We did an exercise in my Theatre class this morning called "The Power Game." The rules are simple.
Two people take the stage. The objective is to win without touching each other, or speaking. The two interact with each other, and the audience decides the winner.
Me and my friend Quan were the first two up, because we're always enthusiastic volunteers. We stood across from each other, just staring at the other's eyes in a sort of staring contest. Quan folded his arms, and I stepped closer to him. I folded my arms as well, as I puffed up my chest and stood closer and closer. I wouldn't let him step away either. I thought I was being the dominant one.
Afterwards, my classmates unanimously agreed that Quan was the winner.
You see, Quan wasn't trying. He was naturally bigger and taller than me, and he kept a casual composure. He was willing to walk away, and I wasn't. When I saw the other "scenes" I realized this immediately.
Austin and Wyatt were up. Austin simply ignored Wyatt, walking around in circles, while Wyatt followed. Austin turned to face him off, and actually removed his shirt. The girls freaked out, even though he's not particularly muscular.
It's clear to see that Austin won. Once again, he defined the terms of the engagement. Wyatt did nothing but react to Austin.
Finally, we had two girls- Desiree and Samantha. Desiree immediately crouched down to tie a shoe, while Samantha stood over her crossly. Samantha seemed to be waiting to be paid attention, which never came. She walked over to a couch left on stage for one of our shows, and just lay there playing with her nails, while Desiree never moved, never looking away from whatever was directly in front of her. Finally, Samantha returned, crossing Desiree's field of vision, finally causing her to look up, and move.
But Desiree still won, and Samantha readily agreed.
You see, true power lies with those who don't depend on others. To hold frame, you must be a rock. And luckily, you have a natural size advantage over most women, just like Quan had with me. You must lead the way for women. If you follow them, you place yourself in their power. Have your own goal, like Desiree. And if you do disconnect, like Samantha, never cave and come back.
If you have the opportunity, I highly recommend playing the Power Game. It's the perfect representation of how frame really works.