Banning me from the subreddit.... Seriously?

This will be updated later as it's late right now, and check the comments later for a song playlist that I find particularly helpful to express some of the feelings I've been experiencing.

After I was born, my grandmother sexually abused me.

As I was growing up, my mother beat me, yelled at me, threw things, considered me a bully, and when I wouldn't cry, she would scare me by yelling to make me cry. I learned never to talk back or else I would be smacked or worse. I could never explain when she was angry, it was best for me to hide in my room and wait for her to stop being angry.

When I was about 7, I told a girl I loved her. I had no idea what sex was. She was older, and found the appropriate response to me saying "I love you" and leaving and later coming back, was to get her and her friends to put a big, dead worm down the back of my pants. In retrospect it makes sense, but hey, I wasn't saying rape her, or have sex with her. I just found her pretty.

When I was 8 I found porn on my dad's computer. My parents were divorced. My mother told me he cheated on her and he brought home disease. So in response she cheated on him.

When I was 8, I had a run-in with a female that was a grade 8 and we fought. I ended up kicking her in the crotch and she retaliated worse. Still, she was the aggressor, because I wanted to play with the big boys and I wasn't welcome.

It was at this time that my mother would visit a neighboring mother and her children. The youngest and I would play in her basement. She would undress and walk around naked. It was then that she started playing around with her nakedness in front of me, and I rejected her for it. Call me a beta, call me too young, but I saw what I saw and I had enough curiosity. She continued, and used a paint brush to imitate what a man had between his legs. Again, I was told to stay in the basement with her, so I looked out the basement window and ignored her.

My mother instilled fear into me that I could be abducted. The world was a scary place. It was then that we had learned that our church had covered over or at least not done anything about accusations of pedophilia by some of their members. So I got the nintendo thumb and thought about a callous. It was then that I got it into my head that if an intruder were to come to our house, they could easily kick me in the balls and diminish my capacity to protect my mother and I. So I laid down in the shower and had the water attack my balls, hoping to get a nintendo thumb. I mean I was 8, what did I know? My mother found out and was not happy, thinking I was getting sexual pleasure from it and that it was wrong and not to do it again, even though I told her the truth.

By the age of nine my mother had a mental breakdown. My caretakers decided to watch a porno. I considered it wrong. My church said it was wrong. They wanted to do it anyway. So I punished them for it. I disrupted their day, tried to blackmail them, and scared them half to death. That's when the threats of violence became real. That's when I was body checked into a fridge by a man that this woman had invited. That was the age I saw this adopted man bang the husband's wife in the husband's own bed. To this day he says he's just a paycheck and she's still considered a member of "the faith". Go figure. I miss Katie. She didn't deserve that treatment, Or maybe I'm just naiive.

By the age of ten a woman that was mentally ill pulled a knife on my mother. The husband, so beaten down by his wife, didn't even try to call the cops when he knew she was flying off the handle. So apparently fucked up people was totally justified. That's when we moved. And then I found out that one guy's wife where we moved to liked to use "cutlery" in the bedroom. People are fucked, but women are the aggressors, NOT men. Don't get confused.

By the time grade 8 came around two women uttered death threats to me and shoved my head into a fountain. No, I didn't deserve it. They're both pregnant now and poor.

Grade 9, my female teachers graded me lower. In English specifically my teacher gave me a D on a paper. I approached her and explained it to her. Apparently it's all in the explanation because after explaining it, she gave me an A. A D to an A. Obviously not my fault. Later on Sociology course I was graded extremely low except for one specific paper in which i got basically 100% on. Again, I don't believe it was my fault. She was a woman, and I, a man that had chemicals that threatened her. I can't respect the fact that I was failing a class when she had the audacity to grade me a top paper for. That's when I realized women are highly selective and subject to bias and that's why they shouldn't be teachers, especially non-hard sciences.

Grade 10 I liked a girl, after my mother's second hospital bout and unwanted attention from 2 women. The girl I finally started liking turned out to be the highschool whore. I didn't know this. She invited me over to her house with the intention of having sex with me. I visited, but refused. I wasn't a cuck, a beta. I just didn't want a hole for a girlfriend that would fuck and chuck. That experience actually made me turn to God. Stupid really, since they were the ones that covered over pedophilia, but the WORDS or the essence seemed to be correct, even if the people were shit.

