What my mother blessed me with.
I grew up dirt poor without a Father. I had terrible examples of men inserted in my life time and time again by my branch swinging mother. One thing I was blessed with was the ability to understand humans and their behavior.
I watched my mom swing branches for over a decade until she found a man to take care of her who was well off and owned multiple properties had a pension and was generally well off.
From a very early age I knew that women were hypergamous and would always take a better opportunity if it were presented to them.
Enough backstory.
I was blessed with struggle:
Being abandoned by my mother from an early age for weeks at a time and being raised by my siblings and their friends taught me that I had to become one with loneliness and thankful to those who gave me their precious time, lessons, and resources for my benefit.
Being hungry. I mean actually hungry. My mom abandoned us to live with her boyfriend(s) and would check on us every five days, six days, two weeks… She would leave my older sister with a book of food stamps and sometimes pay the electricity and water bill. Being hungry taught me that I had to get it for myself.
At the ripe age of 11 we were killing our pet rabbit and using the shake and bake in the cupboard to season him. The shake and bake and flower and a couple spices were the only things in our cupboard for two weeks. After days of trying to mix flour sugar and water together and make “bread” and begging strangers for money we decided to kill the rabbit and eat it.
A couple days later we walked the couple miles to where my mother was staying with her boyfriend and his family. She was drunk from the night before. Her boyfriend wanted to know what we were doing at his house. We told him we just wanted the food stamps and we would leave. We got in her purse and their was only the “ones” left. She was still drunk and we could not talk to her. My older sister asked my moms boyfriend why all of our food stamps were gone. We didn’t have any food in our house and she just got these food stamps. He said that they had been barbecuing and spent most the money on steaks and that she had got him some groceries. This guys fridge was full, like overflowing full, his cupboards had more food than I had ever seen in one house. We called our Father and his mother to ask for help. They called CPS, we only wanted groceries.
This taught me a very valuable lesson. My mother could give a fuck less about me. The woman who taught me what I should think about women showed me that no matter what, they would always choose what was best for them.
We sent my little sister to Taco Bell to beg people for food and we would split five ways whatever she came back with. We also stole and begged a lot.
Some lessons I learned from some of the branches that my mom swung to.
**The Cop-**This man was around when I was quite young. Some of my earliest memories are of this man beating my brother and I relentlessly in the middle of the night. Literally coming in and yanking us out of our beds and beating the shit out of us. Often with a belt. This man taught me that you should never trust anyone and that those in power are often the most cruel. I can wake up at the drop of a dime, a dog sleeping at the foot of my bed is the only thing that allows me to sleep heavily through the night.
The kickboxing instructor- Taught me how to fight, to mercilessly destroy your opponent at all costs, groin shots, eye gouging, whatever it takes. Knives, guns, whatever it takes, the only thing that matters is that you win and never let another man best you especially when your life depends on it.
Cruelty. This man taught me that humans are inherently evil and that there are no limits to the evil that men can do. This man molested my sisters and beat my brother and I relentlessly for years. I learned to never trust anyone. I have only lost one fight in my life, out of the hundreds of altercations that I have been in growing up I have never been severely injured. I have quickly and effectively dealt with violent and dangerous situations more often through fighting but through intelligent retreat as well (usually when guns are involved).
The Mason- This man was in my life for a short period of time. In and out for about a year. He was a bodybuilder. He taught me that if you want to fuck women you have to be in great shape. At twelve years old he bought me an olympic ez-bar and weights. He also bought me dinner ( a hundred dollar lobster dinner) for quitting smoking. He taught me to pass on what little you know to the next generation, regardless of whether they are yours or not. The weights helped me fight, a lot. In high school I was able to get so many girls to blow me that my older brother and his friends were often jealous at how many girls I could pull. This guys name was Joe, and although he was a piece of shit he blessed me with lifting which I have never stopped since that day.
The superintendent- This was the highest branch she could ever swing to. Actually the father of her previous boyfriend. This man taught me work ethic. He worked harder than anyone I have ever met. I learned that you could own anything you want as long as you are willing to pay the price. This man taught me that my mother was worthless, I knew it, but when he kicked me out and I had to sleep on a park bench in a dangerous area full of drug addicts it really set in. I begged her to help me, that I was scared and I needed her. She told me “There is nothing I can do for you.” I was 14. This blessed me with an inner strength and a drive to never fail. I have never from that day been in a position where I could not pay my own way. I told myself that I would never sleep in a place where I was unsafe again.
There are many others that I have derived many lessons from but it would be an exhaustive list to go through them all.
What I took away:
I have created a life for myself and my sons that is like nothing that I have experienced. They know nothing but security and the only examples of “men” allowed in their lives are ones that I have throughly vetted. I have invested heavily in my education and am starting a new job soon that pays $100,000+ a year without traveling. (I made more than that before but I was never home.)
I dropped out of school by 7th grade (I continued through to 9th grade which I repeated 3 times before I ultimately quit). I taught myself from books to get a GED. I then went onto go to college. I am one math class away from my AAS. Which I have studied while working and raising my sons, not for my career, solely for my need to be a better more intelligent man.
I have learned to lead by example. I make mistakes all the time. I reflect, problem solve and keep pushing forward(upward). I try to become a better version of myself everyday and I pass that knowledge onto my sons and those around me.
