Girls you orbit will say they care about you, but really only care about your attention.

bsutansalt · 2018-06-11T18:34:18+00:00

Don't shit where you eat.
The great test is to examine how often a "friend" initiates contact. If they never do, then stop initiating contact and. see. what. happens. Odds are that's the only time they initiate contact back, to make sure you're still on the hook.
Unbalanced friendships aren't friendships at all. Rather the person who's more invested is likely being taken advantage of. At best they're not appreciated and thus the other person is unworthy of your time.

lorum_ipsum_dolor · 2018-06-09T11:31:26+00:00

Smart move avoiding a workplace relationship. They are career poison. I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to get you in trouble (or at the very least talks shit about you to coworkers). Woman can't tolerate being rejected. Be on your toes.

Edit, grammar, spelling

AudioRebellion · 2018-06-09T10:27:10+00:00

Yup. Been exactly where you were but i ended up going to my boss about her always "visiting me". "I told my boss she's always talking around my desk, I don't know if she likes but I'm not interested in her at all" That got the gossip mill going. She can try to deny having a crush on me but it's her who's coming around to my desk not the other way around. After that little conversation with my boss i never saw her anymore. (different floors, opposite sides of the building). But the hens on my kept on coming up to me trying to talk around the current gossip but actually saying exactly what they want to say about her and the situation.

When they would come out and ask about her and i hanging out and chatting a lot I'd just say i was being friendly. I was new and didn't want to upset her and have the best 1st impression. Add to the fact i never did fuck her which in hindsight i'm glad i didn't. It would've made it that much harder to get rid of her.

There's a reason why you never fuck girls at work no matter how easy it may be, the blow back is sometimes unmanageable.

htowntrav · 2018-06-09T13:32:34+00:00

The goalie don’t stop you from making a point. Remember AWALT.
Invest your personal time into positive outlets. Lift, have a social network, have hobbies, make money outside work. Do the things you need to for ranking up in SMV. Remember being the nice guy makes wyhmen dry up quick.

Biggest issue is self-improvement and introspection. Move away from your current self and frame. Make it bigger and better. Remember abundance mentality. This current self you are writing this post couldn’t have made anything work with this girl. You should be thanking her for not wasting your time. She could smell the oneitis on you. You can’t blame her for seeking out betas for attention. It’s female nature to do so!

Reason I state this is because what’s the end goal? Making her your wife or having fun spinning a plate?

MartinTyler45 · 2018-06-09T11:23:15+00:00

Thanks for your report. It's good to understand that if she's not dating with you, you should ghost her.

''I told you it hurts me to see you while I'm still attracted to you'', you shouldn't tell her the reason for ghosting. When you spell those words, you make her selector and burst her ego. Next time get rejected, delete her phone number, delete on social media and in real life give short and cold answers, do not explain. When you speak her like that, you create drama.

By the way, when they say LJBF, say that you have enough friends and leave. Being friends with someone that you attracted nothing but orbiting.

Dmva100 · 2018-06-09T18:49:48+00:00

Niceguy orbiters are the prototype good man raised by the domineering single mommas and all they're gonna do on the SMP is get recalled due to their faulty ways; recalled back to the nursing home to take care of aging mommy poopy Tena pads because she's the only one who love him boohoo

ex_addict_bro · 2018-06-09T10:26:52+00:00

She pursued you. You blew it by being too tame and way too overt.

Mr-Ed209 · 2018-06-09T13:00:42+00:00

You made the mistake of presenting yourself as weak and gullible. When this shit happens you have to accept that you fucked it up. No girl would willingly just start leading on some dude they had no interest in. What's important is you work the relationship to provide the value you want out of it. I know so, because I've been exactly there. I've told a girl pretty much what you said, about having feelings for her and still gotten used for validation. It sucks, but the only way to learn from it is to accept that it is your fault. Girls gonna be girls, you need to man up.

