Going to an event where you don't know anyone [FR]

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October 4, 2016

I had posted this in another post on askTRP and it was suggested to me to make it a post on its own. Maybe a couple of you can get some value from it. I'm going to keep it short(ish) and sweet with some examples.

I was invited to a wedding as the date of the maid of honor and I didn't know one other person at the wedding. I knew my date but I didn't see her for 90% of it because she was part of the bridal party. She literally text me the next day and said I was the life of the party and the grooms whole family was talking about me and my dance moves. Here's my field report:

Talk to everyone. I actually made a post about this a little while back if you're interested check it out. I was late to the wedding because of getting out of work late. I found people who were also late. Right away I asked them if they were there for the same wedding. They said they were and the conversation continued from there. We had to stand apart from the actually wedding given the way it was all set up. I continued to talk to these people and told them I only knew the MOH and no one else so I deemed them my new friends.

I suck at tying ties so I asked the one guy if he knew how to tie it and could tie mine because his was done well. He did it for me, we exchanged names and small talk. So now I have connected with like 5 people already. Wedding ends and we go inside. I wait in the cocktail line. I'm talk to the people in front and in back of me. Don't be afraid to listen in on people's convos and if you can add something just jump in. (Obviously don't do it if it's personal) but I think the people in front of me were talking about Casinos or something and I just go "are you talking about casinos?" They said lol yes. Ive done quite a bit of gambling and love playing craps so jumped in and joined the convo. It may seem weird or rude but if you can related to people they will really like you in the long run.

Next I find my seat at the table. I don't know anyone. I introduce myself to everyone and ask them about themselves. I find a dude at the table I'm with and tell him come get a drink/food with me. In line we chat and end up having some good laughs and a lot in common. He's now my boy for the night. So at this point I have formed a pretty good social circle of people. Through out the night when I see people I met in the beginning of the night I'll talk to them. Ask them what they're drinking or how the nights going, and shoot the shit.

By this point my date shows up I'm talking to 2 girls at my table and then I start talking to her. I have a buzz by now and am ready to dance. This is my fucking go to move man. And it works. Dance with older ladies. The grandmas who are just sitting. The divorced milfs. They want to have fun. And they love when a young stud drags them to dance. The woman will also think you're awesome for getting people to join the fun. This will make people like you. And flock around you, be in your own world and bring people into it.

At this point I have 3 chicks who are interested in me. One who is practically obsessing she's telling everyone she wants to fuck me and they are telling me. My date even says to me. "I've never seen a guy have chicks fighting over him like this" I shrug and take her to dance. She's hot and I want to fuck her so after we dance for a little, I take her outside and we go for a walk to isolate her, make out with her and share a couple laughs. I end up taking her home and fucking the hell out of her, twice that night and once in the morning. My point is you don't even need a date, that could have been any of the 3 chicks. Just talk to everyone and have fun while trying to joining everyone else in on the fun.

Side Note:

I know someone's going to ask "what exactly did you say to these people" I didn't post that because I hate doing that. That's always the first questions I get. You need to learn to vibe and talk to people naturally to get to this point. I wasn't always like that I was once awkward, and shy. I started talking to everyone, and when I say talk to everyone I don't mean interview type questions. I mean make comments on what's going on around me or the person. That's the best way to start a convo and make it more natural. You have to practice being present. "Is this place always this packed?" "I guess you come here a lot"

Small talk is necessary but only to get to much deeper stuff. Your goal should be to find a common/shared interest(s) with people, be curious about them. Don't just talk for the sake of talking. Talk as if your generally interested in them. Also when you first meet someone talk to them as if you've know them for a while. It'll make them feel more comfortable and you. This takes practice but once you get the hang of it, you'll be able to talk to everyone this way.

I know a lot of guys struggle with conversations and I think a lot has to do with being in your head. I have been all over the place. From being so into my head, To making conversations weird, to vibing, etc. I feel like if I don't put any expectations on a conversation and can manage to be present that's when I have the best interactions.

I'm sure you've had conversations with people where you didn't even think about it. You didn't even realize it was a thing. You were just naturally doing it. You didn't think about a response, an answer, you didn't judge yourself, you just talked. That's the point you want to get with all conversations.

This got me thinking how I achieved this and honesty part of this answer may sound weird. I started to not always talk. No trying to fill the silence with words. I just let it be. I learned to just be present and comfortable. This opened my eyes to a lot of things. That people are really in their head also. They would try to fill the silence. If it was a woman or a beta male. They would get nervous. This would actually put me at ease. Because I knew I can get like that too and there's nothing to be nervous about. I would listen to people, I wouldn't speak so much. Once I got comfortable with this. It allowed me to relax more in conversation. Then when I was more relaxed I became more present. When I'm present that's when the magic happens.

I also stopped asking interview type questions. Like I said I talk about what's going on around me. Do I still ask those questions? Of course but it's just to scratch the surface to a deeper conversation. You want to find common interests. You shouldn't be asking questions for the sake of asking. There should be a purpose behind your interacts.


If you can't dance that's okay, I used to be stiff and dance like a typical white boy too. PRACTICE. Practice in the mirror. In the car. In the shower. When you're cleaning your place. The key is to let loose, loosen your whole body. And move to the music. Vibe to it. Bend your knees. Slide your feel. Shake your shoulders. Swing your arms. Don't be afraid.