All my friends are either in prison or degenerate filthy drug addicts. I do not do drugs and never have. I control my drinking like a man and never lose control anymore, my twenties were another story. I have stopped associating myself with any negative people.
Some of the negatives and maybe some positives:
I treat women the same as I do men. Only for what they are truly worth. I can and have slain so many vaginas that women are truly of zero value unless they have actually built value in their lives and themselves. My wife knows this, and is constantly trying to improve my life through her positive behaviors that affect me. I am happily married, but my eyes are wide open. I am truly ready to drop her like a rock if the need arises, she is eerily aware of this, and acts accordingly.
I have finally become a man that I am proud of. I feel like I am still at the bottom of the mountain, but I am always climbing.
My “Fathers” entire line is dead now other than my sons and I. It has released me from an obsession to have a positive male mentor in my life and truly allowed me to get over my past.
I have forgiven all of those who have wronged me and written them into my history, none are allowed in my future.
TLDR: Search exhaustively for lessons from positive male role models and examples of positive behaviors and insert them into your being to become the best version of yourself.
There is lessons to be learned from everyone. Sometimes how to act, sometime how not to act.
Struggle is the chisel that you craft your coliseum with.
“So many women, so little time.” Gramps.
Edit: Thanks for all of the love.
I explained this to a guy I went to college with, when he asked why I was always so positive about other mens work and never had anything but good things to say even when some peoples speeches were garbage or their skills were lacking. Always lift you brothers up never put them down. It's amazing what a man can turn into with the right words of encouragement. None of us were born with inherent value, we have to build it, and in turn build each other.
I tried to reach all of you that messaged me. I am not really keen to give you my personal info, start a chat maybe we can get to know each other first lol.....
And to you haters-Suck it()()---------))))
I don’t know what to make of this, I had a completely opposite relationship with my mother, she struggled financially and still pulled it out of the woodwork to help me whenever I needed it, was always there to talk to me and has never judged me or my lifestyle. I think part of being a man after you fully adjust to red pill and know and understand people’s behavior is not reacting and to stop painting this behavior we are aware of as negative, it just is what it is.
Same here. I mean she definitely branch swung, and she didn't make shit for money or know how to manage it, but she did her best to provide, considering society and other women had got in her mind the dumb idea that women are as capable as men in every way. Can't be mad at her for being dumb. She definitely did her best.
I guess what I should be mad at is my dad for acquiescing, allowing himself to become a weekend dad, and not putting her in her place.
Yeah me too. Never once had to doubt my mom's love. Indeed I remember trying to stop her from doing things for me. I also used to hide illness and injury from her because I didn't want her to make a fuss. She's still married to my dad (it will be 55 years in a few weeks).
You would be a friend I'd keep, had I ever met you. A gladiator.
We can be internet buddies.
"I have finally become a man that I am proud of. I feel like I am still at the bottom of the mountain, but I am always climbing."
Fucking love this line. Despite, having accomplished great success, hitting the gym hard, and investing heavily in yourself you are constantly looking to improve. Stagnation is like death to men, or at least that should be the mindset. Outstanding job for not only surviving these terrible situations but actually thriving and learning from them and seeing what you can do differently. You didn't use drugs, sex, or blame other people for your situation but rather grow into the person you desire to be. Excellent post.
The whole ending is gold. This is going into my personal archives.
If you aren't growing as a person then you are dying. Don't fool yourself into thinking just lifting more is the answer. Once you become a gym rat and lifting becomes routine you still arent challenging yourself in ways you can. Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone. Things like reading, learning a new language, trying a new sport (rock climbing, white water rafting, etc.) can also help
"Stagnation is like death to men".
Wow. Right on the money.
Is anyone here familiar with Sysiphous?
The Greeks, if I’m not mistaken punished him to pushing a rock up hill. Only to reach the top and tumble back down to the bottom. I think there’s something else to it though I’m not sure
Edit: from Wikipedia “ He was punished for his self-aggrandizing craftiness and deceitfulness by being forced to roll an immense boulder up a hill only for it to roll down when it nears the top, repeating this action for eternity. Through the classical influence on modern culture, tasks that are both laborious and futile are therefore described as Sisyphean “
Camus’s “Myth of Sisyphus” is a fantastic take on that tale
yes. Camus is the first to propose Sisyphus as a happy man, rather than a bitter one. For he know his load is bond to fall anyways, but he doesn't spare the ride.
Miguel Torga, a late portuguese poet has a very nice poem on Sisyphus. I once had translated it to english, I can look it up if anyone would care for it.
woh, this is unreal. I can only imagine what kind of man I would be if forged through all these adversities
A lot of us go the wrong way. I was taught by some older guys from the neighborhood that drug addicts were scum and worthless. This kept me away from drugs.
All those guys are dopefiends now.
This.. Im so successful now and just today I got depressed at thinking of how many people I grew up with ended up dead, in jail, addicts or NEETs. Heavy stuff. Do you struggle with survivors guilt?
Things that hurt me, I respond with anger. Its not the healthiest response but it gets me through it. The only guilt I have is not using my intelligence at a younger age; I feel I shorted myself a lot of life experience. The only things that get me down is failing at reaching goals that I have set that are attainable.
Yeah, its unreal.
In that its literally not real. This story just reeks of some fantasy this guy made up in his head. Every paragraph has red flags.
