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Field Report: Fucking my former oneitis and what it made me realize

Reddit View
July 7, 2018

I’m gonna keep this short and sweet for you guys. No fluff or fanfiction-style overly descriptive sex paragraphs. Just my simple description of events and the knowledge I gained.

Back in high school I had severe oneitis for a girl (let’s call her Julia) and thought that being a nice guy™ was the way to win her heart. Obviously, it failed miserably leading to her rejecting me when I declared my love for her. We lost touch for the most part and a few years pass. In those few years I’ve gained probably 25 lbs of muscle, revamped my fashion, and have adopted TRP principles when dealing with women. All of these combined have made me a lot more attractive to them than before.

So this past spring break I was in Miami with a few friends when I get a text from Julia out of the blue. She saw my snapstory of me in Miami and it just so happens that she and her college friends have rented an Airbnb there as well. She invites me and my friends to go clubbing and crash at her house. We arrive at the Airbnb and I start flirting with a few of her friends. Not because I want to make her jealous but because why not. I could tell she was expecting me to be falling head over heels for her like back in high school but I really couldn’t care less. Yeah she’s still hot and all but I’ve fucked hotter at college.

We go out to the club, yadda yadda yadda, flirt and dance. I use TRP techniques like push/pull to make her even more interested. We all go back to the Airbnb. I scoop her off her feet once we get inside, take her into her bedroom, and we fuck. And while I’m fucking her I just start thinking to myself “THIS is what I spent months and months agonizing over back in high school? Below-average pussy?” Seventeen-year-old me would have creamed his pants if he’d known that a few years later I’d be fucking Julia with a fistful of her hair in my hand but all I was thinking was that it was nothing special. I think it was at this precise moment that I knew my viewpoint on women had changed for good.

I understand this is common knowledge to TRP veterans but for all the newbies out there with severe cases of oneitis listen up. Your mind is doing mental gymnastics to prove to itself that she’s “the one” or “special” when realistically there are 10’s of thousands of girls like her out there for you. TRP recommends going out and fucking other girls to deal with your oneitis because it works. Oneitis usually comes from a place of pussy scarcity so the solution is simple, increase your pussy supply by going out and fucking different women.

TL;DR: Get over your oneitis by fucking other women.

I understand I'm not really providing any new information with this FR but I think it's good to remind the newer guys on here of the basics sometimes. I don't claim to be an expert on TRP, and definitely I have a ways still to go. But when this happened I knew I had come a long way since my beta days in high school.

Post Information
Title Field Report: Fucking my former oneitis and what it made me realize
Author HannibalBacara
Upvotes 768
Comments 136
Date 07 July 2018 08:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
betascarcitythe red pillfield report

[–]grewapair485 points486 points  (18 children) | Copy

Step 1: Realize that one girl isn't all that great.

Step 2: Realize that every girl isn't all that great.

Step 3: When they try to pressure you into marriage, pass.

[–]illusiveab178 points179 points  (4 children) | Copy

real tl;dr: the pussy is never as good as you think it will be

[–]i_count_poopoo45 points46 points  (3 children) | Copy

Devils advocate: some pussy really is good. (Usually whores). But just enjoy it while it lasts and don’t act like you’ll never find better. Because you literally will find much better.

Never ever have a ‘top woman’. Make that change as fast as you can.

[–]teabagabeartrap1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And how to get out of it, if you find one, that no other could beat so far...

[–]NorthEasternNomad17 points18 points  (5 children) | Copy

Unless, as a guy, you really want children of your own, marriage - for a financially stable, independent guy - is all risk and little to no reward. Such is the society we have built.

And having kids? These days? No thanks.

[–]theaspiringasshole6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Marriage? With a carousel rider who can't form a pair bond? No thanks. If a financially stable guy just had to, he'd be wise to put all his assets into an irrevocable trust beforehand so she has no legal claim after her inevitable pre-divorce case of the I'mnothappyitis.

[–]NorthEasternNomad1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Got to be honest: I fail to see now why ANY financially stable guy, making it on his own, would ever so much as live with a woman, more less marry one, in this society. Too much risk, for too little potential reward.

But if you do it, do what my girl and were at one point talking about: pre nup, clearly stating "no alimony, for any reason, ever. For either partner. Period." At LEAST do that.

[–]macnut682 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Girlfriends are better than wives or even live-in gfs anyway; they know they have to work to keep you and that you can simply walk away at any time. Especially if she becomes too much of a pain.

[–]griz3lda0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Unfortunately that's not even legal in every state. State by state there are lists of what you can't include in a prenup.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

that's the single most concise summation of TRP knowledge I've seen (though it lacks "Lift" and "AWALT" ) that's a damn good bullet point. here's an uproot, OP.

[–]Lizzle3728 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

What if they never want to get married

[–]pct922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is underrated. If I cared to spend money on useless things on the interwebs I would gild this.

