How To Approach Women With Confidence

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May 24, 2018

I walked up to a stunning girl and said, “Are you from Tennessee?”

She smiled wryly and said, “Why, because I’m the only ten you see?”

I shook my head, “No, because you look like a child of incest.”

She cracked up. I mean totally lost it. And five minutes later, she asked for my number.

“No, because you look like a child of incest. . .”

As fun as goofy pickup lines like that can be, the secret to approaching women isn’t about what you say, it’s about how you make her feel.

If you’re in a fun, confident mood, you can walk up to a girl, say just about anything, and walk away with her number five minutes later.

But, if you’re feeling anxious, insecure, or uncomfortable, the women you approach will want nothing to do with you.

This creates a dilemma. If you’re naturally an anxious or insecure guy, how are you supposed to get in a fun mood when approaching women?

As someone who was diagnosed with social anxiety and panic disorder, I understand how difficult it can be to approach women. My nerves used to be so bad I would literally tremble at the thought of walking up to a stranger and introducing myself.

Despite my anxiety, I was able to learn how to approach women with confidence and positive energy. And if I could do it, you can learn to do the same.

Step 1. Change Your Mindset

When learning how to approach women you must create a process that will take your mood from shy/anxious/insecure/etc. – to feeling socially confident.

If you’re anything like me, your first approach on any given day is going to be fairly awkward. After approaching thousands of women (and having lots of cool experiences), I still get nervous sometimes when I go out to meet women.

My first approach is rarely smooth, and it usually only lasts about 30 seconds before I tell her, “It was nice meeting you, have a good day.” But I don’t dread that first awkward approach, I look forward to it.

In psychology, there’s a concept known as flow. Flow is peak experience, it’s the feeling you get when you’re completely immersed in whatever you’re doing. The first step to getting into a flow state is to do something outside of your comfort zone.

Basically, doing something that makes you uncomfortable causes your neurochemistry to change. Normally, we think about all the things that could go wrong if we take a risk (thinking about how that girl might reject you, for example), but once you actually take a risk in the real world, your brain stops focusing on what might go wrong, and it starts focusing on the task at hand.

Now, this isn’t something that happens instantly, it’s a gradual process. But I know that once I approach that first girl, I’ve gotten through the hardest part: I’ve taken that crucial first step towards changing my mood from anxious to extremely confident.

When you’re out meeting women, you can expect each consecutive approach to be a bit easier, smoother, and more successful than the last.

Don’t expect your first approach to be smooth or to lead to anything. Expect it to be a bit choppy, expect to feel uncomfortable, but expect this while also knowing that each approach is going to be better than the last.

One of the biggest reasons guys fail when learning how to approach women is that they have unrealistic expectations of themselves. They think they’ll be able to go out for ten minutes, approach a cute girl, grab her number, and then be done with it.

Most guys can’t go from 0-100 like that. Worse, when we expect too much of ourselves we’re liable to get paralyzed by the pressure that puts on us.

Instead, have low expectations and understand that you can’t just expect to approach women confidently unless you follow a process that gets you into a confident state over-time.

You might be thinking, “Okay, that’s neat, but how do I actually approach women in the first place. How do I gather the courage to do it? What do I say?”

Fair enough. Now that we’ve gone over the mindset, let’s get into the practical steps you can take to learn how to approach women.

How To Gather The Courage To Approach Women

When learning how to approach women, the biggest obstacle for most men is what’s known as approach anxiety. The first step to overcoming approach anxiety is to lower your expectations of yourself. The second step to overcoming approach anxiety is to take baby-steps when you go out to meet women.

If you decided you wanted to run a marathon – but you’ve never ran a mile in your life – you wouldn’t set a goal to run 26 miles today. Instead, you’d start by setting a goal realistic to your current level of fitness.

Similarly, if you’ve never approached women before, you should start by setting a realistic goal based on your current level of confidence.

Let’s say you’ve decided to go to your university campus to meet women. If you’re new to approaching women, it’s a big leap to just walk up to a girl and start a conversation with her. To make it easier on yourself, you can take small steps towards your goal and let the momentum of those steps carry you forward.

For example, instead of walking up to a girl and approaching her directly, you might make a casual remark to a girl who you walk past, (I.E. “I really like your shoes.”)

It’s much easier to compliment a girl as she walks by then it is to start a real conversation with her. But by making that compliment, you’re still getting out of your comfort zone and taking a small risk.

Taking that first small risk will make it much easier to take the next step. After you’ve gotten comfortable with giving girls compliments as you walk by them, you can take the next step by actually walking up to a girl who’s sitting down and giving her a compliment (alternatively, you can walk next to a girl in the same direction as her and give her a compliment).