Be thankful that you grew up in a life that apparently was so happy from its first day that you don't know that these stories can be real.
The reason I can tell this was fake was because I grew up in the bronx and had a rough life. Nobody actually has lives like this. It is laughably unrealistic to how poor kids with abuse in their life actually view this stuff. Notice how he says he dropped out in 7th grade but then got laid a lot in high school? Notice how all of the adults are somehow perfectly set up to somehow teach him these lessons? What's next, his dad was a spartan warrior who dropped him off a cliff as a baby and he had to fight wolves to survive? Come on, this is perfectly written to circlejerk this subreddit. I see stories like this all the time, this guy was probably practically jerking off to his own writing.
Quality post brother. Seems like you been through some hard shit but all that hardship molded you into the man you are today. God bless.
Thanks brother. It’s important for men to have a place to share.
A place of accountability, ethics, respect and positivity. Integral aspects of good men.
Can you pinpoint the reason why you did not turn into one of your friends? Is it because you found value in what little you had? How did you take the bunny's sacrifice?
I've always wondered if there is some sort of trigger than redirects people the opposite way considering similar circumstances.
The rabbit was of no significance. What has resonated with me for years was how little people cared about me. This hurt for a lot of years, probably until I had children, and I knew what real love was.
I am a lot smarter than my friends. But what really kept me away from being the same is them is I have always looked down on dope fiends and people with weaknesses and people that are not addressing and trying to remedy their weaknesses.
There has always been an intrinsic motivation in me to be better than those before me, that I was not meant to live the way that I was living.
I lose money on a joint venture, I do not say I will never do that again, I say I will do it better next time, I learned this, and if I apply what I learned, next time will be better. I now apply this philosophy to my entire life. Exercise, education, work, parenting, you name it. I try to get better day after day, week after week, year over year.
Yep, seeing people have fun with stupidities or be unhappy with vapid things are definitely wake up calls to motivate and do things differently.
What would be the number one advice you'd give to someone who has to take care of others who can not take care of themselves? I have to focus on myself so I can straighten out my career, relationships, etc, but I often worry and fear I will be unable to protect them if I completely focus on myself.
Positive role models, online, in person, it does not matter. Aim high in your distant goals and improve a little every day.
Find your stressors/weaknesses and remove all the easy ones immediately. Set goals to remove the rest and hold yourself accountable.
Help yourself so you may help others and lead by example.
Children are innocent and need us, adults can’t always be helped. Trust me I have tried a lot. Choose your battles wisely you only get one life.
Damn you inspired me man. You're my role model.
One question though. I don't have something to drive me like something you had with your life. I have always had everything I wanted in my life, like food, things etc. One thing I couldn't buy with my dad's money was women.
What can drive me? How do I find the drive to do everything I have to do? My goals? I love to develop something in the field of AI in large scale. But I'm also a nihilist, sometimes I wonder why and shit. Nothing is driving me to do everything with so much enthusiasm.
Tell me something?
You have exactly what you stated. You have to buy stuff with your dads money. Fuck that I earn everything. Compare yourself to me or any of the other men who earn their stake in life. Aspire to be them and build until you are.
Look at your dads money as capital to do something great and do it.
The difference between the poor and the rich is often competition for limited resources. The rich often compete with each other but they have access to a lot more resources. The poor compete and fight over limited resources. Think about it like this if you drop a $1000 in the middle of a bunch of poor people you will have the most chaotic scene you have ever seen. A bunch of rich people would not bat an eye if someone else grabbed it.
So whats your limited resource you will fight over? Nines and tens. If you have money you have a leg up on the competition. Now you need a physical and mental presence that is impressive to women. Lift like your life depends on it ( it does), and master talking to people and then women. When I was in college I would only sit at the table where all the hot girls sit. Post up and make my presence known. The next day I would move and they would follow me (some of them). This in itself is worth the physical and mental energy that you have to commit to your cause. Not only will you think of yourself as the prize but the more and more you invest in yourself the more you will actually become the prize and the confidence you will derive from that is like nothing else in this world. When women start following you in grocery stores to place themselves in front of you for the opportunity to talk to you, you will know you have reached the bottom of the mountain and all you need to do is climb!
There is a lot of solid advice here on TRP on all of it. When I squat, at the bottom I Imagine a ten blowing me and my amazing six pack that I am working towards. For me this creates aggression and motivation and lets me know that what I am doing is essential and cannot be placed on the back burner. Maybe for you other men paying you props is what motivates you, I have a friend who I respect more than anything, when he says damn bro your looking huge it makes it all worth it . The idea, or dream that you have in your head is your motivation. You are working towards an end, something greater than you are now.
Good luck I hope this helps.
Thanks I didn't know what the word nihilist meant until now.
Yeah. I've been having problems with keeping them interested in me. I usually talk for quite a bit of time and then they just lose interest in me. As you said I'll start lifting as my life depends on it. And I'll imagine a 10 blowing me as well. I truly want that. Thanks man.
Also one more thing. What do you do when you meet them in the hallway or something? I just say 'hey' and say something relevant in the situation.
Get them to talk about themselves, do not talk about you until you are at a point where you are building value in their minds. You have something in common, school. If nothing comes to mind ask about an assignment or what classes they are in, or often they are on a laptop, "what are you working on?".