[–]Olongapo187 points188 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bwahahaha!!!! This happened to me a very long time ago after I got out of the service. Ran into a HS crush at a party, went home, and she was really lousy in bed. This was most definitely before RP. I actually regretted it.

[–]1AlfredKinsey163 points164 points  (17 children) | Copy

I see comments all the time asking how to overcome oneitis and this really is the right answer.

Soul mates, true's all garbage lies. Attraction can be created with many different girls.

[–]AlphaNathan59 points60 points  (0 children) | Copy

Soul mates and true love sells books and movie tickets. The people writing it likely don't believe that junk.

[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero52 points53 points  (15 children) | Copy

"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."

[–]illusiveab20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's a Fabolous line I believe. Think Joe put it better with "for every bad girl, there's a dude tired of fucking her."

[–]heartbroken_nerd10 points11 points  (12 children) | Copy

What does your flair even mean? I'm confused, do you offer free advice via PM? Where are you from and what kind of advice do you give?

[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero28 points29 points  (9 children) | Copy

I'm a US-based tax lawyer and business consultant (BS in Accounting, MBA, JD, LLM in Taxation) who drops the occasional pearl of TRP wisdom in this community.

I'm happy to provide general information about starting a small business, small business management, and personal asset planning and protection; but specific questions about individual facts must be discussed privately (and in exchange for modest compensation).

[–]Skyhawk_And_Skyhead31 points32 points  (8 children) | Copy

If a stripper tells me shes paying her way through medical school can I write off the money as an education grant?

[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero43 points44 points  (6 children) | Copy

Naw, writing off a grant generally requires preapproval by the IRS before the transaction occurs. Instead, start a small business on paper, have her fill out a W-9, issue her a 1099, expense the money you give her as payments to an independent contractor on your Schedule C, then write off the net operating loss for your business on your 1040.

Edit: Jesus, this comment isn't tax advice. Don't be dumb and assume a question about the tax consequences of giving money to strippers on this sub is a serious question, because my answer sure as fuck isn't a serious reply. This transaction, as presented, cannot be deducted from your taxes.

[–]Origami844 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have no idea what you wrote. Which is not a critic on you, but on the tax code -.-'

[–]Libertarian-Party2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

But unless this in paper business makes money, how do I use the net loss to offput my taxable income from a non business source? (Aka a normal job Or interest income etc.)

[–]DieMeinung 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Bad advice. The deduction would be disallowed under S. 262(a) of the Internal Revenue Code.

[–]TRP Legal ExpertColdIceZero9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Obviously that transaction wouldn't pass muster. Anyone who is publicly asking a question about strippers and taxes on this sub is asking a facetious question, which warrants a facetious answer. It's not bad advice if it isn't "advice" in the first place.

The fact that you felt the need to interject yourself into a conversation that didn't involve you, just to prove someone wrong, should concern you. On top of that, you missed the context of this situation, which means you may be prone to making the wrong inferences in other social interactions.

You may find yourself become more successful with people if you were open to being a little more lighthearted, instead of being like this guy

[–]Narcissist4565 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

LMFAO finally someone is asking the real questions around here...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

edit: "The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else."

[–]1Zanford121 points122 points  (4 children) | Copy

Great field report. One of the best things about sex (with a particular girl or in general) is it gives you more perspective and you don't overvalue it as much. "Sex is only a big deal if you aren't getting any."

[–]BlackCraneStoic67 points68 points  (3 children) | Copy

When thirsty in a desert all one thinks about is water. When stranded in an ocean all one thinks about is getting back to shore.

[–]bonusfruit105 points106 points  (8 children) | Copy

It sucks that this cynicism is required to enjoy (to a lesser degree) what we craved so badly in youth. It would be nice to experience the affection, validation and sex combined with the idealistic feelings of true love as a reward for niceness instead of hate fucking hb8 number 6867467 with this vague sense of nihilism about how fucked human nature is. But that's as good as it gets apparently

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think that's something everyone struggles with when first swallowing the red pill. Dismissing the red pill as a bunch of bullshit is all too easy. You can just go back to your old way of thinking about the world and try to forget you ever questioned it while living in ignorance.

I still get sad about it at times. When I was younger falling in love with my "soulmate" and growing old together while raising a family was a dream of mine. And now that fantasy has been shattered for me. Took me a few months to fully come to grips with it in all honesty.

[–]Ihatemoi2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is so true. The world and human nature is not evil and bad per se. Nature is not evil, we define "evil" and "tragedy" by the damage it provoques to us. It is hard to forget all the idealistic expectations of love and relationship fulfillment, However, IMO it is even harder to live life with in ignorance, until one day reality hits you like a million bricks.

