I just pulled an all-nighter devouring the side bar. Here from /r/deadbedrooms. I think my gf does nothing but shit test me.

brinkleybuzz · 2017-11-24T14:29:19+00:00

Dead bedroom, in your 20s with a supposed girlfriend?! Your issue is much bigger than a fucked up Thanksgiving dinner.

If she's not fucking you she's just a roommate, not your girlfriend.

If she's not fucking you she's likely fucking someone else.

She keeps shit testing you and won't fuck you because she has no respect for you.

In other words ... your so-called relationship is a shitshow. Forget about her and start getting your own shit together.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-11-24T13:42:51+00:00

deadbedrooms.

Which means:

I think my gf does nothing but shit test me.

That you spelled "ex-gf" wrong.

Dump.That.Bitch.

mrpthrowa · 2017-11-24T13:11:09+00:00

Ok, as a starter, never underestimate the full power of STFU and silence.

Learn to be completely comfortable in silence.

Because the right response to that would have been complete silence.

Your frame doesn't even aknowledge the existence of such disrespect.

Just sit down, and keep looking at people in the table in the eyes for a few seconds.

This creates some sort of super awkward tense moment.

It's ok, keep it going.

Keep the tenseness, keep the awkwardness that SHE created by being disrespectful.

Let everyone including her realise deeply what she's done. By the way, this sort of awkward silence is deadly to all girls. They hate being the centre of awkward like nothing else. She may even break it by saying something stupid like "just kidding", or "I didn't mean that" or whatever.

after about 1 minute, talk to someone else in the table about something completely different, like her mom or dad or whoever:

"How was your such as such last week?".

Ascended_One · 2017-11-24T14:58:57+00:00

Nope, that wasn't a shit test. Shit tests are meant to see if a man is alpha or if he's just pretending to be one. In your case she already knows the answer so it wasn't a test, it was just plain disrespect.

There was no right reaction to that, you should not have gotten into a position where she can afford remarks like this in the first place.

You're going to get some advice that's super hard to follow in this subredit, I'm sorry for what you're about to go through :/ We've all been where you are now, I still remember how it felt like. You can try to find comfort in the fact that it'll get much much better once you internalize everything.

Venenarium · 2017-11-24T15:14:20+00:00

with a smirk at me implicating I might not be her only one

What do you mean her only one? She's not fucking you so you're not even one of her ones :)

But if you want to call it like that: yep, you're not "her only one" and it's painfully obvious.

RedPilledRoaster · 2017-11-24T15:12:42+00:00

Dump her and spin plates

GunnarX · 2017-11-24T14:35:00+00:00

Welcome.

Being in your twenties in a dead bedroom, I think most of us will be giving you the same (harsh) advice. It’s important that you don’t think your situation is special and an exception.

That wouldn’t have been a good response. If your girl has the guts to say that about you around family, she does not respect you. It is extremely difficult to earn that respect back, and usually never worth it. The best way to get that respect back is to never have lost it in the first place.

You need to dump her and get busy lifting, reading (No More Mr Nice Guy, The Rational Male)

quicklogaccount · 2017-11-24T13:33:04+00:00

You're without a frame bro.
You can solve it by redpilling stuff, lowering your investment levels and using dread as it must be used. See it on the sidebar and a post called 12 levels of dread.
BUT your girlfriend already pissed the shit out of you. This doesn't go away, mainly as you raise your smv and suddenly see a world full of available chicks.
These stories all go the same way here.
- My girlfriend is lovely but she has been a bitch lately, what do I do?
- Use dread, raise your smv and redpill it.
(It takes a while as the guy raises his smv)
- I realized I didn't have feelings for her anymore. It's hard to remain committed to a chick that so easily said "no" to sex when there were so many waiting in line eager for it.

Oh. Don't bet on borderline, nearly every chick in the planet will act like that if you're in her frame.

LordThunderbolt · 2017-11-24T14:36:40+00:00

How are u on DeadBedrooms and you're bot even married? Ehect now. Leave this girl, go work on yourself, then get back on the saddle.

disgruntledearthling · 2017-11-24T15:28:50+00:00

The sidebar will help and so will the archives at therationalmale.com

And yeah, dump that bitch

bsutansalt · 2017-11-24T16:39:16+00:00

Three things you'll benefit from are aloofness, passing shit tests, and instilling dread.

The problem with newbies is they're uncalibrated and typically overdo it and that causes even more problems. It's not uncommon for things to get worse before they get better when guys start learning this stuff, so consider yourself warned.

My advice for you is to start small and wind down your response time to when she contacts you. This slowly creates a chase frame where she's trying to get your attention...if she's invested in you and the relationship. If you two weren't dating, a good rule of thumb ratio is 3 to 1, but that ship has sailed. For you I'd just slow down how long it takes for you to respond to her texts and such.

She'll eventually sense you're pulling away at which point a few different things can happen depending on how she feels about you and how invested she is in the relationship.