Any response can be turned into a conversation. A more subtle way is to start talking to a person that they are around and if you have peaked there interest they will interject into the conversation. I often lightly make fun of what they are wearing if the opportunity presents itself. Especially weird designs on yoga pants, perfect opening.
Did you kill a zebra and turn it in to pants?
I see you wore your ninja pants today? You wanna fight? Karate stance
Did you steal my shorts? I have a pair just like that. Usually if butt cheeks are showing lol. Always good for a laugh.
Great story. I have a similar story, less brutal than yours in many ways, maybe moreso in others. Kicked out of my house on my 16th birthday after being the parent to my sisters for the previous 8 years, seeing my mom maybe a total of a month in those 8 years.
I joined the army. I drank and fought and eventually learned, or realized through many lessons, that I could either be the man my mother tried to make me into, or be the man I wish I was...so I stopped wishing.
I am in contact with my dad now, have been since I joined the army. He's nothing like the man I was raised to believe he was...I guess it was more important than I realized for his approval that I never sought after, when he told me on my 40th birthday that he was proud of who I made myself into. I never thought I should be proud of that because I made myself what I am, and if I knew someone else that had gone through similar things I'd say they should be proud of themselves, but I've not ever really gotten there...I'm not dissatisfied with what I've done, but I still feel like there's a long way to go.
My Mom would never tell me anything negative about my Dad and I fantasized about some great man that I was missing out on. Turns out he was a fucking loser that wasn't worth a second of my time, but man I got to tell you, the most fulfilling day of my life was the day that I became the man that I wanted to be in my own eyes. To know that I am who I want to be and that I just have to fine tune some shit was amazing for me. For some reason beyond my understanding, I was only able to do this after my Fathers death.
A side note, I dated this girl, her mom demonized her dad that was on the other side of the state and filled her with the common he abandoned you, was a POS, and every other thing you could imagine. Turns out, the Mother weaponized the kids against the Father and when they told him they did not want to see him anymore he left. He kept an overwhelming amount of evidence which he showed her to show her what her mother was really like. I knew this about her mother but it was crazy to see her have her eyes opened to the situation.
I wish I could have joined the Army. I tried every waiver possible, I even tried during the height of the Iraq war and they told me no. I assaulted a cop when I was 15 and had various other felonies that kept me out. It took a lot longer, but I earned that discipline that I sought, mistake after painful mistake.
I joined the army because I didn't know what to do, though I knew my dad and both grandfathers had been in the army. I joined mainly because I knew that if I didn't do something, I was going to end up in jail or dead eventually, and I just didn't want that for myself....I didn't know what I wanted, but I knew what I didn't want.
I wanted to join badly as I knew I needed the discipline and goal oriented life learning. Asthma, no branch would take me.
Finally got to serve my country as a contractor working in Baghdad for three years.
I miss it even now though it's been 10 years since I was forced to leave due to injury.
I mostly miss the military because even the guys I didn't like much would have been there if I needed it. We had a lot in common, a lot not so much, but we all suffered together. The rest, working and being tired and beer and stress, we all have in various ways... Having brothers was the only important thing.
Tell me about the contractor work? That's a topic I'm very interested in, depending on what kind you are.
These days I am moving towards project layout and no longer working for myself. I am pretty well rounded, I owned a company that did residential remodels and interior design/renovation. Other than HVAC I can do most things, I am not a certified electrician but i get it done. I use to work in the drilling industry when I was younger and for a couple large construction companies in different roles.
Well, imagine every single base and FOB as a small city.
Cities eat, sleep, shit, shower, turn on the lights, the faucets, everything you could possible imagine needs to be done for them. In today's modern military, we do not want our fighting men tired from peeling potatoes or cleaning toilets. I purified water, I insured against nuclear, biological, or chemical attack against the base by using my hard earned degree in advance water treatment. There are all sorts of jobs for all sorts of people. 12 - 15 hours a day, 7 days a week. My hourly when I started wasn't much over $15. No overtime. Their "bonuses" are only paid on the first 40 hours....if I was working in the states the same # of hours, I would be paid more because of the overtime laws. Dangerous, dirty, sometimes deadly work. If you love your country and are feeling adventurous, the ex-pat lifestyle might be for you. I'm done, injured and kept working till I could hardly walk, should have come home sooner but I am hardheaded.
How did you avoid being blacklisted by potential employers?
It was a struggle when I was younger. Assaulting a police officer as a youth makes it hard to seal your records. I was finally able to seal it around age 27-28.
Before that I worked entry level and quickly worked my way up due to work ethic and great leadership skills. I am really charismatic as well.
I worked a lot of construction until I learned about high risk high reward jobs. That’s when I started making lots of money.( I spent it all on dumb women and blow when I was younger...I have never done blow though lol) I also have owned my own companies in my twenties, which is the best case scenario.
Man, nearly every paragraph of this short story has red flags that you made this entire thing up.
I lived in the poorest census tract in the entire nation (south bronx) and people didn't have lives perfectly set up to be like this the way you are describing. One of these, sure, maybe two. But all of these insane scenarios your describing just seem so perfectly written to stroke the circlejerk of this subreddit.
Hundreds of fights, never been injured? Sure. Okay. Whatever you say buddy. Even the best fighters I grew up with got injured a lot.