My best friend lives in that ignorance. He is 26, he just got his first GF a couple of weeks ago, he has never had a gf before, not because he never had the chance, but because he believes in his ideals of love and "one girl forever". He also does not intend to have sex with his gf (a 20 yo American girl) until marrying her. I just hope he does not get hurt. But sometimes it is the only way we can ever learn. Sometimes though, I would like to think like him and actually believe it myself.

[–]Rathadin22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's because too many Westerners have bought into Disney bullshit.

No one is special. Everyone is replaceable. Men are expendable.

These are the things that people need to understand, but for some reason refuse to believe.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers0011 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s a really good point that’s not mentioned enough. Part of what kept my dick dry for so long in my youth was the misguided sense that cynicism would be “failure” on my part in some sense and that I could get some ass with my idealist approach. It’s a real double bind.

[–]BlackCraneStoic6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's either that or become an incel or get cucked into raising someone else's kids while playing the role of ATM. The idealistic feelings of happily ever after with your one true love are just a fantasy. One that destroys lives rather than fulfill them.

[–]RudeAmbassador1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is true as fuck.

It's like to finally get what you want, you have learn that it isn't shit and then you don't want it anymore

[–]griz3lda0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

in the immortal words of Courtney Love presumably talking about dating / fucking her, "They get what they want, and they never want it again."

[–]1scissor_me_timbers000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Although I don’t think that’s as good as it gets. It can be better with a proper patriarchal society where women have a general respect for men. Not ideal, but better.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers0030 points31 points  (11 children) | Copy

Your mind is doing mental gymnastics to prove to itself that she’s “the one” or “special”

When it gets really weird is when you start experiencing a series of “meaningful coincidences” which you think means the universe is somehow conspiring to get you together. Fuuuck I dealt with that for a while in my youth with this one particular girl. And fuck me, there were some pretty strange coincidences that kept me thinking along those lines.

Never ended up nailing her tho.

[–]EyeOfTerror18 points19 points  (9 children) | Copy

Yeah I know exactly what you mean, experienced it with my oneitis too. Guess it’s somehow the male version of the hamster.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers0010 points11 points  (8 children) | Copy

I think it’s more than just the hamster man. When stuff in the real world outside your control starts happening in coincidental fashion it can make you question your model of reality.


I had severe oneitis for girl A. We worked at a restaurant together. Evidently girl A had a crush on me too and flirts fairly heavily, escalating the level of it. Friend of girl A at the restaurant organizes social events to get girl A and I to interact outside of work and possibly hookup. She’s playing matchmaker.

Girl A keeps giving me a wide open goalnet to escalate with her during these. I fail to reciprocate her continued flirtations because I’m a bipolar depressive basketcase at the time with no TRP knowledge. Even tho inside I’m deeply in love with her like a hapless beta. After months of my failure to escalate w her, she loses interest and grows cold towards me. No more interest.

New girl B starts working at the restaurant. Tells me she “saw my aura” and throws herself at me. We start fucking. Cool chick, pretty sexy, but I’m still engulfed in my oneitis for girl A. I tell girl B let’s keep our thing together a secret at the restaurant (I was clueless about pre selection).

Here’s the coincidence— my roommates could hear when I would be fucking girl B. And they talked about it at their work at a seasonal farmers market. Coincidentally, one of their coworkers they were chatting about this with happened to be the roommate and good friend of girl A, my oneitis. No one realized this connection til my roommates mentioned the name of the restaurant I work at, at which point they had a good laugh. Luckily my roommates did not know about my oneitis for girl A, they only knew I worked w her. We don’t live in a small town either. It’s a mid size city, so this isn’t just some small town effect thing.

So anyway, word of me pounding out the new girl at the restaurant with the sweet ass (girl B) finds its way into the ears of my oneitis, girl A, thru this weird coincidence backchannel, after she had gone cold towards me for 4-6 weeks.

Well surprise surprise, she starts flirting with me pretty heavily again, and our mutual friend revamps her attempts to try and set us up outside of work. I was still deep deep in personal dysfunction tho and could never capitalize.

But there were a handful of similar coincidences like this one that made me think there was something cosmic about my attraction to this girl. Forget girlfriend fantasies, i had full blown wife fantasies about her. She was the biggest oneitis I’ve had in my entire life. So imagine the feeling when she initiated heavy flirtation w you. ANd then events seem to conspire to keep her interested in you. Fuck me man. What a mindbender. Some new rando girl at the restaurant sees my fuckin aura and craves dick, and through a weird series of events keeps the oneitis on your hook.

[–]Morphs_7 points8 points  (7 children) | Copy

What your story mostly tells is how certain TRP concepts work and women love popular dick. And yes, every guy has 'the biggest oneitis' at some point in life. It's the challenge to grow past that and see things for what they really are.

