Summary: If you think slutty women suck and you hate them, you’re holding yourself back. Try to understand them instead. Sluts are FUN! Don’t marry them, but for the love of God, enjoy them instead of despising them.
A large number of readers here are “recovering betas”. Guys who previously sucked with women, but today suck a little less. I’m writing to them. If you’re a guy who’s generally done all right with women for most of his life, and just need some fine-tuning when it comes to understanding intersexual dynamics, or if you’re a guy who’s never gotten anywhere with women in the past and still suck today and can’t get laid to save your life, I’m not writing to you.
But to all recovering betas out there: We are our own biggest problem.
When we were younger, we couldn’t get girls. Not for sex, not for dates, not for relationships. Maybe an occasional date or girlfriend or lay, but just sprinkled here and there across an otherwise gigantic dry spell. Maybe we were scrawny or fat and hadn’t gotten in shape yet. Maybe we were socially awkward and petrified of talking to girls and screwed it up every time we tried. Maybe we didn’t understand the game and kept running off girls by trying to find girlfriends when everybody else knew to have casual sex instead. Today, we’re better at this, but back then, we were lucky to find anything.
Meanwhile, all of the girls we would have liked to date, love, or fuck had no trouble with any of this. The majority of the girls we knew were having casual sex and short-term relationships, just with guys who understood the rules and didn’t suck at the game the way we unknowingly did. For the girls, sex wasn’t a big deal. It was just another activity. When you’re hungry, you stop at McDonald's for a burger on the way home from work. When you’re horny, you get your phone out and arrange a hook-up after work. Sex was just one more fun thing they did if they felt like it. The opportunity was always there, so having sex was never really a big deal to them.
Today, all grown up, we know the rules and understand the game. Today, we can meet girls and with some reliability, we can have casual sex, and even a relationship if we want one. But when we learn that the women we’re spending our time with today were having casual sex during the times when we were lonely and struggling, we become angry. In many cases, we’re actually a little jealous. These women were doing exactly what we would have done if we had the same opportunities: treating sex like any other activity – a fun diversion when you’re horny, a great source of physical pleasure, a great source of validation. But we didn’t get to do that. They did.
In our minds, it feels like these slutty women we’re spending our time with have a leg up on us by having all of these experiences we never had. We’re not young kids, figuring things out together with our partners. She already figured all of this out with other guys long ago when we couldn’t get anywhere with a girl. Today, we’re still enjoying our hook-ups because they’re fun and novel. She’s just scratching the horny itch, while we’re enjoying the new experiences. Even though it’s just casual sex, it’s more important to us than it is to her. When sex means something to us that it doesn’t mean to her, we feel vulnerable. Vulnerability leads to anger.
We tell ourselves that these women are bad. That slutty girls are some kind of inferior being that warrants bad treatment and only enough of our precious time and resources to get our dicks wet. We fantasize that there are still “good girls” out there who haven’t had casual sex and are worth so much more of our time, when even young virgins slut it up and treat guys like the ones we used to be horribly, when given the opportunity in a consequence-free environment. We let ourselves come to hate women and the way women are.
Part of the reason we do this is to fight that vulnerability. Recovering betas are like stray dogs. Today, we have consistent sustenance, but each time it’s in front of us, we wolf it down like it’s going to be our last meal for a while, then prioritize the search for more. It’s hard, if not impossible, for us to do what those women do and treat sex like it’s just another activity we do occasionally when we’re horny. After a lifetime of sex being absent from our lives – scarce - every single time feels important, like it might be the last one unless we keep working at it. Which leads us to spend hours thinking about intersexual dynamics, reading about it on the internet, always working toward the next time.
And after a lifetime of sex being absent from our lives, it’s far too easy for us to become attached to every woman that will fuck us. Even today, with our grown-up abilities to meet women and have casual sex with some regularity, we still feel that urge in the back of our mind to dig in our heels, lock her down, make her ours, make a girlfriend out of her, get pissed if she sleeps with someone else. We almost feel grateful to the slutty women who have sex with us and hate ourselves for feeling that way about a slut.
So we tell ourselves that slutty women are evil, lesser creatures to force ourselves to maintain distance and fight off emotional attachment. Don’t get me wrong. Some slutty women (and even many non-slutty women) are sadistic, manipulative bitches. But most sluts are just lost little girls who want to be loved and cared for. And it’s a little sad that no guy (that they respect) will love or care for them the way they’d like, and instead they spend their time trying to feel less lonely and less unloved through casual sex.
We can never truly recover from being the lonely guys we used to be until we let our anger go and let ourselves feel. It’s okay to like the girls we fuck. It’s okay to be nice to a slut if she’s earned it. It’s okay to feel things for the women we’re having sex with. Don’t marry them, obviously, but until we’re comfortable feeling the full range of our feelings, including love, gratitude, and appreciation, toward women, and learning to understand and appreciate how they are, we’re never really free of our past.
[–]modSlyGradient[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]anferny0860 points61 points62 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ebaymasochist5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ihatemoi3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ananonguy884 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DamnDirtyApe871 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jackandjill221 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TriplePlayDeucesWild94 points95 points96 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]BostonPillParty6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TriplePlayDeucesWild22 points23 points24 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ScrewChaseBank2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]IncomeByEtnicity19 points20 points21 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]markinsinz74 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]IncomeByEtnicity1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]markinsinz75 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]3chazthundergut91 points92 points93 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]conflagratorX28 points29 points30 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]3chazthundergut10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tenth_106 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]LadyZoogle4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_KenSpeckle0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gbdoragnic0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]3chazthundergut1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Batmanforreal2-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReturningSpider14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]justtenofusinhere20 points21 points22 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]IncomeByEtnicity45 points46 points47 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]IncomeByEtnicity10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]justtenofusinhere8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 24 points25 points26 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]IncomeByEtnicity17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]justtenofusinhere7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]petallotus3 points4 points5 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]petallotus2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]markinsinz73 points4 points5 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]markinsinz71 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]conflagratorX15 points16 points17 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ebaymasochist1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]conflagratorX1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PhantomCowboy20 points21 points22 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]anon_likes_tendies9 points10 points11 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]blownnnn8 points9 points10 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]petallotus6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]anon_likes_tendies2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rudedabega4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]confusedguy9119112 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]PhantomCowboy2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]soulcatcher3571 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] -1 points0 points1 point (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]PhantomCowboy3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PhantomCowboy3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]acekilo6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Rollo_Mayhem35 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RUALUM155 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RUALUM155 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PathToTheLight2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]cupshadow2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]iLoveReddit329 points10 points11 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]1Your_Coke_Dealer6 points7 points8 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]iLoveReddit326 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]yungassed7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]iLoveReddit324 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ebaymasochist1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fro99er1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fro99er1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Meisner12 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ScrewChaseBank1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gbdoragnic0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GuruDev10000 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CainPrice[S] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aloongish0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Master_Elrond-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link