Just so happened to have some perfect weightlifting boyfriend for your mom? After a kick boxer and a cop? Who all taught you near greek fable-esque lessons on how to be a man? What's next, you're dad was a spartan warrior who dropped you from a cliff at a young age to teach you a lesson and you had to fight off wolves and lions to survive?
I grew up poor too, around poor people. I also know how to spot a bullshit story that is written specifically to appease the people you're telling the story to. If you are going to write a story like this, at least make it realistic. Jesus fucking christ.
yeah, he says he got blown a ton in high school, and then goes on to say he dropped out in grade 7
eh, i got my dick sucked at 10 from a neighborhood slut that was i think 16, in a circle full of older dudes from my street. i did grow up in ukraine though so shit was way different than suburban america
point is grade 7 is prior to highschool, so both of affirmations can't be truth together.
I glanced at his page and he also asked for legal advice about a child custody issue. Everything he says about his wife is ridiculous, clearly she's not happy with however he's "running" his real family.
My daughter is from a previous relationship. No my ex does not like me very much.
I said altercations. Not fights. I said seriously injured. I have definitely been hit my fair share of times and had plenty of black eyes and lumps. Please do not misquote me and try to use weak logic to discredit me.
Alright man. It was very inspiring though. I learned something in very positive way and that was enough for me.
i read two or three paragraphs and could see from the sheer amount of text that it could only be it. These writers are so dumb that they don't even realize that when people tell lifestories like this they are not all that enticing with details. you tell these stories so many time, that they are dried out to deliver the most information in the minimum amount of words/time with bare minimum salt to make it edible.
Its not your fault and your mother is a piece of shit for treating her children this way. Not all women are like that. Not even close
Not all women act that way, but they are all capable of it given the right set of circumstances.
its more of being a fucked up human being than being a woman.
Nothing in this world has ever motivated more than the feeling of starvation as a kid. Sometimes I think I would never be half as far as I am without knowing that feeling. Godspeed brother. Outwork everyone that doesn't have the hunger, use the pain to fuel you.
Nothing will shape you like hunger. The immigrant mentality is real. Outwork everyone. Good luck to you
You sir will be an incredible father one day if you are not already.
I have one daughter and my fourth son is on the way. I am raising Spartans. Well adjusted, buff little Spartans. Lol
Go for the Sumerian route, mfs gotta be tough and smart
Plus they will get an extra bonus for mining stone and building walls
This is just what I needed. Last day of school is in a few days, and today I did my last test. Went to my home and thought "now what?", started to think of all my friends with girlfriends, flirting, being smarter or more fit than me, and im only 16.
Thanks for this dude, im not gonna let petty stuff distract me, and gonna keep working on inproving myself.
Become your greatest self. Invest heavily in your education and interests. Pay attention to assets vs liabilities as you increase your income. Read rich dad poor dad.
I wish you the best.
sounds awesome, just one thing bothered me. you said you got a ton of hookups in high school, yet you dropped out in grade 7?
I should have said stopped learning in the 7th grade. I missed most of 7-8th grade and did 9th grade 3 times. By dropout I mean stopped learning anything. Mostly of my own stupid choices and a lot of juvenile mixed in.
Makes a lot more sense, sorry for being so skeptical.
He use to chill around the school without being a student
This is what happens when you let women vote. Families get destroyed.
I was contemplating what a world would be like if nuclear families were still being promoted as the ideal lifestyle. I’m torn, I love the art of picking up women.
Make a post about your sexual exploits.
Picking up chicks is fun when you’re sowing your wild oats, but after a while it loses its thrill. The same way as when you get older you might lose interest in playing Pokémon with your friends.
Personally I think more men should uphold the patriarchy and “settle down” but be their most alpha self before they do that because when patriarchs aren’t alpha all hell breaks loose (divorce, drug addict son, slut daughter, slut harpy wife etc..) it’s the mans duty to keep everyone in check and give them a reason to stay in check.. ie be a provider, not in the way of the beta though.
That being said marriage is “the worst trade deal ever” but it’s crucial to the functioning of society.
I could not agree more. It is a mans duty to be an amazing father to his offspring so that he is passing on the best of himself and his genetics. Especially important to raise our daughters well. My wife was raised by her dad, it is quite different than dealing with other women who have daddy issues. He actually drops by 5-7 times a week and she adores him. Best dad in the world=life goal!
(I keep my wife in check)...LOL
Edit. Chasing women never loses its thrill for me.
There has always been "loose" women. Now, they are just everywhere and the norm. I think a trend towards the nuclear family would be great for society and men, and those young dudes looking to sow their wild oats would still have plenty to pick from.
How do you stave off that lurking desire to return to picking up women now that you're married? is it your stoic sense of duty to family values (which I picked up in one of your other comments) all that keeps you grounded?
I have zero issues in my LTR, the only reason I'd regret this is losing the ability to spin plates. It's becoming a philosophical debate more than anything at this point for me.
I would only marry a woman that understands that I want to have sec with other women as well.
I would not cheat on my wife ever. If I want to sleep with other women I will tell her and invite her to participate. I do not lie to her ever.
Then I must be on the right track; this is pretty much the arrangement I'm working towards with my LTR. We have threesomes, it's just a matter of normalizing it some more. Thanks for the response.
The goal is to have your woman like women and not other men. Work on yourself to accomplish this.