Two years ago I had my biggest oneitis, who happened to be a FwB for a while. I closely observed my feelings and noticed that when I was with her, all feelings of being in love would subside. I would feel "normal". The feeling of being in love was only present when she was not around. Like an extreme version of craving.

Now things are so much better. No more cravings due to abundance. Total freedom. More attention than ever.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers000 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah I mean there’s definitely some TRP nuggets of wisdom in there which I didn’t fully grasp until later discovering this sub. The whole fling with girl B yielded several other insights.

But I should repeat, there were several other weird conicidences with girl A which just continued this idea in my mind that we were supposed to get together somehow. I just posted this one but maybe the way I told it dampened the effect. When it happened it was really quite mind boggling to me.

[–]Morphs_0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Yeah it's impossible to say for sure if it's the universe at work or mere coincidence. I tend to go with the latter, but in the end it doesn't even matter, it just happened this way.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers000 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I’ll give you three more coincidences:


One time she was giving me a ride home from a party and I was picking the music. She said pick a Rolling Stones song. I scroll to Beast of Burden, and as my thumb is pressing the song she says “my favorite is Beast of Burden”. The song had not started yet and there’s no way she could’ve seen the screen.


after not seeing her for a while I had a dream about her. I head to the gym the next day and have a strong feeling I would see her there. Whaddaya know, she’s there. I had known she went to the same gym as me but I didn’t see her there frequently.

Later that week I see her from my car out with her friend. Then also that same week I go for a bite to eat at a restaurant, and a former coworker is serving me, who used to work with me and oneitis at the restaurant we met at. The dude brings the girl up out of nowhere. I had never mentioned my crush on the oneitis when we were all working together.

So now within one week that’s two random sightings of the girl followed by a random mention of her by an old coworker. As I’m pondering this, I think “she’s my fucking muse”. And I kid you not, 20 minutes later I pop open my email and get a new notification from a blog I follow about the importance of having a muse to fuel creativity and success.


One time I had to go to court for some bullshit and was really frustrated with it and vowing to myself to turn my life around, hoping one of the benefits of getting a grip on my mind would be finally nailing this girl. I had to appear in court twice. I get out of court the first time, sit down in my car and look at my phone, and there’s a text from Facebook that it’s her birthday.

Second court appearance, I pull up to park near the courthouse and her car is right fuckin there, two parking stalls away. I’m certain it was her specific car, it’s distinct. She was probably at some nearby shop.

Anyway it all feels like the universe dangling a carrot in front of me. Fuck me man. Sometimes I feel like the butt end of a cosmic joke. Other times I feel like the hero of a story I didn’t write, who may be fucking up big time or may be on track and it’s impossible to tell. It’s probably just my mental illness. But those coincidences I laid out really happened. I’m not schizophrenic.

[–]Morphs_2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is purely psychological stuff. You remember the positives and forget the negatives. For example, you were probably thinking about her pretty much all the time. So whenever something regarding her would pop up, you would consider that a "coincidence". However, all the times you were thinking of her and nothing happen, you would forget about.

People do this all the time. Their filter insignificant events which creates a bias for magical stuff. It's the reason why some people think their clock always reads 11:11 or 12:34 or some shit.

People do it all the time. They add significance to events that others would describe as "happen by chance". So why is that? Well it is simply caused by

[–]col_carillo0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This. To which I'd add that you remember these coincidences with your oneitis and forget them with other people. How many times do you open facebook and a random "It's XXX's birthday today!" message appears? Of course it's no big deal when it's anyone else, but when it's your oneitis, it's A SIGN FROM THE GODS. Umm, no it isn't. That's your mind playing tricks on you.

Look at it this way: what's so special about seeing her car a few stalls away while you're at court? If you saw her car at the grocery store, or at the mall, would it also be A SIGN? I'm guessing you'd say it would, which basically means anytime you see a car which *might* be hers, you're thinking it's some cosmic sign. Meanwhile, you don't even know what the rest of your co-workers drive, which means if they happen to be parked next to you, you wouldn't even know it, and if if you did, you wouldn't care or remember it for more than a few minutes.

There are no such things as cosmic signs. If you think the Universe in all its mighty glory and splendor really gives a flying fuck about the lovelife of some insignificant lifeform on some random planet in the outerboroughs of an unremarkable galaxy whose entire lifespan is barely an eyeblink in the history of the cosmos, then you're smoking something pretty powerful.

Here's the only coincidence you should be thankful for: you didn't tell your oneitis about your new relationship, and she still found out about it through someone else. That's the best way to reveal a new relationship, because, regardless of *your* reason for keeping it secret, in her mind, you did it because you could care less that she knew. If you had lorded your new hookup around her, she'd know you still had a thing for her. And when someone hears a story through the gossip mill, they fill in the gaps with much grander visions than you could ever implant. So in her mind your hookup wasn't just a fuckbuddy: she was your soulmate and you two are probably going to get married in the next month if she doesn't intervene to keep her orbiter around. Which is what she did. If you want to thank the Gods for a coincidence, thank them for this one. Not the other ones.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha yeah I mean I knew it was probably psychological stuff. Part of me posting was just the catharsis of carrying around such an absurd oneitis for so long. But over a period of several years, when a series of coincidental stuff happens regarding a girl you’re already obsessed with... idk it just messed with me. Thanks for your input.

