Confidence is usually necessary for attracting lady-folk, that much is obvious. But how to actually attain confidence is less clear than how to, for example, get in shape. I think how one perceives confidence could influence their eventual or occasional attainment of that desired state, so it's useful to take a look at what confidence actually is.

If you're like me, your go-to visualization of "confidence" is a gregarious, smiling person at a social event. If you're not extroverted, that might seem like a distant universe from your own, but that kind of extroversion is really the effect of an underlying mental state, which is what you're actually after.

Called "outcome independence" around here, it is essentially the lack of emotional investment in the state of things outside yourself (like the opinions of others), which you can't reliably control.

My theory is that the ego will tend to attach itself to one thing or another. And so to avoid over-investing in things that you can't or shouldn't try to control, you should strategically exhaust your brain's fuck-giving reserves by linking your identity and/or self-worth to a pursuit requiring as little help from other people as possible.

Another way to think about it terms of attracting girls is this: If you're frustrated with women, get frustrated with something else instead: something that rewards struggle with progress.

I'm starting to meander so I'll get to my point: Confidence is unattainable because it is not a "thing" you attain. Rather, it is the absence of self-criticism and anxiety. It is just who you truly are underneath the inhibitions. It is really effortless.

Metaphorically speaking, confidence isn't a tool in your arsenal that you forge and carry with you. There is only the heavy-ass weighted backpack of anxiety and mental over-exertion, and "confident" is what you feel when you drop that burden.

That is all.