What helped me also was to watch a few intro videos on YouTube. Footwork is everything. Once you learn to dance with your feet you're set.

This was a lot longer than I planned it to be but I hope this helped some of you. Go out there and kick ass.


Go out. Talk to everyone about what's going on around you. Join in on people's conversations. Create your own good time and bring others in on the fun ","id":"55t94g","quarantine":false,"distinguished":null,"stickied":false,"hide_score":false,"downs":0,"gilded":0,"retrieved_on":1480198625,"ups":977,"is_self":true,"saved":false,"author_flair_css_class":null,"secure_media":null,"num_comments":147,"contest_mode":false,"edited":1475585891,"permalink":"/r/TheRedPill/comments/55t94g/going_to_an_event_where_you_dont_know_anyone_fr/","domain":"self.TheRedPill","thumbnail":"self","score":977,"link_flair_text":"Field Report","url":"https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/55t94g/going_to_an_event_where_you_dont_k

Post Information
Title Going to an event where you don't know anyone [FR]
Upvotes 1044
Comments 136
Date 04 October 2016 12:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/63469
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/55t94g/going_to_an_event_where_you_dont_know_anyone_fr/
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betathe red pillfield report

[–]growingstronk279 points280 points  (7 children) | Copy

This should have way more votes than all those annoying "How I got laid FR," posts. Hell if you had posted this a few months back I would've killed it at my old wedding.

Remember lads, everyone is just as bored and uncomfortable as you. Grow some balls, and take initiative.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy

I completely agree. This is useful, not just for getting laid, but for many situations where you don't know anybody. Whether it's a new job or because you moved to a new city or town.

[–]Mckallidon30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy

How I get laid. Thrust. Repeat. Climax. Sneak out. Repeat. Where's my validation?

[–]growingstronk9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have my upvote for this informative FR!

[–]HeinousFu_kery5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

The woman Everyone will also think you're awesome for getting people to join the fun.

This always works - just give people half a chance and the fun ramps up pretty quickly, as does your social capital (which brings more people around). Whether you're just aiming to be not-bored or are looking for some action, you can't lose.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Really liked that phrase at the end. Really stuck with me.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger96 points97 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is a good one. Three huge take-aways from this that everybody needs to try out. A lot:

First, talk to everybody. If you're in line for something, waiting to get into something, or just somewhere that people are and you're alone, walk up and talk to someone. Especially if you're in a social location or at a social event. People are expecting this. It's not strange. Don't even think of touching your cell phone and hunkering in the corner alone.

Second, ask questions. A lot of people trying to fit into or get to know someone talk a lot about themselves. They spend the entire conversation looking for places to interject something they know or something about themselves, then waiting for their turn to say it. They don't ask questions, show interest, or listen. When I'm at a loss, I follow the "Ford" rule. Family, occupation, recreation, dreams. If, by the end of your 10-20 minute chat with someone, they've discussed all four of these things with you (often prompted by your questions, and your follow-up questions after they say something, which demonstrate your attention in addition to gaining additional information), it won't matter if you never said a single word about yourself. They'll feel like they had a great conversation with you. Get someone else talking about shit he or she enjoys to talk about, pay attention, ask folllow-up questions, and they'll think you're awesome. Caveat to that, though, is to not be unnatural. If the conversation is vibing already, just chat. Reach for the next topic only when you're at a loss.

Third, pay attention. Be present. Ask questions. Show interest. You're not there to show off, or think of the greatest, wittiest Red Pill response to something someone said. You're just chatting with people to pass the time. Which is a long lost art in this day and age of cell phones and Facebook. The mere fact that you can carry on a conversation, ask questions, pay attention, and show interest sets you apart from a lot of people.

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (1 child) | Copy

Third, pay attention. Be present. Ask questions. Show interest

An old CEO of mine once told me you had to be two things in life:

Interesting, so that people want to listen to you, and;

Interested, so that people want to talk to you.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Creating a mega-post about rapport and it's basically those two things. People are interested in those that are interested in them, so "interested" is just another way to be interesting.

[–]NeoreactionSafe68 points69 points  (32 children) | Copy


It's actually easier to be at a party where you don't know anyone because there are no ancient conflicts to worry about. As you get to know a group of people there become rules about what is "okay" and what is "not okay".

By entering fresh you really have a natural IDGAF attitude because you really don't give a fuck because you have no investment in the situation.


Women are attracted to guys that aren't "stuck in a rut".


And weddings are high anxiety events for women because it reminds them that they are failing in life and still riding the Cock Carousel™ without a man as a rock for her. (unmarried girls freak out... feeling the Wall approaching)

So exploit female anxiety (wedding) and amplify your freedom (IDGAF) and the odds are you come out a winner.


[–]Bulk_king1118 points19 points  (28 children) | Copy

I agree to an extent for an already confident guy this is a better bet. But for a guy who isn't as confident or shy this can be a high anxiety/very frightening situation. That a lot of men wouldn't even accept the invite out of fear. I used to be like that. I'd make up an excuse as to why I couldn't go, because I was really uncomfortable with the situation

[–]NeoreactionSafe-3 points-2 points  (27 children) | Copy

There was a time during the 1990's when I was working too much (dot.coms) and wasn't as Red Pill aware yet (it was still a mystery... much of life was out of focus and blurry to me) so I used to have severe anxiety. But this was primarily because I was living in San Francisco which is literally where all the Church of Satan stuff originated from. You could literally feel the demonic presence in San Francisco.

