Lately I've been thinking about polygamy as a possible future path I might take. I don't particularly believe in the institution of marriage, nor would polygamy be a legal option if I did, so maybe polyamory is a better word for it in this modern age. I could never see myself going back to being a one woman man after everything that I have learned and experienced here at TRP; nevertheless, I am always thinking about the future that I want, and somewhere down the road that involves a family of some kind. So with that goal in mind, I'm going to lay out some of my thoughts. Always open to intelligent critique.

- Finding potential "wives"

Some women are just not going to be okay with the idea of sharing their man with another, ever. Most, actually. Many people here will say that this is contrary to what they've experienced after unplugging, and I agree to some extent, but this is not a simple conversation about spinning multiple plates. Plates don't just spin forever, eventually they fall, whether its because you found a shiny new plate to spin, or the plate found someone that they think is a better fit for them, or because you got tired of their bullshit.

A major part of that "bullshit" is that eventually a woman will want you to commit solely to them. It's part of their programming and can't be overstated. They will be more okay with plate spinning initially but at some point they expect to "win you over" as they prove they are the best for you and you forsake all other plates.

Even the women that could potentially be okay with this scenario are not going to just go ahead and tell you that they are. Any woman that did, I would start seeing red flags. I would imagine that it would take a period of time where you are spinning many plates, weeding through them all to find the potential women who could live this lifestyle with you, while also checking off the other criteria that you require in a long-term partner.

- Keep an honest frame

What I mean by this is to keep the frame in all relationships with women the same throughout the relationship. If multiple long-term partners is the endgame for you, then you can't have your opener being that you're looking for something exclusive. Pulling a bait and switch later on in the relationship will come off as deceitful (because it is) and will make a long-term relationship much harder. Whatever frame you have when you meet a woman, that's what she will see you as and respond to. The more time she spends with you and the more she learns about you, the more that frame will solidify in her mind.

- Flipping their script

The key thing I would think to remember is to think about is what they are really looking for in a man. Not what they think they want, or tell you they want, or what society has told them to want, but on a primal level what they are looking for. In a LTR/polygamy scenario you are asking them explicitly to forsake their sexual strategy for yours, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

So what can you give them to make them feel more okay with giving up their sexual strategy? What do they actually want, on a core level? They want security. They want to know that if they decide to commit to you, that it isn't a mistake. They want to be sure that if they spend their best years raising your children, that you aren't going to trade them in for a younger model when it's all over. They want to know that there will always be food on the table for them and their children, that you aren't all talk. They want to know that if someone got aggressive with you or your family, that you would stand up and fight back. They want to feel important to you, not outclassed by some other woman. They want a lot of things, but it is in our power to manage all of it. In order to help them accept a lifestyle they never considered, we must show them how they can still get the things they want and need in a different way.

- Making connections

Once you have two women who understand and accept the lifestyle you want to lead, the next logical step would be introducing them to one another. Keeping it light and casual at first seemed best in my mind, some recreational event that the three of you enjoy. Preferably something outdoors and physical. There needs to be enough going on that nobody starts thinking too much or having cold feet, and be in an environment where they both feel comfortable so they can get to know each other better.

The sooner you can switch from flipping their script to meeting each other the better; wait too long and it will start to feel exclusive for them. You can't be too hasty to get them to meet before they've accepted your lifestyle, though, or the meeting will not go well because one or both of them are trying to become the primary instead of accepting the relationship for what it is. If this is to be a long-term relationship the women in your life have to actually enjoy each others company, not simply tolerate each other for your benefit.

It's your job throughout all this fun to gauge how well they interact with each other, to see if it would be a good match. At this point, it is no longer "I have a casual relationship with Megan" and "I have a casual relationship with Tiffany" but " Megan and Tiffany and NihilistMonkey are forming a more serious relationship together."

-Extending the family

I used two women as an example for the sake of simplicity (none of this is really simple) but it applies no matter how polygamous you feel like being. Something to consider when bringing more women into the fold is how exponentially more complicated life can get. As this is not simply plate spinning and these women should actually mean something to you, their opinions matter when considering potential new women to share a life with, since these women will be sharing their lives with her as well.