Girls can be interested in a guy, they can want to jump his bones. But, they are also happy to just have attention from the same guy provided free, at a comfortable distance where they can 'asses' you further. They can even be casually sleeping with another man and have their emotional relationship with some other man. Justifying it to themselves that they will make space for the emotional man once their fling has subsided or whatever else bullshit they have going on in their life at one time.

I asked her out and she said she was still getting over someone (mutual acquiantence that works with us; she'd been seeing for 3 months), but claimed she was interested in me. She set that hook real well.

The reason she said this is because you made it too big of a deal. Women respond to offers in the moment and if you project a sense of 'I hope this girl likes me' it presents too much pressure on her. We all know you did this because you wouldn't be writing paragraphs on this sub about her if you didn't. You need to be the kind of dude she would not entertain that emotional spiel on. That doesn't mean being tall and ripped. It means being a guy who can see through it and treat it like the nonsense shit test that it is.

col_carillo · 2018-06-10T03:46:13+00:00

You're about halfway there. It's great that you're determined not to try to fall back in her orbit, but here are a few tips:

1) To a girl, there is no such thing as bad drama. They live off emotion, period. It can be good or bad, doesn't matter. That's why girls go back to abusive boyfriends. It's the high of the rollercoaster from "he's so pissed he nearly killed me" to "he's so in love with me he bought me a teddy bear" (watch the music video for Eminem's _love the way you lie_: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U )

To a girl, if you show *any* emotion to them, they're winning. They're getting what they wanted. Which means... you shouldn't show them your emotions (except as a reward for them doing something for you).

When you decided to move on the first time, after she told you she was seeing someone, you shouldn't have told her you needed to move on because you still had feelings for her, and it wasn't healthy for you. You're basically admitting her power over you, and even if you think it's a bad, toxic power, in her mind, she's thinking "Damn, this guy really loves me". She doesn't care what that's doing to your emotional health. This is one of many ways that these girls are not your friends. Real friends care if their actions hurt you.

What you should have done when she told you this is play it cool, wish her luck, and that's it. Stop calling her, stop talking to her, etc. But never let her see the angst that drove you to that decision to ghost her.

2) Regardless though, your biggest mistake is what you did when she came back and tried to restart things with you. In your mind, you think that when she came back to you, it's because maybe she now likes you as boyfriend material. I hate to break it to you, but that's false. How do I know? Because after you ghosted her, you did nothing to prove to her that you had higher SMV (not that you should have; you were right in focusing on other women). Yes, the fact that you could refrain from calling her for a few months means she respects you a little bit more, but that's it. It's not enough to wet her panties unless you also improved in a bunch of other ways.

What's really going on in her mind is that she just got dumped by her guy, and she needs validation that she's still attractive and still worthy of love and attention. And when she went to you, that's exactly what you gave her when you said you couldn't talk to her because "you still have feelings for her". In her mind, she's going "Yes! Still got it!" Of course, she'd love it even more if you went back to being friends, but just knowing you're still tying yourself up in knots over her is enough of an ego boost.

What you should have done is treat her like any other mildly annoying acquaintance who comes and strikes up a conversation with you. Say something like "Oh, I'd love to catch up, but I'm really busy these next few nights. I'll hit you up next week if I get a few minutes." If she tries to start talking about how she's feeling, yadda yadda, keep your eyes on your computer screen, listen distractedly for 10 sec and say "Sorry XXX, I really need to get these emails out. But I'll call you next week. We'll talk then." And then never call her.

P.S. You asked how you might start things up with her again. First advice is: don't do it. There are plenty of girls out there, not at work, etc. But here's my advice:

If you wanted to mess with her while she was seeing someone, since you're all co-workers, hang out with her and her new boyfriend as a group after work, and AMOG the hell out of him, while paying absolutely no attention to the girl herself. If you can get her boyfriend to rave about how cool a guy you are by the end of the night, you've done your job and she will be dreaming about you that night and cursing herself for not choosing you over him :-) Nothing attracts a woman more than a guy who shows dominance over the guy she's currently fucking.