My personal favorite is the classic line, “Hey, I liked your style and I had to say hi.” This is a good introduction because it’s complimentary without being overtly sexual (which can make a girl uncomfortable), while also clarifying that you’re talking to her because you wanted to meet her (as opposed to tell her about Jesus or whatever).

Your goal at this point is just to spew out your “opener” and then to walk away and do the same thing again. Telling yourself that you don’t have to commit to a long conversation takes some of the pressure off of yourself.

Turning Your Opener into A Real Conversation

Now, if you can continue the conversation past the opener, do it, but you don’t need to force it – if you just want to say, “Have a good day,” and walk away, that’s fine, too.

After you’ve approached a few girls with a compliment, you can take it a step further by starting a real conversation. The easiest way to do this is to ask a couple basic questions, like:

  • “Are you from here?”
  • “What do you do for a living?”
  • “What do you do for fun?

No, those aren’t the most interesting questions in the world, but they’re easy conversation starters. Ideally, when she says where she’s from, you’ll be able to turn that into a more interesting conversation:

You: Where are you from?

Her: San Diego.

You: Really? I used to visit there all the time, until I almost got eaten by a lion at the zoo.

You can turn basic interview questions into interesting conversation by associating off of her answers. If she says she’s from a city that you’ve visited, you can tell a story or talk about what you think of the city. If she says she’s studying to be a doctor, you can talk about how a doctor once made you think you had skin cancer, but it was actually just a scab (this really happened to me).

Sometimes, your questions might not lead to anything interesting. But that’s okay, your goal is just to keep the conversation going as long as you can. Once you run out of things to say, you can exit, “Hey, it was nice meeting you, but I gotta go.”

Wrapping Up How to Approach Women with Confidence

Look, if you’re a naturally confident extroverted guy, you might not need to follow the above process when learning how to approach women.

But, if you’re among the majority of guys who aren’t able to approach attractive women with ease, then using a step-by-step system to approach women can make what would be an otherwise impossible task, manageable.

If you want a better dating life, you need to learn how to approach women.

Imagine you approached five women a day for a week, that would amount to 35 approaches. If you were to ask each of those women for their number, at least half would agree (even if your game is mediocre). By approaching just 5 women a day, you could easily get 17 numbers in a single week(1).

The percentage of those numbers that will lead to dates depends on a number of factors, including:

– How attractive your “vibe” was when you met her (

– Whether you had an interesting conversation with her.

– Whether she invested in the interaction.

-How good looking you are (

-How good your style is.

-Whether you created a sense of rapport with her.

-How long the interaction was.


Even if you are below average at conveying all the above traits, some of your numbers will still lead to dates. I know a guy who’s probably about a 3/10 on the looks scale who went on dates with new girls every week just by approaching a lot of women and asking for their numbers (and yes, he took some of those girls home).

His personality wasn’t appealing, his looks weren’t appealing, but sometimes just the fact that you took a risk and put yourself out there is enough.

In upcoming articles we’ll talk about how to get a higher percentage of the girls you approach to want to hang out with you later. But for now, understand that just going through the process and putting yourself out there is enough to get pretty good results.

Most guys won’t get 17 girls’ numbers in an entire year, but you could do that in just one week if you took persistent action.

I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s not.

At times you’ll be uncomfortable or frustrated with yourself, but if you persist and follow the process I’ve outlined in this article, you will have not only learned how to approach women, but you’ll be able to turn some of those approaches into dates.

Post Information
Title How To Approach Women With Confidence
Author Socialinception
Upvotes 810
Comments 97
Date 24 May 2018 06:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
dread gamesexual market valuegamethe red pillapproach anxiety

[–]1TrenGod3788 points89 points  (3 children) | Copy

Great post. This reminds me of all my friends always asking me “what do you SAY?” Every time I’d approach a girl. I’d tell them ANYTHING.

The one friend said what do you mean anything. I said watch. I go up to the bar. Look over at the chick next to me. And just go.

“I have to fart”.

She bust out laughing “whaaaat!?”

“I’m fucking with you. What are you drinking?”

And that’s all she wrote. Ended up bringing her and her friend back to my place. And me and my buddy get laid. The next day we laughed when I told her . You realize you just got taken home by a dude who’s pick up line was “I have to fart”

So when I say anything. I literally mean anything. It’s all about confidence. But even more about frame

[–]rougeoblong109 points110 points  (9 children) | Copy

Lately I’ve been doing my first couple of approaches with the sole purpose of getting rejected just so I can get it in the front of my brain that “wow this rejection shit isn’t really that bad.” Try it on a marginally attractive 6 or 7 first.