So a big factor is where you live... is the situation physically dangerous for example or are you surrounded by SJW nutcases who are equally a threat.

Generally I've found the Midwest to be a place where socializing is easier because the people are at root better.

Urban environments are rather anxiety provoking... it's the "Rat Cage" problem of overcrowding that causes anxiety.


[–]HardDeterminist32 points33 points  (6 children) | Copy

Lost you at blaming a demonic presence for your severe anxiety. You say it so casually too. As if that's a rational thing to say. What the fuck

[–]CQC311 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

The one two punch of OP's comment and this one is so amazing.

I'm glad he said it, we're all the better for it. I want to live in a world where a man can casually explain to me that the atmosphere was thick with evil, so he had trouble staying asleep for 8 hours straight or whatever.

[–]NeoreactionSafe3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

When I was a child I would have ignored the concept of Game.

These days I understand that Game is magic... and some have deeper understanding of Game and can manipulate whole systems.

The Blue Pill is a mythology... a huge Shit Test... a huge Game of magic we are forced into through the system.

You really become Red Pill when you understand the power of Game.

This is no joke... the Dark Triad personalities are 100% real.



[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

humans are not meant to live in the urban environments we have now

[–]CQC33 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Urban environments are rather anxiety provoking... it's the "Rat Cage" problem of overcrowding that causes anxiety.

They really are. As much as I like the idea of a big city, as they say it can swallow you whole too. If you've ever been to Miami, it also has such a nasty aura to it. I think only certain people really pick up on it, it's nothing supernatural so much as an implicit understanding that you know for a FACT that there is in the area you are approaching a high concentration of murder, limitless hedonism and thousands of souls churning through the rat race, plugging away for commercial goods and increasing social status in various ways. Lives are lived and lost in this urban jungle, a tangled mess. Some people only know Miami (or whatever big city you wanna insert), some people live and die in Miami, it is their whole world. When you sense stuff like that, it's pretty unnerving. The whole thing becomes its own entity.

Of course, that's just a matter of how you perceive it, some people don't think about it at all and just take it for what it is. Being able to poeticize it can be a good or bad thing and for me it was mostly pessimism fueling subjective dislike. Overall, I think big cities make people uncomfortable because for lack of a more specific term, there's just so much commotion and buzz to it. You know it and feel it, there is a tense movement and shuffle about bigger cities--a lack of stillness. From an ego stand point, being in such close proximity with millions of others makes everything feel even less personal, you as a unit represent such a small percentage of the mass that you just feel pointless.

[–]NeoreactionSafe4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

The predatory mentality (the Dark Triad psychopaths) actually feeds off of cities like Vampires.

Some people get a rush off of watching humanity being run through the meat grinder.

Women seem to have a euphoric excitement in the Cock Carousel™ and her own cultural debasement. If you ever want to see naked AWALT you see it most clearly in the cities.

These truths have been known since the beginning of recorded history.


[–]BigmuscleChad 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

What exactly is the predatory mentality? Anything additional/interesting in addition to the normal dark triad traits? Personally I like being in big cities, but not necessarily due to watching people suffer or whatever.

[–]NeoreactionSafe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I did a post recently on Jimmy Savile.

Check that out.


[–]whuttupfoo2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

You're completely serious though lol. Next time anything bad happens to me I'll just blame Satan's breath for contaminating the air.

[–]NeoreactionSafe0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Which part are you having a problem with?

Just curious...


[–]Watitdoboo2 4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy

I'm not the guy you asked but I'm pretty sure it's this part:

so I used to have severe anxiety. But this was primarily because I was living in San Francisco which is literally where all the Church of Satan stuff originated from. You could literally feel the demonic presence in San Francisco.

What the fuck are you talking about dude? I lived in SF for a while and grew up in the bay area and I really have no clue. SF is pretty non urban as far as major, well known cities goes. It's not some big bad city that's so hard and evil or whatever. I really can't even sort of see what you're talking about.

Take ownership for your shit, San Francisco didn't make you anxious.

[–]NeoreactionSafe-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy




The Church of Satan is an international organization dedicated to the religion of LaVeyan Satanism as codified in The Satanic Bible. The Church of Satan was established at the Black House in San Francisco, California, on Walpurgisnacht, April 30, 1966, by Anton Szandor LaVey, who was the church's High Priest until his death in 1997. In 2001, Peter H. Gilmore was appointed to the position of high priest, and the church's headquarters were moved to Hell's Kitchen, Manhattan, New York City.[1]


The church left in 2001 and I left in 2002. (was actually living in Walnut Creek after 2001)

All I know is my intuition sensed a very evil presence when I was there.

In other places I do not feel it at all.


[–]BigmuscleChad 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy

But they say the church of Satan actually doesn't even believe in the literal Biblical satan, just some nature and other type of shit

[–]NeoreactionSafe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah well you are at a low level of comprehension at present.

Watch some Mark Passio videos. He is a former high priest in the Church of Satan who switched to the light from the dark.