If you're looking at doing it now, while she's single, then you increase your SMV just like you would with any other girl.

The only unique thing is that if she still wants to hang out with you to "talk", you need to offer her your time but only on your terms (i.e. that you're going to have sex, or at least escalate physically). This comes down to dueling frames: are you strong enough to get her to buy into your frame, or is she strong enough to get you into her frame? And if you're new at this there's a high chance you fall into her frame and become her "friend" again. Which is why I don't recommend it. But if you insist on trying, here's what you do: don't do neutral things like lunch in the office. If you want to make her a fuckbuddy, or a FWB, then treat her like one. Text her later in the evening one night (ideally after you've already been on a date with someone else, and the girl's perfume is on you), and tell her you have an hour if she wants to come over and hang out. Don't tell her it's to talk. That would be a lie both to her and to yourself. Escalate as you would any other girl. If she doesn't reciprocate, or pulls out the LJBF, don't blow up at her. Tell her that's cool, that you're tired anyway, and send her home. Don't let her corral you into staying up all night talking to her. Remember, this is about dueling frames. The next day don't text, don't "talk about last night", etc. You can rinse / repeat as often as you'd like, and maybe one day, some combination of where her hamster is resting that night, and something you did to show her high SMV, might make her finally agree to have sex with you.

Quite frankly, it's a lot more work than it's worth, especially compared to finding some other girl, and carries the added risk of falling into her orbit again. But there you go.

Overall, I think you did okay, but next time this happens, just remember that *any* emotion you show her is a victory in her mind. Girls like this don't care if they make you happy or sad, as long as they do *something* to you. Don't give them that validation. They have to earn the right to see your inner emotional self.

Pushthepedal · 2018-06-09T14:01:12+00:00

Don’t ever say you “ have feelings for someone “ it’s stupid and childish. You don’t have feelings for her. It’s lust only

it_takes_the_redpill · 2018-06-09T17:28:28+00:00

TL;DR - if you dunk your donut in the company coffee, you're going to get burned

monsieurhire2 · 2018-06-10T04:40:57+00:00

If you associate with a woman, and there is no sex going on, be sure that she adds value to your life in some way, whether it be social proof, interesting conversation, activity partner; and also, that you're not spending time with her just in the hopes that she will "come to her senses," because in most cases, she won't, because attraction is not negotiable.

MetamorphosisSilver · 2018-06-10T01:01:03+00:00

"She was and is totally willing to trade my happiness for her sadness. That's an absolute gem of wisdom there. Any good relationship/friendship/whatever should have parity on the value that each receives from it. She placed FAR more value on what she felt she wanted from the situation than she was willing to give. Too bad, so sad girl.

SeedThrownAway · 2018-06-09T15:02:23+00:00

This is way too timely for me not to share my embarrassing story.

Rewind to last year, there's this girl that's friends with the girlfriend of my close friend. First time I met her I was attracted, but at the time I was in one of my introverted mindsets. It was fine chilling but I never made a move.

One day I'm chillin with a different close friend and I ask about her. He says 'oh, she likes me apparently.' I'm thinking, damn but just say "alright I'll back off" (like I was "on" in the first place, lol) Anyway, they've been dating this whole time.

A few months ago, I move to a different country. She thinks it's interesting, and she contacts me and asks for my username on an app we both have. At first, I'm thinking "here we go" and just say sure, and exchange info.

Over the next month, we're texting when one night she calls me. She's kinda drunk and annoying, but I'm attracted to her, so I put up with it until I cannot anymore, and I say we can't be friends. I tell her it won't work because I have been and still am attracted to her. Since she's dating a very close friend of mine, it would just be a mess. She says she gets it, and agrees, but continues to contact me.

