enraged and often, too, by being overly demanding. It is theorized that s/he is unconsciously driven to behave in this way because s/he has a deep-rooted need to alienate others so that an intimate relationship cannot develop (as such a relationship would make him/her intolerably vulnerable in that it would carry with it the risk of rejection, similar to the rejection experienced in childhood, which would be psychologically catastrophic).

2) THE FLIGHT TYPE – It is theorized that this type of individual, for the same reasons as above, avoids close relationships with others by immersing him/herself in activities (eg by becoming a workaholic) which do not leave him/her the time to build deep, serious relationships with others.

3) THE FREEZE TYPE – This type avoids serious relationships with others by not participating with others socially; often they will become reclusive and increasingly take refuge in fantasies and day-dreams.

4) THE FAWN TYPE – This type will often go out of their way to help others, perhaps by performing some kind of community service, but without building up emotionally close, or intimate, relationships, due to a fear,like the other three types detailed above, of making him/herself vulnerable to painful rejection which would reawaken intense feelings of distress experienced as a result of the original, highly traumatic childhood rejection.

Healthy Use of the 4Fs

Emotionally mature individuals are able to use any of the four types when dealing with a perceived threat. A perceived threat can be anything, but for the majority of people with beta behaviors hot women are unconsciously seen as threats, because they bring up of feelings of past rejection and sexual frustration.

Healthy Use Example
Fight To defend yourself in an argument.
Flight To use No Contact to get over an ex.
Freeze To brainstorm to create something.
Fawn To flirt with a girl you like.

An allegory to this is Aang from the show Avatar: The Last Airbender. Just like Aang is able to master the four elements, (air, water, earth, and fire), an emotionally healthy individual needs to master all four threat responses, (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn).

Unhealthy Uses of the 4Fs

Some people only use one response over and over again. "Nice Guys" tend to exclusively use the Fawn response, and people with severe approach anxiety tend to exclusively use the Freeze response. Conor McGregor types tend to exclusively Fight responses, and the exclusive use of Flight responses are passive aggressive mamma boys.

Unhealthy Use Examples
Fight Have an emotional outburst over a failed shit test.
Flight Use porn, video games, or drugs to get over a girl.
Freeze Overananylze on how you will get out of friendzone.
Fawn Think of ways you can impress her so she will fuck you.

Oneitis aka "Super Fawn"

Oneitis is the "Fawn" response on steroids, and people who over use the fawn response tend experience learned helplessness in sexual relationships. Learned helplessness is a condition in which a person suffers from a sense of powerlessness in a relationship. The learned helplessness is the reason why its very hard to escalate or make a move on your Oneitis. The reason is that the Oneitis is a "super fawn" stress response of unconsciously trying to to prevent abandonment. For many this "super fawn" response stems from childhood in that we felt we had to please our parents to earn our love. It's similar in nature to Stockholm syndrome in that the victim falls in love with their attacker. The Oneitis is an imaginary attacker that subconsciously gives us a primordial fear that she is going abandon you if you don't fall in love with her. What happens is you get a sense of infatuation because you beleive the Oneitis is the judge of your self worth. The Onetis has the ultimate power over you because she controls how worthy you are [in your mind]. To be vaccinated to the effects of Oneitis to develop strong personal boundaries and strong sense of self.

Approach Anxiety aka " Super Freeze"

When you see that hot girl and get stuck inside your head you are actually entering a strong freeze response. For many they enter a state of dissociation,( stuck inside your head), and become mentally frozen. The reason this happens is that the hot girl is seen as a threat to their fear of rejection or abandonment. The result is procrastination to approach the girl or brainstorming if they should even talk to her. For some people who have a "super freeze" response exhibit social isolation and heavy daydreaming. You have to understand that social isolation is very unhealthy and can create a "cult" inside your mind. Extreme examples of social isolation are the herbivore boys of Japan that stay in their rooms all day and watch anime for 15 hours a day. In extreme cases, some guys decide to go MGTOW and avoiding women all together. You have to realize that you can be brave and succeed in the sexual marketplace. The antidote is to work on self love and self compassion and realizing that "you are enough" and "assume attraction".

Passive Aggressive Escapism aka "Super Flight"

Escapism is the use of video games, hours of Netflix, smoking weed, or using hobbies to "escape reality" as a passive aggressive to deal with sexual frustration. Heavy daydreaming is also unhealthy because it prevents you from being in the present. Excessive masturbation is also a escapist flight response to sexual frustration. The root cause of escapism is using social anxiety or an obsessive need to be perfect. Performance anxiety and procrastination are symptoms of trying to escape your reality. The antidote to an excessive flight response is to meditate and be present in the moment. Instead of being passive aggressive, you must face reality and face your fears instead of escaping and finding ways to overanalyze situations.