The magic can work either way.

Jesus would be a magician on the side of the light. (for example)

The Catholic Church is on the side of the dark. (especially these days)


[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

I was living in San Francisco which is literally where all the Church of Satan stuff originated from. You could literally feel the demonic presence in San Francisco.

You know that vaginas are a HUGE part of Satan's plans to corrupt your soul, right? You better start sucking dicks!

[–]NeoreactionSafe0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

The Church of Satan actually was originated in San Francisco... this is a fact.

And having lived and worked in San Francisco I can say from personal experience it's about as fucked up and Satanic as you could ever imagine.

Even long ago they used to "Shanghai" drunken sailors by feeding them something that made them pass out then load them into ships for profit.

San Francisco has a very long history of demonic behaviors.

I was fourth generation to the area and knew it's truths.


[–]Endorsed ContributorJamesSkepp0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

San Francisco has a very long history of demonic behaviors.

Yaaaay, we're back to "the role of Baphomet and TRP"!

[–]NeoreactionSafe1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy




James Kelly, better known as "Shanghai" Kelly, was an American crimp of the 19th century who kidnapped men and forced them to work on ships. The terms "crimping" and "shanghaiing" are used to describe this type of work. Kelly wore a red beard and had a fiery temper to match. A legendary figure in San Francisco history, Kelly was known for his gift of supplying or shanghaiing men to understaffed ships.


[–]BigmuscleChad 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

interesting. what are some of the other demonc behaviors exactly..?

[–]NeoreactionSafe1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Butt sex. (in public)

The full story of all the weird shit that came out of San Francisco (and also places like Standford) is very long.

You might try these guys:



...give that a go.


[–]Endorsed ContributorJamesSkepp1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Public anal is demonic.

Endorsed Contrbutor of TRP.

[–]NeoreactionSafe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Didn't know you were into anal.

That's interesting.

You accept that men fuck men then?


Please tell us more.

You know that the Red Pill has a sub for that right? (AltTRP)



[–]brokenbrights0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Want to make note of the first part of your post to say I completely agree. Before I really became as social as I am now, I was often paralyzed in social settings where there were acquaintances. I find being in groups where you don't know anyone to be incredibly easy to deal with once you've had enough experience. There are no expectations of you so it's easy to adopt and utilize a DGAF attitude to your advantage.

[–]NeoreactionSafe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you fuck up no one will remind you the next day.


[–]ihatepeoplewhoshout19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

J. Cole went double platinum with no features

[–]thelidpatrick14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wedding Crashers meets real life.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points | Copy

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I remember that movie and how Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn were the life of those weddings. Having fun and bedding women, even though they didn't know anybody. Great example and funny movie.

[–]freemarketer8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very impressive. This boils down to being a good listener, which everyone likes (especially women, says my wife), and being willing to put yourself out there. I don't understand this forum well but anyone could use this post as the key to just about any day in their lives.

EDIT Missed this incredible passage:

 started to not always talk. No trying to fill the silence with words.   I just let it be. I learned to just be present and comfortable.   This opened my eyes to a lot of things.   That people are really in their head also.   They would try to fill the silence. 

Deep insight. Remember it when you're buying a high-ticket item, like a car. A comfortable silence is one of the most effective negotiating tools there is.

[–]AnjaJutta6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

This type of posts is needed more in this reddit.

[–]tobasoft6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I did this for YEARS. went to karaoke bars all over. I just drank, had a good time, and left everyone alone for the most part. people gravitate to you if you just have a good time, and most importantly, LEAVE BEFORE YOU GET SLOSHED.

I would go, hang for two hours or so, and leave. consistently. it took a month or so, but I got so much fucking poon for the next three or four years.

[–]jeezydasnowman25 points26 points  (4 children) | Copy

What exactly did you say to these people?

F.O.R.D.S. -

  • friends/family

  • occupation, talents

  • recreation, fun

  • dreams, ambitions

  • sports

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sports actually are a part of recreation or fun.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some people make it their life to watch other unrelated people succeed while they don't.

Those days is something most people do just to keep up with the jones if not to self-identify as a joe. Just my own thinking as someone who doesn't watch sports and doesn't see the point.

I sometimes watch big events to be able to relate to people for the week, but aside that...

[–]Getzabelz 10 points10 points [recovered] | Copy

This saturday I'm going to a wedding in another city, alone. So let's see what happens, one thing for sure, I will have a fun time.

It even motivates me to do all the trip alone just for myself and my friend who gets married, is something I do for myself, I don't need anyone to come with me lol.

[–]RobertCarraway9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

One thing OP didn't mention: everyone needs to remember names for god's sake. Make a point of it. Repeat it mentally. Everybody's name is like a keycard to initiate conversation with them at any point in the future.

1000% more natural to return to someone and say "Whats up ____" than it is to try and do it without remembering that persons name.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The conversational examples are always an odd addition, thank you for not including them.

[–]purplecabbage2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Love this post. This is huge too:

Also when you first meet someone talk to them as if you've know them for a while.

I totally agree and this works amazingly well to calm yourself down. It actually tricks you into thinking you're talking to someone you know already.

[–]whuttupfoo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's even better when you relate to them in a way that you don't have to act like you've known them for a while. You just feel like you do.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I quit this subbreddit over a year ago because it was becoming absolute trash. I randomly came back today and found this. This is gold mate, I love everything about this post. I hope this subreddit is changing for the better.