I respond to maybe 3/4 of her messages, but when she calls I almost always pick up. Can't kick my attraction for her. Because of this, I question my own principles, and why I'm so hung up on this girl, despite her dating my good friend. Meanwhile, she's texting me saying she dreamt about me (like 3 times?) and encouraging me to make music (which I truly appreciate) and just dancing all over that... 'line' between flirting and friendly. I'll occasionally tell her she just wants attention, trying to keep the whole thing somewhat clear.

I end up calling my good friend and telling him, basically, 'I told your girlfriend I'm attracted to her.' His response was, 'I'm glad you got the opportunity to tell her.' I didn't want to go any deeper into it, and I said what I thought was the most potent piece of information. Not sure if I could've handled it better, but I'm trying, mostly. There's a part of me that still wants her. Anyway...

She keeps hitting me up! And even though I don't respond to all her messages, there are times when we get into a conversation, and I know I'm being weak and maintaining contact. At one point, I'm reiterating, AGAIN, that we can't communicate like this, it's not fair to me, and it's not fair to my friend (who I don't even think cares, and that doesn't matter, although it does add an extra dimension of rationalization in my mind.)

During one video chat, she literally started crying. Sad that we can't talk anymore? Which seems insane, since we've been "friends" for what, 2 months now? And before that, she hints that she 'chose the wrong friend [to date]' and that she was attracted to me initially, but he made himself available and was "sincere". She was attracted to him, not me, plain and simple. (Rough to contemplate the "what could have beens" if I was actually on point in my social life, and presented myself confidently, from a place of sincere abundance...) Typing this out is almost therapeutic.

So yesterday, I fucked up and told her she was in one of my dreams. Sent it, instant guilt. I'm realizing how much I enjoy validation from women, and this girl specifically. She's asking me what it was about, I keep it extremely vague (sex. it was us having sex.) and she accepts I won't tell her, then says 'ask me a question' So I bring the entire situation to a head (again)and ask "do you see me as just a friend?"

She says yes. asks how I see her, then goes on about "how she gets excited when i message her" or some shit, which makes in clear, I'm an attention provider, I am an orbiter in her eyes. I call her out, asking "arent you just saying that so I'll give you attention because you know I've been attracted to you?"

Her response: "Promise I'm not. That would be cruel."

I say: "Don't be so hard on yourself."

She sends the upside down smiley emoji.

And before I saw that message, I noticed (for the first time) that she's got a FUCK ton of 'app points' through this communication app we've been using, which means she's constantly talking with people, and just solidified that she's SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME AND ABUSING MY TIME AND ATTENTION.

So, now we're ""friends"", which means I keep the conversations extremely light, say 'idk lol' a lot, and overall just don't talk to her, or respond when she's sending convo-bait.

Today I wake up to a pic of her in bed, hints of cleavage, and I'm done with it. I'm embarrassed by all this, but it was a great learning experience.

Fuck, I need to get out more.

MattyAnon · 2018-06-10T15:19:41+00:00

If she really cared about me as she claimed, then she wouldn't do something that I repeatedly told her was painful to me. She considered herself entitled to my time and directly violated my requests to leave me alone.

Women... all women... have zero care for men. Zero. They'll flirt and tease and laugh if it suits them and they can get away with it. They'll enter agreements that they know are bad for the man. They'll suck a man dry who lets them.

Most women will admit this sooner or later, and then follow it up with "but I'm not a bad person" or worse "It's men's fault for letting us do this".

They simply do not give a flying fuck about you - even if they know you, even if you have friends in common. They care only about themselves and will only feign care or concern if it impacts on them.

melungeonmuscle · 2018-06-09T17:16:09+00:00

Honestly dude I think you overcomplicated it. Girls will feed you bullshit right up until they drop their wet panties. You have to continually physically escalate so she turns off the fuckin hamster.

[deleted] · 2018-06-09T12:54:15+00:00

Want to bang her?

Dont use excuse of I have feelings because Beta Bucks
say " buy me a drink "

if she refuses simply explain why would we continue when atlEast StaCey from TINDRUR will buy you a drink

then ghost this bitch if she still plays hard, Welcome to the real time boi.