I often think about how I consider myself «unlucky» to be born into this era in a country where everything is handed to you. I sometimes wish I was born in the 30’s to experience the war times when times were tough.
What advice do you have for someone like myself who has been given everything he has pointed at his entire life?
I’m trying to find that switch where I learn to become the best man I can, but even after a period of forcing myself to live on minimums of anything my mind is still locked to everything I’ve grown up with.
Help the less fortunate. Usually when you are raised by normal well adjusted parents you have a lot of knowledge that many underprivileged do not.
Find passion in life. The best thing you can ever do is create a solid group of men and lead them. Throughly vet who you let in your life. You will find a brotherhood and many people who have been raised in extreme poverty. A loyalty that is hard to understand. “A brotherhood”
Thank you for sharing your story and what you have learned.
You're welcome. Thanks for reading.
Jesus Christ. Where did you grow up?
In the richest country in the world. ( Washington state)
Jesus and here I am living with my christian conservative parents bitching I can't have girls over...
Great post, especially at the end. Despite where you are at in life, always keep pushing forward, no matter how bleak things look.
And Then The Whole Bus Clapped
Thank you for sharing my brother.
Tough shit man. Men like you are a dying breed. I ain’t leaving any silly ass words of encouragement or anything cause we both know you going to keep grinding anyways.
I’m downvoting this, I only downvote the best of the best I read.
You talk about how not having security made you the strong, successful man you are today. About how the toxic men your mother introduced you into your life all taught you some extremely valuable life lessons. About how you were (quote) "blessed with struggle".
You then go on to say that you make sure your sons "know nothing but security and the only examples of “men” allowed in their lives are ones that I have throughly vetted". How does this square up with what you just mentioned? Your childhood built you into you the strong, successful man you are today, but you are intent on giving your kids the exact opposite childhood to the one you had?
I don't see the relevance about your childhood friends either. This story strikes me as a humblebrag sob story - you want people to pat you on the back for making it despite your difficult upbringing and I do commend you for that, well done. But there is no underlying lesson or principle here. It's all a contradiction (struggle is good/struggle made me who I am ---> I make sure my sons will never struggle and only know security) - both of these principles are perfect if your aim is a pat on the back from others, but they are contradictory if your aim is to give others advice.
Regardless, congratulations.
My sons were doing knuckle pushups for 40 reps this morning for fucking around. Struggle comes in many forms. Telling stories is not always bragging. Sometimes it just is. Sometimes I am bragging like when I fuck a chick and then her 19 year old little sister and all of her friends. <Thats me bragging. I wrote that because it had been in my mind a lot lately and I finally had some downtime to write.
I definitely do not need pity. Stating facts and events is not "sob" it is what it is. Thanks for reading.
My mother was and is a cunt.I think that's why I'm a generally affectionate person as I never cared about maternal love.i don't understand and cannot relate to men who want their LTRs to love them like their mum does. It's more a feeling of loving abundantly and downwards with the woman reciprocating and with gratitude and respect.
With the mother of my daughter I expected love. I really could have used TRP back then. I knew a lot of the stuff just from experience but was lacking a lot of knowledge. The best thing that ever happened to me was my children. The love and affection that they pour on me is more than I could ever need. I try real hard to be a strong male role model and it shows in my children, that is enough for me. Edit: My daughters mother is a DEMON! My sons are all from my current wife.
Good on you man.i love my father more than the whore of my mother ever loved my father.fuck women.pump and dump and cheat.its zero sun brah
You know how they say men love women who love children. Not the case. Children actually love their parents,and the affection you feel from a kid even if not blood related is genuine.
Women only like alpha cock,not their own children. They make betas pay, "love" their children in an opportunistic way because let's face it,when they're old it's the only thing that keeps them relevant in society. The reason women want abortion is so they can fuck as much alpha cock as possible with no consequence. They have shown no interest in marriage or children,so why TRP says women want commitment is beyond me.
Remember,women crawl over broken glass for alpha cock. Don't settle for anything less than a woman who is clearly interested in you.
Keep a couple of disposable bitches and love your children
Invest everything in your children. Absolutely let your wife know that she is disposable should she exhibit bad behaviors.
Very inspiring. A blockbuster can be made from your story.
This sounds fake as hell. With the bragging you try to sprinkle in and you preaching about how now you implement TRP principles in your life after going thru this hardship.
It is, he was fucking.born in lord of.the flies loool
Was not expecting that. Thanks for sharing this. I feel so grateful and privelaged for my upbringing when I compare it to yours, but I'll never have the experiences or 'blessings' you had. Thanks for sharing again.
Come at me brah id fuark u up
Your mother was a piece of shit.
Just wondering are you close with your siblings now because of your experiences or no
I am a middle child. With an older sister and brother and a little sister. My older sister was a saint and a wonderful human who I was very close with. My older brother is a terrible person who I do not speak with and my little sister is trying to get her shit together and I talk to her so that I can see her children.
Hey man I just had an interesting and difficult long weekend that ended with the most retrospective personal growth yesterday and today. I have also been thinking about my mom and how much she did for me. We had a great heart to heart over text message today. It's nice to be loved.
I’m thankful for the mother that my sons have. I am glad you are growing as a person. It’s a life long pursuit to reach the pinnacle.
Is this the summary of a tragic novel, or did this dude really have that rough of childhood. That’s crazy.