I’ll walk up in a weird kinda awkward way, mumble some bullshit while not making eye contact like “hey I saw u from over there and ur really beautiful and blah blah blah.” Normally she will just walk away (especially at a bar) to which I proceed to laugh at the hilarity in the moment. If she responds and says some typical bullshit like “sorry I hav bf.” or whatever, I EMBRACE THAT AWKWARDNESS AND SOAK IN IT. Then I tell myself “this is about as bad as this scenario can get and it’s really not that bad.”

Then once the awkwardness is worked through, i am in a genuinely amused mood and start to not give a fuck.

[–]jm5165 points66 points  (5 children) | Copy

I proceed to laugh at the hilarity in the moment.

I've got laid by laughing at the bad moments.

Mate and I had the same night off (barmen) and we went clubbing. Club was dead because 9pm on a Tuesday night. Just 2 pairs of women dancing. We decide to split a pair up and we get on the dance floor. Just as we're about to do the classic maneuver, our target girls stopped dancing together and split up the other 2 girls, leaving us fucking stranded and looking all alone. Was slick enough to look like they'd done it loads of times before.

Close by were 2 girls sat at a table, laughing at us. I was laughing too. I walk over and ask if they've ever seen anything as classy as that before.

We got talking and nature took its course.

[–]rougeoblong42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy

Positive emotions for women to attach themselves to (such as laughter) are probably the best aphrodisiac in existence.

[–]Mach2Machiavellian25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

Laughter can be a very powerful seductive weapon. Girls have told me I have an “evil” laugh, which I take as a compliment.

[–]Butt_Man_697 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Name checks out - Dark Triad.

[–]TzarVivec4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm an absolute beginner when it comes to game, but I do have some experience swing dancing and something similar applies.

The best dances are not the ones where everything goes as you wanted, but the ones where after a mistake you look in the girl's eyes and laugh while recovering. Being able to go along with whatever happens is a great skill, gotta embrace those happy little accidents, as Bob Ross would call them.

[–]Veretox1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

+1 for happy little accidents. Recently I was making out with my plate and I went to slap her ass, but it didn't smack. Somehow it was funny and we both laughed a lot. In the end I did improve on my slaping technique.

[–]STFUIDGAFUCK1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pushing through it

[–]hb8only 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

imagine approaching her and even if she has a BF, she would make her free for her .)

[–][deleted] 143 points144 points  (23 children) | Copy

Approaching women comes down to two things:

  1. Being a man.
  2. Having a stronger frame than the girl.

Step one is already done. You have a dick, you're a man. Step two sounds hard, but it can be done by, literally, just approaching. The very act of approaching immediately puts you in a state of stronger frame because you become better than 90% of other men. Most men do not approach any women in general, let alone 8s, 9s, or 10s.

The woman will not be used to it and it will throw her off. This alone should put you in a state of confidence knowing that simply by saying "Hello, my name is Thunder__Fuck", you now have a stronger frame and having a stronger frame leads to attraction.

Read the Inner Game section of Getting Laid Like a Warlord for a better explanation than I can give.

[–]explorer135723 points24 points  (5 children) | Copy

LMAO i thought you actually told them that name i was shocked for a second lol

[–]jamesbond818115 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think actually using that name while talking with girls will get you laid

[–]zestytacoz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

tbf if you do that you probably have a strong frame lmao

[–]adderley01210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Chad Thundercock... Imagine telling that to girls LOL

[–]HelpMeFindNewGlasses4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're right but summing it as "being a man" is far from helpful.

[–]1Socialinception[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

This is really oversimplified. Having a strong frame is indeed important, but just walking up to a girl isn't enough to make a girl fall into your frame. You're right in saying that most guys don't approach, but women screen a guy for more than just his ability to approach. Sometimes approaching is enough, but most of the time you have to be able to lead the conversation, show assertiveness, be unreactive etc. Game wouldn't be any fun if it was as simple as you're making it sound.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're not understanding the purpose Thunder__Fuck's post. You're doing the sperg thing and taking it at face value.

Instead of giving them a thousand and one different pickup rules to panic about during their approach, he's telling them they're in the correct frame by approaching. This will give them the confidence to just fucking approach, which is the only way they're going to get practice at it.

Don't talk and listen like a sperg.

[–]1Socialinception[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

But it's also giving them false expectations and a wrong-headed perspective. If you think that just approaching is enough to establish frame control, then it's going to be hard to understand why none of your approaches lead anywhere and you won't learn anything or improve.