Something else that should be considered is the financial burden of multiple wives and children. Finances are a major cause for divorce, and while in this scenerio we are not eligible for divorce rape since polygamy isn't legal anyways, financial stability is a core TRP tenet. I personally would feel guilt in the form of feeling like a failure for not properly caring for the family I cultivated.

- Familial Roles

I imagine that as head of household, most men here would plan on being the primary breadwinner. For me at least, work is not just something I slog through for a paycheck. The things that I do and the empire that I build are a large part of who I am. I say this because everybody needs a purpose in life, and you and your wives need to be on the same page as to what that purpose is. As things progress and get more serious between you and your wives, more serious discussions will need to take place about the role that everyone will be filling in day to day life.

Every person and every family is unique, and finding a good fit for everyone is necessary for family unity. Maybe Megan wants to work with me and contribute to our family financially? That's fine. Maybe Tiffany wants to be a full time mother and homemaker? Also fine, she can help take care of Megan's children while she's at work with me. Maybe Alexandra wants to work part-time selling her arts and crafts on etsy and help Tiffany part-time? Maybe, if we can make it work and everyone is okay with it. There are endless permutations, the crux of it is that everybody needs a purpose to their life and everyone needs to contribute.

-Keeping Busy And Making Time

Keeping busy probably won't be a problem for you, since you're effectively managing multiple households while building your empire. Many people can't manage to hold down a job, so I would expect your plate to be pretty full. Your issue will be making time. Time for your wives, time for your children, time to do those hobbies that made you so interesting and irresistible to these women to begin with. Time for your guy friends. Time will always be your master.

On the other hand, making sure your wives are busy is another task. It may be easier for some than others depending on the woman. You will never have enough time for them, so don't try. Give them what you can, but it is your job to help fill their lives with meaning even when you aren't there. Children will probably be a large part of that life, but it will not encompass everything.

Ideally, you would want projects that multiple wives can do together to support the household, but really anything with purpose. Even something as simple as having two wives go to the grocery store together can be an time where they can get out in the world, socialize, and feel useful. It doesn't always have to serve the family though, if two of your women want to take a zumba class together and they aren't shirking their responsibilities then go for it. It may seem counter-intuitive but you want to keep them doing things without you as much as possible. They will feel more fulfilled when they have other things going on, and they will enjoy the time you spend with them all the more. You simply don't have the time in the day to give every woman everything she needs while also managing your empire.

- Mate guarding

A common fear among most men is that some other man is going to swoop in and steal their woman away. This is exacerbated for a poly relationship, as like previously stated you won't have as much time for them as you or they would like, leading one to believe that there are more opportunities for rival males to steal away what is yours. This is a backwards fear that you shouldn't spend time worrying about.

Aside from financial reasons, another common reason for divorce is because there is really no penalty for the woman. She gets to keep the kids, the house, half the man's money, etc. She can branch-swing with impunity even with the institution of marriage in place. This is not the case for you. She cannot take half of your things because you were never married. She cannot take your children because you will fight for them, showing that you have a more stable household. She can just leave. Not being married is actually more like an older marriage than being married nowadays.

It also makes it harder for her to be approached when you have multiple wives. Women are much more in tune so social expectations than we are. It is much harder for your wife to respond favorably to another man's advances at the grocery store when one of your wives is there with her giving him the stink eye. This is another reason why it is important to make sure your wives' lives are busy and fulfilled. There's no reason to look at something else when you're actually happy in life.

-Conclusion

It seems to me that polygamy in the modern age is a very possible scenario, as long as one goes about it with tact. There are endless rules and expectations and layers upon layers of bullshit that society has drilled into us over the course of our life, but if you are able to peel away all those layers for yourself and for a few select women, I believe it's very possible to start a life together that will make everyone happy. Except for everyone on the outside looking in, but fuck them.

So yeah, that's basically all I've got at the moment. I could go into more detail in pretty much any area there but I'm curious what other people have to say. I've also spent more time than I expected writing this, and need to get to the gym.