[–]Nyoouber 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy

This is a great post and you seem to really have your shit together. A lot of TRP posts can come off as cynical but not this one. You seem to have taken all the positives of TRP without the becoming cynical like some people here. I don't even know you and I already like you.

[–]Veqq2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dance with older ladies. The grandmas who are just sitting. The divorced milfs.

I used to go to senior dancing with my grandpa at the senior center (great way to learn!), the ratio was about 2 women for every man and then a young guy too? They were always so excited, then would introduce me to all their grand daughters etc.

[–]purplecabbage2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP, how do you handle name management? I've got a bad habit of instantly forgetting names, which makes me less confident to talk to the same person later. It kills me because I already have an established interaction and this sabotages it.

[–]Bulk_king115 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ah I suck at this and still am improving. Being aware though is half the battle. When someone tells you their name. Repeat it back to them. And then make up some way of remembering. For example:

"Hey I'm Luke"

"You said Luke?"

"Yes Luke"

"Nice to meet you luke"

So it's already been said a couple times. Then I'll THINK of something totally stupid and sometimes irrelevant. "Luke makes me want to puke" it's stupid but it helps you remember. It can be anything. "Daryls heads shaped like a barrel" little different but this has worked for me.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

"If you can't dance, that's ok."

By nature, dancing is just being in your body and feeling it move to the music. If you think about dancing logically, it doesn't make much sense. That's why the act of just saying 'fuck it' and jumping onto the dance floor is so critical. You're supposed to make a fool of yourself, that's the point. You only look awkward when rigid, which only happens when you don't fully commit to not giving a fuck.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yea there's not much logic, dancing is all about being present and comfortable just having fun. There's not really much thought to it at all (unless you're really good or a professional maybe) it's just letting your body feel the vibe and moods of the music and getting out of your head and just letting your body's physical reaction take over. It's tons of fun when you just stop being so uptight, dancing is just a human trait.

I used to do a little bit of Salsa dancing with an ex, and I tried so hard to remember moves and steps (basically thinking about it too much) and it just made me suck even more. The key was to just be fluid and groove once you know the basic movements and rhythm.

[–]jeffkal1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I agree completely, the key is to not overthink it, and just feel the beat. Dance to music you enjoy, that helps too.

I mentioned above that salsa was helpful for me learning to move my hips, but that said, I still have a very hard time with the order and flow of salsa, I'm constantly stepping on the girl's feet and screwing up which way I turn, etc. If you can pick up some of the basic moves though, they're really helpful in all other forms of dancing. Aside from the isolated hip movement, the other big takeaway is the ability to lead a woman, even if you have no idea what you're doing in a formal sense. You'll find that she'll actually do most of the work, you basically just have to stand there and lift her arm for a spin every once in a while, just so she knows which way you want her to turn. Salsa has very strongly traditional gender roles, and your job is pretty much just suggesting what you want her what to do (or approving her ideas, if you get lazy or lost—"sure, turn that way"), and letting her impress you with her sexy flourishes. It's an obvious analog to game in general, and learning to dance salsa (even if you never again dance in public) will really help your confidence, swagger, and frame control.

Also, usually the woman will be a better dancer than you, and if it's a friend/LTR/someone you know well, don't be afraid to ask for a few small pointers, it really helps a lot. There's no shame in trying to learn something, and you'll both have fun in the process.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup salsa dancing is definitely a good way to meet girls. Still hard for me but can still be fun.

[–]chewyflex1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When it comes to starting conversations, it's come to the point where I see what I can get away with. I might even go "hey, do you want to make some small talk?" Everyone is feeling the same way, no one knows how to start conversations very naturally, so I just go with that knowledge and break the ice by letting them know that I don't have a good opener. Pretty much letting them know I wanna talk for talking's sake.

On the other side of the coin, it's easy to disengage as well. If you feel the conversation is going dry, it's a simple "hey it was really great to meet you, I'm going to get a drink/I'm going to meet some other people, see you around."

It takes some practice, but it's worth it.

[–]Ozymanberg1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The most important thing to take from this post is to be in the present. Seriously, this has been the key thing that has changed everything for me. If you take nothing out of this post, learn how to do this. You'll be surprised at how much of the red pill techniques come naturally if you're relaxed and in the moment.

I actually have fun at parties now because of this. I can't even dance but I'll make fun of that fact and women won't care, just as long as they see you're having fun.

"Can you dance?" "No..." "Me neither! Let's go!"

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've bartended a few weddings in my day. Almost always got invited to APs. Learning to vibe with people is the best advice one can act on.

[–]Wanderwow1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is an incredibly good post, thank you

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What would have happened if you went to this wedding 3 years ago?

[–]Bulk_king112 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Awesome question. I'll tell you exactly what would happened. I wouldn't have went. The situation would have been to out of comfort for me. I'd make up a lame excuse why I couldn't go.

If I somehow managed to go. I'd prob just keep to myself. Sit at my table and be in my head the whole night. Have a few meaningless conversations and hope to get laid. Maybe not 3 years ago but a while back for sure.