Other than not taking action, the biggest reasons guys fail in game is a lack of self-awareness, they don't understand what they're doing wrong and they just keep beating their heads against a wall by making the same mistakes repeatedly.

[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Other than not taking action, the biggest reasons guys fail in game is a lack of self-awareness

No. The biggest reason guys fail is a lack of situational awareness. They're too busy micromanaging their own internal state, as if it meant something to people outside their brains who can't see it. What they're failing to do is sense, react to, and eventually control their immediate environment. That's the real cause of frame control loss.

I assume you either didn't read the link I provided, or didn't understand it. Let me summarize, before I have the mods temp-ban you so you can take some time to learn. Because right now, your mouth is robbing your ears.

There are two types of teaching that go on here at TRP. You're slinging content communication. The literal content of your words is the lesson you are trying to impart. This is fine. This works well for certain kinds of direct communication.

What /u/Thunder__Fuck is slinging is process communication. His actions are the vessel of communication, not his words. Though his words are devoid of meaningful content, the means by which he is communicating those empty words conveys the frame of mind one must assume when dealing with women.

Why? Because women are not thinkers. They are feelers. So while you're sitting there trying to analyze the situation and determine the correct thing to say next, she's getting bored, or feeling awkward at your numerous long pauses.

Saying "Yo, I'm StormPenis" boldly and with a shit-eating grin will get you closer to her bed than all the abstract RP theory you can cum into a sock.

Self-awareness is masturbation. Work on situational awareness, and work on understanding how process communication relates to that.

[–]1Socialinception[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

By self-awareness, I mean the ability to analyze what you're doing wrong and correct course, that is how you develop situational awareness.

I don't disagree that approaching is setting the right frame, I'm simply saying that approaching isn't the only factor that goes into having a stronger frame than the girl, which is patently true. Yes, having too many rules to keep track of can backfire, but so can having an oversimplified understanding of how game works - it's a balance.

I've seen so many guys fail again and again and again even though they took massive action because they had wrong-headed beliefs about how game worked.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Having a strong frame is indeed important, but just walking up to a girl isn't enough to make a girl fall into your frame. You're right in saying that most guys don't approach, but women screen a guy for more than just his ability to approach.

It depends on the woman. The more attractive she is then the more barriers you have to go through. However, I'm not saying that simply going up to her is enough to take her home. Obviously if you punch her in the face after introducing yourself, she won't go home with you.

What I'm saying is that you can remove approach anxiety by knowing that you are doing what 90% (maybe even 95%) of men don't do. This does instantly create some initial attraction, you just have to wade through shit tests afterwards to realize that; again, read the Inner Game section of Getting Laid Like a Warlord. It details this far better than I could.

However, that does not mean you can just say bullshit and come up to her stark naked, mumbling about your anime collection. But that should be obvious, or at least I hope so.

Game wouldn't be any fun if it was as simple as you're making it sound.

Game can be simple, that doesn't mean it isn't fun. I find it weird that some people think only complicated things are meant to be enjoyed.

[–]KRISTAPORZINGA-1 points0 points  (9 children) | Copy

Lmao. Do people not realize how ridiculous this comment is. Walk up to a woman and congrats your frame is immediately strong? So if I sprawl up to a woman with a bouquet of roses and tell her I love her, doesn’t matter, she’ll be attracted because I approached.

God this subreddit has become a parody. A really good one at that because I can’t tell if half these posts are serious or not.

[–]1Socialinception[S] 8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy

The fact that it got upvoted is troubling. Nuanced thinking is hard, people like things to be simple so they upvote it because to agree with a simple theory of game creates less cognitive dissonance than trying to understand all the subtleties of game - that's my theory, at least.

[–]CalfReddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A good daygame approach results often almost immediately in a good frame with the girl. If you act creepy by being unconfident, yeah no way there'll be a good frame

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Nah. It's even more simple.

Lazy faggot retards want to view things aa being more complicated than they are, so they can rationalize their passiveness and failure away.

[–]1Socialinception[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Viewing things as complicated isn't the same as viewing things as too difficult to take action on, you can see that game is complicated and still take massive action. You're using equivocation to argue against a strawman.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Viewing things as complicated isn't the same as viewing things as too difficult to take action on,

Which I stated exactly where?

you can see that game is complicated and still take massive action

Which goes exactly against what in my comment?

You're using equivocation to argue against a strawman.

And you are boring the fuck out of me with your uninteresting opinion


[–]1Socialinception[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You stated those things here, " Lazy faggot retards want to view things as being more complicated than they are, so they can rationalize their passiveness and failure away. "

Better than being a dumbass

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Walk up to a woman and congrats your frame is immediately strong? So if I sprawl up to a woman with a bouquet of roses and tell her I love her, doesn’t matter, she’ll be attracted because I approached.