AwkwardEmpath · 2018-06-10T04:32:20+00:00

You're just another source of an easy hit of dopamine for em'.

scorpionkg · 2018-06-10T05:15:35+00:00

Man, important things:

i) never try to negotiate, that is the end and the point where you lose her respect and admiration (you can't negotiate desire)

ii) Work on your frame, never be the sad and emotional one (be the man, please).

You losted her in the first time because you where beta as fuck, don't go back.

Too much blue pilled for now, go and read and learn a lot more about redpill.

Best wishes.

Ramesses_ · 2018-06-10T05:45:50+00:00

Hey bud just wanted to let you know that she's not trying to trade your happiness for her sadness, she just doesn't understand male communication. You said something, you meant it and now you're sticking to your word. That's not how it works for girls. They often say the exact opposite of what they mean and on purpose. So just be aware of that. They also know they're not held accountable (it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind remember) so she never feels like she has to say TRUE things or stick to them. Men face negative consequences for not following through on their word whereas women are excused. Viewing things through her lens she's not really being selfish, she's being a woman.

VicariousWolf · 2018-06-11T07:04:23+00:00

Its fucking insane how close of a situation is to mine. Few differences being her guy shes dating now isnt a coworker.

I asked for space and literally a half hour later she snaps me a pic of herself at his house playing videogames. I asked her to not snap me because I needed space and she blew up at me saying I was being ridiculous and blocked me on everything. Good riddance.

Wilmay · 2018-06-09T13:25:11+00:00

This hits very close to home: I have developed feelings for a coworker with whom I have been fuck-buddies for about 3 weeks before she left the company. Now we see each other with former colleagues from time to time and nothing has happened ever since, despite my clear messages and invitations.

Even though she knows that I want to keep being "more than friends", or I'd even be down for a real relationship, she keeps wanting to see me and telling me how much she likes me... with nothing in return anymore. I am starting to realize that in the end, she just wants my attention now. She wants my feelings for her to be an approval of her self-worth and there is no way we can actually have something serious. But I am still kind of hooked by the possibility of going back to being fuck-buddies, even though I know that I'd want even more once I am in bed with her...

I have been asking myself ever since she left whether or not it's worth it to keep on seeing her just for the possibility of having sex with her again, or if I'd be better off just telling her I need space because I definitely have feelings for her.

Truth is, I know the answer, but I can't bring myself to do it... or maybe I should just keep seeing her as a friend but put boundaries on our obvious flirting, so as not to be hooked again...

pigeoncalledjeff · 2018-06-09T18:09:48+00:00

So how do you become that other guy, the one she was seeing that was seemingly out of the picture?

truedemocracy3 · 2018-06-09T15:56:11+00:00

Same as everybody else......don't shit where you eat. There are lots of women out there that are hotter than her and won't jeopardize your job/career if she decides you "make her feel unsafe".

mitzibishi · 2018-06-09T19:39:30+00:00

Don't orbit. Don't leave comments on social media like "gorjus", "stunning", "10/10"

Tha goes for reddit and cam thots.

adirp · Sat Jun 9 19:53:02 2018 UTC

You probably could have banged if you didn't repeatedly say you "have feelings for her." Next time, with another gal, it's better to say "I'm not interested in anything platonic, but if you want something romantic let me know and we'll make some plans." Or something similar.

There's no need to tell them you have feelings, that will only hurt your game. It freaks women out when a guy is falling for them that early on. Just keep your mouth shut until she confessed her feelings.

le_wolfe · 2018-06-10T06:32:08+00:00

Women are for fucking, not socializing.

nofilmynofucky · 2018-06-10T21:21:27+00:00

If you continually admit to a girl that you have feelings for her, of course she's going to pull this shit

When/if a girl pulls this shit, the correct response is to just shrug and walk away. Telling her that you need space to get over her only places her firmly in the role of leader

Next time just laugh it off, make fun of her and then tell her to piss off cos you've got work to do

ApexmanRP · 2018-06-11T10:07:54+00:00

"I've had to give her 3 warnings, each increasingly more brusque."