[–]rigbed2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, now I can save this

[–]Raikkonen7161 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wow, fantastic stuff man. I think that most people (like myself) struggle exactly on this point:

You need to learn to vibe and talk to people naturally to get to this point.

It happens to me when i'm in really good mood, but it's still really unnatural at the moment. Anyway, you gave amazing tips, will gonna try them for sure. Gonna save this post.

P.s. : Some suggestions about youtube videos for the dancing part?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I dont know any vids, but just look up the types of music you like and dancing. Just turn on some music at home that you like and start moving. Or when you go out just look at other people, most people aren't doing anything crazy.

[–]ghee991 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

i agree with almost every point you mention (especially the conversation notes, and making a point to connect with everyone, old and young, male and female, and not just focus on the hot chicks).

my only disagreement would be about the dancing thing. I see a lot of social/pick up people talk about how its important to dance, and to practice dancing, etc. All of which is fine if youre someone who actually enjoys dancing, or IF its something you actually have an interest in dancing.

personally, I have no interest in dancing, and like most straight guys I find it boring as hell, and zero fun. Thats not to say there were never times when i was tripping my balls off on acid and at a grateful dead concert that i didn't enjoy dancing, but generally speaking i don't find it fun, and the idea of "going out dancing" (especially at an over-priced club playing shitty dance music) sounds about as much fun as shoving bamboo shoots under my fingernails.

But i kept hearing the message "oh, you NEED to learn how to dance to meet the ladies". It almost sunk in, until i remembered that being a real Alpha male is NOT to do things you hate because you think that its something you need to do to get ladies. YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO ANYTHING BUT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY LIKE, AND BE YOUR MOST AWESOME SELF TO MEET LADIES. and for me or for any guy who hates dancing about (which is most straight guys) to spend my valuable time doing something as shitty (to me) as dancing is only a waste of my time and energy, and if I do things I hate because i think i need to, to be attractive to women, then i only make myself beta.

And hey... if a guy is one of those rare straight guys that actually enjoys dancing and prancing about, then by all means go for it. Not all of your behaviors have to be "manly" activities. Personally, I am very much the so-called "manly" type of guy (i enjoy cars, guns, good music that is not pop music crap, motorcycles, being outdoors, voting republican, supporting the NRA, going to the gym, etc). But, just because something is "manly" i don't just like it for that reason alone, for example the whole sitting-around-for-hours-watching-sports thing is boring as hell to me, so I rarely do that. And I'm not afraid to do so-called non-manly things, I had always wanted to learn to sew, so I got a sewing machine, took a class, and now I love to spend time in my den sewing.

The point of all that is that is to say, that being an actual Alpha male isn't to have a certain specific set of skills, it is to be doing what you actually like. So, I wanted to say that unless you really (of your own choice) like dancing (which most guys don't) then you shouldn't be doing it, or spending your time practicing something thats not fun to you.

And if you can't meet and bang chicks without dancing, then you have a serious deficit in your ability to meet women (so thats what you should be working on, NOT dancing).

I know i NEVER dance, to me its the most boring, annoying thing ever, and not dancing has never stopped me from meeting and banging chicks. I don't want to be some chicks "dance buddy", i DO want to be some chicks "fuck me hard buddy".

Anyway, I just wanted to put this out here. It drives me crazy when i see people talk about how "important" it is to know how to dance to meet/bang chicks. LOL not necessary at all. If you love dance, do it (of course) But if not, do NOT spend your time learning something that you hate just because you think its a hoop you need to jump through to meet women. Doing things you don't want to, because you feel that you have to, to meet women, is the opposite of being an Alpha male.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It may seem weird or rude but if you can related to people they will really like you in the long run.

Thanks. I "feel" like this is weird, but whenever I do it it ends well... getting easier with time. I think at a closed / rsvp'd event it makes more sense than a coffee shop, for example.

I have a buzz by now and am ready to dance. This is my fucking go to move man. And it works. Dance with older ladies.

I use this sometimes unintentionally since I will dance with anyone... on Sunday I was at a festival and this older lady walked in and stopped a few feet from me (obvious IoI style, if she was younger). The musician on stage said something about "EVERYONE swing your hips" and I looked to her and got her to start dancing like "EVERYONE"... LOL... people around joined in too.

I know a lot of guys struggle with conversations and I think a lot has to do with being in your head. I have been all over the place. From being so into my head, To making conversations weird, to vibing, etc. I feel like if I don't put any expectations on a conversation and can manage to be present that's when I have the best interactions.

So true. This is allusion to "it just happened" and "met her when I wasn't looking" etc. You are just buying a cup of coffee or playing a game of pool, content to go back home and do your thing. You're appreciating texture on the walls more than scanning for cleavage, etc.

I learned to just be present and comfortable. This opened my eyes to a lot of things. That people are really in their head also.

True, noticed this one too. Kinda connected with assuming that I am normal and everyone else has similar stuff going on.

Footwork is everything. Once you learn to dance with your feet you're set.

TRUE... I've always danced but I did it with the top half. I am finding the KEY THING of dancing, is not moving your head too much. I might have been on one extreme, but I think it was jarring; as I've started making more eye contact elsewhere, I found I couldn't hold it if my head moves too much dancing--a tip on what to avoid here, if anything.

Thanks OP, great insights!