You seem to think that simply approaching a woman will have her sucking your dick an hour later; obviously not. You're correlating a simple theory with an extreme example. No socially aware male would give roses and confess their love in a serious way with a woman he just met.

If you just say "Hey, how are you doing?" then yes, you are creating a baseline of attraction. That does not mean that from then on it will be smooth sailing into PussyTown; you still have to put in work to not fuck it up. However, you can begin the interaction with confidence knowing that you're frame is immediately stronger because 95% of women are not used to getting hit on on a regular basis.

Again, go read the post I mentioned and then come back and argue.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

if I sprawl up to a woman with a bouquet of roses and tell her I love her, doesn’t matter, she’ll be attracted because I approached.

Who told you that just because you have a strong frame, every woman will be attracted to you?

God this subreddit has become a parody.

Bold words coming from someone who lacks ability to read, comprehend and abstract.

[–]LotBuilder17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t over complicate things. The easiest way is to divorce yourself from the outcome. You can’t control what any girl is going to do. Who knows what is going on in their life. All you can control is the number of girls you talk to, where you talk to them and if your “message” is cleaver and slightly suggestive (so they know your intention). You have confidence when rejection means nothing. They can feel that you truly DGAF rather a guy manufacturing faux confidence.

[–]_nein_danke11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Really like the marathon analogy. Really makes sense. I was never one for approaching women. Then at the gym a real hot girl comes into the sauna who I'd seen earlier. After a couple of minutes (of thinking "she definitely doesnt want to speak to me and wants to keep herself to herself" I just asked her a question. Just didn't listen to my brain and went in. Lo and behold she sounded perfectly into not only answering my question but carrying on the conversation. This also happened later in the gym.

After I came away thinking "ahhh man that could have maybe turned into something" or "why didn't I used TRP tactics and try and get her number or whatever" but then I realised: fuck it. For me in my situation, that's a huuuuge leap forward. Maybe next time the conversation is longer, maybe next time we exchange numbers, maybe the time after we end up fucking. Who knows. But for where you are at that point, as long as you're further than you've been's all fuckin good.

[–]1CCJ2255 points56 points  (7 children) | Copy

I disagree with questions that are close ended. IE: she could respond with yes / no to answer them.

Instead of "Are you from TN?" try "You look like you're from TN." This shows confidence. And she must now qualify herself.

Also, what you wrote here " For example, instead of walking up to a girl and approaching her directly, you might make a casual remark to a girl who you walk past, (I.E. “I really like your shoes.”) "

Don't compliment a woman you don't know. Only compliment a plate and/or S.O. when they do something you like. Words of affirmation work very well but only use them when your S.O. / plate is doing or did do something you liked.

[–]tejodes7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good answer. That means that you can do whatever the fuck you want to fuck a girl and it could or could not work. Its sad that people keep looking at this bullshit "strategies" just to have sex.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Most of it isn’t really something you do, a lot of it are things you don’t do, and don’t say. But if that’s what you want to call it. You also said it’s sad that people look at this but what exactly are you doing on this sub if you aren’t doing the same thing?

[–]iHoldAllTheAces 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Why shouldn't I compliment a chick I don't know? What if I know them but not personally does it still apply?

[–]Greek-God-Brody3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're gonna compliment them, at least don't do it based on their phisical appearance, but on other unique thing about them. Much more effective.

[–]1CCJ223 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

It always applies. If a friend of yours gets an A in her class or she gets a job promotion and she tells you, you simply say something along the lines of "Nice" Instead of "Nice!, you're so smart I knew you'd do so well"

Only compliment when your plate or S.O. does something you wanted them to do. Like cooked for you, is having or just had sex with you, went over to your parents house to check on them while you were away, etc...

Giving a compliment to a stranger, that is a female you are attracted to, files you in the same category as her beta orbiters on Instagram.

[–]KRISTAPORZINGA6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

There is absolutely nothing wrong with opening up a girl by telling here “I like your style.” Compliments or not this shit doesn’t matter. It’s about the vibe you give off and how you carry yourself.

[–]5JS1XBG64A0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. With enough attractiveness and the right vibe, it doesn't matter what the fuck you say. It's all about the how, not the what. This was one of the things I didn't really get until I actually got out and talked to girls. A compliment is a perfectly fine thing to say, but I recommend only doing it if it's genuine.

