Social Skills

It's not what you know, it's who you know. More importantly how those you know value you. In this post I'm going to give some context, and then give some analysis of basic social skills.

Social skills are required to function in society. They're needed for getting a good job, making good friends, and gaming women. In addition to lifting I would recommend this as one of the most if not the most important aspects of implementing trp in your life. This is a very complex topic but I hope to at least scratch the surface - each subtopic could easily become its own post.

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Social Psychological Principles

The us and them dichotomy

Humans love to discriminate. It is a core tenet of our intelligence. We have the tendency to group others who understand social conventions and have similar mindsets, looks, interests, or beliefs in the 'us' group, and all others fall into another category.

This is an ego protecting mechanism, but it also affects sanity (consider solitary confinement). It's the same reason two people who know nothing about music will argue to the death about which terrible band is better, or who's the best guitar player in the world. We have the innate need for people to see the world as we do to validate our version of reality. If we believe most people think as we think it helps us feel like we belong to the us group. This is why weaker minded individuals tend to be very agreeable and go along with whatever they think the majority thinks. This is the majority of people. Stronger minded individuals (hopefully there's some here among you faggots) tend to place more emphasis on their own interpretations, but their social skills and desire to be social tend to suffer. When you show people that you are a strong minded individual you can run the risk of becoming a 'them'. This is a false dichotomy however, so it's possible to relate to everyone and learn to like and enjoy people while simultaneously knowing how blindly they follow.

Male and female communication

To have good social skills we need to understand the different ways people communicate. Men communicate primarily through words, and use more aggressive forms of communication. Women tend to communicate primarily through body language and verbal intonation. Think of your interactions with women, think about how they frequently react to you with a facial expression before they speak. I always notice and laugh at what I call the surprised smile; when they drop their jaws while smiling. It's important to note that while men and women communicate differently, men still read body language and women still hear the content of the words, but these are interpreted contextually. Men will hear the words first then adjust the meaning according to context (tone, body language, facial expression etc.) whereas women will hear the tone of voice, body language and facial expressions and hear the words as context. For example a woman will think "This person is communicating something to me angrily" when the words spoken could be "I really dislike politicians". She will first interpret the aggression and be intimidated instead of understanding that the man in this example is showing he hates politicians and giving that statement context with his tone of voice and body language. This is the reason that women are terrible at putting their thoughts into words, it's just not how their brains are wired.

Small Talk

Small talk is an essential skill. Some people like to think they're introverts or that they just don't like small talk, but those are just excuses to not leave their comfort zone. If you can't carry a conversation with a stranger you have poor social skills. Let's remember the context of psychology: In small talk you will hear the same questions asked over and over again. This is because they only think in the societal tropes that they are fed. Here are some examples and why people say them:

"The weather sure is X today" (shared experience, a desire for connection, building an 'us' rapport).

"How was your weekend?" (Trying to show that they care about your experiences also projecting their desire for you to care about theirs)

"X news event was interesting" (Shared experience, looking for validation that the way they think (or the way the media told them to think) is right, building an 'us' rapport, trying to see if you are an 'us' or a 'them')

Instead of hearing the same things over and over again, we can interpret the reasons that people ask the same things over and over again, and it's easier to make small talk without it seeming mundane or trivial.

Actually caring about what the other person says is a very useful tool to becoming good at conversation. Let's say someone makes a comment about the cold weather. You can be mindful and ask questions about them such as "So you're a summer kind of person then, what kind of things do you enjoy in the summer?" This works very well because people love to talk about themselves, and they love it when someone takes interest and validates their sanity and existence. Let's continue the conversation with the somewhat vapid and unsocial response of "I just like the warm weather". You can approach such a response in many ways, one being "I enjoy the summer because I love fishing, do you have any summer activities you enjoy?" If it's something you know nothing about you can ask them to tell you about it. Take a genuine interest and you get to learn something new. If it's something you do know about then it's easy to talk about for both parties. Sometimes they will give a vapid response again, and the more conversationally skilled you are the easier time you will have getting better answers out of people, however if it's a complete stranger I move on if they give two dead end answers.

Asking questions also is great in conversation because you immediately have them qualifying themselves to you, and you establish frame with no effort.

You should try to chat up a stranger every single day. It's very uncomfortable at first but it becomes very easy and enjoyable quickly. Every time you're in public countless opportunities will present themselves. Once you're comfortable with that it will become so easy to approach because you can talk to anyone.