[–]Hakametal1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Confidence is powerful. Very Powerful. We all know this yet I don't think some of us really comprehend just how powerful it is. It's what makes your Frame untouchable, in fact I'd argue that it is Frame.

This is the foundation of what TRP teaches. Until you have this foundation, everything else is secondary.

[–]Sandman6161 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a great example of what I know I need to do but because of negative self-talk, past failures, and a little bit of sour grapes, have been previously unable to pull stuff like this off.

The thing I struggle with most, though, is actually getting invited to stuff.

[–]tomega0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent advice. What works for me is showing up early, a little bit of alcohol but not too much, and proactive mindset to talk to people.

[–]LosingMoneyAllDay[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously. Just know some toprock and you're already better than 90% of people. YouTube youtube youtube and practice your dancing !!!

[–]SlinkyOne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going to a wedding this Weekend. I usually don't have any issues with talking to people or just overall being sociable. But I've learned a bit from this and will have fun trying it out.

[–]glenfiddichlaker310 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can confirm. Was just at a wedding this weekend. Danced the night away, danced with the bride (long time friend), some bridesmaids, the grandmothers, and the mother of both bride and groom. Ended the night taking the cousin of the groom home with me, who brought a date with her (unbeknownst to me at the time).

Have fun and dance away

[–]critical-thoughts0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bit of perspective, the ability to do this is usually supported by a life of not worrying about self image (fat/ugly people worry about these things and even some people who arent fat or ugly do too)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent post, OP. I've gone out the past weekend by myself for 3 days straight.

Here's how I usually do it: 1) Pick a bar/club that has a stage so that I can dance on it (feels like I'm on top of the world) 2) Completely kill it by making sexy dance moves and enjoying myself to the max (Big smile on my face, rapping/singing the lyrics, etc). 3) After that, if I go out to the terrace for a social cigarette or a beer, starting conversations with anyone results in a: "you're the guy with the moves! you really look like you're enjoying yourself." and bam I get on with the conversation like magic.

I just have a question, OP. For me, when I go out alone, I usually do what I just said above to feel extra confident so that talking to women is way easier (talking to men is extremely easy). I do feel that talking to people FIRST, then dancing is more effective. I digress, what I'm wondering is: How do you talk to random women / groups of women first when you're alone?

[–]Whiteout-0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Any youtube videos that helped you for dancing in particular? I can hold my own but I still dance like a typical white boy.

[–]jeffkal2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Quick back story: I used to stand awkwardly on the side of the dance floor, too self-conscious to dance, but now I regularly get compliments on my dancing, and last week was told by a visiting friend that I'm the best dancer she knows.

The main trick was learning to just enjoy myself, move to the beat, and try not to give a crap what people think. This wasn't easy, but the key is to just have fun, not try to look good. Also alcohol really helped as training wheels, loosening me up to just relax and have fun. Of course too much booze looks terrible and works against you, but if you're in or freshly out of college, you have a little more leeway. Now I can rock out totally sober, and I love doing it. Plus it's helped me land a lot of girls.

Now to actually address your question... I don't have any specific videos to suggest, but you should probably start with some basic salsa— the best dancing trick I ever learned was how to move my hips while holding my shoulders still. Seriously this is _huge. _It's especially key for salsa, but it translates into all types of dance, and it's helped me more than anything else. Plus it's actually a very sexy type of movement—think about Elvis moving his hips, and how much of a panty dropper that apparently was. When you have independent control of your hips, it's clear that you know how to move your body, and it directly suggests how good in bed you probably are. And given that most guys can't dance worth a damn, this one trick will really give you a leg up.

Being an awkward white guy, learning to isolate my hips didn't come naturally to me, and it helped to have a friend teach me and hold my shoulders steady. Practice in a mirror. Watch YouTube videos.

In general, just dance at every chance you get. If you're having fun, no one will care if you look like an idiot, they'll just want to join you. And eventually you'll get better at it, and you'll never look back.

P.S. Dancing with old ladies at weddings is definitely social gold, so do lots of that.

[–]Ika-2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Guys who don't dance think that when they do they are judged. I used to think the same, now I don't give a fuck. Dancing has been some of the best part of my life now

[–]SonsOfRome0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This FR helped point out some flaws in my own social life that I've been dwelling on for a couple days now. Many thanks bro, these are how FRs should be written

[–]hahayeahthatscool0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Guys how do I pull off the dark reclusive mysterious hottie AND the life of the party hypersocial sun beam

I'm 5'11 and after 2 years of lifting I can finally say I have a body I appreciate so looks aren't a problem I just don't know how to hold my mysterious enigma status all the while jumping around and making sure everyone feels included\having fun.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I love this post. It highlights that as long as you are interested in other people (and you don't look like shit), you can prosper in any social setting. I learned this myself working retail as a teen.

[–]J_AsapGem0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The problem with people ( myself also i'm really trying to work on it ) is we're too attached to an outcome of the situation instead of having fun, it's like " OK i have to say the perfect and right thing if not im going to lose my chance to fuck this girl, DONT FUCK UP SAY THE RIGHT THING B COOL " this was me for a very long time looking for the right thing to say, attach to a particular outcome, just have fun man, i'm sure most of us has had atleast one of those times when u don't care what happens whether you fuck the girl or not, you're just having fun in the moment, and you know what happens? she gets attracted, that's all it is we just have to train ourselves to detached from an outcome and just have fun in the present moment.