[–]Shychien7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This all goes down the drain if you're boring, when you go talk with a girl you should have one thing on your mind, "why the fuck am I doing this?" while not over-thinking. Simply put, don't ask close ended questions or even worse, about stuff you don't understand. We live in the era of Tinder and Facebook, the amount of fuckers that orbit her asking about what she do, what she likes and what she likes are way to high.

Let's say you decided to approach a girl at campus, nice chat and then you ask her major, because why not?


Now, what the fuck do you know about Egypt? It's middle-eastern, muslim, perhaps a joke about mummies? You just shot your foot because now you're another of those silly guys who don't know anything about what she likes and just want to bang.

Learn how to improvise, how to ask about things you don't know without looking dumb, instead of saying "haha [something stupid and plain wrong]" eh?" say "oh nice, I prefer [different but related thing here]"

Most guys fail at doing this, instead they lose frame because of their own stupidity. Don't go out of your area of knowledge. Don't pretend to be something you don't have a fucking clue about. Don't ask questions that you won't know how to keep talking.

[–]drnaline9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Great article! Tbh i used to approach girls alot, and want to get back into that. But the problem in my city is that it'small and you can't run to every girl you see, cause every girl will know about your approach tomorrow, as RsdTyler said they'll run the words you said to other girl, they're more closed from my experience and approaching here gets all eyes on you! Cause it's rare But they still respect it. My question is how do you approach at these bars, clubs? I was thinking on walking to the table but the managers maybe pissed and some other factors. Most of the time they are groups of 2-3 or more, how do you go about that?

[–]1CCJ2227 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy

You speak to the entire table. You do not single out one girl from that table. What I do, is I will walk up and instead of asking permission "May I ask you girls a question?" I say in a loud enough voice "Ladies, I apologize for the interruption, I need to know who here at this table is single?"
Now one of two things will happen. You will get answered with a question back (IE: Why do you need to know this?) or you will be answered with them qualifying the single one (IE: She is, or we all are)
When you get a question back you answer with honesty. (IE: Well I am single and am trying to meet new people)
When you get them to qualify themselves (IE: the whole table is single or the majority is) then you address that ONE girl you had your eye on while you've got the attention of the entire table. Saying something along the lines of "Well I saw YOU from over there and had to come introduce myself. My name is drnaline" And stick your hand out. This instinctively makes her introduce herself (this works with guys too in business). After she has done so, you DO NOT ask her for her number. Instead you tell her that you are free Sunday (or whatever day you choose) around 6p.m. & you'd like her to join you for coffee and a heated game of checkers at (insert local coffee shop). Now she will either say no thank you or she will qualify herself saying that day works for her or that day doesn't work for her and she will then tell you what day she is free. Exchange contact info and GTFO of there. Don't linger. And don't forget to address the whole table (IE: Ladies it was a pleasure meeting you all, have a goodnight) Usually the table will ask you questions about you. Answer them politely and honestly. If you are a trash man tell them as such. Often times the girls in relationships at the table have nothing to lose and will tease you with questions like "what is it about her, you saw that made you come over?" or questions like "what are your hobbies drnaline?" Always answer the questions, don't ask questions. Your job is done, and you now need to focus on leaving.

If the one girl you had your eye on isn't single just let them know you've got a awesome guy friend that is single, he isn't here, exchange social media pages with the girls (because the more friends you have the better) and politely excuse yourself saying it was nice meeting them. If they ask for a photo of him, cause some girls are that bored, always find a photo of your "buddy" with you in the photo. Make sure you're in the photo, this is subliminal messaging.

Keep in mind, all of this I typed is a god damn wash if you don't look presentable. If you look like shit, God speed. Nothing is happening that night. If your clothes don't fit you (too big or too small) you need to go back to focusing on you. If you can't afford fitted clothes, what the fuck are you doing out? Find a second job, save up money, then apply these things above.

[–]Satou43 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I disagree with this approach. Much better to pull the girl away from the table, or at least stay in the set for longer so they can get an idea of who you are. If you don't do anything entertaining as payment for their time then you'll just irritate a lot of people this way.

[–]OberynD2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a good post! I'd even suggest that the first step in approaching women is visualizing yourself doing that. This is a technique that athletes practice too, and I've seen it work for myself as well. Not just with women, but with other life situations.

Actually, I'm not using it enough with women.

[–]eaeulis7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

all this is fucking cringe. if your t levels are high you ooze confidence. none of this corny shit is needed, maybe it works for some weirdos but i would never spew this bullshit.

carry yourself with confidence. chest out. head up. if u do approach, RE-FRAME the conversation into your frame. qualify her. a lot of the time when you approach you’re in her frame, reverse it.

also the most important part of it all..... BE ATTRACTIVE. MAX OUT YOUR POTENTIAL.