And yeah the whole gossip nugget about girl B was one of my first TRP insights.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

With the court thing, it was more than just her being on my mind. It was specifically that immediately before/after each of the two court appearances, she popped up. If it had been one of the two court appearances, I would easily dismiss it. But both?

It felt like the universe was using both the carrot and the stick with me. Having to go to court during a rough time as a reminder to start getting serious about getting my shit together (stick). But then providing a motivational reminder (carrot) by having a memento of her pop up for each court appearance.

I’m obviously skeptical of all this, but that’s how it struck me.

[–]qwerty80081350 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have also felt those coincidences. It's amazing how the mind can truly believe itself. It's even more convincing than actual reality.

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Julia was DTF for the whole time, your approach was just invalid earlier.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s possible. Can’t say for sure.

But like I said I’ve gained about 25 pounds of muscle since then and started dressing a lot better. I’ve probably raised my looks from a 5/10 to a 6-6.5.

[–]FromTheCaveIntoLight12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shorts, sweet and to the point. Great post and well done!

[–]El_E_Jandr023 points24 points  (2 children) | Copy

As a 19 year old guy getting over oneitis right now, this made me smile and gave me some hope for a better future. Much respect brother

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's definitely rough that first time your heart is broken. You almost feel physically ill, like there's this massive knot in your stomach.

It's very easy to just give up and fall into a pit of despair but real men pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and get back to improving themselves.

Trust me I know how you feel. I got oneitis for my first serious girlfriend as well. You feel like there's no hope that you'll ever find a girl like her again and that life is fucked.

But guess what? It's not. I've met women so much better than my oneitis in terms of not just looks but personality as well.

Just keep working on yourself and don't ever lose hope.

[–]dixm8555 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for this particular post.

[–]diamondstudz30 points31 points  (4 children) | Copy

i know referring to works of fiction is frowned upon here, but in the movie Mud, the advice given on how to get over a bitch is precisely what you said, OP. Just go out and get your tip wet

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't see why it should be frowned upon. Some of the most profound life lessons I've learned have been from fiction whether it be books or movies.

[–]Avertus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

As long as you can somehow connect them to TRP principles I guess? I have the same concern with the rule against promoting political agenda, when TRP is formed partly in response to feminism

[–]JamesP20182 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Because fiction did not actually happen, it is subject to the biases of the writer, the needs of the story, and finally the biases of the interpreter.

[–]Endorsed ContributorAuvergnat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What is frowned upon is taking works of fiction as evidence of human behavior. You're totally free to say "If you want an example of good game to emulate that follow sound pick-up principles, check out Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love" but if you'd be an idiot to say "Ryan Gosling's game in Crazy Stupid Love works because he got all those hot girls in the movie".

[–]tibikush20129 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

All pussies feel the same. Once you realize this, your life will be much better

[–]trollreign0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

g any new information with this FR but I think it's good to remind the newer guys on here of the basics sometimes. I don't claim to be an expert on TRP, and definitely I have a ways still to go. But when this happened I knew I had come a long way since my beta days in high school.

Strongly disagree. There is definitely puss I don't even bother with anymore because I know that a glass of wine and a book will make me happier in the evening.

[–]tibikush20120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think you replied to the wrong person

[–]PlasticPlan77718 points19 points  (7 children) | Copy

I briefly dated a former oneitis and while she was resting her head on my lap during a movie, she looked up and I noticed a booger in her nose. She was the prettiest girl in the world to me until that moment. I remember the weird feeling of disappointment that I had that night. Even attractive girls go to the bathroom, get boogers, and have bad breath at times. If you are reading this and you have a crush, realize that they're no different than anyone else. Idealization just creates disappointment.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers009 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

This is just the male version of the light switch effect. She sees you in the briefest moment of weakness and her attraction to you is instantly shattered.

If you cant get over a booger in her nose you’re operating on chick level. Not good man.

[–]PlasticPlan77710 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

It was more about the human body being a decaying biological machine than weakness. It didn't make her weak, it just reminded me that we're all animals.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers001 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I know it’s not about the weakness. That the turnoff for females. When a guy sees some gross biological function of his girl, that’s a sort of equivalent turnoff. (Although it can run both ways).

But point is, seeing a booger in a girls nose is so trivial. You should be able to override such a minorly gross thing and not let it affect your enjoyment. It’s chick behavior to childishly not be able to override their minor turnoffs.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think what he was saying is that in that moment his illusion of a perfect goddess was shattered.