By far, one of the best stories in TRP I’ve read. You should consider writing a book. It would sell.
Its good to read uplifting stories from self motivated people. It reminds me that humans are animals and they will do most evils if they can get away with it. Its all training. How youre brought up. If you are not taught to control your urges or thoughts then what stops you from sin? Im sorry for you sisters I hope they turned ou ok.
Not really. My older sister died from cancer. In the last years of her life she did a lot for disadvantaged women and drug addicted people. She was a saint once she figured her shit out. My little sister is trying.
I think everyone should do self analyses. Looking in we can see why we are fucked up. What we remember that holds us back now. So we can understand and maybe turn that switch for change. Some people never do this and just live in the downward spiral. It is harder for women because they are naturally/ taught to be weaker, submissive. They would need a strong minded person to push, lead them to work on themselves.
This is what I preach. Self reflection is the most powerful tool I have ever put in my belt. Its what took me from being a loser into the man I am proud to be today. Thanks for reading.
Thank you for trying to live better. I am too.
There are a lot of guys I’ve met over the years who grew up like the OP.
Drove one guy home after a deployment into a really bad area of DC. It had been 7 months underway. We stop at a light near his mom’s shithole apartment and he fucking bolts out the car door like a lion running straight at its prey. I mean straight at a guy like a bat out of hell. Damn near killed the guy, was tearing off his ear with his teeth, trying to blind him with his fingers. Feral combat at its best. No hint, no prelims, just out like an shark in blood lust. Turned out the guy he attacked had gotten his sister addicted and had forced her into sex for drugs.
Any recommendations on Male role models?
arnold schwarzenegger. read his biography total recall. thank me later.
God yes! Coaches. Especially Wrestling, football, basketball, and martial arts. These guys have made a career from leading men. Role models are often found in books as well. A lot of the stoicism mentioned here can teach a lot of beneficial traits and modes of thinking. I have been listening to Marcus Aurelius' meditations (He wrote the book fo himself, its pure gold).
The Oak. AKA Arnold. This man has been my hero forever and he never lets me down, even in his old age he drops nothing but fire. Find people who are at the top of what you aspire to be and take on their positive traits.
Read books.
I could list a lot but I will leave you with a piece of advice. Look for the most successful guy in the room, look for the hardest worker in the room. What are they doing differently from you? Start tuning in to the men around you and figure out how to better yourself. When I show up on a job site I fuck shit up. I never let anyone outwork me, never, if someone outworks me he is my new role model, he has something I do not or knows something I do not. I will extract that skill or information from him.
An example top level athletes are running hills, doing HIIT, and lifting heavy shit 3 times a week while on a whole foods diet. Are you?
Mad love wish you the best.
I’m 20. I physically and mentally fucked up my siblings for years because that’s all I was taught by my parents. They’re permanently betafied, but I’ve shown them reading and lifting. How are you and your siblings? What helped undo the fucked up conditioning?
I have a shoulder injury and early stage arthritis from a fight that I was taken down in one hit, from telling a guy to fuck off and leave me alone. Do you train without fear of injury? Does being hypervigilant become tiresome?
I’m afraid of never being able to find a wife. One who is good enough, not a whore, and won’t leave. How did you find a trustworthy wife?
I’m currently escaping to see the world for a year. I still feel connected to my past mistakes because of my phone and social media interconnectedness. I still see myself fucking up with others. I’m angry at the world. How did you cope with this?
Nothing is permanent but death. If i cut your leg off right now you can get a prosthetic.
I do not train without fear of injury. I just spent this entire last winter rehabbing my knee. I got knee sleeves and I am still squatting, rowing, running and deadlifting. Dr. Layne Norton has some of the best form videos for lifting and form. They are on youtube and will change your lifts immediately. 5x5 is your friend. Starting strength, sl 5x5, madcow.
As for the wife. Find one who has an amazing relationship with her dad first and foremost. Second never ignore male attention seeking behaviors. Do not mistake this with men trying to get her attention all of the time, high quality women have a lot of men seeking their attention. If you are trying to change a woman to mold her into what you want you are making a fatal error. Good Dads make great women, not you!
Do not give your love in less they deserve it. Remember men only get better with time as long as they continue to grow.
I spent a year in SE Asia. Wrap it up brother! If you can find a woman from a conservative family in Asia it could be one of your best chances at finding the woman you seek. Not to mention they are sexy as fuck. Do not marry a prostitute or bargirl.
Good luck.
Oh fuck that's nasty what happened to you, my best friend was in similar situations as a kid and I'm pretty sure he was killed for borrowing drug money or something, I cut him off before it was too late for me. You did good man, just that your story hits too hard for some reason, I kinda got choked up for you but congratulations on a life well earned, keep earning cuz we all aren't gonna make it but I pray you stay your path and live a fulfilled and loved life.
Well, at least she wasn't a feminist
Bravo, OP. I've taken my lumps too, although minor in comparison to your horrific upbringing. Never forget your past but always look forward. Best of luck to you.
Thanks. Good luck to you as well!
So uh OP what happened to your mom? Do you still talk to her? Bc honestly I’d cut her out of my life and put her on the streets for everything she put you through.
I do talk to her. For a long time I did not. I find myself parenting her quite a bit. She is still living in chaos though, never a calm moment with her. I actually just bought her a car and am working on helping her buy her first home and set up for her retirement.