Amygdala Hijacking aka "Super Fight"

When you have an extremely strong emotion you are usually experiencing amygdala hijacking. An Amygdala Hijack is an immediate and overwhelming emotional response out of proportion to a stressor. Borderlines and hot women that love to throw thermonuclear level shit tests are masters of amygdala hijacking. It can be described as "letting the monster out", and the only defense to prevent this super fight response is to develop strong self-confidence and a strong frame. You must develop emotional control and accept that you have control over your life. You must shift from an external locus of control in that people, events, and things control your life to a belief system of you having ultimate control of your life. You are in charge of your destiny.

The Origins of the 4Fs

The theory of the 4Fs (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn), originated from the book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Peter Walker. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), is a psychological disorder thought to usually occur as a result of repetitive, prolonged childhood trauma or abandonment by parents. The childhood trauma is usually psychological abuse by borderline or narcissistic parents.

Trauma Types (Exclusive Use of a Defense Response)

According to Peter Walker, the 4Fs can maifest trauma types when they tend to use the same defense response over and over.

The Fight Type and the Narcissistic Defense

Fight types are unconsciously driven by the belief that power and control can create safety, assuage abandonment and secure love. Children who are spoiled and given insufficient limits (a uniquely painful type of abandonment) and children who are allowed to imitate the bullying of a narcissistic parent may develop a fixated fight response to being triggered. These types learn to respond to their feelings of abandonment with anger and subsequently use contempt, a toxic amalgam of narcissistic rage and disgust, to intimidate and shame others into mirroring them and into acting as extensions of themselves.

An example are men that feel they need to control their woman or else they will leave them. These types tend to not have control of their self-worth and need constant validation from others to feel great about themselves.

The Flight Type and the Obsessive-Compulsive Defense

Flight types appear as if their starter button is stuck in the "on" position. They are obsessively and compulsively driven by the unconscious belief that perfection will make them safe and loveable. As children, flight types respond to their family trauma somewhere along a hyperactive continuum that stretches between the extremes of the driven "A" student and the ADHD dropout running amok. They relentlessly flee the inner pain of their abandonment and lack of attachment with the symbolic flight of constant busyness.

An example are beta providers that constantly feel they have to do things to earn love .Another example is the bodybuilder who has a belief that he is unlovable unless he is 8% BF and has 25,000 followers on instagram.

The Freeze Type and the Dissociative Defense

Freeze types unconsciously believe that people and danger are synonymous, and that safety lies in solitude. Outside of fantasy, many give up entirely on the possibility of love. The freeze response, also known as the camouflage response, often triggers the individual into hiding, isolating and eschewing human contact as much as possible. This type can be so frozen in retreat mode that it seems as if their starter button is stuck in the "off" position.

An example is the guy who gets stuck inside his head and has a strong fear of rejection when approaching a women. This guy gets performance anxiety and runs out of things to say in conversations.

The Fawn Type and the Codependent Defense

Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries.... They learn that a modicum of safety and attachment can be gained by becoming the helpful and compliant servants of their parents. They are usually the children of at least one narcissistic parent who uses contempt to press them into service, scaring and shaming them out of developing a healthy sense of self: an egoic locus of self-protection, self-care and self-compassion.

This is the guy that seems to get oneitis for every girl he meets and likes to lovebomb compliments to the girl. Another example is the PUA who has the belief that he needs to use tactics to impress women. A third example is the guy who is a classic momma's boy and has no sense of individuality.

Treatments

If you find yourself excessively using fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses they can be balanced out by doing certain activities.

Excessive Response Treatment Treatment Examples Benefits Recommended Reading
Excessive Fight Stop external locus of control thinking lift weights, yoga, develop frame stronger ego and self confidence You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero
Excessive Flight Stop Perfectionism meditation, affirmations focus and high performance, high self love Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller
Excessive Freeze Stop Fear of Rejection approach women, learn to trust others develop social skills, live in the present , no approach anxiety Self Compassion by Kristen Neff
Excessive Fawn Stop Learned Helplessness develop boundaries, assertiveness training, develop your sense of self immunity against manipulation, vaccinated against oneitis No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover

Conclusion

My hope is that learning about the 4Fs leads you to a sense of self exploration. Remember that you're NOT in this journey alone and that the responses you may have used excessively can be balanced out. You don't have to use a fawn response by impressing others for bread crumbs of attention.A freeze response of being in your room all day is not healthy. Letting others influence you and responding with a fight response is not necessary. Finally, you don't have to procrastinate as a flight response.

Go forth and prosper. You got this.