[deleted] · 2017-11-24T23:35:13+00:00

"I am staying with her to learn"

Don't bullshit us bro, you are doing this because you have no options.

The sooner you leave her sorry ass the more you learn.

Also I'm not sorry to break it to you but she has 0 respect for you and also a side-dick 100%.

You didn't internalize shit from the sidebar.

_the_shape_ · 2017-11-24T17:39:19+00:00

All sorts of dudes show up seeking counsel at TRP, but the ones who (in my view) are faced with the most difficult dilemmas are the ones who find themselves caught up in relationships where the disrespect is palpable and perfectly clear, much like the one you presently find yourself in. We teach here that it is far better (and far easier) to begin with a new woman than to try pushing a boulder uphill by attempting to rehabilitate a failing (or failed) relationship. Forget mini-conferences aka "talks" , forget "couple's therapy", forget all of that. Sever that which is rotten.

It's the old cliche all over again: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. If you continue to put up with the disrespect, all subsequent pain and agony falls squarely on your shoulders, not on her's. You are the one allowing this to continue on, meaning too that you are the one who gets to decide when this ends (and that right there, is the hard part - closing up the book for good and saying: "Enough of this shit; I'm done")

jb_trp · 2017-11-24T18:48:03+00:00

First of all... You need to accept that this relationship is over. It could be over in a day, a week, etc. But looking at your post history, it's obvious you're in a very bad situation. Your GF doesn't sleep with you, you've "opened" the relationship thinking that will fix things (giving her a free pass to fuck other dudes and not you), and she's blatantly disrespectful.

It's time for you to grow some balls, man.

Get into the gym. Change your diet. Stop caring about what she thinks, because it's obvious she doesn't care about your feelings.

Read "No More Mr. Niceguy." Go back and read the top posts on TRP, especially ones from over a year ago.

You need to break up with this girl and cut her out of your life. If you two are living together, make a plan to do just that.

ReddJive · 2017-11-24T17:26:27+00:00

To her you are window dressing.

She got to bring a guy and not feel alone. To show off for her family.

At some point you’ll realize. She’s just a gf.

I’ve been in this position. Stayed too long. I’d leave. Not look back. Let her wonder why.

Shyrk · 2017-11-24T23:10:08+00:00

Sounds to me like you’ve got zero spine and your chick is just giving you shit. MAKING FUN OF YOU IS A TEST. If you can’t handle it gracefully, you’re a chump, and yes, you don’t deserve her.

The example you gave MIGHT be appropriate if you said it DIRECTLY TO HER — but in front of HER family, anything but rolling your eyes, with a calm chuckle and maybe a subtle NON BUTTHURT remark, is suicide.

She is testing your frame, no doubt, for a LOT of things. To see how strong you are, how much bullshit you’ll take, how smooth you are under pressure. But flipping out angrily in front of her family would be an ULTIMATE breach of frame. A lot of people here conflate pride with frame.

If she’s not fucking you - then you’re losing already. you need to up the alpha WITHOUT EVER GETTING BUTTHURT. This is the biggest thing that people on these subs miss all the time. If you get angry enough to chew someone out, your frame is dogshit.

“Sex is always the man’s fault.” It is your RESPONSIBILITY to always keep things in a playful, sexual frame, and always be leading to intimacy. If you are not, you have failed as a man.

That being said, if it’s too much work to reverse this, leave the bitch and start over elsewhere. And don’t be such a chump this time. /r/deadbedrooms is for people who have been married DECADES and have trouble. If you’re resorting to that after a few months with a girl then you need fucking bootcamp.

4angrydragons · 2017-11-25T04:33:21+00:00

I swear every post on r/deadbedrooms could be an invitation for redpill

yeahnahimgood · 2017-11-24T19:33:27+00:00

Honestly her comment just sounds like friendly banter. I don’t understand why you’d get emotional from something like this.

djthiago1 · 2017-11-24T16:01:51+00:00

No sex and disrespect... Nice relationship bro.

[deleted] · 2017-11-24T15:36:51+00:00

She doesn’t respect you and you need to leave

[deleted] · 2017-11-24T18:22:40+00:00

In my opinion this moves beyond shit test into outright disrespect territory. This is where you would demote her to plate.

[deleted] · 2017-11-24T18:47:47+00:00

That isn't a shit test, that's her being a mean cunt. If she is doing that and not even sleeping with you, then please consider leaving her.

JackGetsIt · 2017-11-24T20:38:24+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4mt89q/the_6_stages_of_breaking_up_a_guide_to_not_having/

FlyingSexistPig · 2017-11-24T22:28:08+00:00

Frame and lifting my friend. Frame and lifting

WISE_TURD · 2017-11-24T22:33:59+00:00

It's probably best to start with a new girl who is conditioned to walking all over you. Spin some plates etc.