[–]room_3031 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

This, she's a talentless piece of meat - Say 'Hi', if she's not interested do a 360 and walk away.

[–]Le-Chad-ThunderCock20 points21 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you did a 360 you would walk into her.

[–]NutFudge3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Why do they call it a Xbox 360?"

-"You'll turn 360 degrees and walk away"


[–]hammerhearth2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wish the incels subreddit wasn't banned

[–]eaeulis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i think he meant by the time u do the 360, which is a full circle, she should be gone lolll

[–]AllgBeamtenrecht1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

thank you, this really hits a weak point of me. tomorrow as a first step i will give random compliments to strangers to get comfortable with all of this.

[–]thunderbeyond0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn I wish I had this when I was a very awkward teenager. Approach anxiety was huge. The idea of starting with small passing comments is great.

[–]Hormander0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for this post. Very interesting.

[–]LandoVolrissian0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m from Tennessee. Fuck you, op!

It was a good read though and your thoughts on getting the ball rolling and taking my baby steps is spot on. Also having a beer or two in you will loosen you up. 👍🏻😂😎

[–]National_Capitalist0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Great advice. However my only question is where I would go to meet women to talk try this with? (something other than the stereotypical bar or club)

[–]1Ill_Will71 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Anywhere. Your safest bet is to have plausible deniability to ease your fear of getting rejected. If you feel attraction towards a girl, just go for it. She could possibly be feeling the same way. Say what you wanna say regardless of the rules. "hi Im ill_will7, You are too lovely to pass up. How can I get to know you?"

Prepare for shit tests or she might go along with it with a giddy smile, then your good. get her number.

[–]Wheysteve0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That pickup line is enough for me to save this post. Good write up

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wait, u can save posts? Fuck..

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So how do I get someone I actually like? Is there a section for that?

[–]1Ill_Will70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like your post. Ive been trying to approach a lot more lately and I can tell your speaking from experience. Fucken awkward on the first go but feels really damn good to push through that fear and know after its over that you went for it. Your successful in your mind just because you actually got the balls to talk to her first. Feels good afterword regardless of how it plays out.

Also, since Ive been approaching these last 2 weeks, maybe 7 total cold approaches, not a single girl was rude at all or rejected me. Just sometimes the conversations goes nowhere interesting or she lights up and really likes the attention your giving her.

[–]GanksGriefersForFun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Most guys can’t go from 0-100 like that. Worse, when we expect too much of ourselves we’re liable to get paralyzed by the pressure that puts on us.

You have no idea. Went to a girl's house when she had friends over. I was being cocky assuming it was a good time to visit when she even insisted to visit when she was alone. Ended up leaving due to how awkward I felt. Her friends seemed more interested in me than her, but she was so stoned that I didn't realize that might have been the reason.

The rest of your post is too spot on. I've only ever approached women at my old job, and because I had a reason to or once in a while I was just being myself.. Outside of a work environment I have no idea how to communicate with people. I guess your advice really resonates with me.

I said hi to a girl I went to highschool with at the grocery store the other day. She was even with her family.. I take it one was her bro, one was her sis, mother. She didn't even say anything back. It was just awkward. At times it's still better to say something than nothing. I had taken a gym class with her for several months. I was always shy so I never said anything to her. Me and her had probably only spoken a good 5 times throughout that semester.

Perhaps the next time I see her it'll be easier to start a convo. My point to the rest of anyone reading is that if you at least say something the first time, the next time starting a conversation may be easier.

[–]H8CourtshipALot2170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yet people say we are never too old to learn this essential skill-set, that response bothers me, you know why? because it's easy to remind yourself to feel behind with others in terms of social-skills, conversation-skills, and yet people will say never compare yourself to anyone else, easier said than done, I like to feel there is a natural instinctive part in our human minds, maybe more so on guys, men, because people say part of masculinity is being competitive, and the word "compare" has comp in it just like competition, so they must be related, and life is meant to be a competition, if you want to rise up in your job, career, your gonna have to compete with your employees as well, so it's gonna be natural to compare yourself with your co-workers. Reason why it hurts self-esteem a lot in terms of feeling behind, is because metaphorically speaking, it's like you are an adult still learning to ride a bike with training wheels on.