No, my friend you played it like a little bitch all the way through.

"I told you it hurts me to see you while I'm still attracted to you"

That's not you being strong. Every time you say something like this, you give her a little rush of validation. That's why she kept coming back.

Indifference, is your ally here.

chazthundergut · 2018-06-09T20:30:18+00:00

Remember, this is all 100% your responsibility.

Take a look at yourself dude. "I still have feelings for you" "this is painful for me" blah blah blah. It hurts to even read this shit.

You sound like a needy bitch. No wonder she doesn't want to fuck you.

Stop talking about it. Be about it.

Stop giving time & attention to chicks you aren't fucking this includes conversations like: "I really like you and hope you change your mind about me and give me a shot BARF

Stop obsessing over this bitch and go meet some other chicks. And don't do it as a tactic to win her over. Genuinely move on. That is the only way forward.

And enough blaming chicks for your needy behavior. If a woman was willing to come over and suck my dick without me having to take her out on a date or spend time on her, I would let her do it in a heartbeat. Same with you and her, but reversed. Of course she wants to have a friend like you in her life. Stop blaming her for your inability to set boundaries and your lack of abundance.

Put in the work. Transform yourself, transform your life, and pursue other women.

Good luck dude.

MikeHock- · 2018-06-09T17:28:26+00:00

Currently going through this situation as we speak. This girl at work is solely using me as a personal work attention dispenser. She acts like she wants to do stuff but whenever I ask she has an excuse. However instead of letting it drag on for months I just got distant (thank you redpill). Stories like these give me hope, whenever you see field reports these guys seem so Alpha from the get go. What you don't see in the process are stories like these. I still have a long way to go, been lifting heavy, buying better clothes and plan to finish up my degree. But when I finally share my progress I'll be to include the good times and the bad times as well

lifegifted · 2018-06-09T14:12:19+00:00

she just wants a friend who she can cry to and drink wine with.

and you want what? to get her love? or to bang her? or "try" some relationships? strange...

as i understand your story:

in first phase you make friends with her, hang out, talk and other friend stuff with subtle intention to something which can't you can't even describe (I asked her out != make my intentions clear). So she recognized you as a friend, that wants something, but she is not interested in you as a lover. Personally - I understand her - it's hard transition. It's easier to make love to stranger than to a friend.
After she finds a lover and throw you out as she doesn't need you so much, and then get back when situation get bad. And here you put her down instead of offer a nice fuckdate describeв like just talking remembering old times.

Your life, your choice.

ZeroSixNiner · 2018-06-09T17:08:03+00:00

So it seems this thread has morphed into storytime. Okay, I'll bite.

I'm in a similar situation. First, I do believe in not shitting where you eat, so ultimately, I won't let this get too far. My current work situation has me paired up with a chick in a sort of partnership. Our work overlaps, and we always have to collaborate for either of us to complete whatever tasks we have to do. Over time, two threads have sort of developed.

The first thread is that this is a girl I get along with really well. Good rapport and professionally, we click. We banter a lot, and I flirt with her, but only as a case study. Test for reactions, learn, calibrate, test again-- that sort of thing. No intentions other than as a case study. It keeps things light and fun, and there is high comfort level.

The second thread is the unintended side effects. I'll cut to the chase, I wouldn't mind throwing her against a file cabinet and making her scream my name to the rafters, and I have to keep that wholly in check to avoid the usual drama. It can be hard sometimes, especially when in the course of our interactions, she hits me with those "fuck me" eyes and my dick immediately goes upright. The takeaway, I suppose, is that my tactics are successful in creating attraction. Still, I'm always aware of the boundaries and am adamant about not crossing them. It's my ass on the line.

