Tl:Dr; Failure will always be an option, it will always be there, don't let the thought of failing prevent you from ever trying.

Body

Throughout my earlier life, things like academics, sports, especially in gym, "never appealed to me." I was athletic, I was a varsity wrestler yet I was fat kid tier in gym class: always picked last. It was because of my efforts. I sheltered my ego, thinking it was worthless to actually try in dodge ball or a scooter relay. Naturally gifted at wresting, always praised young for my "brilliant mind", I grew a distaste for anything I had to work at. It was more than that though, I was scared to be seen as a failure when I had too many outlets I could half ass it at and still excellence compared to the general population. "I choose to hang out with second rate people, so I shine by comparison without polish." was thrown in my face by the judge, my advance math teacher, while sentencing me for my first juvenile trial.

It was easier to say I didn't want to, that I could do it, only if actually wanted to try. I was lazy, it was an excuse to shelter my ego from finding out there were thing I sucked at. To find out there were thing I failed at. I didn't want to put in the time and effort it took to learn anything that didn't come naturally. Nobody wants to fail after all.

Nobody wants to fail because we don't talk about the road to success being paved in failure. Nobody wants to fail because we praise the winners. Losing, despite how good of fight you put up, is always seen as a loss, never as a learning experience. When you fail, you have two options, except defeat or keep on trying. Each failure is just one more rung on the ladder to success. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn't fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."

Do children fear failure? I like to think not. I like to believe that babies fall down trying to take their first steps, get back up without ever touching on the fear of falling down again. If this is true than the fear of failure is something that grows with our ego and intelligence. It's cultivated in all us. Rightly so, failures can be costly. In high stakes a mistake can coast millions or even a life but that's not what we're talking about.

Most of us aren't worth that. Most the men who are, don't let the thought of failure stop them. The type of failure that paralyzed me was the thought of rejection. Finding out my writing wasn't good enough, or my song lyrics sucked. It was too much for my fragile ego to handle that girl turning me down. You can not let the possibility of flopping keep you from ever making a move. You'll never progress, you'll never find out what society thinks you're worth if you don't put yourself out there. Half of my success has come when I wasn't caring what others thought. Success came most when I threw caution to the wind and I was creating for my own amusement.

Society thought I was pretty damn successful for the past few years of life. I had more than one girl tell me that. I had a good paying job for young and no college degree. My own place where there would always be an after bar or pregame party going on. A beautiful dog that behaved like a saint because fresh out of high school, I put countless hours into him, because I enjoyed the time together. I had a clean, older truck. Life looked good from the outside looking in, even if I was drinking 8 days a week. Truth is, I was fucking miserable. I was still half assing my way through life. My supervisor at work saw it, "kid you could be one of my best employees if you'd get that head out your ass." My writings were piling up in my note books, worse still I was scared to show them off. I scolded one LTP for intruding on a notebook I clearly left open to a work in progress. She loved it too, yet I never let her see a piece again. I was scared if I tried, if I actually gave it my all, and I wasn't good enough, I'd, I'd, I don't know what I was afraid of. I can't figure that out. Almost like there was an irrational fear of nothing, holding me back. What I can tell you is what happened when I finally did put myself out there for failure.

I failed. I had great success. People gave me words of encouragement, gave me advise and tips on how I could get better. I took their wisdom with a grain of salt and watched who it was coming from because I had about as many nay sayers as I did people trying to impart wisdom. Sad truth being, most of them never found the courage to put themselves out there. Most of our population (looking at you U.S.A.) doesn't have substance to them, they don't have activities or hobbies they're actively doing that they can progress in. Too many people I've talked with have things they wish they knew, that they're too afraid to start because it might not go as planned. If you're putting yourself out there, you're already doing better than most. You're already closer to success than most people ever will be, simply by starting.

The moral of my story is self doubts only something in your head. You shouldn't have any doubt you aren't going to succeed until you actually don't, then it's back to the drawing board. It's easier said than done, I don't have a quick fix. Extreme emotions conflict pushed me to release a 3 minutes freestyle that didn't blow up but it got people talking about me. It got me talking to the right people. Hearing my ex LTP exclaim how she just loves her newest BF's art made my soul twitch. None of my art was out there on display and I was certainly better than him. It's a funny thing, the fact my art wasn't out on display for the world to admire bruised my ego enough to get my ego over the fact my art might be ridiculed, it might actually be condemned. With every failure come the opportunity to learn, to become better and take one step closer to success if you actually get out there and try.