It was shortly after that that I met a true girlfriend, or so I thought. She was pretty and a college dropout and she was at least partly smart. And she really.... Really liked me. She gave me gifts like cologne and we'd hold hands and sleep in seperate beds and when she woke me up one morning with her soft touch.... It felt so good. It felt like the relationship was based on mutual respect. So I told her the truth - about everything, including just after my religion paired me with a girl that, unbeknownst to me, was sexually abused as a child and thus was hypersexual and hypercompetitive. I liked the experience and didn't take it as flirting and I tried to keep the boundaries. But my problem was, I told her about the fact that this pairing happened. It was for an event where you had a good amount of time to talk. She took that as a threat, and we broke up. Within 6 months she was married to some other guy. And that's when I should've realized that maybe, just maybe she had another guy on the side she was talking to.

So I went after the hypersexual one, but she was too damaged and apparently I was too easy of a conquest, because of course after her abuse, she had something to prove. She later got into debt collection and was highly effective at it. She got into drug use. To be fair she wasn't even all that pretty but I said to myself that inside, if you're beautiful inside and caring, that beauty manifests itself in the outward appearance.

My next girlfriend I told her that. She took it to mean that I said she was ugly. Which was unfair because I didn't know she was playing another guy that later killed himself because she broke his heart, while she was talking with me. Then she married a guy that looked a lot like me and had her gossiping friend say that she married an ugly guy. Catty, much?....

The day of her wedding was the day I got a speeding ticket. It was $400. I didn't even contest it or try to lower it. I just wanted the day and the events over with.

Ever since it's been nothing but rejection, even when I was simply trying to be nice. I wrote one woman a letter, just trying to be encouraging, because I started feeling a deep sense of needing to take care of a church that ultimately.... didn't care about me. So I knew they were the ones that were sick, and I did my best for both the men, and the women, giving of my time and energy to help others expand their understanding of the world. Some appreciated it. The clergy basically ignored me and made my job harder, treating me as an outsider and an outcast, denying me the resources to help others. It wasn't always that way....

And then I met a married woman. She welcomed my mother and I into her home. Over the course of time... something changed. It was like I was drugged. My internet started changing. Obscene things came onto my social media. This married woman started acting like I was some horrible villain and asking me to act like a horrible human being. It broke my mind. She started acting like I was going to kill her or poison her. She tried acting all offended at me, she deserved an award for those tears, and tried taping and piecing together parts of conversation like she was trying to make me out to be something I'm not. The fact I felt drugged did not help.

It was then I realized that my social media had been more than hijacked. I was being listened in on. this had happened to j. hour. nal ists before (I have to do that. If you don't know why.... you should look it up) and it happened to me. It was then that I realized I was literally being attacked and trolled online. For the perceived misogyny? For the links I was asked to click while I was drugged so as to make my internet search history look deserving of investigation? .... I resent women greatly for that, for making me look crazy.

It was then that music sounded... Awesome. Magical. I stopped being able to sleep. That's what being drugged does to you, and it happened without my consent. If I was an asshole, I'd understand. but I'm not an asshole, so I don't. But now I'm horribly jaded. You can't tell me objects in my house that are on my floor through the net and hack my webcam without me being upset about it. And that was the moment I think religion finally dropped me like a hot potato. Kicked me out, and told me that "the families aren't comfortable with you"... Oh really? That's not what you said when covering over pedophilia cases. Those people were still plenty welcome into the so-called flock of God. So excuse me, but no.

Then around this time also I went into a burning building. That alone should be traumatizing enough. My counsellor that I went to afterward asked me if I started the fire. Female. She then said I was psychotic, and referred me to a firey, married redhead as my new psychosis counsellor. Trauma is not psychosis, and you can't pigeonhole me because of YOUR prying eyes just so you can sweep your mistakes under the rug.

So the redhead accused me of impropriety. So apparently I have no right to counselling for all the trauma inflicted upon me after being drugged, put into dangerous situations, being home invaded, hacked, and accused of impropriety by women. So I finally cracked.