• Keeping up with current events and news is torture for me, but it's worth doing to make small talk easier.
• Using simple language helps sound more relatable, save the more complex language for more complex conversational topics.
• Become comfortable, and others will mirror your comfort.

Understand social conventions

Again looking back to the 'us and them dichotomy' we must balance the uniqueness of our thoughts while still trying to be in the 'us' category. We need to understand culture but we don't have to exist inside the cultural box. You need to make your own rules, but you also need to demonstrate that you understand the unwritten rules. I won't go to deep in this category because there are plenty of resources on this, but things you should understand are basic manners, etiquette, and cultural things like sarcasm and popular viewpoints. Basically you just have to 'get it'.

Body language: Don't be awkward

I cannot stress this enough. If people feel awkward around you, your game probably sucks. The most important thing in not being awkward is being comfortable. It is almost an insult to feel uncomfortable around someone, which is why awkward people are often bullied in school. Be completely comfortable in any situation. How you feel will subconsciously be on display through your body language. I prefer the method of working from the inside out; becoming comfortable will make your body language reflect that, and it will be natural, however science has shown that faking it till you make it is a real thing. So try both at once.

The other important thing about awkwardness is that you just don't understand social conventions. Learn them. You don't have to adhere to them, and you can in fact use social conventions as a humor goldmine, but you must display that you understand them. Someone who doesn't get humor or sarcasm will quickly become ostracized.

Humor

Never tell a joke or make a witty comment with the intention of getting a laugh, people see right through this and you come off as desperate and looking for validation. Instead, tell a joke or make a comment and enjoy it WITH the people you are telling it to. The difference is subtle at a first glance but it's analogous to "Hey guys laugh at my joke because I'm so insecure I need to be reassured that I'm funny and valued" versus "I thought I'd share an enjoyable thought I had so that you can enjoy it too".

Humor is a great thing to practise because it is usually based on understanding social conventions, which makes it relatable. Being funny is a great way to build rapport, just don't overdo it.

It is important to know your audience, be mindful of who you are speaking to. The more perceptive you are to their personality the easier it is to make an appropriate joke. The key is to make a joke that they wouldn't find offensive but that most people would. This immediately GUARANTEES you to be in the 'us' category. I learned this technique from an old boss. He started his company and hired others to do most of the work, and he did almost all sales. I got to go on several sales calls, and I was shocked at him making a sexual joke to a middle aged woman who I'd assumed to be prudish. He showed that he understood her level of humor, making her feel very comfortable with him. He was one of the best salesmen I've ever met. It's better to err on the side of caution though, you can easily become a 'them'. If this does happen and you offend someone, either make light of the situation or change the subject quickly. Never break frame.

"One of the most reliable, albeit sexist, generalizations I've noticed over the years is that women tend to laugh at stories involving bad things happening to people, such as an attractive girl taking a face-plant into a mud puddle on the way to the prom. Guys like that sort of humor too, but my observation is that men are far more likely to enjoy traditional jokelike stories that are more engineered than organic." -Scott Adams

Notice that comedians are among the most socially adept. Comedy is a great tool in the arsenal of social skills that you should have.

Storytelling

Although I admit story telling is one of my weaknesses, I still maintain its importance; everyone seems to love a good story. Through observation I can offer a guide as to what makes a good story:

• context
• set up a pattern
• Relatability (characters etc)
• forshadowing

• plot twist/punchline/pattern violation

  Most humor is based on this pattern as most good stories entertainment value comes from humor.

Demonstrate Value

Everyone wants to associate themselves with someone of high value. Display your value, but never brag. Demonstrating value goes hand in hand with many RP tenets; if you act like a valuable person, people will assume you are one. Be someone who has skills and resources that others want access to. Be someone who is enjoyable to be around which is valuable. You don't have to give anything away for free, but whatever you do give, whether it's your companionship, time, money, work, skills etc. make sure those you give your value to understand the great deal they are getting. A janitor cleaning your office is just a janitor doing his job, a CEO cleaning your office is an incredible gesture, it's the same action but one has more value because of perception.

Conclusion

You might note that all of these concepts are closely tied. This works to your advantage because once you improve one category it becomes easier to improve other areas. Never stop practising your social skills. You lose social skills very fast, even spending two weeks not talking to people will drastically affect you. If you're in monk mode, make that one of the things you are improving on. You don't need to focus on women to practise your social skills, but once you have them getting women is very easy.