Here's the catch, though, and why it seems so easy to let yourself develop feelings for coworkers. Depending on how your work area is arranged, this is someone you probably spend more time with than anyone else. 8 hours or more a day, 5 days or more a week. It's like high school all over again, and even worse since in school you might not have your object of attraction in all or any of your classes. So it's easy to develop a bond over something you have in common, i.e. the job. Whatever you do, do NOT let yourself get weak and cross that line. If you're flipping burgers to make right-now cash before bouncing to the next gig, I'd say it's not that big of a deal, but if you're in your career, it's no bueno. There is no pussy in the world worth fucking up your livelihood over.

huge_gap · 2018-06-09T17:11:10+00:00

I think you're on the right track, but instead or being candid or serious about it with her like "Have things changed?" Instead just be friendly and funny and act like nothing is amiss. Be friendly and normal with her when you happen to cross paths or she visits. Keep gaming chicks and moving ahead. You'll be surprised she might want to fuck when she sees you doing so well and acting so comfortably and normal.

SteveStJohn · 2018-06-09T22:13:17+00:00

"Even when a woman has no intention of ever becoming sexual with a “maybe” guy, his attention still has some value to her. It appeals to the long term prospective for security that’s a continuous subroutine running in her hindbrain. This is the rudimentary psychology behind hypergamy."

-Rollo, Lady's Game

truedemocracy3 · 2018-06-09T22:36:52+00:00

As painful as this was for you the fact that she saw another guy FROM WORK while making that excuse will serve as helpful down the road as she basically thrusted TRP deep into your throat.

When a women says she doesnt want a relationship and gives you a reason it's almost always BS. This isn't necessarily her fault - she is trying to get out of saying 'no' with as little feelings damage as possible and "you're not good enough" would make her the bad guy.

Never believe the reason a women gives you for this. Really for anything. Because for the right guy it wouldn't matter. I've been in a similar boat and yes it sucks. But really just have to focus on yourself and you will get over her, and maybe even one day laugh at the thought of dating her.

StinkyDogFarts · 2018-06-09T15:29:38+00:00

Don't fuck around with girls on the job if you like your job.

-Mavs · 2018-06-09T14:35:08+00:00

Everything is good but the part where you tell her "it pains me"; I don't agree with telling a cunt how much something affects you.

It's better to keep this to yourself and not explain the situation to anyone; rather work on it within yourself.

TheEnglishman28 · 2018-06-10T01:25:47+00:00

You talked to her about your deep feelings.

Don't ever do that.

webguy1975 · 2018-06-10T01:29:05+00:00

She sounds like a BPD candidate. Steer clear.

Gemini_PI · 2018-06-10T06:45:37+00:00

So she told you she was already seeing someone, then you take advantage of someone else sexually and selfishly to get over your mommy issues. And you can’t figure out why you won’t have a chance with this person?

Jesus. 😂😂😂

BobbyPeru · 2018-06-10T06:58:19+00:00

I have a simple solution. I don’t orbit girls. They orbit me.

iphar · 2018-06-10T07:57:34+00:00

Either grab her by the pussy or not. What's this half ass 'I still have feelings for you' bs.

redxpills · 2018-06-10T13:43:04+00:00

Always remember rule number 1: don't shit where you eat.

[deleted] · 2018-06-11T01:35:08+00:00

Imagine if this shit was reversed. She keeps coming by your desk looking for quasi sexual attention. That’s sexual harassment with a capital H.

Lambdal7 · 2018-06-11T07:47:21+00:00

You approached the problem incorrectly.

When she is "getting over" someone but wants to spend time with you, just grab her and escalate verbally and physically, sexualize the conversation, do push and pull.

Then she has the choice of being sexually available and you being emotionally available, or her not being sexually unavailable and you emotionally unavailable. Put her on the spot, let her make the choice and move on.