[–]1scissor_me_timbers001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah but he said he was no longer attracted. That’s a further fall than just “she’s not a goddess”.

[–]PlasticPlan7771 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, it was literally ten years ago. It was during my oneitis as a teenager and I no longer think that way. My whole example revolved around oneitis as a problem, so I was basically implying that it wasn't a healthy mindset from the start. I agree with what you're saying. Hopefully, we can stop exchanging messages at this point. Cheers.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

AKA "The grass isn't always greener".

AKA Do not covet or dwell on the garden of your desire, do not let envy or jealously cloud your skies, simply till your own Earth, tend your own land, and with enough hard work and a bit of luck, patience and perseverance you'll be sat having a bumper harvest.

Tonight, we dine like Kings.

[–]1atticusfinch197325 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even a oneitis is just any other average woman. It's your brain tricking you into thinking she's something special (usually because you think she's unattainable) when she's just another female.

Pussy is just pussy. It should never control you.

[–]scorpionkg4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am so glad to read that. The same thing happened to me last year. I just fucked my highschool oneites after 10 years.

That feeling is good, and you realy want to tell to your younger self what you just did.

But, she is just one girl.

Nothing more than that.

Out of the Matrix, life is good.

Thank you Rollo Tomassi.

[–]chad9k 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

I think something a lot of people miss is that oneitis is not something you can logically work yourself through (at least in my experience). Hear me out.

I’ve just finished high school. I know I don’t have much expertise to be giving my opinion.

I went through severe oneitis. This was with a girl I had been crushing on since elementary school. I didn’t even talk to her till senior year. I was able to put my knowledge of game to use. And it worked.

We went out for a bit until I bugged out like a beta when she was over my house while I tried escalating into making out. I was devastated when she suddenly turned cold. I was depressed for months.

I heard the regular mantras people with oneitis are told. But I knew that understanding that she wasn’t as special as I thought wasn’t going to help. Though I knew that to be true, I didn’t feel it.

Something I learned from mindfulness meditation is to identify your emotional state and not resist it. Instead, let it pass. I did just that and it did wonders. I think the answer for some people with oneitis is to just exist with the pain until it goes away. Any attempts to fight through it logically will only make it worse.

This is probably just some incoherent rambling but I felt the need to share this. If anyone more older/more experienced could comment on this too that would be great.

[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillcad4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best part is the unsaid. She probably invited you to pay for her drinks and orbit her at the club to feed her ego.

She was pleasantly surprised that you grew up

[–]omargrunt15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

Why was the pussy below average? It wasnt gripping?

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah it wasn’t one of the tighter ones I’ve had and the fact that she didn’t know how to ride a cock for the life of her.

[–]TimPartendale4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah it wasn’t one of the tighter ones

Sucks when it just feels like pounding a bag of air and there’s no resistance.

she didn’t know how to ride

Seems like she needed your help sooner to show her the ropes lol

[–]KingoftheFools 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

yeah one thing RSD says to do when you get oneitis is to get with at least four other girls before you let yourself talk to her again. This rule acts as both motivation to improve your charisma and it shows you that she isn't special so it's a pretty good rule

[–]ProFriendZoner8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Most can't get one let alone 3 or 4. That's why we're here. It's easy to say go out and bang a bunch of broads. Try asking someone who doesn't know math to add or multiply and they will have no idea how. TEACH them how and you then give them the knowledge.

[–]BlackCraneStoic5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

The knowledge means nothing if they aren't willing to go out and experiment with it.

A person can know that regular bicep curls tone the inner head while hammer curls hit the outer head, brachialis, and brachioradialis. Unless that same person goes out and applies these exercises in means jack shit! That's the problem. People can only be spoonfed for but so long.

[–]Bruce_wayne891 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So true. People (myself included) think the solution comes from absorbing more knowledge. But 1 conversation in the real world is worth an entire book, if done right.

[–]whataccent2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's easy enough to trivialize oneitis, but one area I struggle on is how to deal with women appearing self-important. I can ignore them in the short-term, but there's always some who set their eyes a certain way, like they're used to getting what they want and having control. Do you just use negs?

[–]MilkMoney1112 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just don’t give them what they’re used to getting. I wouldn’t even use negs. Narcissists love attention, good or bad. So don’t give them anything to work off of.

The biggest fear those types have are being forgotten or not being the prize if other girls are around. Ignore her and have enthusiastic fun with other girls. The girl could be worse than your oneitis in every way but one and that one way will be enough to make your crush’s plan ineffective. Say your crush is an 8. And new girl is a 6. But new girl has an amazing ass. Have no shame in being an ass man. Your oneitis suddenly can’t compete for your attention anymore when that ass is around.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't use a specific technique per say but you just have to remind yourself that women are basically children and treat them as such.