[–]Atuli0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great FR man well done.

The major key point here is you took action as soon as you got there.

This is such a major thing in being social, get out of your head as soon as you can. The longer you take the further you sink into introversion.

[–]splodgenessabounds0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This got me thinking how I achieved this and honesty part of this answer may sound weird. I started to not always talk. No trying to fill the silence with words. I just let it be. I learned to just be present and comfortable. This opened my eyes to a lot of things. That people are really in their head also. They would try to fill the silence. If it was a woman or a beta male. They would get nervous. This would actually put me at ease. Because I knew I can get like that too and there's nothing to be nervous about

All of this ^ is familiar to those who've been in a similar place to you. It's also familiar to anyone who's found themselves at an event where they know only a few people and are shy or nevrous about talking to anyone outside of their circle...and suddenly - bingo! they are face-to-face with someone like you. Someone they'd describe as charismatic, the life & soul of the party and so on.

Nearly everyone at a big social occasion (sometimes even the principal guests) is feeling a bit out-of-sorts and reluctant to mix beyond those they know. All it takes to break the ice is a dash of self-confidence (if you haven't got it, fake it - no-one will care, much less be able to tell the difference), a bit of cheek and the willingness to listen to others. It's taken me years to realise that those who are adept at socialising with strangers often talk very little about themselves - they play one or two openers and let everybody else do the majority of the talking.

[–]Pycal0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Great post! i love it

A quick question, can you recommend any video about footwork?

[–]Bulk_king110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't have any recommendations I watched a couple a longgg time ago. Just search around YouTube for dancing footwork tutorials

[–]Peter_B_Long0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How ironic that I read this yesterday, and last night my girlfriend called me and asked me to go with her to a co-workers wedding. I don't know anyone there, so it should be great (;

[–]Nikases0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Recently went out drinking with a couple of friends. They were going to the toilet and I was waiting outside and instead of looking at my phone I struck up a conversation with a random person who was also waiting. In mere minutes we had a healthy conversation, his friends came out and suddenly we were chatting as if we had known each other as old childhood friends. Moral of the story, if you feel lonely or bored then there is probably someone else in the perimiter that feel the same and would love prince charming to come over and light their night up.

[–]Eatinglue0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I went on a 6000 mile bike trip. Every diner, every bar, every place I went, I made it a point to talk with people. Absolutely love it. Girls, guys, old people, young people. Doesn't matter. Being able to just click with people will help you in so many aspects of your life, and I'm honestly a bit addicted to it.

[–]IndoctrinatedSheep0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One of the best posts I've read on here in a while. My problem has always been just being in my head too much. This is all solid, actionable advice that I'll be implementing immediately. Appreciate the post.

[–]fraud_93-3 points-2 points  (14 children) | Copy

they said lol yes

I can hardly believe this post after this.

[–]Bulk_king112 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

Of all the things in the post. Them saying yes when I asked them if they were talking about casinos is what threw you through a loop huh.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

You shouldn't be the life of the part at someone else's wedding. If the family remember you then you stole some thunder from the new son in law, he's supposed to be the man of the hour.

[–]Bulk_king110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think they meant it in a literal, you were the main show type deal. I think they just meant they saw me having a good time and meeting/talking to everyone and dancing with the older ladies. They had fun because of me

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I fucking hate weddings. It's like a funeral but the poor guy isn't out his misery. I haven't been to one in decades.

The last one I went to I got shitfaced drunk and pissed on some of the coats in the check. Somehow I didn't get arrested and still got laid.

I don't really think this is helpful advice.

[–]BOSpecial-4 points-3 points  (8 children) | Copy

I always cringe at this nonsense. These types of events in America are so forced and fake. What do you do? The weather is good? What do you do for fun??? Yawn , it's like a job interview

[–]inspiron30001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The concept of being someone's "date" is contrived.

OP was set up by the girl to act as social proof in a wedding, with expectations that there would be sex.

They could have skipped the wedding and just gone straight to sex.

My point is you don't even need a date

What have we learned from this post? Nothing new.

[–]d0lphinsex3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're the social, awkward one dude. It's possible to open up most people and you get a better experience when you connect with people. Without people acknowledging you, you are no one.

[–]Bulk_king111 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

lol I never talk about any of that stuff. Actually most of the article was talking about not doing that stuff

[–]BOSpecial-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

yeah but stil though...wedding where you dont' know anyone??? that's so...meh

[–]Bulk_king110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Idk I had a fucking blast. Met a lot of cool people. Ate banging free food. Drank free alcohol. Oh and got laid.

This post is literally made to help make your night not "meh" you missed the point of this entirely

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Weddings... only in America

[–]SocialCupcake-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ive gotten laid and gotten nice job offers doing just this. If this is a bad thing in America then let the bad keep coming.

.....As opposed to weddings and parties in S.America, W.Europe, E.Europe and Soviet Republics Ive been to that arent "forced or fake" because everybody likes drunk uncle Boris at the table. ...Where people also ask about ones job, life, family and goals. Add sports for most as well since the rest of the world revolves around Futbol.

[–]TedTheAtheist-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm an introvert who also kind of dislikes people, so I probably won't be doing that.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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