I went into a hospital. The magazines they had in that hospital were soulcrushing. I had no idea covert communication could be so effective. And no, I don't believe that a hospital should have a copy of "Tom Clancy" in their collection. Just for the record, not unless they're really, really expecting you to be fucked up.

The nurses were abrasive, told me what to do, denied my rights, let literal feces that was not my own remain on my bed, while being verbally abused by other patients and being accused of pulling a fridge out from a wall that I didn't do. I was berated for simply using the pronoun "he" to describe someone that was an old man that apparently identified as female. It's supposed to be a place of peace. After not realizing how hot the water could get (maybe because of the drugs previously given my sense of pain was diminished? dopamine agonists like the ... I can't say the name of the organization... Or the chemical... But it'll do that to a person) I burned myself from the water, was in massive pain, and the pills that they gave blocked my dopamine receptors which gave me immense pain, or kept my mind in a perpetually high state (GOTTA STAY high all the time, to keep you off my mind! Habits, charli xcx)... What they did destroyed my relationship with my mother who was already going through a rough time, and then I looked like the abuser, even though from time to time she was still physically abusive.

When my mother caught them in a lie, security was called on her, and more lies were made up by the medical community about her. Effectively, the way I see it, women were trying to ruin my life. They always have. They beat me into submission and when that wasn't good enough, they went the extra mile to lie about me, not one, but several, simply to try to get me to react badly and "go overboard". As such, I ended up with... You guessed it... Another big moving violation fine. Because of course it's my fault. Not the government's fault, even though where I live the government pays these private institutions for their services. The feminist government's fault.

I tried to be patient. I tried to give them chances to make up what they did to me. They refused to even acknowledge they did anything wrong. NAWALT? No. AWALT. Their social debts are so high now in my books, I don't think it'll ever be repaid any more.

You wasted my time, my energy, you took advantage of my kindness, affection, you spat in my face (multiple times, literally), you hit me, you abused me, you tried to rape me, you actually raped me, you graded me as inferior, criticised me for my "highmindedness" and "closedmindedness", you lied about me multiple times, you lied to me, you cheated on me, you cheated on others, you slandered me, you libeled me, you showed me your greedy side and you "pull my trigger then you blame my gun" according to Fiona Apple. How's it feel having female artists back ME up instead of your scumbag stacy attitude?... And I can't even sue you. I've tried. No lawyer wants to touch it. So Melanie C was right. You're better alone. You're all better alone. I'm ashamed to share the same homosapien label with you.

SHAME ON YOU!

And this isn't even a comprehensive list. And catty males?.... They're just like you catty females. I'm not homophobic, I'm anti-bitch phobic. What's between the legs does not define if you're an asshole or a bitch, but half the "good women" are married and the unmarried are literally scum of the earth.

I repeat. Shame on you. Goodbye. I wish there could be some other way but there isn't. I can't be forgiving of your grievances any more, any more than this government can be forgiving of my reactionary grievances. You destroyed my ability to take chances and succeed, you told me to submit (Why aren't I islamic? Oh wait, what's Islam represent again..?) and I did, and it destroyed my life. Now I'm older with less opportunities and less education and women still decide my fate, just as they decide all of yours. I leave you with a song, a beautiful cover. CAGE YOURSELF.

Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes (edited to the new video, the others were trash, this one at least is full) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkpR6ZgqEnw

OK Edits at the bottom. I totally forgot about meeting the woman that effectively told me she was a pedo. There is no reason for this girl to have a picture of her daughter's "little vagina" but not go to the police about it since she said that she believes her ex husband/boyfriend which has most custody over, is allowing to be abused by his mother. Girl, if you had evidence of abuse by someone on the other side and your kids would back you up that "gramma" touched them, you'd think you'd use it as ammo instead of just ...... keeping it on your phone.

OK so the pedo that was harbored by religion already had kin, had an elite last name affiliation, and wrecked a poor young man's life. This pedo was a woman. Yeah, try to prove it! Oh "stillsuit", seriously what were you thinking. Could publish more.... Kinda tired at the moment but there's still a lot in my life, even after this. Or in short.... Green Day - Bang bang! HAHAHA.... fucked. But how do you think all this really made me feel? And no I can't reply to you i've been banned from MGTOW.