So yeah she might be acting all self-important but don't acknowledge that at all and just treat her like any other girl.

Having that idgaf attitude is something I still struggle with from time to time because part of me somehow still fears it will kill my chances with a girl. Happens rarely for me now but still creeps up from time to time. Still a big improvement over how I used to be.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

having the 'idgaf attitude' doesn't mean you dont give a fuck about her, treat her like shit all the time and pay no attention to her ever. its a fine balance i think. it means that you hold frame, you are cocky and charismatic, charming and light hearted, and always put yourself first. because we all have put the "one"/woman of our dreams first and look what happens... we end up kicked to the curb and blocked on all fronts 99% of the time

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Damn bro I just graduated HS and this made me think “damn what if I fuck my old oneitis in the future”. 😂😂

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

I understand how this post could give you hope but that wasn’t my intention. The point is that when you get out in the world and fuck a bunch of other chicks you’ll look back and cringe at how much importance you gave that girl who didn’t really deserve it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I already cringe at that shit. I liked this post it shows what happens when you have abundance and an old oneitis comes back into your life.

[–]3chazthundergut2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well done, trooper. You just leveled up.

[–]OfficerWade3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ok guys, good field report. The highlights are home runs in tbis community but let’s be honest sex isn’t a BAD or ShAMEFUL thing. Sure there’s no sunset or horse carriage to carry you away after it’s over which isn’t the point. Do it or don’t do it but get it over with.

Any women who will surrender herself to the animal nature of her body which is really forgetting your beliefs and ideas for a man to put his penis inside you takes guts. These girls deserve our respect. Not the ones on tv or in adds in the newspaper because their not real. The real women lay down with us every night. That’s why we love them. Don’t get it twisted folks.

[–]Incel98760 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Any women who will surrender herself to the animal nature of her body which is really forgetting your beliefs and ideas for a man to put his penis inside you takes guts. These girls deserve our respect. Not the ones on tv or in adds in the newspaper because their not real. The real women lay down with us every night. That’s why we love them. Don’t get it twisted folks.

It doesn't take guts to let a man put his penis inside you, it takes guts to have made it through life only letting one man, your husband, put his penis inside you. As the saying goes, a key that opens many locks is a master key, whereas a lock that opens for more than one key is just a shitty lock.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy

It's the same with everything. And I used to have A LOT of friends and we would talk about this a lot so I have quite a bit of data.

It seems the male mind always wants more more more. Get your dream car, 2 weeks later, want something better. Apply this to everything. Girls, clothes, phones, houses, private jets...

The female mind however doesn't tend to do this. A girl can buy a C220d Convertible and 3 years later she still happy with it. A girl can be in a relationship for 3 months and be content, provided the guy is alpha enough. Whereas a guy will be atleast thinking about other girls, if not acting on it.

This is why in buddhism you realise living from the mind / ego is the root of all hurt. And slowly through meditation and living in the moment you unplug from the mind too.

TRP applies to more than just girls. Notice I said "used to have a lot of friends". Now I have none. And I am a lot happier!

[–]rharrington13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think that women do this more, sounds a lot like branch-swinging hypergamy to me. I’d argue female attraction is more about upgrading and not settling.

Men do it too, but the idealized version of love that BP sells is essentially settling. Men settle more than women do when getting into relationships.

Correct me if I’m wrong.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

People on this sub make it sound like a girl branch-swings literally every single day. It's not like that. Hypergamy happens yes, but not that quickly, if you are in the top 20% of men that 80% of the women are banging / dating / marrying.

[–]Xoramung 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

The female mind however doesn't tend to do this. A girl can buy a C220d Convertible and 3 years later she still happy with it. A girl can be in a relationship for 3 months and be content, provided the guy is alpha enough. Whereas a guy will be atleast thinking about other girls, if not acting on it.

Except when that car loses frame (breaks down) and doesn't fix its self (become beta). She will ditch that think in a burning wreck on the side of the road when the next chad will pick her up (C330E)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know any women who completely ditch a car for a brand new one over repairs.

I do know women who have spent considerably money fixing their Audi TT mk1 roadster for example "because its still cute". Whereas a guy is lusting over the mk3 one on the day it comes out.

[–]JamesP20181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My experience does not match with yours at all.

[–]0to100realslow4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

So there's a chance to fuck the first girl to break my heart. I really want to see what i missed haha

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You probably didn't miss that much. And the only reason I even made time for her was because she was the one who hit me up and invited me out.

When I could tell that I was going to fuck her that night part of me thought that I'd be amped to fuck my high school crush but it really wasn't that way at all.

[–]Morphs_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well to add some background to your own story, 17 year old you didn't have experience with hotter women back then. So if 17-you would have fucked here there and then, he'd probably enjoy it a lot more than you did.