Canwang · 2018-06-11T08:37:31+00:00

Here's the thing, she's just a dumb cunt, slutting around, as they do. You should have told her, " I have enough friends, I'm not looking for any more." Ghost the bitch until she's begging for your dick. DO NOT TELL HER YOU HAVE FUCKING FEELINGS FOR HER. Bro, that's pussy repellent. If she never comes around again, who gives a fuck, AND, the bitch works with you?! That's a huge mistake about to blow up in your face.

I'm mgtow, but for Christ's sake, the mistakes you made are blindingly obvious.

"Treat them like dirt and they stick to you like mud."

Cthula-Hoops · 2018-06-13T17:12:24+00:00

I really don't understand this as an introvert. I mean I do like getting positive attention, its just the need to have CONSTANT attention is baffling to me. Like for fucks sake, I only need one person a year to give me hungry eyes to feel like a sexy mf.

Y34rZer0 · 2018-06-14T12:39:05+00:00

Good post, very good points

hakubamatata · 2018-06-09T15:17:33+00:00

This really hits home. Im in a similar situation with a girl from my job. I have completely stopped orbtiting around her and now she wants my attention. Too bad because she’s not getting it. I work with mostly all guys since it is a warehouse and she is the only girl in the department. All the guys chase after her and I tried too and got nowhere. What’s even better is that i’m going to change to the morning shift so I wont have to see her ever again.

thetailbiter · 2018-06-09T12:55:51+00:00

Feels bad man. Still getting over a similar situation myself

bravo6960 · 2018-06-09T14:25:25+00:00

It took me finding someone else before I noticed I was in that sort of situation. Lead on for years. Even said if she was single by thirty she would stay with me. I was oblivious and she was hot.

[deleted] · 2018-06-09T16:25:20+00:00

I would especially be careful in a work setting. After you shutting her approach down on multiple times, I would not be surprised if she went to HR to throw some allegation at you. " Hostile work environment".

It's not a "what if" situation, its a situation I know that happened to someone I'm related to. Never shit where you eat...

JerryLawlerPigFace · 2018-06-09T19:11:54+00:00

A very down to earth post. A lot of the times we just like to ignore the fact that we’re human beings with feelings, and can develop strong feelings towards other people. Especially as guys, we hate to admit that we’ve caught “the feels”. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you fell hard for someone, and that those feelings are still there as you try your best (TRP, monk mode) to get over them.

Good work my friend.

Carbuncl3 · 2018-06-09T22:44:18+00:00

My general rule of thumb is that if it's not an enjoyable process at least in someway then something is off. It should feel natural (once TRP is digested and integrated).

yellowboy212 · 2018-06-09T22:51:03+00:00

nah sounds like you fucked up. you never give ultimatums or put it so bluntly like fuck me right now or don’t talk to me

GanksGriefersForFun · 2018-06-09T23:01:46+00:00

The ones who care about you are the ones who will leave you alone without getting so offended acting entitled af to your attention. All this crap about calling men entitled comes from women who want hundreds of likes on their photos and an inbox flooded with messages from men. They want your attention because they know you feel a type of way since you openly admitted it. Not all men admit such strong emotions. These types won't leave you alone because they already got to know you and can reap the benefits of a relationship without doing the romantic shit in return.

Title	Girls you orbit will say they care about you, but really only care about your attention.
Author	it_takes_the_redpill
Upvotes	868
Comments	147
Date	09 June 2018 10:11 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	TheRedPill
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/50750
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/8prvkf/girls_you_orbit_will_say_they_care_about_you_but/

Girls you orbit will say they care about you, but really only care about your attention.

The lure

The game

The breaking point

Confirmation

Conclusion

Your best is never good enough(Long read)

Boyfriend lied to me about female friend early on in relationship; we are long term now, how to trust him fully again?

How to be confident

Would appreciate advice on my LTR. We have broken up 3 times and would like to know where things went wrong

Grappling with chaotic reality of romance with dream/nightmare girl - Seeking analytical advice