[–]adderley01210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I read this at work and literally muttered under my breathe "Wow". Honestly this is the key to start it all. I'm gonna attempt this on friday when I go out and continuously push myself. Thanks for the advice mate! :)

[–]masteracct0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

BEST pick up line at the beginning of your post. Definitely added to the arsenal

[–]Grim-Reality-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Won’t work on smart women, they would literally think of how their parents are related and take it as an insult. I really don’t know what types of women this actually works on lol. It’s straight up offensive, they would have to be of a certain type.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Works on a woman with high self esteem and who is pretty enough that its obviously a joke.

[–]CalfReddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Although that's a high risk sentence, it's definitely possible to say that if you act confident and show you're joking and not being serious. You can say a lot of shit under the right circumstances

[–]crqze70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know this is going to be downvoted, but it needs to be said. Maybe you have "approach anxiety" because you have a two page strategy on how to approach rather than exhibiting true confidence.

[–]trp_dude-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is crap post. It's obvious it's made up and the OP has no real life experience approaching chicks.

You never, ever ask stupid and boring questions like "where are you from?" That is a death sentence. She's heard that question before and it will instantly dry up her pussy. NEVER DO THAT.

And "I gotta go": WRONG, You never self eject. Stay and fucking grind it out.. Never eject. That is PUA 101. Make her leave, You can't tell how well it's going based on her responses, It may look like you're dyingm but if you stick with it sometimes you will get laid, because some girls GIVE NO SIGNAL.

This is the worst kind of post. Fake. And give the exact wrong advice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah...I’ll only be reading the sidebar from now on, over and over. It even says in THE FUCKING RED PILL 101 (how can you miss that) about KISS that you approach and stay until she dismisses or leaves. Smfh. Thanks for calling this bs out.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (8 children) | Copy

The "joke" is "Are you from Memphis? Because you're the only Ten I see." The fact that you didn't even get this part right leads me to believe this is all bullshit.

[–]1Socialinception[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Are you serious? Come on dude, try to keep up. . .

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Me try to keep up? You said the fucking joke wrong. The most basic part. Her responding with "Why, because I’m the only ten you see?” barely makes sense because I doubt she knew this is what you were getting at by asking if she was from tenessee. Don't lie, man.

[–]1Socialinception[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, the line is often said that way, Google are you from Tennessee and you'll get plenty of hits. Just because you haven't heard it that way, doesn't mean it's wrong. Either you're trolling, or you've got a serious problem with close-mindedness. Plus, you're completely ignoring the greater context to nitpick at something that really doesn't matter. Like, I'm not suggesting you use that line, it's just an example that you can say anything for your opener and make it work - I've said tons of unusual pickup lines and made them work, the particular line isn't really the point.

You may want to read some books about critical thinking, self-awareness, and psychology. You're getting super emotional over something completely inconsequential, that's not a good way to live.

[–]1Ill_Will71 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

haha. Wow. guy uses his time to write all of us internet peoples a helpful guide to get girls and you respond with "you did the joke wrong." The fuck? If he got the girl, then whatever the hell he said was right. Please contribute positively to the conversation and not be a douche.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just don't believe him is all

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Just shut up. That’s how the joke goes.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

lol no it's fucking not look it up

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

This reads like a autist wrote it.

[–]1Socialinception[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

When you have no social skills and you read stories of other people interacting with women you project yourself into the situations and imagine what it would be like if you did it. If these kind of stories read like someone socially awkward did it, it's likely because you are socially awkward.

[–]MagnumBurrito-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's a good write up. I little optimistic on the numbers / close ratio. Your point is correct though. Approach more for more results.

[–]llDUNN-4 points-3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'll bet after you texted her she became completely distant, detached, removed, with short responses, and took hours to respond.

[–]Fenger921 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Wow and i though that I was just unlucky or boring or somewhat🤔 Good to know that this happens to others😂👍🏻

[–]kurdishpower010 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Do you use lots of emojis too when talking to girls?

[–]Fenger920 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not a lot, but i guess i use a few.. I usually try to match the same amount she's using.. But often the conversation starts off fun and interesting and all of a sudden they answers with few words and leaves me waiting.. Happens quite a lot actually🤔

[–]1Ill_Will70 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Dont use emojis. Destroys all mystery of what your words might mean. Also, why the fuck would you need emojis if your supposed to only texting for logistics? Do not idle chat with bitches through text, especially not with dumb emojis

[–]Fenger920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You actually got a pretty good point there.. At he point of idle chat, im gone tho..!

[–]Dls95405-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy

At some point, women are going to have to start accepting responsibility for creating so much anxiety in what looks like the vast majority of men. For many women, the next best thing to a date with a guy she wants is rejecting a guy she doesn't want.

[–]tinderoglu 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Dude please stop typing like this you’re pissing me off. Thanks.

[–]1Socialinception[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

what exactly is pissing you off?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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