I have used the words I forgive you, but I really have not. I am quite bitter about my child hood when I sit and think about it for any length of time. I have built past it, but it has defined me for the better part of my life, often not in a good way.
Well kudos to you for becoming a better man and letting her back into your life. If it was me personally she would be dead to me. I’d have moved, never gave her my new contact info and acted as if she was gone. For everything she put you through the least I could have done was leave her alone and not make her life a living hell. As for the men that beat you? Yeah you best bet I’d have been fighting back. But I’m glad you were able to somewhat move on bc you still said you felt bitter towards her.
Do your kids know about your past?
Somewhat. I shelter them from my experiences and I pass on the lessons I have learned. I am quite blunt with them and will tell them a lot more when they become teens and as it is more important. I just moved to a really beautiful 70 acre farm with an old farmhouse that I have been fixing up. I hope to give them a normal childhood and pass on the lessons with a less intrusive method.
I didn’t know the age. Yeah best to wait. I find being blunt and honest works best. Sugarcoating just means they won’t be handle criticism.
70 acre farm? Best put a pool in there somewhere lol. Your wife know about your childhood?
She does. Often she can't comprehend it but she understands why I am so aggressive to outsiders. She often thinks that I should be able to look past peoples weaknesses when I assess people. I have tried to explain to her I can have lots of acquaintances but I am never going to let any lames inside my inner circle, that they are the same as a psychotic woman and their weaknesses will infect the group.
I thought about building one myself and I might still. I am in a place where I would need an indoor pool, which adds a ton of cost. I am buying a boat this winter and putting it in the water for the spring through fall and I am trying to negotiate a four day work week so that I can enjoy it as much as possible.
I am going through a similar situation, although it is more like an economic crisis in my country, but reading this is incredible.
I’m going to be taking a few lessons from you. Thank you.
Loved the part about the rabbit.
{Slow clap}
The biggest thing that adversity teaches you is to independently learn to judge value, because your life fucking depends on it.
You simultaneously exude a "everyone is welcome" energy and "not if you're gonna waste my time" energy and "Don't fuck with me, I'll make you regret it" energy. It's inspiring to be honest. You seem to have found the right balance.
I have learned to be very wary of peoples intentions, and barring a few people who have pulled the wool over my eyes, I am able to quickly interpret peoples intentions and motives. Thanks for reading.
This is just a bit of outloud introspection, so bear with me.
I'm not very wary of people's intentions. I generally observe interactions from a 3rd person chess perspective; will this next step make me vulnerable to bad intentions? Most things won't. And I try to avoid that vulnerability unless I have some evidence and a generally positive gut feeling about it (to get technical, I mistrust VERY positive gut feelings as probably being too good to be true, though worth exploring further to see if maybe it is correct).
I assume people to be self-interested and I'm always on the lookout for where their interests align with mine or where I can benefit from their self-interest. The best thing is for example to meet someone who is looking for motivation as I'm good at getting people motivated. It's easy. It doesn't cost me anything to give it. So if they have even minor reciprocity, they'll give me something back worth having.
One of the strangest things of getting older is seeing how damn predictable people are.
Well said. Group dynamics is one of the most interesting things to watch.
Sometimes the struggle helps us appreciate the little things. This reminds me of the time my "father" didn't let me go to the gym years ago when I was a teenager. I built a gym under a tree using construction junk, which I called Africa gym. In the summer I had to lift at dawn because it would get humid outside. I remember making a squat rack with two old laundry machines and using a metal pipe as a barbell and buckets of rocks as weights. I used saw horses to build a bench press. My father was not proud. I saved money over months to buy a $150 Olympic Weight Set and I remember the feeling of Deadlifting 135 lbs on a proper barbell after months trying to deadlift with a pipe and rock buckets. Eventually, a gym opened up near me and I was able to spend 10 bucks a month on actual gym which felt like heaven with air conditioning.
What I appreciate hearing is that you are giving love and marriage a shot, which I also believe in, but staying confident and respecting yourself so that if your significant other ever did do something, you would respect yourself too much to put up with it.
Thanks. Once you build value in your life and you understand that you are the prize it comes naturally and if you are not a cunt you can rationalize that only should people want to be around you but also that you get to choose who you allow into your life. If I cannot have the relationship that I want, then I want no relationship.
Humans are also inherently good. You need to understand that you grew up under extremely bad circumstances. This is rare in western societies. Most people in western societies have a good childhood. Yes, 20% or 30% do not and maybe 10% have a horrible childhood, but don't let this define you.
60% people are good, 40% are not, but that doesn't mean that 100% aren't good people.
I think that some are inherently good as well. I think that when put in the worst positions possible we act like animals. Chicago is a good example.
This is so fucking cringe and arrogant, I can ASSURE you that I am much stronger than you
This post shows that you are weak.
Wrong I said I’m strong, not weak, you fucking retard
Ok. what ever you say tough guy.
You two should get a room. Bring tarps and crisco.
Think a post is retarded? Fucking report it. Why do I see no reports? Why do I see you whining in the comments? I can ASSURE you there is someone out there stronger than you, so making dick waving gestures on an anonymous internet forum is retarded.
Reply to me and get banned forever. Whine again and get banned forever.
As for you, /u/the_cat/17, no slap fights, even if you think you are defending the herd. Let us cull the pack.