Lift and raise your smv. This lifelong and non-negotiable. Start lifting asap, it usually takes a minimum of a year of religious lifting to get reasonably jacked. Usually at least 3 years to be close to maxing out your genetic potential. These timelines are rough estimates - depends how hard you work, how clean you eat, what your body looks like when you start, and, of course, genetics.

krefnasterploc · 2017-11-25T01:19:35+00:00

This is fucking crazy. I’ve had shitty gfs in the past but none were this contemptuous as this. Holy shit she’s awful if this really happened

But don’t blame her. Women are programmed to do this

If you don’t hold frame like a man and NEVER let them get you emotional you won’t have this problem. Once a female sees you become emotional or get rolled over like this it’s over. They don’t see you as sexual anymore and you’re a fucking rent payer or a pedestal for her self esteem.

The hardest advice you’ll learn here is that you need to be emotionally unavailable with women and be in charge of your ship and let her know frequently she’s lucky you let her aboard.

[deleted] · 2017-11-25T02:38:29+00:00

zboo1h · 2017-11-25T03:19:22+00:00

A female coworker of mine does this to her little beta boy all the time. She humiliates him in subtle (and not so subtle) ways all the time when he's around, in front of anyone. I get the strong feeling that they're into cuckolding or that she fucks him in the ass with a fake dick.

Don't fucking be that guy.

we_have_the_best_red · 2017-11-25T03:35:13+00:00

Welcome, man!

I first pulled an all nighter devouring the sidebar as I discovered TRP while searching for “controversial subreddits” haha. I was 3.5 years into a dead bedroom marriage. Now I have 4 plates, freedom, and a much more accurate understanding of the female brain.

Viking_RnP · 2017-11-25T04:42:28+00:00

You have a lot to learn and I believe this woman will only hamper your progress. This shit won't be easy but it will be worth it.

redblueninja · 2017-11-25T04:55:06+00:00

Didn't you read in the sidebar that sleep is important to maintain high t-levels?

kellykebab · 2017-11-25T05:17:13+00:00

She does this sort of thing constantly. You’re wrong or you do this poorly. It’s all a test. Fuck me, I’d even go as far as a borderline psychopath.

What is this paragraph even supposed to mean? This is just word salad.

Either your girlfriend is just teasing you and you're overly sensitive or she dislikes you because you're a pussy.

If she's truly disrespectful on a continual basis, you can either put in the effort to really turn things around or, better yet, just leave her. You can send a message to her and give yourself a wake-up call.

It sucks to start over, but if this issue is really that bad, sometimes it's easier to find something better by starting from scratch.

daveofmars · 2017-11-25T15:18:03+00:00

If you're not happy then leave. Obviously your instincts are telling you somethings wrong. Your girl likely has no respect for you because you tolerate abuse and you stay. You have two choices: don't tolerate the abuse or don't stay. I'd go with the latter because, if your perspective is correct, she isn't worth staying with.

Please, I’m the only one patient enough to put up with you~~r bullshit~~.

When returning a shit test with a joke, don't use expletives. Pretend you're playing with a child, or your niece. You need plausible deniability that you're not butthurt.

justalikle · 2018-03-11T19:42:49+00:00

boblee77 · 2018-05-19T21:13:31+00:00

Ugh. I read that as a flirt, a tease.

minoc_uo · 2017-11-24T20:55:10+00:00

Good luck man. It's a tough transition, but you will be happy you made it.

yallapapi · 2017-11-24T21:26:14+00:00

You have a few options. The best is to always joke them down.

Possible responses to the "this one?"

"Yeah, we actually broke up before coming here but didn't want to cause a scene."

"Yeah she has at least 10 boyfriends, and that's just the ones I know about."

"I'm 27. Why, so you think I should get a younger hotter girlfriend?"

This shows you have balls. Plus humor is literally the best thing ever. If you get a laugh out of people at the table you automatically score points. Your value goes up, hers goes down and you win the social game. Do that and you're golden.

That said, if you're here from DB my best advice is to dump this chick and take a break from women. Finish the sidebar, hit the gym and start working out yourself.

APSTNDPhy · 2017-11-24T22:05:16+00:00

Omfg just skimmed some posts. This dude needs help. You need to be single, lift, work on yourself. In a few months you will realise how fucking insane you've been. Trust me.

Taipanshimshon · 2017-11-24T18:34:19+00:00

" You're still going to pay me for pretending to be your boyfriend so that your parents don't get upset, right? - And I told you, I do not provide sex"

EnzoGold · 2017-11-24T13:11:27+00:00

I would just brush it off like she never said it. Clearly seems like shes teasing you

Title	I just pulled an all-nighter devouring the side bar. Here from /r/deadbedrooms. I think my gf does nothing but shit test me.
Author	kabuto_mushi
Upvotes	84
Comments	109
Date	November 24, 2017 12:58 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7f7bm1/i_just_pulled_an_allnighter_devouring_the_side/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-just-pulled-an-all-nighter-devouring-the-side.541 https://theredarchive.com/post/541