This is what I'm sort of facing now too. On one side it's sort of sad, since you missed out on a good experience when the time window was there for you to enjoy it most. But due to back luck and lack of skills and all, we missed that chance.

Now it's just a matter of enjoying what is being presented to us in abundance. At least your newfound stance towards her will make her all the more interested as you've seen.

[–]DrankOfSmell1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Heads up to fellow readers, you can skip the first three paragraphs and get the message/point clearly without missing anything worth your time.

[–]PIGamer862 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

"gonna keep this short."

*wall of text

But in all seriousness, good morning.

[–]M_Hamza1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"good morning."

It can't get more serious

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hardly think 5 paragraphs is a wall of text

[–]chaseexcellence1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Congrats dude. Oneitis is a curse for every man. It will happen to you a few times in your life. It sucks. But you did a great job. Keep up the good work.

[–]Lucky_Yolo1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Im new here, first time Iv herd of this redit. TRP stands for "The Red Pill" right?

[–]the-mundus2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy


If u want to know more about what the red pill is, in a linear way, from the begining, read "the rational male"

the book is free to read online

[–]AshyLarry270 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This can't be emphasized enough. One-itis isn't about that girl you can't stop thinking about, it's your body's "check engine" light when you start to take it easy and start throwing away plates.

[–]deltadevils70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sex is so hyped up in our society that is feels like you’re missing out tremendously when you’re not getting it. Truth is, it’s nothing all that special, and for the most part, women are interchangeable when it comes to sex. Chasing sex with a particular female is destined for heartbreak and rejection, so it’s best to cut that shit out of your life.

[–]JDontPlay990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The biggest mistake people make is putting the pussy on a pedestal.

[–]1sezamus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Beauty and bed performance do not have to go in parallel. Usually high energy, talkative girls are better in sex and this recompensates [me] that she might be 7 or 6 instead of a 9.

A boring sex is boring, no matter who do you have it with.

[–]Alpha_Jedi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've been there myself, so this story hits home. I actually lost of V card to this girl I had bad Oneitis for, only realize looking back it was the worst lay I've had to date. But it's important to note that the causes of Oneitis are a scarcity mentality and the habit of building up a person in your head instead of going out and experiencing reality. Not always the easiest thing to share but thanks for doing so because it provides another use-case example for those in the community. Cheers.

[–]a_radanoff0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not because I want to make her jelous, but because why not? Boom

[–]JcHgvr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I never understood fucking your former crush. She wouldn't let you anywhere near her pussy when you were blue. And now that you improved yourself you bang her the first chance you get, validating her in the process. If the kitten didn't want you you shouldn't want the cat.

[–]theaspiringasshole0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As with most things in life: anticipation is often better than acquisition.

[–]thebluesSV0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

wtf is a TRP tecnique, is it like a martial arts thing?

[–]rushworkingman-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good story! Happened to me too

[–]spoopyspam-2 points-1 points  (12 children) | Copy

what if you respected her as a human being instead? or is that not in TRP tool set of being attractive?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

one can respect a woman without putting them up on a pedestal and ruining their lives.

[–]spoopyspam0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

id like to think that is common sense and doesnt require an entire subreddit dedicated to it

[–]ThePlague0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

One would think, but divorce statistics and male suicide rates say otherwise.

[–]spoopyspam0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Lol if you kys over somebody you're the weak one

[–]ThePlague0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

All the more need for an entire subreddit dedicated to it. When it comes to pussy, men are weak. TRP gives a way to cope with that, to control that.

[–]spoopyspam0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

lol nope, if you cant deal with your inability to get a date and feel entitled to another persons genitalia just to "survive" youre pathetic and honestly dont deserve anyone.

Grow tf up and learn that youre just socially inept and unattractive, better yourself and be more confident and people will like you, bottom line

and that has nothing to do with TRP, this is just a place for sad single men to cope and act superior when in reality theyre the lowest of the low.

[–]ThePlague1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your suppositions are incorrect, hence the non sequitur conclusions are specious.

[–]spoopyspam0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

^ this is what I mean, you think he gets invited anywhere?

[–]Solistx 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

Let me tell you how many times I got laid by respecting women as "human beings."


Fuck you too

[–]spoopyspam0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You could also not be getting laid due to your attitude, Ik I wouldn't want to touch something that doesn't look at me as an equal

Also why does getting laid matter so much? Sex clearly means nothing to you so I don't see why you can't wait

[–]Solistx 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Because it's not about me getting laid or not. It's about the observation and personal expierience that being respectful gets you absolutely nowhere. Being an indifferent carefree dude gets you results. The less I care and the more distant I keep them the more they want me.


[–]spoopyspam0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But you're implying that being respectful is an attempt to get laid, when you should just be respectful and expect nothing in return. You just sound edgy, bottom line is you should be indifferent anyway because girls are humans, getting laid doesn't matter unless you're lonely and weak

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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